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hello from my floor
bee doop badoop adooooooooo badoop boop
I'm coming to you from the floor today because I have a
giant box! I depression bought books at like 3:00 in the morning. I honestly
don't remember what I bought. If you don't know what depression buying is, it's
whenever you're miserable and sad and everything's suck and it's 3 in the
morning and you're just like everything is awful so spending money you don't
necessarily have on books you don't necessarily need seems like a grand idea!
so I just basically went to like the bargain book section and just... I bought a
bunch. Who knows what's in here?
Charlie's... "Charlie Glass' Slippers" - A very modern fairy tale. Um... What??
I guess this is a fairy tale retelling about a woman who inherits her father's shoe
business? maybe? "The Exile." Urban fantasy... there's fairies because it says "a novel
of the Fae." I don't know what's in here... this is bad. Aevelynn? "one extraordinary saxon
noblewoman and her fearless Viking warrior find passion and danger in this
dazzling and sensuous debut." *book shutting with a snap* I bought viking smut. Cool.
*oooooh!!!!!*
Glamorous Histories... it's a series set in like like Victorian England? 1800s
England? where they have magic so it's like... urban fantasy but like kind of
historical fiction-ish? and they're all... each one is a romance and my friend
really likes them, so I was like... I want to read this series! "Blood and Salt" Okay.
so I actually know about this book. So... the closest intersection to my house is
87th and Quivira and this is set in a creepy cult in Quivira, Kansas and I
had heard about... like I saw this on a book site and I was like... Quivira?
Kansas? secret cult?? what!!! so I googled it and I
spent like all day reading history websites and Wikipedia and local history
articles about the fact that there used to be some creepy-ass cult in the
middle of Kansas. it's like searching for the Fountain of Youth and stuff? and
it's weird. Anyways! this is like a horror novel that's like set... based
around this. So I was like... I'm interested! Because I live on a street named after
this cult! Haha... "Persona" I feel like I heard really good things about this book?
There's an assassination attempt and something about snakes.
"daughter of gods and shadows." This description is really weird.
"Eden is a 24 year old ancient god from Brooklyn, New York, but she doesn't know
about the God part yet. What she does know is she's currently living a
paralyzed life. She can't escape the things that scare her because the things
that scare her seem to be everywhere. For instance, the tall thin man reading
the post across from her on the Staten Island Ferry has a mouthful of
razor-sharp teeth and eyes like an owl. And the woman standing at the bow...
Bow like bow down? Or bow like rainbow?
...of the ferry wearing the donna karen dress and red bottom pumps
has the face of a cat. That's not even the biggest problem! The
biggest problem is that when she looks at them they look back as if they know
her, and life is about to get stranger. An extremely powerful demon is gunning for
her, a zombie-like pandemic is spreading across the country creating creatures
who are hungry for flesh, there is a mysterious handsome stranger --
of course
- with powers of his own who claims to have been her lover from a time and a
life that Eden cannot remember..." blablabla... this sounds weird as fuck!
"Yappy Hour" and it has dogs!! This is a cozy mystery about dogs at a bar... and
then one day they show up and there's a dead body.
*GAAAASP!!!*
"Six Gun Snow White" I know
exactly why I got this because look at it. It's like a Western Snow White. That's
all I need to know. That's it. And look how tiny it is! I can read this in like an hour.
Woo!
"The Mad Scientist's Daughter"
I think I just wanted to own a copy of this because I love this book soooo much.
"the moon tells secrets" So this woman's 11-year old kid can
shift into animals and she's like, "this is stressful," and then there's a romance.
NOT with the kid! With someone else who also understands weird powers. Cool.
"trust me I'm lying" I just bought this because of the cover.
How many books did I buy??
it's thick.... "she thicc!!!!"
"Of noble family"
okay so this is also from the Glamorous Histories but um... one of these things is
much bigger than the other. Does this one have like huge font or something? Oh.. Oh!
Yeah. Wow. look at those margins! But do you see this? That is all margin.
they gave it these huge ass margins so that it would look like it's a giant
book when really it's the same as this
Karen Robards... "Shiver." Now see I would not have bought this if I was in a store,
because I hate books that have the author's face like huge on it. Like I
don't care who wrote it. Tell me a good story. So she is a repo man in a bad part
of town and she drives a tow truck. Cool.
I'm slightly embarrassed by how many books are in here.
That... is... really... I don't like this cover like at all.
It gives me anxiety to look.. read that like why is it so big??
why do you have to have... words.. big... everywhere. like shrink those down a bit.
"love in the age of mechanical reproduction " I know why I got this... because I like robots.
So a certain booktuber... over here... this was like one of the only two books that she
DNF-ed in 2017 or something? and I'm like...
wha.. bu... but it looks so good! it sounds so cool!
the cover is shiny! ...look how shiny...
but.. but...
"All the Rage." This girl... I'm assuming this girl... lives in a small town. the sheriff's
son, who's like... everyone loves him. he abused her and nobody believed her the first
time she came forward and was like "hey this guy's abusive" but now 2 others...
like one girl he's been in contact with has gone missing, and then another
girl is like being actively abused by him. and she has to try again to
stop him now that he's hurting other people and not just her. this sounds
compelling as fuck. it sounds like it's going to shatter my tiny soul into a
million tiny little pieces, but I think I want to read it anyway. usually I avoid
books that are gonna break my soul because my soul is fragile.
"The Witches of Echo Park."
So this is urban fantasy and it has witches. in it and it looks
like fun. ummmm... and it's smallish and I could probably read it quickly.
so you see this bigg-o... me keep pulling things out of this box and that there's
like thirty I want to say? but they were all a dollar, so...
hnnngggggg
Moth and Spark.
"A prince with a quest. A commoner with mysterious powers. And Dragons who demand to be free
at any cost!" Yeah okay.
"Mothership!"
Look at this cover okay? So it's a pregnant young girl in like a silver shirt and she has
like a space gun. it's very silly and weird-looking.
So... because we vilify teen pregnancy
so much (and I don't really have an opinion on whether or not we
should be doing that) but... there are not very many books about pregnant teenage
girls where they get to have fun. it's usually like their pregnancy is this
huge tragedy, it demonizes them for having sex or not being safe or for their
choices. I was intrigued by the idea of, you know... a girl who was pregnant and she
got to have a funny hilarious weird story. because when is the last time you
ever read a book with a teenage girl who was pregnant and it wasn't just all
about the horror and misery of the fact that she got pregnant? I can't think of
any except those weird as fuck books that are like set in the
future where like adults don't exist and the only way to save the planet is
for a lot of teenagers to fuck. a lot. so they can all get knocked up. those books
are weird and we should just delete that entire genre. just... out the door.
Guess who's joining the cult. I got it. let's do this.
"tell the story to its end" okay this is a
teeny-weeny little book. so on the bookoutlet website it described this as
like there is this teenage boy and he's telling a story... there's like a monster
who is going to like destroy him if he doesn't keep telling this story but also
if he reaches the end too quickly like the monsters gonna destroy him... when the
story's over... it kind of reminds me of like a Thousand and One Nights but sort
of like a horror version. yeah. it sounded really fascinating this is about an
intersex person and I don't think I've ever read a book with an intersex
protagonist it's been recommended to me like a million times and I never read it
cuz I honestly I think I rented this one the library twice and then I got
distracted and read other books and then I had to go back so now I own it and I
can't use that as an excuse anymore instead I will just use the excuse that
I have like three hundred thousand books and I just bought like 60 more so oh so
I bought this because of the cover nights ride into battle on stegosauruses
their heroes lead them on white thunder t-rexes Carroll is one such hero once he
held he it said princess why is this about some dudes I said I
was going to be reading about dinosaur princess seams so it is called the
dinosaur princess they're like cool pictures of dinosaur isn't it lakhs of
them and is unfair to name a book the dinosaur princess and not make it about
a dinosaur princess three more so I bought this because okay so there's a
Twitter post where someone found this and this is the most extra book in the
world and I don't even want to read it I just want to I just want to hold it in
my hands and just I just want people to come over to my house and have it out as
like a discussion piece my table like I just want to hand it to
people and be like here read the back are you ready for me to read the back
are you ready mm-hmm once guilty of the deadly sin of
gluttony thousand-year-old Viking vampire Angel snut Sigurdsson nuts I'm
gonna call him cunt because that's what his name looks like
to me cunt sigurðsson is now a lean mean vampire devil fighting machine his new
side job no biggie just reading the world of a threat
called Isis while keeping the evil loose appears demon vampires at bay so when
chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting
terrorists at a Montana dude ranch vain j'l turns cowboy yeehaw
we're not done the too tempting mortal insists on accompanying him surprising
cunt with her bravery at every turn but with terrorists stocking the ranch in
Demonoid form cunt teleports Andrea and himself out of
danger accidentally into the 10th century Norse lands suddenly they have
to find their way back to the future to save her family and the world and to
satisfy their insatiable attraction if you took every romance trope and you put
it in a blender and then poured the pulp into paper shaped squares it would be
this book all he's missing is a millionaire and a secret baby and you
have romance tropes in one go I'm so glad I own this this is the best
purchase I've made two more bear with me Cassandra Rose Clarke Our Lady of the
ice I have read three other books by her and I adored every single one and she's
like one of my faves and I haven't read this one so clearly I need to read this
one I understand you cassandra Rose Clarke I know what you're doing I get
you I appreciate your writing it's last one a question of Honor it's kind of
disappointing doctor in Dawn's World War one India murder mystery romance she's
on a boat cool that is it's so up this is what I've done I now
just want to read all of these instead of reading all of the other things that
I wanted to do so I will give you a tiny hint for April again so my plan for
April was to do this like elaborate project with the intention of reading
books that I've owned for years and never gotten around to reading to like
get through that but if you know I push those off even longer and instead
instead I read all of these delightful books I never actually take my screen
captures for the ones
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