You are going to die.
I mean like, not today… maybe, I- Probably not today.
Can we?
You are going to die.
That makes it sound like I'm gonna do it.
I'm not gonna do it… at least not on purpose anyway.
You know what…
You likely experienced a wide range of emotions when I told you that you're going to die.
Anger, fear, aggression.
The dark side of the force are they.
Death is our inevitable end, and like it or not, it shapes who we are and how we approach
the rest of life.
Probably a lot more than you might think.
Most people prefer to avoid or dismiss the topic entirely because it evokes negative
emotions.
Even I put off writing this script for as long as possible.
This is Death Anxiety and it drives almost everything about us, from our internal thoughts
to our external interactions.
It's important to note that this is different from the fear of death.
Which, when you really boil it down is just the fear of the biological pain associated
with death.
As proof, if we had a choice, most of us would prefer to die quickly or in our sleep.
Death Anxiety, on the other hand, is the existential dread we feel when faced with the fact that
our consciousness will end.
And when it comes to that, nobody truly wants to die.
I know a few of you are going to point to suicidal people and say that I'm wrong – but
no.
They feel that death is the only option they have left to escape their life circumstances.
Given the choice, if you were to hand them the solution to all of their problems, they
would probably choose that over dying.
They just want an end to their suffering and they feel this is the only way.
There's also a small group who want their death to impart suffering on others – the
"I'll show them" types.
But we all know that you don't get to come back and watch your epic revenge fantasy unfold.
I hate this show so much…
No religion teaches that you get to come back and watch the end credits scene.
Or that you get to talk to and interact with it – F*** this show!
Sorry… this is one of the ways we cope with death: by telling each other, and ourselves,
that death isn't really the end.
I didn't think it would end this way.
End?
No, the journey doesn't end here.
You go to your favorite place in the whole world, and everyone you ever loved and has
ever loved you will be there.
Well, that's not so bad.
No, no it isn't.
If there is more after you die, then there is nothing to fear.
The afterlife, or reincarnation, or whatever other stories we tell each other are ways
to dissipate the existential despair we have about death.
But as much as we tell each other these stories or believe them down to our very core, we
don't necessarily act like it.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer, nobody throws a party to celebrate their free ticket
to paradise.
Or wherever else they happen to be going, but…
I'll get to that later.
When you're giving CPR to someone, you don't say Just let go!
Let go!
That would be terrifying, that's like the worst thing you possibly could say in that
moment.
We just had a near-life experience!
Near life experience, right so let's take a moment to talk about what most people would
call that – a near death experience.
The common trope is that your life flashes before your eyes or something but there is
a small group of people who were clinically dead and claim to have passed over to the
other side and returned.
If you read the little thing, these people don't actually die.
Their brain is still active and the fact that everyone's story of what they see differs
significantly should tell you what's going on.
NDEs are no more reliable than dreams when it comes to what happens when you cross over…
if you cross over.
It's a form of denial really, not in the sense that you're not going to die at all
– even though there are people who seem to want to think that – but in the sense
that death isn't the end.
And before you go thinking that this idea is exclusive to faith and religion, it's
creeped into our science fiction as well.
Whether you're uploaded to some permanent vacation destination or have an implant that
can transfer from body to body.
By the way, in both of those cases, permanent death is still a real possibility.
And the funny part is, no matter what I say here, there are still some of you who think
there's a real possibility that you will live forever or continue on in some way.
This is called Terror Management Theory, and it's one of the ways we internally deny
death or at the very least, find some enduring meaning to life.
Most people do this by identifying as part of something greater than themselves in the
hope that it will continue on after they've died – like a religion or a country or through
youtube videos.
So when those things come under threat, it's also a threat to their everlasting identity
and they respond with anger.
For those of you keeping track we're on number two now.
Whenever the idea of our own death comes up, we respond with anger.
This can range anywhere from outright violence to subconscious aggression.
One of the most interesting studies I know about showed that judges who were just reminded
of death prior to sentencing gave harsher punishments – whether it was more prison
time or larger fines.
So, if in between the guilty verdict and your sentencing, everyone breaks for lunch and
the judge happens to see a commercial for life insurance…
You're screwed.
I hope it's not an election year or you're double screwed.
Aside from being reminded that you're going to die, being told that your version of what
happens after you die might be wrong is the basis for most wars in history.
It's one thing to be confronted with someone who admits they don't know or thinks that
nothing happens; it's another for someone to tell you that they know, and you're wrong.
This comes back to Terror Management Theory, it's a direct threat to your cultural identity
and the peace of mind that comes from your death coping strategy.
It makes people angry to hear that what they think happens after they die is incorrect.
But not only that, in the other story, they're either going to the less-awesome version of
the afterlife or being reincarnated as some lesser being.
Unless you're able to make some sort of deal.
For some reason, in our culture, we've decided that Death is some sort of negotiator or gambler.
You can weasel your way out of death with a game of chess or battleship or by collecting
his soul contracts for him.
F*** this game, f***!
So I suppose this is a good time to bring up the Kubler-Ross Model, better known as
the five stages of grief.
Some of my psychology friends are going to scoff at this, saying it's not proven or
it's not linear, but whatever.
It's still a good model to teach the subject.
So after you're done being in denial or being angry about some impossible carrot level…
you get to bargaining.
Now this doesn't necessarily mean challenging death or the devil to some battle of wits.
It can also involve telling your doctor "please I'll pay anything" or just mentally pleading
your case.
"If you let me live, I swear I'll stop spoiling movies on facebook."
When that obviously doesn't work – because people who spoil movies go to a special circle
of hell, you enter the depression stage.
Now this topic is huge and there are entire channels dedicated to it, so I'll just make
this one point.
There is a big difference between being depressed and being sad.
Sadness is a temporary state, you are sad about a specific thing.
F*** But while sadness is an emotion, depression is a lifestyle.
There can be a singular catalyst, but then it effects everything else in your life.
"I'm so worthless, I can't even poor milk right.
I don't deserve to know who Rey's parents are."
That's depression, it infects everything that you used to enjoy.
It shouldn't be hard to see why dying people might experience this.
But after that, comes acceptance.
Knowing, and obviously accepting, that you are going to die.
There's a certain weight lifted off of your shoulders when you've reached acceptance.
Just a side note, one of the worst things that can happen to a person is to have gone
through all of the stages and arrived at acceptance, only for death not to come.
Many people who have had that happen end up in a deep depression and sometimes committing
suicide.
Imagine having to go through all of those emotions and process your grief – just to
find out that you have to do it all over again later.
For some, it can also give them a rather depressing cavalier attitude towards the rest of life.
"What does it matter, I thought I was going to die anyway."
But for most people, reaching acceptance means being at peace and reflecting on their life
in their final days.
A big part of that is asking yourself whether you've served a purpose or that you've
found some meaning.
Viktor Frankl tackles this subject in his book Man's Search for Meaning, and a few
youtube philosophers have put their own spin on it.
Youtube philosophers… what strange times we're living in.
But another aspect of Death Anxiety is worrying about your legacy, or how you'll be remembered
after you die.
I don't want to be remembered, I want to be alive.
Okay, well… barring that, people generally want to be remembered as good.
There's a weird transformation that occurs when someone is dying.
Everyone, regardless of who they were in life, is good.
If you've ever worked a retail or fast food job, you know that at least half of the population
is made up of jerks.
Yet every dead person is an angel, why is that?
Because it's what we want – we want to be remembered as good.
So it's an accepted cultural norm not speak ill of the death.
And an expectation to forgive the dead and dying for any wrongdoings, no matter how grievous.
Once they're dead, we'll have a giant celebration in their honor – just don't
bring up that one thing we all know they did.
Or have a funeral for them where everyone says nice things, even though no religion
tea- and they get to come back and watch it?!
F*** this show!
How did this get a second season?!
Before you get all mad at me in the comments, just remember that she's a fictional character
mmk.
Mmkay.
We tell each other that everyone who is dying is good and gets to go to the nice version
of the afterlife – because that's what we want, that's how we want to be remembered.
We don't want people to remember how we died, or that one controversy from the early
90s, or that time that we chewed up an expensive pair of running shoes….
Ugh...
I thought I was done with this stuff.
No, everyone is good and all is forgiven.
We trick ourselves into thinking we won't die or that death isn't the end and that
everyone is remembered fondly because that's what we hope happens to us.
So the next time someone tells you that some day soon people will live forever or that
death is just another path, one that we all must take, don't worry about it, because-
Nothing means anything and we're all going to die.
… dude…
We're coming up on the two year anniversary for the channel so I've put a link to a
survey down below to find out more about how you guys think I'm doing.
I'm also going to be doing a Q&A later this month so feel free to pop any questions you
have down below.
While you're there make sure to bury that subscribe button.
Also make sure to follow me on twitter and facebook and join the subreddit.
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