Hey my friend! Welcome to Parenting A-to-Z! I'm Kelly Bourne and this week
we're diving right into motivation, taking a look at the factors that
underlie our sense of motivation and then what we can do as
parents to really help boost our kids up and help them become those self starters
and independent decision-makers that we'd like them to be -- I know at least that's the
hope anyway, right?!
The thing that I find really interesting with motivation is that
while so many of us parents really want to help beef up our kids motivation and
know what we can do to help motivate our kids, we can forget that our kids are
naturally motivated! Our kids have motivation coming out the ying-yang!
They're naturally self-directed. They're naturally curious. Heck just think --
any milestone, from lifting their head up, to rolling over, to sitting up, to walking --
they don't do any of those things cuz you're paying them! They're not doing
those things for stickers, right?! They're internally motivated to do all of those
things! So our job as parents is just to kind of harness that internal motivation
and try to do what we can to not unintentionally demotivate them. Because
some of the things we can do without even realizing can really chip away at
that internal motivation. And that's absolutely something that we're gonna
look at today. So one of the first things I want to look at before we get into any
tips or tools, is just what is motivation?! And there really are three
elements that make up motivation -- they apply to us as well, for us in
our adult lives as well as our kids -- and those three things are 1. autonomy 2. mastery
and 3. purpose. Those are the three. That's your trifecta of goodness as far as
what it takes to go for your dreams and go for what you're after and really
harnessing that sense of internal motivation. So autonomy, of course, is
having a level of choice. Our kids aren't gonna be crazy motivated to do
something that they don't want to do. I'm sure you maybe even seen that,
depending on the age of your kids and if if they're engaged in extracurriculars
or not, how some activities they may just not even
care at all and sit back and goof around. And then suddenly there's this other
activity where they're like all in. Paying attention, wanting to do every
drill, practicing at home on their own. Because it's something that they're
interested in. Never, never underestimate the power of
autonomy and the power of choice in allowing your kids to follow whatever
passions may crop up for them. And it doesn't have to be a passion, like
right at five, it could just be an interest. Allowing them to follow
that interest on their own terms is huge. And the thing that's interesting when we
allow our kids to have choice and allow our kids to have a sense of autonomy,
that's where you could really see that engagement creeping in. When they are
doing things on their own without prompting. One of my
kids went through a phase where he was making these amazing costumes out of
construction paper, just because he felt like it! I wasn't coaching him
to do it or trying to motivate him to do it, he was just naturally interested in
that. So the bottom line -- the more autonomy our kids have, the more
engagement they will have in that activity, whatever it is that they find
they want to participate in. And then when we have that level of
engagement, that is when the next step of mastery comes in. When they've
had the choice and they're really engaged, that's when they'll work and
work and work and work to improve. Again, all on their own. Really all we've done
is back off and allow them to follow that passion. Of course, we may have had
a hand in helping them get their activities or get them there on time and
all that jazz, but we're just there as a support system.
I think that's honestly one of the biggest things with motivation, to
realize as parents, is to back off allow our kids the choice to follow those
little interests wherever they may lead. Seeing ourselves more as a support
person rather than the ringmaster. And then finally, the third real piece of
motivation is having a sense of purpose. Having a sense that what we're doing is
is more than just for ourselves. Whether we're writing stories for our friends
and our family, or we're up to the highest levels of sport competing for
our town or our or province or our state or wherever you
are in the world. Having that sense that what we're doing is is for the
greater good. Is serving the greater good. That is essentially motivation in a
nutshell. So keeping those three elements of motivation in mind, what can we do as
parents, right?! Because I'm sure that's that's what you're really after! So the
first thing is just to stay curious. Stay curious when you see your child is
spending an extra amount of time coloring or they're really focused on
building that snow fort in the backyard. Or they're really they're really zeroing
in on these gymnastics videos on YouTube or whatever. Stay curious. Ask
questions. Allow them to follow that interest naturally. And again,
thinking of yourself as a support person, rather than the grand leader or the
grand organizer. Allowing them the choice and the autonomy to decide for
themselves how they would like to pursue that interest. And then, of course, going
along with that, is letting go of control. Just backing off. And then as your
kids start following those interests, there probably will be some bumps in the
road. And just again allowing those mistakes to be opportunities to learn
and grow. Encouraging our kids to pick themselves up and try again and try
again and try again and try again. Normalizing that, yeah, you know what?
Sometimes I make mistakes when I am writing something or I make
mistakes when I'm skiing or I make mistakes. We all make mistakes all the
time, right?! Just normalizing that struggle for them so they don't give up
on their dreams because they they made one tiny little mistake. Just
encouraging along the way. And then of course, always leaving that open door. So
that they can come to you with questions, concerns, if they're wanting to change
from a different coach, if they're wanting to, like whatever this situation
is, depending on what interests they're following, just being that open
door. So they can come to you when they're looking for a change or maybe
they want to go a little bit more in depth, they want to go a
little bit more serious. Being that landing place for them. So I guess the
bottom line, guys, what it comes down to is just really paying attention to what
your kids are interested in. Backing off and allowing your kids to follow that
interest where it may lead. Of course providing support and providing
encouragement and providing opportunity along the way, but trying not
- and I know it can be so hard if we see a lot of potential and our kids to
really want to push them in that direction -
allowing that internal motivation. That's the key. That is the key right
there. Because when our kids are internally motivated to go for what they
want to go for, heck, nothing in the world is gonna stop them!
And then when it comes to quitting, if they do decide they want to
back off, just try to remember that sometimes quitting or slowing down or
not spending so much time on a formerly really exciting activity, that'll allow
them to pursue other interests. It's creating space in their life to pursue
something they may be more interested in. And that's where they may find their
crazy motivation and go to town. You never know. You never know. Just
stepping back, allowing them to take the lead. So I hope that helps, guys! Of course
any questions or comments leave them below. If you're looking for more in-depth
parenting resources and support don't forget to check us out in The Parent 'Hood,
our private membership community. I'll leave the links as always below. So
good luck, guys! I hope that helps, and I'll see you in the next video!
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