(jaunty music)
- Welcome to the 20 Minute Talk Show.
I am gonna be introducing Kim Schneider Malek,
the founder of Family Enterprise Alliance.
So we only have 20 minutes.
Are you ready?
Time starts now.
Thank you for joining us on our talk show today,
so glad you're here.
So the first question I have for you is what inspired you
to start your company at consulting family businesses?
And please explain more about your company as well.
- Sure, sure.
So I am in the field of advising to family businesses
and families who have wealth
and are trying to work together.
And I got into that field because I worked with my dad,
who had the same type of consulting practice.
I started with him in the late 1990s.
As we went into that decade after decade, he said,
"You know, at some point, you need your own succession plan,
"and you need to brand your own professional expertise
"and what it is you do."
So I ended up,
in 2009, starting my own business
also in the same field of working on the behavioral
and leadership side of helping families around the world
navigate the transitions they have to make to go from
what they are today to what they wanna be as an enterprising
family in the future, as a family business in the future.
So I had terrific foundation
being second generation in a family business.
And he's still working, and he said,
"I want to keep this core business that I built up.
"But you do work in a different area.
"It's your turn to go live the entrepreneurial life
"and do it your own way."
So that's how I got started in it,
and I've been doing that since.
- Oh, a wonderful story on how that got started.
So what were the challenges you faced
as you started your business.
- Oh, gosh.
I had this insulated world, and part of what I would say
to my clients is how do you live more awe and less absolute.
And so I realized that I was living a pretty absolute world
by being guided by someone else.
Some of the challenge was just figuring out
what do I need to do to build the infrastructure.
What if nobody calls me?
What if they're only wanting me because of my dad?
All the what-ifs that I deal with in my clients,
I dealt with in myself,
just certain areas that I'm great at
and certain areas that I really reek at,
and how do I blend them and how do I be honest
with myself to say, "Gee, this isn't your forte.
"Go get some help and have someone else
"do this work that has to be done."
So I call that confident vulnerability.
So I think the biggest challenge was being willing
to be vulnerable, and then also trusting my confidence
and keeping myself on track to go.
So that was probably the biggest challenge.
- Yeah, that would be a big challenge.
But what I'm wondering is how do you stay confident
and keep yourself on track
no matter the challenges that come in?
Because I know you'll continue to face them.
- That's a great question.
My philosophy is if I ever feel so confident that there's
no room for improvement, it's my time to do something else.
So every week, I assess myself.
Did I live the week true to my own self
and true to my own values?
Did I build the relationships the way I want to?
Did I take the risks that I want to?
I'm always trying to stay out of the field of doubt
and stay in the field of discovery.
And those two counterbalances, if you will,
are really helpful because it lets me say,
"What else do I need to know?
"What else do I need to learn?
"Who do I need to ask a question of?
"Where do I need to explore developing
"further abilities or skills?"
One of the harder things of that is what happens when
my strongest skillset all of a sudden becomes a liability,
when your strengths, maximized, become a liability?
And that was a rude awakening for me because I realized
what I thought was pretty stellar in a certain area,
and now I'm stale in that area.
And that is my big challenge, is trying to stay
astute and intuitive to what those are.
- Wow, wonderful.
Wow, what a wonderful story,
what you've gone through to keep yourself going.
How did you build your client base?
- So the client base, some of 'em I had worked with
when I was in my dad's firm, and many of 'em,
most of them come to me through word of mouth.
I meet with professional advisers
who help the same kinds of families.
I teach, so I teach professionals.
I teach in university systems.
I speak quite a bit on topics
that are relevant to these types of families.
And it seems that
people come to me when they're in pain,
for better or worse, there's some sense of pain
where they don't quite understand how do they go forward,
or what does the journey look like,
or what are the alternatives that they can experience.
It's usually the person in pain picks up the phone,
or contacts me through email,
or has an adviser who refers them to me.
And I've been very, very lucky to
not have to leverage my very poor marketing skills.
- (laughs) That is great.
How did you build those relationships with your clients?
- That's a great question.
For me, the most important thing I can do
is have a relationship, a chemistry.
I have chemistries with clients that we many not even like
each other, but we respect each other, and we value the
contribution we each make to moving towards a common goal.
And so for me, whenever a prospective client
comes my way, I always say to them,
"We need to have what's called a chemistry meeting.
"We need to be able to come together so I understand
"what your group of people, your system looks like,
"and you understand my style, my personality, my approach."
I don't charge clients for that meeting.
I think it's really important to explore the capacity
to build a productive dynamic
and a constructive, productive relationship.
And so that's usually what I do to start that relationship.
And then because I'm in very personal space for all of them,
I ask them about their individual goals,
and experiences, and attitudes, and confidences.
And I'm exposed to quite a bit of individuals
and in families that would be considered
very confidential information, if you will.
So it's important to me to initially build a very strong
relationship and let them know who I am and what I do,
and why I do it, and how I do it, and that I may see them
on the street and may not recognize them
because the person that they're with is...
Or may not acknowledge them, if you will,
the person that they're with may not know
that they're using me or my services,
all things that build trust and help reduce resistance,
and help individuals and groups and families understand
that I'm there to collaborate with them,
to make life and life's experiences
valuable.
And I lastly tell them they may come to me
in pain and in conflict.
I am not able to take away their conflict,
but I'm able to shed insight on to what people
or groups do to navigate conflict differently
so that it brings leverage to them and value to them.
And so I think that that builds
the relationship and trusting me.
- Wow, so very important to build that type of...
That relationship and that reciprocity.
- [Kim] Sure, right.
- So what are some of the failures, as you look back,
that you would like to share with us?
- Oh, wow.
You said we only have 20 minutes,
so I will share briefly, but there are many.
And I operate my mind on what I call failure bounce.
And how do I make sure when I have them,
that I have enough energy left to be resilient?
Some of the failures that I've experienced is
certainly when I am not able to help
a family feel that they got traction.
I can't do the work for them,
but to me, that feels like a failure.
There have been times that as an entrepreneur,
I haven't followed through in the way
I wish I had on prospective clients.
And instead of being honest with myself,
saying why am I resisting this opportunity,
I dragged my feet, and that to me is certainly
one that they don't appreciate, one that I don't appreciate,
but to me is a failure.
I always try to make sure that when I have a failure,
I find the seed and put the seed in the ground
to plant a root, because from it will come
something very powerful for me.
And I'm confident of that,
but experiencing the failure is quite challenging.
And because I'm a sole practitioner--
- Yeah, that's true.
- Right?
Because I don't have someone there saying,
"Wow, you really messed up, didn't you?"
I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror asking,
"What did I do differently, what could I do differently?"
- That is true.
We do need to learn from our mistakes
so we can move forward and improve for the next time.
What do you love the most about what you do?
- Wow, that too is a fantastic question.
What do I love about what I do?
I love--
- [Vaibhav] Yeah, and definitely,
give us all the time you want to share.
- Yeah, sure.
I am so devoted to the health and welfare
of families who share big decisions together,
and I call them enterprising families.
But for me, to see a family that doesn't feel aligned
come together, put on the table the issues
that they're facing, be willing to be confident, be willing
to be vulnerable, really vulnerable, and to allow me
to participate as a facilitator of change, that to me is...
My dad always called it the Mary Poppins effect.
That, to me, is a feeling that I get that
if I could help them find space for greater health
as a family and in doing that,
if I can help the individuals in that system
so they're thriving, and they're flourishing,
and they're making decisions that are whole for them
as individuals but are part of a collective purpose,
whether they're a family or an organization and a business,
or a group of advisers working on behalf of a family,
then I know I've done good work for them.
And I get that feeling of wow, that we all feel better.
We all are richer in our life experience
because of what we did together.
- Oh, amazing.
I could see how what you love to do
or what you do so fits who you are as a person.
- [Kim] Thank you.
- Who are the role models that have inspired you?
Who do you look up to?
- Well, certainly, my father.
Professionally, he's been an entrepreneur multiple times.
He built and started an accounting firm
that became quite large in his hometown of Denver, Colorado.
He took tremendous risks,
always dedicated to his values and virtues.
And so I learned from him what that looks like.
My brother and my sister are both extremely
entrepreneurial and committed to doing something
that contributes to the collective good of society.
So I look to them both as mentors as well.
My husband's an entrepreneur
and taking great risks everyday.
So he and I often share experiences,
and he has certainly guided me.
And then I teach at the University of Denver,
and the students that I teach in their learning quest
serve as mentors to me in that way.
I also teach advisers around the world to do the work I'm
doing and to hold space for the perspective that I bring,
and their curiosity mentors me as well.
And within the field, there have been people
who are really dedicated to this field.
I happen to be in one field, but any entrepreneur
is in a field where there are trailblazers
and thought leaders who come together to say,
"What more should we ask ourselves?"
And there are several, a woman named Jane Helbert Davis,
who's been a tremendous contributor to the journey
I've taken and the path I've taken.
And then I look to people I don't know.
I look to people who are out there who
live their life in a whole variety of ways.
I took a college course from Eli Rizelle,
and he always shared with this small cohort of students
that the most powerful thing in life
is to question well.
And so I took that literally and figuratively.
And in my mind, I always have a well as if
it were a water well, a well of questions
that I should be asking myself and others.
So he was a mentor.
While not for entrepreneurship, he certainly was a mentor
for character and constitution that made me
a risk-taking entrepreneur.
- Wow.
Oh, I've got so much I could learn from you.
So what do you do outside of your business?
I know you've got your professional life.
How do you balance family and business?
And what do you do outside of that even?
- Well, balance, so sometimes I feel a little seasick
when I'm trying to balance,
because there's a lot to try to balance.
I have a phenomenal family.
I have three children who are a set of twin boys
who are very active in their primary years,
and a daughter who's 11.
Unfortunately, after you asked about mistakes and failures,
so I realized that I often felt
like the old proverb of the shoemaker's kids
who wear no shoes, my biggest worry was
I wasn't paying enough attention
to my own family in the way that was important.
So we now
cut out time in our life to have shared experiences.
We create our own family vision and mission
and do things that I forgot to do with my own family
but I think I do fairly well with other families.
We have a lot of activities that we do together.
And then I spend a lot of time with my extended family.
I'm quite close with them.
And we ski, and we bike, and we travel the world together,
so that's always fun.
Lately, I've been really focused on trying to understand
what drives me in terms of being an individual
and the passion so that my children see me pursuing life
and whether it's the disasters I create in the kitchen,
but I do love to cook despite those disasters,
or whether it's trying something new.
I'm taking ukulele lessons with one of my sons.
And just trying to push myself outside
of constant focus on business,
because I believe that can serve me well for only so long.
It's not sustainable.
So just keeping that balance is a constant concentration.
- That is true.
To have a balanced life, do what you do love to do
and share that with your children.
Very true, that is wonderful to see.
And it's wonderful to look up to you to be able
to take that and you could also pass that on
to your family, your next generation.
- Right, to do that.
- Correct.
What's your biggest fear that you've had to overcome?
- Oh, my biggest fear that I've overcome?
Well, I think one of 'em...
I don't know if it's the biggest, there's many,
but one of 'em certainly is
that people trust me to the level that they trust me with
what they trust me with, which is their emotions
and their raw sense of self.
And that to me is a big risk, to be able to
walk into that space and try to help them navigate it
because I've become their partner, and
I always equate it to another risk that I took.
I'm horrified of heights, and I'm horrified of water.
And so to address that, I took up scuba diving,
which definitely challenges both of those.
And I'll never forget, I went down 150 feet
when I could because you could,
and then came up and realized
what I could achieve.
That to me is a risk just because my fear was so great,
my fear of that was so great that I now
make it a habit to try to marry those risks,
fears that I have with risks that I can take
within my comfort zone, risks that I can take
and sort of overcome both in work and in life.
I also had
the privilege, although at the time,
it seemed like a challenge, of bringing motherhood
into my life in alternative ways.
And
at the time, it just came with pure conviction
that my goal was to be a mom, and pure fear that
how does it happen, and when does it happen,
and what does that mean.
I was an older mom.
So that to me was
for me, a big fear that I hope I'm navigating well.
They'll be the judge.
- (laughs) This is true.
Thank you for sharing that fear.
Well, we only have 20 minutes, six left.
So if you could go back and change your career,
would there be any...
Okay, if you went back in your career
and you could change something, what would it be?
- If I would have known earlier in my life
how to ask myself probing questions, I might not have known
the answers more, but I took a very traditional path.
I went to school.
I studied communication and got a degree,
an undergraduate in Boston.
And then I went to get some life experience working.
And then I went to graduate school and got an MBA.
I wasn't owning those goals.
And I think if I could do something differently
or advise the younger self in me to do it differently,
it would be to go a little deeper and ask myself
more probing questions so that I could
take some risks that I avoided taking earlier in life
that I'm taking now and haven't lost.
In my 30s, I took a three-month sabbatical
and traveled to Southeast Asia.
- Oh, I'm sorry, we're out of time.
- [Kim] That's okay.
- Sorry, thank you so much.
(relaxed music)
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