Youtube daily report May 14 2018

Hey, it's Joe.

Today I'm going to show you how to automate your outsourced workers so that you can create

tasks lists, automated tasks lists within the Automarketer that will tell them when

they have to do certain things, and certain tasks.

Let's say you get a new lease option memo signed and you're trying to sell that property

and so you want to get it on the market and you want to get a sign in the yard and a lock

box on the door and an ad in craigslist and on Zillow and you know, the other tasks that

you have to do in order to sell that property.

Well, you can put all those tasks into the Automarketer and then on the day that that

job is supposed to be done, the Automarketer will send out an email or a text or a voice

blast to your employee, to the person who's doing that task.

And it all happens automatically.

And what I do is, I set it up so that one email goes to my admin person, one email goes

to my boots on the ground and another email goes to my buyer finder, and all of those

people work together and, the way we've got it set up is, so that if one person doesn't

do their job, the other people can't do theirs.

And that means that I find out about it.

So, it's a great way to build a system.

So, let's take a look at how that all works.

All right, this is going to show you how to automate your tasks.

You're actually automating your team so that they can do the tasks that need to be

done by a human, rather than by a computer.

So, you're going to use a computer to automate your team and make it easier for them to do

this.

This is one of my favorite parts of this system and it's such a powerful part because you

can create task lists for your team and have it set up so that when you initiate a task

it'll tell the team members that you have the tasks that they're supposed to do for

that particular deal.

Let's take, for example, a task list when you have a rent to own memo, a lease option

memo, signed.

So here's a task list for it and to look at this, I'll show you what's on it.

And, by the way, we're in the follow up system of the Automarketer and you can create

these tasks, you can create these campaigns, as many of them as you want, so no matter

what your business looks like you can create a task list to do this.

You could do this with any business as a matter of fact.

I've used it with every one of my businesses where we have tasks lists, or plan lists,

that are automated so that whenever we have templated things that have to be done, and

I try to always systematize my business so that we do the same thing the same way every

time.

Just like a McDonald's, you know, it's like, the franchise concept where you know,

you go in and they always flip the burgers the same way with the timer that times it

for the same amount of time.

They always wash their bathroom floors the same way.

They work at the drive through, they say the same thing, you know, it's always standardized.

So that's what you're trying to do is create standard lists of tasks for your people.

And for the rent to own lease option memo you know, task list, there's just a couple

of them on this one, but, you can have different team members getting this information.

So, I've got the first task list goes to the team member.

It goes as soon as the, it goes out immediately, as soon as we initiate this task.

So, we get a lease option memo and then we put this campaign on that particular lead.

We attach this campaign to that particular lead.

Which can all be done real easily in the lead dashboard in list management.

And then what's going to happen, as soon as you attach that, an email is going to go

out to the team member that you assign as the boots on the ground.

So, if I've got somebody who's local, I'm going to send them this email.

It's going to say, "We just got a new lease option memo.

Please call the seller and schedule a time and place to pick up the key."

And the seller's name, and it's going to merge in the seller's name, email address,

phone number, that's already in the system in the lead management section of the system.

And then here's the task list for the boots on the ground.

And so we want them to meet the seller, get the key, we want them to install a lock box,

we want them to put a sign in the yard and we want them to take interior and exterior

pictures.

And you can modify these any way you like so you can add stuff to it, you can take stuff

away.

If you don't have a team that's built the same way as mine, you don't have to,

you can change this around any way you want.

We want these tasks to be done within two days or sooner.

Once they're done, send an email to our admin person and if you've got you want

to, a name you want to put in there, you can do that.

And check it off your list.

And then thank you, and it'll merge in your name in that email that they get.

So that goes out immediately to your boots on the ground.

Also, at the same time, another email goes out to your admin person.

And your admin person gets this, "We just got a new lease option, here's the information

on it.

Here's the stuff that the boots on the ground is going to work on," so want to make sure

that they've done their work and the admin person we have them checking up on the boots

on the ground, by the way, and then we have the other tasks that we want the admin person

to do.

Write the craigslist buyer ad, write the Facebook buy/sell group ad, write the Zillow ad, you

know, add the property to the listing site and the data feed.

Send a broadcast email out to our buyers list.

That needs to be done within two days.

And once these tasks are done you want to send an email to the buyer/finder, that would

be another person, so that the details on the property, they know about the property,

they know what the details are and they know that the leads are going to be coming in pretty

soon.

And once those leads start coming in through this advertising that you're doing, you

want to make sure that the buyer leads are all routed to the buyer/finder, they're

going to come in by email.

And that's all going to be done automatically because you're admin person's going to

set it up so that the phone number that it's coming in to is going, it's going to forward

it to them and email them the messages.

You're going to make sure the buyer/finder is giving you the daily reports.

You want your admin to make sure the buyer/finder is giving them daily reports on their leads

and if they're not doing that, then they need to let you know, the owner of the company,

so that you know that that buyer/finder's not doing their job and you're losing those

leads and you're not going to get that thing sold.

You know, the whole concept of having a team of people working on this stuff is that they

are checks and balances for each other.

If one doesn't do the job, the other one can't do their job and so they have to tell

you about it.

And that way you find out that there's a wrench in the works that has to be fixed and

usually that means a new employee.

You just replace them.

So, these are the type of things that you can do.

And you can add as many of these admin tasks as you want.

And you see we've set this up so it goes to the team member, but if I wanted to send

a note to the, you know, follow up to the buyer, or the seller, I could do that as well

just by you know, creating a different email or a different message that goes to them at

that time.

So, you can create tasks or any kind of follow up.

And these tasks don't have to be email tasks.

They could be sent by text.

They could also be sent by voice blast, but they do have to be templated.

It just makes your, you know, if you can template your business and create task lists like this,

you're job is going to be so, so much easier.

All right.

I hope that helps.

For more infomation >> Automate Your Team So They Can Do 90% Of The Work Task Lists - Duration: 8:09.

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مقارنه كبار الفئه المتوسطه | Oppo F7 VS Xiaomi redmi note 5 - Duration: 9:33.

For more infomation >> مقارنه كبار الفئه المتوسطه | Oppo F7 VS Xiaomi redmi note 5 - Duration: 9:33.

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Taraji P. Henson Is Engaged to Kelvin Hayden - Duration: 2:56.

Taraji P. Henson Is Engaged to Kelvin Hayden

Taraji P. Hensonis going to be a bride!.

After quietly dating former football star Kelvin Hayden for more than two years, the NFL pro put a ring on it.

The Empire star announced the happy news and showed off her new sparkler early Monday morning.

I said yes yall!!! He started with the Cartier love bracelet BUT that was my #Mothersday gift and then he dropped to his knee and I almost passed out!!! she captioned a shot of her new bling.

The engagement may come as a surprise to some considering the actress has kept their romance out of the spotlight.

It wasnt until late December 2017 that Henson addressed their longtime relationship publicly.

Im very happy.

Everything is coming together, the star said in an interview on Essences podcast Yes, Girl!. at the time.

Im happy in my personal life..

For more infomation >> Taraji P. Henson Is Engaged to Kelvin Hayden - Duration: 2:56.

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District Cooperative Central Bank Recruitment 2018 | DCCB Jobs Notification | Omfut Tech And Jobs - Duration: 5:05.

District Cooperative Central Bank Recruitment 2018

DCCB Jobs Notification

Omfut Tech And Jobs

For more infomation >> District Cooperative Central Bank Recruitment 2018 | DCCB Jobs Notification | Omfut Tech And Jobs - Duration: 5:05.

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The best hair oil is from THIS brand you may not know of | DV BEAUTY LAB - Duration: 5:03.

3..

2..

1..

What is it?

Ohhh

Hey guys!

Welcome back to another episode of DV Beauty Lab

For the last few episodes,

you've seen us go through tests for skincare

products and make up

Today, we're going to try something that's

hair related

So, in front of us, we have 6 unidentified hair oils

and we'll be putting them through 3 tests

The very first test we are going to do is to

see how much shine it can give to our hair

That is, of course, the main purpose of the hair oil, right?

So, without further ado, let's go!

Each of us are gonna try out 3 hair oils

1 hair oil will go onto 1 section of our hair

and then we'll compare before and after just to see

how smooth or how shiny

it makes our hair look

By the way, we also just received news that

1 of these is actually 100% Virgin Coconut Oil.

So, I'm a bit curious to see which one Yes

Okay Let's get started!

So now that we have tested all the hair oils, I think we have

come up with the results

I think most of them actually left our hair looking

shinier, and smoother.

But there are some that made it look like

clumpy, which is not something that you would want.

So we have decided to eliminate 2 of them and they are

C and F

So for our next test, we're going to see

how much oil is still left on our hair

after we have already brushed through it

and we're gonna use an oil blotting paper

and run it through the sections of our hair that we put hair oil on

and see how much oil comes out

This looks the cleanest

So, after the blotting test, we have eliminated

A and B

So we're gonna move on to our final test

The Smell Test!

We're gonna pump 1 pump of each onto a cotton pad

and we're gonna get our colleagues to come down and

vote which one is their favourite scent

I think we are ready to count our votes

1

1

2

3 4, 5, 6, 7

So 7 against 1

I think we have a very clear winner here

and the winner is

E!

So now, let's find out what E is

3.. 2.. 1..

What is it

OoOOh

It's from Schwarzkopf

Beology

and Deep Sea Extract and Herbal Plant Essences repair oil serum

and it says that it's for damaged hair

So Schwarzkopf is actually quite well known for

their range of hair products

Do you know where we can get it from?

This is in drugstores.

So, it's in Watsons, Guardian..

Yeah, probably

So it's actually an oil serum

It's not actually fully oil, it's an oil serum

And has quite a number of good ingredients

like Deep Sea Extract, that has

antioxidants and protective properties

As well as 3 types of keratins that can restore

your hair's health

And, they also have different types of herbal plant essences

such as rosehip oil, and geranium

so that it can repair your hair

If you like to know what are all the products that we've tried today

Just go down to the link in the description

box below and we will email them to you

Don't forget to Like this video, Subscribe to our Youtube channel

and comment down below to let us know

what products you want us to test next

in the next episode of DV BL!

And we'll see you next time!

Byeeeee!

For more infomation >> The best hair oil is from THIS brand you may not know of | DV BEAUTY LAB - Duration: 5:03.

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火影中前期BUG后期不见或无用的忍术，岸本都不敢再次拿出来 - Duration: 4:38.

For more infomation >> 火影中前期BUG后期不见或无用的忍术，岸本都不敢再次拿出来 - Duration: 4:38.

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✅ Umiliato in soli 23 secondi. Di Maio, la telefonata a Mattarella: il presidente lo ridicolizza cos - Duration: 1:40.

Una telefonata durata solo 23 secondi: "Buonasera presidente, siamo pronti a riferire su tutto"

"Grazie onorevole Di Maio, le faccio sapere". Poche parole. Sergio Mattarella è cortese ma seccato, riporta il Giorno in un retroscena

Il leader del Movimento 5 stelle non ha comunicato il nome del premier e la cosa non è piaciuta al presidente della Repubblica

Anche perché il capo dello Stato non vuole che il nome venga fuori da gossip ma ci tiene a un incontro formale

"Ci hanno detto che sono pronti a riferire su tutto. Punto e basta. Il nome non lo sappiamo", tagliano corto al Colle

Oggi il nodo sarà sciolto. Di Maio e Matteo Salvini faranno il nome e Mattarella ne valuterà il peso e, se non avrà nulla da eccepire, il segretario generale del Quirinale, Ugo Zampetti, leggerà il comunicato di rito: "Il signor X è stato convocato per le ore tot al Quirinale"

 

For more infomation >> ✅ Umiliato in soli 23 secondi. Di Maio, la telefonata a Mattarella: il presidente lo ridicolizza cos - Duration: 1:40.

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Incredibles 2 - June 15

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Audi A3 Sportback 1.4 TFSI Ambition Pro Line S S-line xenon led - Duration: 1:10.

For more infomation >> Audi A3 Sportback 1.4 TFSI Ambition Pro Line S S-line xenon led - Duration: 1:10.

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Nissan Micra 1.2 DIG-S CONNECT EDITION N-TEC NED.AUTO, 1STE EIGENAAR, NAVIGATIE, CRUISE CONTROL, CLI - Duration: 1:12.

For more infomation >> Nissan Micra 1.2 DIG-S CONNECT EDITION N-TEC NED.AUTO, 1STE EIGENAAR, NAVIGATIE, CRUISE CONTROL, CLI - Duration: 1:12.

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Honda Jazz 1.4 S BJ.2002/DEALER ONDERHOUDEN !! - Duration: 0:51.

For more infomation >> Honda Jazz 1.4 S BJ.2002/DEALER ONDERHOUDEN !! - Duration: 0:51.

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Infinity War | Way Down We Go (Major Spoilers) - Duration: 1:50.

Did you do it?

Yes.

The sun will shine for us again.

Steve?

I want you to promise me...

you kill me.

What more could I lose?

Me personally, I could lose a lot...

I have lived most m life surrounded by my enemies...

Come... I´ll help you.

I would be grateful...

to die among my friends.

Wakanda forever!

Give me Thanos!

We´re the Avengers.

We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but...

That there, that´s... that´s the endgame.

We´re in the endgame now.

Asshole! Tell me you didn´t do it!

I love you... more than any...

We´re family.

I just feel you...

I just feel you.

This is no place to die!

There was no other way...

You could never...

I don´t wanna go... Sir, please!

Please, I don´t wanna go...

How are you guys planning on beating that?

Together.

We´ll lose.

Then we do that together too.

For more infomation >> Infinity War | Way Down We Go (Major Spoilers) - Duration: 1:50.

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Trump Finds Obama's Mole in White House - Duration: 10:36.

Trump Finds Obama's Mole in White House – IDENTITY ROCKS NATION

Barack Obama has been out of the White House for over a year, but that doesn't mean that

his talons aren't still fully embedded in Washington D.C…

Daily Vine reported that Obama has been relentless in trying to destroy Trump from the inside,

as he has placed numerous spies inside his White House.

The former president also has been running a shadow government just three miles away

from the White House in the mansion he moved to .

CIA officer John R. Maguire just revealed that former National Security Advisor H.R.

McMaster authorized illegal surveillance on President Trump, including Trump's entire

family and also Steve Bannon.

The CIA agent explained that McMaster had been in Obama's inner circle for years and

had been using a burner phone to send information of his unlawful surveillance to an outside

source.

Making matters even worse, the intelligence McMaster gathered was then sent straight to

a surveillance facility in Cyprus that is owned by George Soros.

Trump was enraged when he heard about this and has fired back by launching a spy network

of his own in order to combat Obama's spies who keep managing to infiltrate him.

His goal is reportedly to provide CIA Director Mike Pompeo and the White House with a global,

private spy network that would go around the U.S.'s official SWAMP-INFESTED intelligence

agencies.

This is essentially Obama's worst nightmare, as Obama's shadow government would be able

to circumvent the FBI and CIA, the two agencies the former president managed to corrupt and

politicize during his time in office.

Trump will then be able to oust these infiltrators without the interference of any crooked members

of these agencies working to bring him down.

We're glad to see that Trump has finally had enough of Obama's nonsense and is ready

to take him down once and for all.

What do you think about this?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments section.

H/T worldofreport

For more infomation >> Trump Finds Obama's Mole in White House - Duration: 10:36.

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Emma­nuel Macron tient la main de sa femme Brigit­te… Et ça ne plaît pas à tout le monde - Duration: 2:40.

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MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE | Jimmy Nail | Full Length Sci-Fi Movie | English | 720p | HD - Duration: 1:26:03.

[Narrator] Since the beginning of time, man has looked to the stars

<i>and wondered if others</i> <i>like ourselves existed.</i>

<i>Would they be</i> <i>super-intelligent,</i> <i>peaceful, sensitive?</i>

Our story will go some way to answering these eternal questions.

[Computer-generated voice] Keep space tidy. Thank you.

Keep space tidy. Thank you.

Keep space tidy. Thank you.

[Computer-generated voice] Mission successfully completed. We repeat.

Aah.

Trailblazer Desmond Brock has safely returned

to space podule Exhon mark 4.

<i>Mission successfully</i> <i>completed.</i>

We repeat...

Repeat... Repeat.

Well?

Well, what?

Was it there?

[Desmond] No, it wasn't.

Now we're really inconvenienced.

They're, um, blue with silver nipples, and there's a long piece of...

Yes, I know what a fuse looks like!

We're lost in space.

Lost?

We're not lost.

Well, where are we then, Bernard? That's what I'd like to know.

Now there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Right, Julian?

This is just like <i>space cruise to nowhere.</i>

No, it is not.

They drifted for days, years in the end.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

All we have to do is to put out an emergency repair call somehow.

Drifting...

Drifting...

They all turned into skeletons in the end, of course.

[Bernard] Yes, there we are.

With little bits of floppy skin hanging off them.

[revving]

There.

Right, come on, chop-chop.

Spaceball anyone?

♪ [humming]

[Bernard] Beautiful, isn't it?

[Julian] Where are we, then?

[Bernard] Ah, well this is technically what we call deep space.

[Desmond] Well, it's technically what I'd call sod all!

[Bernard] Look, come on, cheer up everyone.

We are 15 million light years from the nearest space route.

There is no intelligent life around here anywhere.

[Newscaster] So a happy ending <i>for one man and his dog...</i>

and remember, we'll be back with an update in 2 hours, at midnight.

[Floor manager] That's it, everybody. Back in 2 hours.

[popping]

Aah!

Graham.

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Mckenzie and me have got

an important rendezvous with a contact.

Big story, eh, Geoff?

Yeah, could be, could be. So, you look after the phones.

Sure, yeah.

If the 3rd world war breaks out, just make a note of it, will you?

Yeah, yeah, you can rely on me. H-h-have a good meeting.

[Computer-generated voice] Spaceballs can not be kicked out of the recreation area.

Thank you.

Spaceballs can not be kicked out of the recreation area. Thank you.

[sighing] Look at him.

How embarrassing.

Feet on the furniture.

What a...

Desmond!

Aah!

Don't play with it.

You don't know how to work it. Desmond, put it back where it was.

[inaudible]

Well, where are we going? That's what I'd like to know.

Somewhere I can get a drink, hopefully.

What about Bernard?

What about Bernard?

Des!

Well, he's...

so how do you stop these things?

[Julian] We're gonna hit it! We're gonna hit it!

We're going too fast.

[radio frequencies]

♪ [muted country music playing]

[indistinct dialogue]

Aah!

Ah!

[siren]

I got one.

I got one. I got a spaceship!

They're coming!

I got a spaceship.

They're coming from outer space! They're coming!

They're gonna enter our atmosphere.

Aah!

[Julian] I'm gonna die. Help!

Aah!

[Sandra] Do something, can't you?

[PA announcer] We have a target. We have a target.

Indian ocean. Impact 15 seconds, inclusive.

Indian ocean is target. <i>Looking good.</i>

The Indian ocean is the target.

Give me the Indian ocean.

[PA announcer] 4, 3, 2, 1.

I'm locating, sir.

<i>We have splashdown.</i>

[spaceship's engines roar]

[tires screeching]

[honking]

Geoffrey, there's something very peculiar coming up behind us.

[Geoffrey] Well, what is it?

Good grief!

[woman] Get off the motorway!

But it's still following us!

Don't look behind you.

[man] Shouldn't be allowed. It's madness!

Did you get his number?

No. I think he was Belgian.

[explosion]

[screaming]

[farm animals squawking]

[tires screeching]

uh, hello, love.

Just reporting a bit of congestion between exits 8 and...

say, 23.

Uh, looks like a spaceship of some description. Over.

Shall I put the cones out, sarge?

Yeah, might as well.

[sirens]

[phone ringing]

Hello? Yep.

[phone ringing]

J-j-just hold on, hold a minute.

Just a minute. Can you hold just a minute?

[phone ringing]

Can you hold for just a minute?

[phone ringing] Hello? Hello?

Can you hold for just a minute, please?

[phone ringing]

Hold on just a minute please. Hold on, can you?

Yes. What?

[minister] And the government has no intention at this stage

to change immigration laws.

Not only would we consider it to be totally...

Red phone, minister.

Aah.

[chuckling]

Excuse me.

Yes?

Oh.

Is there a cmd. Matteson here?

[Matteson] Yes.

Oh, it's for you.

Oh?

Oh, hello. No, no, not very.

Aliens? What do you mean "aliens"?

What do you mean "from another planet?"

Yes, it's a tricky one, isn't it?

If they're still alive, don't let them out of their flying saucer.

We don't want a lot of little green men

terrorizing the home counties

during Ascot week, do we, hmm?

Yes, all right. Full emergency.

Cmd. Matteson?

Yes, all right.

I'll try to join you for coffee in the library.

I want the press kept out of this.

[screaming]

Oh my god!

Yes, I'm impressed.

Blah blah blah hold the front page, blah...

Shut up!

Look at this office. It looks like the end of a Chinese meal.

The biggest story since Adam and Eve got evicted

and where were you all?

In the pub with you, Stanley.

Yes, so who have we got on the spot, eh?

I'll tell you who. No one!

Wait a minute, Stanley. What's that?

Hmm?

"Mr. Benson, an alien spaceship has landed on the m1,

"taken camera unit to cover. Everything under control."

well, at least someone here knows what's going on,

someone who can seize the moment by the horns as it rises.

Who is this, eh?

Graham Sweetley.

Oh, my god!

Aliens have landed and I've got an idiot

running around with my camera unit.

Wait a minute, Stanley!

We don't even know if it's an alien spaceship yet.

Listen. I've been in television for over 40 years

and I can recognize the inexplicable and unknown when I see it.

All right, everybody.

All right, you lot. Let's make television.

Your time has come, you smug bastard!

The aliens are here. We're all going to die.

[screaming]

[woman] The aliens are here!

The aliens are here!

The aliens!

[animals squawking]

[cocks gun]

Are you all right, Sand?

Ohhh, Jools.

Well, what is it?

It's my leg.

What's wrong with it?

You're standing on it.

Oh.

He's dead, Julian.

[groaning]

No. No, I'm not, Sand.

Pity.

It's a good job Bernard's not here.

Why?

Well, he'd be angry about the mess, wouldn't he?

[sirens]

[Matteson] Drive on.

You like it strong?

Yeah, pour it in.

2 sugars.

Thanks, Brad.

[policeman] All right, now, back you go! No one's going anywhere!

[police chief] Chief insp. Miller, local police.

Chiefy. How is it going?

Hell of a mess, sir. It's attracted every crackpot in the country.

Good. Good.

Godfrey, sir. Local fire department.

How's it going?

Oh, terrible. Lost 3 men.

The flames are completely out of control.

Good, good. Well done.

If you wouldn't mind, sir.

Of course.

It's Geoffrey, isn't it?

[woman] Get off my land, all of you, and take your army with you!

Have that woman shot, will you?

[rifle shot]

There's a sort of podule.

[Matteson] I beg your pardon.

Down there. It looks undamaged.

[helicopter approaching]

Gentlemen, col. Laribee.

Cultural <i>attache</i> <i>at the American embassy.</i>

Sir!

Commander, you probably don't know this,

but my mother was a great military strategist.

No. No, I didn't.

Well, there's no reason why you should.

One hell of a woman, Matteson.

Yes, yes, I think she was.

I'm only sorry she can't be here now to see this.

So am I. Hmm.

The archbishop of Canterbury on the line, sir.

Tell him I'm at prayer.

Let's face it, commander, the people of the world as we know it are...

Uh...

What's the word I'm looking for?

Doomed?

No.

Saved?

No, no.

Not alone? The people of this world are not alone?

I think you know what I'm talking about, Matteson.

So, broadly, you're in agreement.

Commander, the quicker you can make your move, the better.

Go for it.

But just remember, we're not playing Polo in Westminster Abbey now.

These beings are of a higher intelligence.

[Sandra] Well, don't just sit there, Desmond. Do something.

[Desmond] What?

Well, start the engine and let's get out of here.

Well, I can't do that, can I?

Why not?

Well, because it's broken.

How do you know?

Because it looks broken, doesn't it?

Here is a statement issued at 23:30 hours, April 16.

I will read it once.

There will be no questions.

"There's been an accident on the M1 just south of Luton."

What is Sweetley doing? Pictures! I must have pictures.

[assistant] Ob coming through.

That's more like it.

Good boy, good boy!

Sound! I must have sound.

[assistant] Sound.

The simple explanation is

<i>that the vehicle in question</i> <i>was a prototype</i>

<i>7-story, helium-driven</i> <i>hovercraft</i>

<i>blown off-course while</i> <i>undergoing tests</i> <i>in the solent.</i>

That is the end of this statement. Thank you.

Greetings.

Had trouble finding you.

Your signal was weak.

Where are you going?

Oh, uh, I'm easy, you know.

I'm just bumming around the spaceways, you know,

doing my own thing.

Very much like yourself,

except you've obviously been up to it longer than I have.

Judging by the, um...

What do you call that, sort of, floppy skin, sort of, h-hanging off?

It's a lovely, lovely spaceship, isn't it?

It's not bad.

I bet she's got a bit of poke when you pump the gas, eh?

Are you male or female?

Pardon?

Are you the male of the species or

the female?

Um, ah, m-male, male, male. I'm a man. I'm a man. Ah, definitely.

I'm a human man, part of mankind.

But very definitely the male part, or parts.

Oh, shit!

[yelping]

Aah!

Uh! Aye! Oh! Aye!

Ahh!

[birds chirp loudly]

Sod off!

[PA announcer] Will all section 7 personnel scheduled for decontamination

proceed to the decontamination unit in the decontamination block

<i>for immediate decontamination.</i> <i>I'll repeat that.</i>

Will all section 7 personnel scheduled for decontamination

proceed to the decontamination unit in the decontamination block

for immediate decontamination.

[Matteson] Col. Laribee.

[Laribee] Cmd. Matteson.

Ah, Simpson.

Has there been any further activity?

No, sir. We alerted you as soon as we heard the noise,

what, oh, 3 hours ago. It's been quiet since.

And you think it's some sort of life form?

Well, we're naturally taking orientation precautions... disguise.

Where's prof. Trousseaux?

I beg your pardon?

Trousseaux.

Oh, the frog. He's setting up his equipment next to the podule now.

Good.

Who is it?

I had him flown in.

Did you?

Yes, Trousseaux, the world's no. One expert

in linguaphonic communications.

Of course he is.

He certainly has a fair amount of tackle.

Listen, if the man who got a dolphin to ask permission

before pissing in his pool

needs a lot of equipment, he needs a lot of equipment.

Yes, I can imagine.

[Laribee] Cmd. Matteson, am I wearing the right clothing?

This is not my suit. Where's my suit?

[Laribee] Prof. Trousseaux!

Professor, thank god you're here. If ever there was a time

when the skills that you are endowed with were what we have need of,

then this is it.

Gentlemen, may I present the man

who will unravel the mysteries of the aliens' language?

This is the big one.

[speaking french]

[speaking french]

The big one.

The big...

one. <i>Un.</i> <i>Talking to the aliens...</i> <i>The podule.</i>

Oh.

[with French accent] Podule. Podule.

Podule. Podule.

Talk, speak to aliens.

[scientist] Prof. Simpson.

Prof. Simpson.

The noise has come back, sir.

[male moaning]

[moaning]

[Simpson] This is a much more positive signal.

Is it?

Yes. The first bout only lasted 20 seconds.

♪ [musical beeping]

♪ [Scott Joplin's <i>The Entertainer</i> <i>playing on organ]</i>

[inaudible]

[moaning]

Des.

Des, I can hear music.

So can I, Sand.

I thought you were asleep, you dirty little git.

Oh, don't stop, Des.

♪ Born free as free as the wind blows ♪

♪ as free as the grass grows born free to follow your heart ♪

turn it off! We don't need a goddamn Wurlitzer!

♪ Live free and beauty surrounds you ♪

please turn it down!

♪ The world still astounds you each time you look at a star ♪

I'm gonna take this Wurlitzer and shove it up your...

Sir.

Oh, my god!

[Sandra] Des?

[Desmond] What?

The door's dropped off.

What?

The door has dropped off.

[Desmond] Well, put it back on again!

[rifles cocking]

Des?

What?

Would you come here a moment please, my darling?

Oh, fuck.

Would you just come here please, Desmond?

[Julian] Sand?

I wonder what that...

Desmond?

[Desmond] I'm try... I'm... all right.

[toilet flushing]

Did you pull that door off?

May I speak to Mr. Benson, please?

Mr. Benson.

Yes, it's very urgent, actually.

Hello, Stanley. This is teabag.

[reporter] We'll leave with a hovercraft.

I think there's somebody coming.

We need a picture of a hovercraft and we'll need the diagram.

All clear.

[blowing]

[jumbled talking]

Gentlemen, professor Simpson and his team have just completed

a thorough physical examination of the aliens

and he has come to the conclusion that they are...

human.

Human.

Human?

Yes. It's quite feasible... A parallel world, a planet.

A whole new life form developing in much the same way as our own,

in a distant solar system.

It's all here in document 14.

All right, gentlemen, no more pussyfooting around. Let's go.

Sit down, will you?

[clearing throat] Over here.

We'd like to start at the beginning.

Yes.

Good.

Good place to start, I think.

[Simpson] You have come to our planet from another planet?

No. We come from our own planet, not another one.

That's what we mean.

Why didn't you say so, then?

Yes, why didn't you say so? Let's start again.

At the beginning.

If you like.

I don't mind. It's him that gets confused.

Sit down, Simpson.

[Matteson] The planet that you come from...

Yes?

What do you call it?

What do I call it?

Yes, what do you call it?

What's it known as? What's its name?

I've forgotten.

You've forgotten?

Yeah, silly me. I'll forget me own name next.

Give us a clue.

Now, can you complete that?

Can you?

Of course.

Well, what are you asking me for?

[clanking]

Greetings.

My name is Bernard.

I have traveled far to your planet.

I come in peace. Will you speak with me?

[clanking]

No, I understand.

I would like to meet with your leader.

Is that possible at all?

I will return here in 24 hours,

when the moon is in the heavens again.

Good.

This should interest you lot.

This is the sort of thing we have on our planet.

See this?

Just by touching this, see,

we can make signs,

what we call letters and words.

Yeah?

Mm? See?

P-l-a-n-n-i-t.

Planet.

[nervous chuckling]

You'd have a bit of a job carrying one of them around in your top pocket, wouldn't you?

And we call this a pen.

P-e-n-n.

<i>Ooh, ooh,</i> <i>show it to me.</i>

Um...

<i>where are you</i> <i>now I'm up?</i>

Tempt me side...

you must have heard of tempt me sideways.

Oh, how did it go?

♪ [humming the song]

♪ it's such a na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ but it's true ♪

Do go on.

♪ Such a na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ but it's true when you are in my arms ♪

♪ why does the sky go blue ♪

♪ my heart goes bim-bim-bim ♪

♪ when I'm with you ♪

♪ make my dreams come ♪

♪ true ♪

So, let's just recap, shall we?

"It's very big, possibly huge

"but also wide and round. "

"it's a greeny, sort-of-bluey, sort-of-all-bright-colors

"and covered with all-wispy clouds... "

"and all in all, a funny old place."

and there's nothing else you can tell us about your planet?

Oh.

I've just remembered what it's called.

What?

Blob.

Blob?

Blob.

Blob?

Blob.

Ah.

You're early. Greetings.

Once more.

Leader not here, then?

You seem strangely silent tonight.

You haven't told him, have you?

What is the point in people making arrangements...

What can I say?

This is a great moment. A great moment.

[screaming]

Hey, Melvin, there was this strangely dressed

man-of-the-forest back there and, you know, I think we hit him.

Good.

Oh no, Melvin. Please, stop. We gotta get some help.

[sirens]

[man] Definitely a sprain of the ankle. Some abrasions.

Possibly slight bruising of the toes. He'll be ok.

[banging]

Ahhhh!

Aah!

Ahhhh!

[man ♪1] Severe concussion, multiple fractures,

hemorrhaging, possible broken toe.

Somebody get me an ok on immediate surgery.

Somebody find a doctor!

[man ♪2] We've got a sick man here.

[Bernard] Where am I?

It's ok, honey. You're gonna be all right.

I must go home.

Yeah, sure, honey.

I must leave this planet at once. Has anyone seen my spaceship?

He's delirious.

Take me to your leader.

It's going to be ok, honey. Just relax. Everything's fine.

Look, I am not talking to you. I'm talking to him.

[nurse #2] Get the doctor.

[Simpson] Sorry to call so late. You asked to be kept informed.

Have they tried to escape?

No.

Have they given something away?

They have started playing with the chess set.

Oh. This is a development.

No, it isn't.

I see.

Cmd. Matteson, I don't wish to dwell on technical matters.

But these visitors from outer space...

Yes?

They are what we scientists call "brainless."

Brainless?

They're thick, stupid, dum-dums.

[woman] Cruds.

Cruds.

[man] Twits.

Twits, morons. Look at them now.

They're posing in the mirror.

I had the mirror taken out yesterday.

[group chuckling]

Some years ago, we used to send chimpanzees into outer space.

Someone, somewhere has gone one better.

[jumbled talking]

They're completely worthless.

They know as much about the secrets of the universe

as my mother's labrador.

They've got you exactly where they want you.

Running around and around in circles until they're ready to strike.

Will they?

You don't see it, do you?

The moment that they get out on the streets

their heads will split apart like ripe peaches. Spletch!

Like maggots. Swarms of them.

Reproducing until we have no power

with which to resist them by.

I think we all need a good night's sleep.

We'll try a different approach in the morning.

[jumbled talking]

Hello, Stanley?

Yes, I know it's late. This is teabag again.

And there's someone coming.

[Desmond] Take it easy!

[Desmond] What's all this?

[Laribee] Shut up.

What?

Shut up!

Now, listen, boy, and listen good.

We're not going to leave this room

until I know how your spacecraft was powered.

I've told you. I drove it.

[Desmond] Ahh!

You know what I mean.

Well, look, you've got 2 pedals, right?

And you press one and that makes it go.

And you press the other and that makes it stop, see?

Pedals. P-e-d-d-e-l-s.

Pedals.

Aah!

Come on. Show us your tentacles.

What?

Come on,

throw off the disguise.

What?

Come on.

Let's have a look at the real alien.

[Desmond] Ahh!

Keep him away from me, will you? He's mad!

[sighs]

So I knew this would have to happen eventually, you know?

Well, you spend as much time buzzing around in space as I do,

you're bound to make contact

with the odd intelligent life form, aren't you?

Ah, this is very good. Can't be too careful.

I, uh, I think you'll find I'm clean.

This way, is it?

Fraternal greetings to your planet.

Yes, keep it formal.

May I say, on behalf of my planet,

how proud and privileged I am

to be at this coming together of 2 great civilizations.

Good evening. I'm here to see your leader.

I believe he's expecting me.

Well, George Washington's taking a nap right now.

Julius Caesar is watching TV.

But I'm sure one of the Napoleons will be able to talk to you.

[screaming]

and we consider it a regrettable incident

that we must put behind us,

especially today,

because I have a very important announcement to make to you all.

[Laribee] It will have to wait.

[matteson] Col. Laribee, I've been very patient with you.

But as long as I control this operation...

cmd. Matteson, you no longer do control this operation.

I do.

Gentlemen.

When you're in the tub

and a man-eating spider crawls out of the faucet,

you don't ask him to pass you the soap.

I'm telling you, we have got something in our plumbing

and I don't like it.

These are no pinheads from another planet.

These are no pea brains from beyond.

Right.

These are mind suckers.

I can hear my mother now.

She's saying, "Get out there, Raymond.

"get out there and get those leeches before they get you."

My god, haven't any of you seen <i>Invasion of the Body Snatchers</i>?

Let's kill 'em!

[cheering]

Wait, wait. I'll take the ugly one with the drink problem.

[cheering]

Ow!

Shh.

What did you do that for?

Shh.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Aah.

The ventilation shaft, sir!

Yah.

After them.

Dr. Weiss.

[alarm ringing]

They won't hurt you, come on.

What would you do if you were being chased?

Hide.

Hmm. Let's hide.

[man on intercom] <i>All armed personnel in section, report to the cellblock.</i>

Wait, wait. Just a minute, just a minute.

How am I supposed to escape if you keep running away?

Now I know you're frightened and confused,

but just get in the car, will you?

Halt or I'll fire!

They're not inside, they're outside!

[machine gun firing]

[sergeant] Come on, come on!

Come on!

[soldier] Which way, Sarge?

[Julian] Can somebody explain to me what's going on?

[Graham] Quickly.

[Julian] If it's not too much to ask.

Come on, get in. Just get off the key!

Olly olly oxenfree! <i>Adios,</i> aliens.

[gunshot]

Sir?

Matteson!

Do you think they're all right?

[Sandra] Not really, no.

Wait.

Ahh!

No, Sandra, I have to talk to you.

Can't we behave like reasonable human beings?

We're all getting hot under the collar.

They're not!

I can't let you escape like this. Stop the lorry.

Yes, you'd like me to stop the lorry, wouldn't you?

Well, I can't.

I'm taking these people where they'll be cared for,

somewhere they'll be looked after.

Somewhere... Oh my god!

Sandra!

I love you!

What did he say?

♪ Oh Sandra you came from outer space ♪

♪ but when I saw your face somehow I knew ♪

What's up with him?

He's singing.

♪ You nosedived into mY atmosphere ♪

♪ you dropped your landing gear and my heart flew ♪

[Stanley] Graham, let me in. This is the scoop of a lifetime.

Graham, don't do this to me, not to your own father!

You're not my father, Stanley.

[Stanley] You can't keep this to yourself.

Is he a friend?

No, he isn't.

Didn't my wife suckle you at her breast?

[Graham] No, she did not.

Would you like her to?

No, thank you. Ignore him. He'll go away.

[Julian] He says to go away.

You could have anything you want.

Anything. Here.

Graham,

just fill in your own amount, all right?

Aw! Ow!

[Matteson] <i>Nobody move, we have the building completely surrounded.</i>

<i>You must hand over the aliens to me immediately.</i>

No harm will come to you if you give up without a struggle.

<i>If you don't believe me, look out of the window.</i>

<i>Come out one by one with your hands high.</i>

Come out with your hands up, slowly.

<i>Don't come any closer.</i>

[TV announcer] We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an urgent newsflash.

<i>We'll return to our western</i> <i>as soon as possible.</i>

[Julian] What's happened to the cowboy film?

Thank you for your help.

[Julian] Will you be quiet?

[Graham] I need this.

<i>Crash at Luton last week.</i>

Yeah, sure, Stanley.

And they are holed up here...

That's us!

<i>132a...</i>

Mornington Avenue. That's us. We're on the news!

[Julian] Shh.

<i>Home of unscrupulous,</i> <i>unemployed,</i>

<i>former junior assistant,</i>

<i>Graham Sweetley.</i>

That's the incredible story tonight.

Earlier this evening, the head of special operations,

on site, cmd. Grenville Matteson

<i>was prevailed upon</i> <i>to issue a statement.</i>

He said there are 3 extraterrestrials

<i>of humanoid,</i> <i>Caucasian appearance.</i>

The leader is male, about 31, 6'2", 190 pounds,

<i>pallid complexion,</i> <i>lank, greasy hair.</i>

The second is of indeterminate sex,

<i>28, 5'10", 145 pounds,</i>

<i>short, dark hair, pale skin.</i>

<i>The female is 26,</i> <i>looks younger.</i>

26!

<i>She has a delicate complexion</i> <i>and excellent bone structure.</i>

Her eyes are hazel, flecked with gray and sometimes a little sad.

<i>Her voice is throaty,</i> <i>hands exquisite,</i>

<i>and she's said</i> <i>to have a certain</i> <i>indefinable something.</i>

<i>Cmd. Matteson added</i>

<i>they were highly intelligent</i> <i>and potentially dangerous.</i>

Highly intelligent? Highly intelligent? You've got it wrong!

They've got it wrong. Listen to me, woman. I shouldn't be here!

I should be over there in, ah, in what's it called... England.

Don't you understand?

You can't let those idiots talk to your civilization!

They've enough trouble with each other.

Bernard, I think we'd be better off downstairs.

[excited chattering]

Look, I'm quite calm. Is that the time?

I promised to give the eskimo chief a ping-pong lesson.

You're wasting your time with me.

[man] Kill them before they kill us!

Aliens!

Can we not watch something else?

No!

Look! That man's going to throw something.

What is it?

Ouch!

It's some sort of brick, I think.

That could've been dangerous, that.

I'm hungry.

Wasn't our fault we crashed on their planet, was it, Sand?

No. It was Des' fault!

[groaning]

Aah... Aah!

This is madness! Madness.

I can't... I can't let them do this. I can't.

[screaming]

[Graham] So!

Space travelers come halfway across the universe to this planet.

This is how we greet them, is it?

[woman] Yeah, he's right, he's right.

With rocks and with avocados.

[woman] How much are avocados?

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

These aren't space monsters with TV aerials stuck on their heads.

They haven't come here to zap your planet with their ray guns.

These are fellow beings,

come in peace to do a bit of shopping.

People of earth, people of earth.

We should count ourselves privileged, yeah, yeah, privileged,

to greet these intrepid pioneers

who've come so far across the spaceways.

[explosion]

Because they didn't do that without courage...

[man] Fire!

Yes, and without fortitude and without wisdom.

[man] They've seen the light!

Uh... Your cooker's on fire.

You stupid imbeciles!

[crowd yelling]

You haven't been on holiday with them.

I tell you, they're absolutely...

[groaning]

[screaming]

come on. Come on, that's it.

[screaming]

Friends, this is where our paths must divide.

I have a mission but I must go alone.

Which way is England?

[jumbled talking]

[Bobby whimpering]

Bobby, there's nothing to be frightened of now.

On my planet, all of you would be free men.

Not locked away like animals.

Be free, find your own happiness.

Farewell.

[grunting]

[cheering]

Are you all needing a lift?

[Bernard] Yes, yes.

Oh, by the way...

Yup?

I'm a man.

Are ya?

Yes.

Good.

Good.

So, uh...

Where y'all from?

Originally?

Yup.

Well, originally, I come from a long way away.

Uh, you see, what happened was, I was with my friends.

And we were, um, we were in our spaceship...

uh...

Ahh!

[woman] Here they come.

Who's this?

[Flunkey] Countess Gretal of the Netherlands,

may I present Sandra Brock?

[giggling]

You've got all the gear on then, have you? Have you seen this, Julian?

[giggling]

[Flunkey] King Alexis of Moravia.

Sandra, I have to talk to you.

[Julian] Leave her alone.

Forgive me. It was the only way.

No.

Look, Sandra doesn't like you. All right?

There's a quiet anteroom, somewhere where we can talk.

Just the 2 of us.

Who are you shoving, mate?

Get back in line.

For goodness' sake!

I don't know what people see in her.

She's perfect!

[Countess] Perfect? I've got bigger tits than she has.

Yes, I understand. I'll be with you in a minute.

There's somebody on the other phone.

Excuse me. Hold on for a moment.

Hello, this is the aliens' residence. Can you hold a minute please?

Aren't you lot up yet?

We're having a bit of relaxation.

I'm sorry about that. Yes, yes.

Des?

[Julian] It says here, you're a big pop star on blob.

Does it?

"Sandra Brock said yesterday that... "

well, they exaggerate, don't they?

Look, these are ambassadors from another planet.

They're not interested in advertising. No.

"She went on to say that her husband, Des,

"is a well-known millionaire scientist on their planet."

Some hope of that.

[Graham] Honestly, they wouldn't do it for $1 million.

You're offering $1 million?

No, you don't- you don't understand.

There is nobody here who has the slightest interest

or concern for mouthwash.

No. No, <i>non,</i> <i>niente, nein.</i>

No, not $9 million. No.

You don't understand. The money is entirely irrelevant.

No, that doesn't mean they'll do it for free, either.

No. Please, stop bothering me.

I'm going to put the phone down now, you see.

Just go away!

[Graham stammering]

Hello. Hello, I'm sorry about that.

Hey, that tastes just like loob!

Oh, my god!

For charity, yes.

I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree here.

They don't even know what golf is.

I don't think it'd be fair to ask them to do it. The answer is no. Yes.

[phone ringing]

Could you get that for me, Julian, please?

Doesn't look like "loob."

It tastes like it, though. Up your flaps.

Oh, don't drink it, Des. It looks like wee.

Thank you, very much.

[phone continues ringing]

"Loob's" green, Desmond.

Good luck with the tournament and... and "up yours," too.

[phone ringing]

Graham, get me a crate of this stuff, eh?

Yes, I'll get it in just a minute.

You haven't got time to do that, Graham.

You promised you'd take us to Scatland!

Scotland, in fact.

I can't get any water out of this thing.

You promised we could go and do some shopping in Scatland!

Post.

You promised!

Oh, shut up!

What am I doing? What am I doing?

This is what my life has come to, is it?

Dancing attendance on you 3 greedy interplanetary pillocks!

Well, I've had enough. I'm finished!

[phone ringing]

Very sorry, all gone away.

There's no water coming out.

Julian.

Graham.

Gra...

Julian's got his finger stuck in a tap.

Please.

[knock on door]

[woman] Flowers for miss Brock.

[choir] ♪ oh Sandra you came from outer space ♪

♪ but when he saw your face somehow he knew ♪

[Matteson] How dare you, sir!

Put me down!

Sandra!

Yeah, hello, love. Yeah, can you get me a plumber? Plumber, yes.

And a brewery, and a couple of thousand tons of green dye.

[Sandra on tv] ♪ don't tempt me sideways you always do ♪

♪ it's such a na-na-na-na-na but it's true ♪

♪ when you are in my arms why does the sky go blue ♪

<i>♪ my heart goes bim-bim-bim-</i> <i>bim-bim when I'm with you ♪</i>

♪ when I feel happy young men look twice ♪

♪ my headache seems to go away my hair looks nice ♪

♪ but if you ask me why I sometimes look annoyed ♪

♪ it is because my husband's stronger than upright ♪

♪ that's why I'm a... ♪

♪ girl ♪

[announcer] This show is brought to you live from england.

[applauding and cheering]

[laughing]

That is great, Sandra, really great.

Now, where were we? Ah, yes.

University.

Yes.

What subject did you read at university, Sandra?

Shoes.

[laughing]

Yes, I did shoes and hair.

[laughing]

Black and yellow.

[laughing]

And, oh, I did waltz dancing.

Cobblers.

And Julian.

Yes?

You were a world-famous manicurist on blob.

<i>Was I?</i>

[laughter]

Famous manicurist?

[Sandra] You remember?

[Julian] Oh... oh, yeah, anything you say, sir.

[laughing]

<i>Let's get over</i> <i>to you, Des.</i>

[glass breaking]

Get outta here!

[applauding]

So Julian also read dancing at university?

[Sandra] Yes, but only preliminary.

[laughing]

and, uh, coloring.

Not much preparation for piloting a spaceship.

[laughing]

No. Bernard did all of that.

Bernard?

Bernard?

Who's Bernard?

Um... He's um... He's Des' brother's friend.

Des, uh, Bernard was with you, was he?

Yes.

No.

Yes, he was.

Wasn't he?

[host] Where's Bernard now?

Well, he's up there, lost in space, I hope.

Don't try and stop me.

Ok, but why, honey, why? It can't be as bad as all that.

Why? Why?

I'll show you why.

You... Look at that! Look at that.

Recognize them? Eh? My 3 so-called friends?

Rich and famous. And me, destitute, nowhere to go.

No money. And home.

14 million light years away.

Nothing! Nothing. Nothing.

That is bad, you better jump.

Thank you, madam. You've been a great help.

Wait a minute, you're not called Bernard are you?

That is my name, yes.

Hey, you must be the 4th alien.

Yes.

The one they talked about on the chat show just now.

Yes.

The one with the body odor problem.

Yes, yes, that's me! Oh, I'm saved, I'm saved!

Oh, I won't be needing you anymore.

Aah!

Excuse me, you're wanted back in the studio.

Ok, fine.

Stay cool. Okay.

[Desmond] What's up?

What's up?

Wait a minute, wait a minute! A 4th zoonie from blob

is trying to park his flying saucer, but don't tell Graham.

Tell the whole world over their breakfast.

[jumbled talking]

He's still up there.

I don't want to hear it!

I've got you...

I've got you the biggest contract, the biggest contract since...

since the last contract I got you.

That was a big contract, wasn't it? "Yes, it was Graham."

It was, Graham.

It was great.

I might as well just flush this down the...

Excuse me.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

[toilet flushing]

Honestly, Graham, Bernard's dead.

I hope so.

Do you think he's dead?

[sighing]

Not yet, madam, no.

Uh, Mr. tope?

Mr. Tope!

Uh... Uh... Mr. Tope.

The maid has reported a hotel towel

missing from your bathroom.

Oh, goodness. Heh, heh. Yes, look. Packed it by mistake.

And an alabaster ashtray with simulated gold fittings.

Oh, yes.

And a bedside lamp stand.

Yes.

Yes, and, ah, an antique ormolu telephone.

Oh, yes, thank you very much.

Yes, and a chamber...

what is all this? We own this hotel. He can take what he likes.

Come on.

[clearing throat]

Good evening. My name is Bernard. I am the 4th alien.

Yeah, ok, very impressive. Now go to the back of the line.

[inaudible]

You hear the news?

The 3 aliens are coming to New York, one night only.

$2,000 a ticket.

[cheering]

[cheering]

Julian, it's me!

[Bernard] Julian, look.

[inaudible]

[Bernard] Julian!

Julian!

Julian! Julian! Julian!

It's me!

Somebody lend me $2,000.

I promise, you'll get it back just as soon as I've seen my friends.

You see, I am an alien.

Hello, my name... My name's Bernard. Hello, I'm an alien.

Right, everybody out!

What is all this? For Christ's sake, Ambrose, earn your money.

Come on, out, out, out, out, out. Out, out, out.

Come on. Come on.

Not you. You're on in 5 minutes.

Graham.

We've been thinking...

yeah, well, there's a first time for everything.

Get dressed.

[performer] Thank you! Thank you, America!

We're not happy, are we, Julian?

We think we're going in the wrong direction, artistically.

We're thinking of retiring.

Retiring?

You haven't done anything yet! Get your clothes on.

I don't think you appreciate the kind of pressure that we're under.

Self, self, self! That's all you think of, isn't it?

Never mind the 400,000 ordinary earth people out there.

No, you surprise me. You really do.

I really thought you were bigger than that.

I blame myself. I-I've turned you from nice, ordinary guys

into monsters from outer space.

[Julian] No, don't say that, grah.

Well, I suppose I just hoped for too much, didn't I?

I just hoped that you could show

this... this crazy mixed-up planet we live on,

torn by war and strife and suffering,

that there was something up there, something beyond our own petty concerns.

Something we could believe in.

But I was wrong to hope, wasn't I?

I was wrong to hope for something sincere and truthful.

[Desmond] What do you think, Grah?

You look fine. Get out there and slay 'em.

[applauding and cheering]

[announcer] Let's have a big hand

for the alternative gospel singers,

<i>They're god's people</i> <i>from outer space... big blobs.</i>

♪ How how did we come ♪

♪ before the podule ♪

♪ the podule of hope ♪

♪ came came from above ♪

♪ podule of love ♪

♪ podule of love ♪

♪ they came yes they did they came from heaven ♪

♪ at about 10 past 11:00 ♪

♪ right by junction 7 ♪

♪ that podule of hope ♪

♪ how did we come ♪

♪ before the podule ♪

♪ the podule the podule of hope ♪

♪ [singing]

[fans screaming]

All right, all right.

♪ ...glory, glory... ♪

♪ ...glory, glory hallelujah! ♪

[applauding and cheering]

[announcer] And now, guys and gals,

<i>the moment you've</i> <i>been waiting for.</i>

<i>The aliens are about</i> <i>to materialize</i> <i>before your eyes.</i>

<i>They came to us from</i> <i>a far distant planet</i>

<i>and now,</i> <i>here they are in our midst.</i>

I insist,

<i>let's hear it for the aliens.</i>

[applauding and cheering]

♪ [rock music playing]

[Sandra] Are you ready for us?

Hey, it's great to be on your planet. Hey, let's go.

♪ So tempt me sideways ♪

♪ you always do ♪

♪ it's such a na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na but it's true ♪

♪ when you are in my arms ♪

♪ why is the sky so blue ♪

♪ my heart goes ♪

♪ bim-bim-bim ♪

♪ when I'm with you ♪

♪ make my dreams come true ♪

Take it, Desmond!

Ow!

[gagging]

Desmond!

You're disgusting!

It's all over my costume!

<i>Julian!</i>

[crying]

You're a complete animal, Desmond.

[belching]

Oh, you've ruined everything.

[Julian] Oh ho! Ooh, yeah!

I'll never be able to hold my head up again, you animal!

I thought it went really well.

Sand.

Sand.

What?

Hello.

What do you want?

What do I want?

What do I want?

Well, that's a damn stupid question.

Well, you're not having any of it, so...

Oh, Sandra.

Julian.

Me old mates! Des!

It's your old pal, Bernard, the 4th alien.

There is no 4th alien.

I'm here. Look. Look.

Look at you.

You don't even look like an alien.

Ambrose! Will you get rid of this autograph hunter.

That's not fair!

Let go! Let go of me! Unhand me!

You simpletons, don't you understand I'm the 4th alien?

Let me go.

[Bernard] I am a personal friend of the leader of your people.

[crowd] We want the aliens! We want the aliens!

[crowd screaming]

[engine revving]

What's going on?

Now what's happening?

You can't turn your back for one second.

Out of my way, Desmond.

Let go, mom.

[Sandra] Out of my way, please. We are the aliens.

Thank you very much. This is our show, if you don't mind.

Did you rent a space podule, Exhon mark 4?

Um...

so what if we did?

It was supposed to be returned 5 weeks ago.

It crashed, actually.

Well, I hope you're fully covered.

Where is it?

[Julian] Well...

there's not much left, and that's in a museum.

I suppose you'd better come back with me then.

[spaceman] What are you dressed like that for?

Nothing, really.

Are you coming or what? I can't hang around.

You don't know me, but, um, I know who you are... Bernard.

I...

now, I'd like to have a little talk with you because, um,

well, for one reason or another, some of the things that happened today

have obviously excited the 2 of us, haven't they?

I should introduce myself. Sweetley. Graham Sweetley. Yeah, it's nice to meet you.

Now, this, um, this whole shebang...

♪ everybody wonders why we walk around ♪

♪ with this blank expression on our face ♪

♪ that crazy bunch ♪

♪ out to lunch ♪

♪ that bunch of jerks from outer space ♪

♪ we're morons welcome to our pleasure dome ♪

♪ welcome to our mobile home ♪

♪ up in the sky ♪

♪ we're morons people say we've gone too far ♪

♪ but we don't know where we are and we don't know why ♪

♪ silver bird has landed on your motorway ♪

♪ no one could have guessed what was inside ♪

♪ hey, look they're drinking tea ♪

♪ hey, look it's on TV ♪

♪ turn on and see 2 worlds collide ♪

♪ we're morons welcome to our pleasure dome ♪

♪ welcome to our mobile home ♪

♪ up in the sky ♪

♪ we're morons people say we've gone so far ♪

♪ but we don't know where we are and we don't know why ♪

♪ we don't know why ♪

♪ someone up there's watching me and I don't know who ♪

♪ trying to predict what I will do ♪

♪ what have we got to lose ♪

♪ I think I'll buy some shoes ♪

♪ maybe a home computer, too ♪

♪ travel incognito on the underground ♪

♪ form ourselves into a tidy queue ♪

♪ we'll charge enormous fees ♪

♪ to mention frozen peas ♪

♪ our faces green ♪

♪ and play a slot machine ♪

♪ we'll take a peaceful nap ♪

♪ if we've got time to ♪

♪ clap your hands if you're a moron, too ♪

♪ hey, hey we're morons <i>and we cruise the</i> <i>stratosphere ♪</i>

♪ quite a space from ear to ear ♪

♪ there's nothing there ♪

♪ we're morons ♪

♪ and we come from outer space ♪

♪ we're going to another place but we don't know where ♪

♪ we're morons welcome to our pleasure dome ♪

♪ welcome to our mobile home up in the sky ♪

♪ we're morons people say we've gone too far ♪

♪ but we don't know where we are and we don't know why ♪

♪ we're morons and we cruise the stratosphere ♪

♪ quite a space from ear to ear ♪

♪ there's nothing there ♪

♪ we're morons and we come from outer space ♪

♪ we're going to another place but we don't know where ♪

For more infomation >> MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE | Jimmy Nail | Full Length Sci-Fi Movie | English | 720p | HD - Duration: 1:26:03.

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Anaïs Camizuli fête son premier anniversaire de mariage avec une adorable déclaration d'amour ! - Duration: 2:42.

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VIDEO. Mort de Naomi Musenga: L'opératrice du Samu sort de son silence - Duration: 2:19.

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✅ Blonďatá moderátorka je těhotná! Svatbu stihne ještě před porodem - Duration: 2:05.

Moderátorka a reportérka primáckého Top Staru je těhotná. Lucie Špaková je ve dvanáctém týdnu těhotenství a těší se na prvního potomka

Zatím s partnerem Yurim netuší, zda to bude holčička, nebo chlapeček. Jasné ale je, že se narodí do úplné rodiny

Svatba se chystá ještě před porodem. "Miminko bylo plánované. S žádostí o ruku jsme si řekli, že už přírodě necháme volný průběh

A jak je vidět, ta malá dušička už chce být součástí i svatebního obřadu, který bude na konci července," řekla Super

cz Lucie."Musím říct, že jsem se o těhotenství dozvěděla velmi symbolicky. Ten den jsem totiž pořádala tiskovou konferenci k mému projektu Odvážlivci, který má dodávat lidem odvahu k životním změnám

Asi pět minut před začátkem jsem si udělala test a projekt odstartovala s vědomím, že mám jednoho malého odvážlivce v sobě," usmívá se

S nevolnostmi reportérka problémy nemá. "Mimčo je celé tři měsíce hodné, až na to, že mám nízký tlak, takže sem tam mám nějaký den trochu v mlze, protože se mi točí hlava nebo si tak různě poposedám, kde se dá

Taky už měsíc jím skoro jen maso a to jsem ho nikdy moc nemusela. Teď mám jen štěstí, že nebydlím na vesnici, kdyby kolem mě prošla kráva, asi jí ukousnu zadek," dodala s úsměvem

 ■

For more infomation >> ✅ Blonďatá moderátorka je těhotná! Svatbu stihne ještě před porodem - Duration: 2:05.

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✅ La date du début du ramadan sera révélée mardi soir - Duration: 2:06.

RAMADAN - Mercredi ou jeudi? Comme chaque année, à quelques jours de son début, il est difficile de savoir précisément quand commencera le ramadan

Cette année, c'est dans la nuit de mardi 15 que les musulmans seront fixés. C'est en effet la date choisie par le Conseil représentatif du culte musulman (CFCM) pour la "Nuit de l'annonce" pendant laquelle quelques représentants vont s'attacher à fixer la date du début du mois de jeûne

Cette nuit qu'on appelle aussi "Nuit du Doute" commencera à 18h30 et "se tiendra en présence d'imams, de représentants de mosquées d'Île de France, des membres du Conseil Français du Culte Musulman (CFCM), des représentants de l'ensemble des fédérations musulmane de France et des fidèles", est-il précisé sur le site de la Grande Mosquée de Paris

C'est l'observation de la lune qui va permettre de déterminer le début du jeûne, ou plutôt du croissant lunaire

Selon toute vraisemblance, s'il est visible dès mardi soir, le ramadan devrait commencer le lendemain mercredi

Sinon, ce sera le jour suivant, jeudi. Comme chaque année, rappelle la Grande Mosquée de Paris, l'objectif du ramadan est "d'unir dans une volonté commune et fraternelle l'ensemble des musulmans de France dans toute leurs diversités autour d'une même date de début de jeûne"

Après un mois, le ramadan se terminera par la traditionnelle fête de la rupture du jeûne, l'Aïd el-Fitr, qui devrait cette année tomber autour du 15 juin

À voir également sur Le HuffPost:

For more infomation >> ✅ La date du début du ramadan sera révélée mardi soir - Duration: 2:06.

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Inspirational Duet Father and Son: Jack & Tim - Duration: 9:07.

Inspirational Duet Father and His Son

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Watch Beat Shazam Season ...

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Beautiful Small House Plan | 99 m2 Zx53 D Modern One Storey House With A Functional Interior - Duration: 2:17.

99 m2 Zx53 D Modern One-Storey House With A Functional Interior

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10 Premiers signes d'un foie malade | Santé 24.7 - Duration: 8:42.

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7 symptômes d'un foie malade et 3 recettes détox étonnantes pour le purifier | Santé 24.7 - Duration: 11:35.

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Eurovision 2018 : un homme débarque sur scène et arrache le micro d'une candidate . - Duration: 5:36.

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Elle se frotte les mains avec du vinaigre 2 fois par semaine - Le résultat va vraiment vous étonner - Duration: 3:45.

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THE IRISH DREAM - Duration: 4:00.

Who has never dreamed to wake up one morning

And to look through the window

And to discover it breathtaking landscapes tempting to explore every hidden recess of the place in which he travels

You will have guessed it, not many people.

It is the dream which I lived during a month

In Ireland,

And it is certainly the craziest experience, to this day.

For more infomation >> THE IRISH DREAM - Duration: 4:00.

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Evernote leak, Gmail adds smart compose, Notion updates prices, Slack milestones & more... | Pulse - Duration: 5:23.

Hello everyone and welcome back to another week of the software pulse. So on this week's feature

We're now to be talking about a host of things all the way from Google to notion to slack and loads more

So do stay tuned for today's feature

You can always skip ahead to the news on the timestamp

Just before we delve in you guys can claim two months free Skillshare in description below

Skill share is the most popular courses and classes site

So it's definitely worth checking out cuz there's thousands of teachers there and great workshops. So do check that link inscription

so the first bit of news which I thought would be quite exciting to share is yesterday Google Drive officially announced a

Redesign they are updating the UI now, of course last week. We saw the Gmail redesign and this week

We are seeing a very similar UI

to the Google Drive

experience so we hear a couple of the

Screenshots and it definitely is looking a lot more streamline and fluid to use

Google said this is rolling out over the next three days to all Google suite and Google users

So do keep an eye out for now. Next up is the Google assistant duplex. Now, of course, we had Google i/o

2018 this week and of course Google shared a few exciting things now Google duplex

Which I've done a separate video on which should be out by the time this one's up

Google duplex is a pretty impressive way to use your assistant

Essentially you get this really smart the system if you ask them to do something like book a reservation

It can genuinely have a conversation with the actual staff member at the restaurant

It'll help you book your restaurant or even reservation and even schedule in your calendar, which is pretty impressive

Now this feature is not released yet and Google did demonstrate it, but it's definitely on the horizon for Google now

This wasn't the only AI focus thing that Google released on Io

They really smart compose a new AI

Experience inside of your email compose window allowing you to get a much more customized experience

when you start writing to someone it will

detect a disorder thing that you tend to write to them or

The style of like wording and things like that and it will help you to begin composing your email as you go

This is a super impressive feature and something that Google has been working on for a fair while and they do say this has been

Will be rolling out over the next couple of months now moving away from Google a little we have a bit of notion use

So notion have launched an updated free experience and a personal experience

now a huge thanks to Robert Bullock for jumping and

Sharing this one with me the new free experience allows you to have

1,000 block storage now which is the only modification and there is any personal experience which is half the price

$4 flat rate per month and that's for one member only unlimited storage

No file upload as well as the advanced missions and priority support

So this is a great addition for those who are using notion as a personal experience something

I've been been endorsing over the last couple of months now in other news with team communication slack has hit 8

million users and according to their statistics

3 million of those users are using it in the paid pricing, which is pretty impressive

Now slack is sort of going strength to strength. I definitely thought it would have more users in this but as you can imagine

This is obviously a collective figure and it's a very unique resource to some extent

Moleskin it the style of the week launched a nomad collection for their bagging

So they've now got some bags and some really more fluid

Notebooks as well available in that in all my collection that's definitely worth checking out of your notebook fan and talking about notebooks Evernote

I have sort of shared or leaked I guessed

Maybe it's just me a collect function at Google i/o from this photo shared by one of the product designers Craig o kit

On Twitter. He shared the latest feature collegues can auto save images into Evernote

they contain handwriting or text opt my some village ability and

Even extract text for many languages for easier searching later on now

This is something that I haven't actually seen Evernote released officially. But again, this is something that

Is probably something very unique to the Android P platform

So guys a huge. Thank you for stopping by today. I hope that you enjoyed this feature

Let me know in the comments if I missed any of news, maybe share a few articles with each other

But I'm really enjoying the software's post segment so far and seeing all of your great stuff

So I will be back next week with a none feature. So if you stay tuned make sure to hit subscribe if you

Brandish, uh Kowt that two months free of skill share below and we guys see you next week Cheers

For more infomation >> Evernote leak, Gmail adds smart compose, Notion updates prices, Slack milestones & more... | Pulse - Duration: 5:23.

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How biogas is creating jobs and promoting sustainable agriculture in Egypt - Duration: 3:26.

For years, people in the remote villages of Egypt's Menia Governorate

have struggled to find a steady, affordable source

of energy and fertilizer for their farms.

Now, what's been considered a useless by-product of farming

is the key to a sustainable energy source

as well as a source of jobs.

In an ILO pilot project,

100 households here will get energy and fertilizer

from the manure of farm animals.

The animal waste is fed into biogas digesters,

where it generates methane used for cooking and lighting.

A by-product of the process is an odorless bio-fertilizer.

"The organic fertilizers will be useful for the land.

The crops will be very good

and that will improve my income.

And the unit will give me at least two and half gas tanks per month."

According to the ILO's World Employment and Social Outlook report: Greening with jobs,

countries can anticipate the transition to environmentally sustainable technologies

with know-how they already have.

This project is an example:

in a shared initiative, the ILO, the regional government

and the local university established a "green entrepreneurship unit."

Recent graduates work in the villages

to explain and implement the green biogas technology.

"I will personally benefit from the job opportunities.

It will allow me to raise public awareness

about the use of organic matter

instead of using energy sources that pollute the atmosphere

and result in global warming.

That kind of energy will not only harm a certain region,

but the whole world."

In the Menufia Governorate,

another ILO Biogas Initiative is a partnership with the government,

supported by rural development funding.

Young engineers and construction workers got practical training from the ILO

to build biogas units;

many went on to form their own businesses.

"I applied, I was trained,

and when I finished I formed a company and started my career.

I went from being a trainee to being a company owner

and we built 20 units.

We in turn trained two engineers and two workers

who created two new companies."

"So far I have built 120 biogas units in 11 Governorates across Egypt

since I formed my company in 2014."

As the small companies continue to build the units,

there will be more demand for the green biogas technology

and more job opportunities.

"This is also an opportunity to work on what we call 'green jobs' -

how we can create jobs that are environmentally friendly

and are in fact contributing to more sustainability

and a better balance with the environment."

Even green technologies that have the most modest origins

promise big rewards in the future.

"The project has several goals:

job creation for young people,

serving the community

and supporting sustainable development

all at the same time."

International Labour Organization (ILO) 2018

For more infomation >> How biogas is creating jobs and promoting sustainable agriculture in Egypt - Duration: 3:26.

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Invoice Factoring - Company - Invoice Factoring - Duration: 1:12.

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