[ANNOUNCER] The following
program is brought to you
by the friends and
partners of Time of Grace.
[MUSIC]
[PASTOR JEREMY MATTEK]
Hello, I'm Pastor
Jeremy Mattek, for Time of
Grace.
A number of years ago, a
friend of mine was
planning to propose to his
girlfriend to ask her to
be his wife.
They went out on a
romantic date, they found
themselves all alone, and
he got down on one knee.
But before he pulled out
the ring to propose, he
did something else: He
took off her shoe.
And then her sock.
And he had a bucket of
soapy water there with the
washcloth and he started
to wash her feet; symbolic
of his intentions of how
he was going to care for
her over the course of
their married life
together.
He was going to serve her;
wash her feet, in a sense.
And if you think, "Wow,
that's a cool idea," he
actually didn't think of
it himself.
He stole the idea from
Jesus.
On the night before Jesus
died, he also washed feet;
he washed his disciple's
feet, showing them that he
was willing to serve them.
No matter what it would
cost, no matter how dirty
he would need to get, if
that's what it took to
love them.
Service is beautiful in a
marriage relationship but
it can also be very hard
to put into practice;
Jesus knows that.
And today, Pastor Mark
Jeske is going to give us
some inspiration as we
look to serve our spouses
with love.
[MUSIC]
[PASTOR MARK JESKE]
I'd like you to
open your Bible to
Ephesians chapter five.
Ephesians 5 begins like
this: "Be imitators of
God, as dearly loved
children and live a life
of love, just as Christ
loved us and gave himself
up for us as a fragrant
offering and sacrifice to
God.
You were once darkness."
Don't be mad at people who
don't get it.
You were born into the
darkness "but now you are
light in the Lord so live
as children of the light,"
verse 10, "and find out
what pleases the Lord."
He's a God who cares about
marriage.
He thinks he should have
the right to define it
because he invented it.
In fact, he was so excited
about inventing it he
couldn't even wait and he
put it into the first six
days of Creation.
That's how excited God was
about marriage.
It's his greatest gift to
us.
It's the way he designed
the continuity of the
human race.
It's how he designed a
great partnership to
navigate the hardships of
life.
So our goal - instead of
saying, "I want to do this
my way, I'm going to
figure this out," -
St. Paul the bachelor
says, "Now, why don't you
try to find out what
pleases God?
If you really want to be
happy, why don't you
listen to the giver of
happiness?"
Verse 17: "Don't be
fools," sounds like Mr. T
here, "don't be fools.
Understand what the Lord's
will is."
Get filled up.
Don't get drunk on alcohol
but rather be filled with
the Spirit.
First of all, speaking to
one another the word of
God for encouragement.
So mutual encouragement.
Four "S's," speak to one
another.
Second, "sing."
Make music in your life.
Singing hymns, singing
spiritual songs, is a way
to generate hope.
Number three: "Say thank
you."
Let gratitude dominate in
your heart instead of a
crabby kind of attitude of
complaining and being
obsessed with what you
don't have.
Say thank you to God over
and over and cultivate a
spirit of gratitude;
giving thanks to God the
Father for everything.
That even your hardships
are making your life
better if you let God
frame it his way.
And last of all - this is
a word you don't want to
say - verse twenty-one.
The fourth participle,
this is all part of the
bundle of living in the
Spirit, "Submit to one
another."
Why?
"Out of reverence for
Christ."
As if you needed a reason,
other than a direct
command, out of reverence
for Christ.
Now you've got to
understand something about
this word "submission."
I've talked to you about
this before but it's so
elusive and slippery a
concept, I want to take a
moment and redefine it for
you now because the
English word "submit" does
not accurately - enough
for me - reflect the Greek
word it's based on.
In English, submit means
you give in because you're
forced to.
You capitulate.
You're forced into
something and you're
sullen and resentful.
You give in and you don't
agree but you're forced by
overwhelming superior
forces to cave and so
there's this, "Alright
then."
That's the flavor of
submit, isn't it?
You're pressured into it;
you're forced or
maneuvered into it.
That's not what the Greek
word means.
The Greek word is the same
basic concept of when you
would, let's say, go to
officer training school
and you would proudly have
your first second
lieutenant bars pinned on
you and you become part of
the military's chain of
command.
You don't hate and resent
orders from your captain
or from a major; not in
the military.
You get why that is.
And the fact that you
allow that person to
direct your activities and
you give that person your
cooperation doesn't come
with resentment.
You may know, "I'm smarter
than you are," or "that's
really a mistake."
But orders are orders and
you do it for the good of
the team.
There has to be a decision
process or there will be
chaos when the live
ammunition is flying.
In the same way, when God
invites us to submit to
one another, it should not
be with our teeth clenched
and our hearts full of
bitterness and resentment
but instead a willingness
to let go of some of our
independence of action in
order to bring good to the
team.
We're doing it for Jesus.
We're doing it for the
family.
And that means all of us
take turns yielding to one
another.
Husbands, too.
And one of my biggest jobs
as a husband is sort of
refereeing and overseeing
the process of how we take
turns yielding to one
another.
It's not just the wife
that's supposed to do the
yielding; all of God's
people should practice
yielding to one another.
Looking to see what do you
need?
How can I help you get
what you need?
What's my unique platform
for helping you in your
life?
That's for husbands and
wives.
The next section flows
right out of that.
In fact, it's so closely
connected the words
"wives, submit to your
husbands," the word
"submit" isn't even in the
Greek.
It's now, as an example,
wives, you need to do
that.
The yielding of some of
your independence for the
good of your team to your
husbands as though it were
Jesus.
And this is hard; I told
you this was going to be
hard because part of you
doesn't even like to hear
this because what I'm
asking - not me; I'm just
the messenger; don't shoot
me - God is inviting every
wife to treat her husband
as though she were married
to Jesus.
And I know what you're
going to say; I can hear
you thinking it right now,
women.
You're thinking, "Yeah,
right.
I'll start treating him
like Jesus if he starts
acting like Jesus."
[Audience: Laughter] But
in gospel world, I go
first.
That's how we act.
I go first.
I'm not going to make my
cooperative spirit in my
home dependent on your
behavior.
I'm going to choose to
treat you better than you
deserve and I'm going to
help you aim high and I'm
going to show you my
respect.
And God wants his women
not to let their natural
aggressiveness take over
in the home.
The husband is the head of
the wife not because men
are smarter than women or
more competent or more
brilliant or more
executive-minded.
I think none of those
things are true.
In fact, I am of the
personal opinion, guys,
that we are slightly
dumber than women right
now and the gap is
widening because they're
going to college at an
increasingly greater rate
than we are.
Do you know that?
Have you read any of this?
The gender ratios on
campus these days is like
60/40 and it's not male to
female; it's female to
male.
Guys, they already in many
ways are brighter than us.
Now they're going to have
college degrees, bachelor
and master's degrees at
much greater rates than we
will.
So this has nothing to do
with intelligence.
This has to do with what's
your job in the family for
God has given women
enormous power and
authority in the family by
giving them management of
human reproduction and
human sexuality.
That's an enormous power
within you to influence
and shape the world.
And so guys need a job,
too, or they will stay
boys.
If you treat us like
children, we will act down
to your opinion of us.
If you treat us like the
leader, like a strong
leader, who feels a sense
of responsibility, take
care of his family, then
we will live up to your
expectation.
I'm not trying to put this
on you as though that's
all on you; we've got to
accept responsibility
ourselves for listening to
the Lord and following his
will.
But you've got to help
because it's very hard to
lead when nobody in the
house wants to follow.
Why?
"Do this because Christ is
the head of the church and
your husband now is your
head."
Not head in the corporate
sense where you boss
people around; it's a
power trip.
Head in the organic sense
where my head makes
decision for the rest of
the body - not because it
enjoys bossing the hands
and feet around but as
command central in order
to bring benefit to every
part of the body to make
it all work together.
To have a tiebreaking vote
because if there is equal
authority within the home,
there will be paralysis in
the decisions just as
there are in a business
where there is no way to
break a logjam.
There has to be a way to
have a tiebreaking vote
when there's a
disagreement and God asks
his daughters in Christ to
be willing to yield not
because they're dumber
than their husbands and
he's the smart one and he
knows better.
You may be absolutely
right but he invites you
to yield in order to have
that guy accept
responsibility and maybe
one of the first things
he'll figure out when he
does it his way - the dumb
way [Audience: Laughter] -
is he might say the three
magic words to you: I was
wrong.
And if you treat him with
respect, he can then say
that.
If he feels secure in his
masculinity and his
strength, he will be able
to back down.
If you treat him like a
child, he will act like a
child.
If you treat him like an
idiot, he will act like an
idiot because we are very
responsive to you; we seek
your approval.
We want you to be proud of
us.
We want you to like what
we do.
But if you describe a
scenario with your words
that make us small, we
will act small.
I'm not proud of saying
that.
I'm not saying this like
to strut; I'm ashamed.
But that is who we are.
But we have great
capability; great gifts to
make your family better
and you've got to talk us
up to our roles so that we
use our strength for the
protection and security of
the family.
That we accept
responsibility for the
wellbeing and support of
the children.
This is a big deal.
We men are made
emotionally less
vulnerable than you.
Most women have a really
tender heart and life and
their children can really
mess with them and wound
them and we are less
vulnerable.
That doesn't mean we don't
cry but we don't cry
anywhere near a tenth as
much as you do.
It's because God made us
in some ways with a
thicker skin around our
hearts that we can take
something of a licking and
that's such a value to
you.
Provide some strength, put
the strength in a rock
inside a home that when
you are falling apart you
have something to lean on.
And we can use our
strength to provide
security for you.
Men fail that when they
slide off that middle of
the road in either
direction.
Some men fail that by
abandoning their
responsibility and they
neglect their families;
they don't use their
personal gifts to help.
Or they go the other
extreme and that's they
become tyrants and they
try to quote passages like
this to beat emotionally
and psychologically and
religiously beat the
family into lying and
bully the wife into like
obedience.
That's not headship;
that's not Christ
headship.
That's just a power play.
Christ headship is a man
who wants to be just like
Christ who as you might
recall - if we slide now
into this bigger paragraph
- "Jesus loved the church
so much he gave himself up
for her to make her holy,
cleansing her by the
washing with water through
the word."
Why?
To make us look good and
smell good before God.
The results of the work of
Jesus Christ on his cross
were not just to win a
theoretical victory over
the devil or for him to
pull off a really
impossibly difficult fete.
He did it for you!
He did it to make you look
good to God.
He did it to make you
smell good before God so
that you're radiant; that
you shine with his
holiness, which he can
give you only by his
having become a slave on
your behalf first.
The crucifixion of Christ
was the lowest point of
his life; when he
absolutely took the form
of a servant and a slave
in order to give you and
me freedom and liberation.
That's how he showed
headship.
This is how a Christian
man shows headship in his
life - not by how you can
use your greater physical
bulk and bigger muscle
strength to boss people
around and bully people
and intimidate people into
doing what you want.
It's absolutely the
reverse - that you use
your gifts to go first and
check-in with your
children and your spouse:
What do you need today?
How can I help you?
How can I make your life
better?
Why?
Because that's the kind of
headship Jesus exercised
on our behalf.
So a man shows his
headship by going first at
all the dangerous and
stinky jobs.
You're the one to climb up
on the ladder and clean
the gutters out.
You're the one to slide on
your back underneath the
car and drain the oil out
of your wife's car and
change her oil so she
doesn't have to get her
hands all full of that
greasy goo and get a
spider on her face.
You do it for her.
When there's a noise in
the middle of the night
and she says, "Did you
hear that?"
You get out of your nice
warm snuggly bed and you
go whip the lights on.
You put your face out
there and you go do a
perimeter check and come
back and say, "There's
nothing there; it must
have just been the wind,"
so she can relax and go
back to sleep.
That's what Christ
leadership brings out in a
husband who wants to do
this God's way.
You wouldn't abuse
yourself, how could you
abuse your wife?
She's one flesh with you.
You've got to love your
wife as your own body.
"After all, no one ever
hated his own body but he
feeds and cares for it as
Christ does the church -
the members of his body.
For this reason," Paul now
- in verse 31 - touches
what Jesus said and now
goes all the way back to
Genesis to day six of
creation: "For this reason
a man will leave his
father and mother and be
united to his wife and the
two will become one flesh.
This is a profound
mystery."
In other words, you won't
get this unless it's been
given to you, as Jesus
said, unless it's been
revealed; the information
and the faith in your
heart to grasp it.
And I'm putting it out
there to you as this is
God's path and design for
a happy home.
Now you've got to make up
your mind whether you're
going to accept this or
not and there are plenty
of reasons why not to; I
don't even have to ask in
today's political climate
why a female would not
want to ever have those
words pass her lips that I
would submit to my
husband.
And I'll sure tell you
what - any man who pays
attention to what is asked
of him, that he wants the
woman to treat him like
Jesus, but you be Jesus to
her and serve her no
matter what the cost to
you to make her life
better.
In other words, the chief
agenda point of your life
is to make her life better
and most men that I know
would, by nature, not want
to do that.
Only a man in whom the
Spirit of the Lord lives
would be willing to accept
that kind of challenge and
responsibility and use his
gifts not for his personal
comfort and pleasure but
so that he could make her
life better.
Talking - you say that's a
mystery - but I'm talking
about Christ in the
church.
Don't forget, he's the
driving force behind this
whole thing.
Now here comes the summary
statement - drumroll -
here comes the finale.
"Each one of you," and
here Paul sums it up in
one crisp sentence, "Each
one of you must love his
wife," each one of you men
must love his wife, "as he
loves himself and the wife
must respect her husband."
And Paul was onto
something big right here.
Men, we men, like to be
loved; I mean, it's a nice
thing.
We're happy to have it.
Sure beats being hated.
But the oxygen we've got
to have is respect because
if a wife loves us but
pities us, we feel
shriveled and small and
weak.
Our oxygen for our soul is
being respected and
feeling like a leader,
like we're responsible,
like we have some kind of
job here.
We've got to feel like we
bring something that
matters to the family.
And husbands, your wife is
starved for love, to feel
precious and valuable, to
feel important, to feel
significant, to crave her
input, to listen to what's
on her mind and to open
your heart so that she can
share the emotions that
she is having that day and
share them with you.
Alright, now this belongs
to you.
I put all this out here,
first of all, for you to
repent because every man
and woman, including the
singles, have all sinned
against this plan and so
we've got to go - just as
was mentioned here about
Christ - we have to go to
the cross of Jesus and let
him wash us clean.
This is a repentance
moment if you are up to it
and to simply admit to the
Lord the ways in which you
have fought against or
rebelled against his
principles.
But this is also a reboot
time when you and I can
once again say, "Lord,
start over.
Refresh my mental
understanding of what it
is that you want of me and
help me not only to know
your ways, but to love
your ways and to live your
ways because I trust you
that your ways are good
and that as I do these
things, my home will be a
happy home."
Amen.
[MUSIC]
[PASTOR JEREMY MATTEK]
Pastor Jeske just
talked about the
importance of yielding to
the other person in a
marriage relationship; of
making sure that you're
meeting their unique
needs.
I'd like to take you
through an illustration of
how powerful that can be
when it's done.
Guys, I'm not going to
ignore you right now but I
am - I want to
specifically address the
ladies.
And ladies, I'd like you -
I'm going to share two
scenarios with you - and
I'd like you to choose
which one you would
prefer.
Are you ready?
The first one is this:
It's your fifth wedding
anniversary, the morning
of.
And you wake up, your
husband's right next to
you and he's still
sleeping.
You're so excited that
it's your fifth wedding
anniversary because your
parents never thought
you'd make it this far
with this guy, but you did
and you proved them wrong
and it's really exciting.
And you have a gift for
your husband underneath
your side of the bed and
you go to reach for the
gift and then you turn
towards him and he's not
awake yet so you nudge him
awake and he wakes up just
a little bit and you get
in his face and you say,
"Happy anniversary,
honey!"
And you can tell by the
look on his face that he
forgot; he has no idea.
But he's a guy so he
doesn't admit it; he tries
to cover it up and he
says, "Oh, happy
anniversary, honey!
Oh, I love you so much;
that's so wonderful you
got me a gift.
I see that, that's great.
Your gift is coming
later," he says and so, he
encourages you to go and
get ready for the day and
take a shower and while
you're in the shower, he's
on the phone or online and
he ends up getting a
reservation at the most
exclusive restaurant in
town, most expensive
restaurant in town, and he
takes you out that night
and it is a glorious night
on the town.
He hires a string quartet
to play to you the whole
time; it's so romantic.
It's your favorite food,
it's a beautiful night,
it's a great time, a great
way to celebrate your
fifth wedding anniversary.
That's the first scenario.
The second one is this:
It's the morning of your
fifth wedding anniversary
and you're so excited that
it's your fifth wedding
anniversary.
And you wake up with your
husband in bed right next
to you and you have a gift
for your husband
underneath your side of
the bed and you go to
reach for that gift and
before you can turn to
him, he's already right in
your face and he says,
"Happy anniversary, honey.
I love you so much."
And he says, "I see you
got me a gift.
Hold onto that for just
one second because I want
to give my gift to you."
And he pulls a gift from
his side of the bed and
it's a very small box.
It looks like jewelry
might fit in that box and
you're very excited.
And you open up the - you
tear off the wrapping and
you pull off the cover and
inside is a box and inside
the box you open it up and
inside is a rock.
A rock; just a plain rock.
And your husband says, "I
can tell you're a little
confused about the gift
that I got you for our
anniversary."
And he says, "Let me
explain."
He says, "Do you remember
that night, about two
years before we got
married, that we were
walking along the beach on
a beautiful night?
It was a perfect night.
We had such a great time
together."
He said, "That night,
that's the night that I
just knew.
I knew that we were going
to be together forever.
And as I came to that
thought and I was thinking
about it, I looked down on
the beach and there I saw
this rock.
Which, if you look at it,
is shaped kind of like a
heart.
And so I picked up that
rock and I put it in my
pocket and I just held
onto it and I've held onto
it for the last number of
years until this
anniversary when I wanted
to give it to you.
And you can see that I
even inscribed a little
message on the back just
for you."
And you look and sure
enough, there's a message
that is incredibly
meaningful just for the
two of you and that's your
anniversary gift - a rock.
Now which one of those
would you rather have?
Scenario number one where
you have a beautiful night
on the town but he forgot?
Or scenario number two
where he remembered and
gave you a rock?
I think you know the
answer; you prefer the
second one because it
shows that he was thinking
about you.
Even when you weren't
expecting him to, even
when you weren't telling
him to.
It's meaningful when
someone loves us uniquely
and shows that they care
about our needs and
they're thinking about
them.
It's the way that God
loves us.
He loves us so uniquely
and meets our needs no
matter what it cost him.
He did that in the life
and death of our Lord
Jesus Christ and he does
it consistently for you.
And when our relationships
are built on that love,
one in which each person
is looking to love the
other person as they need
to be loved, you know how
many people you're going
to have in that marriage
that are going to feel
loved?
Two.
Two.
God blesses your love when
the love that you show is
modeled after the love
that he shows us.
I'll be right back to pray
with you.
[PROMOTION] Whether it's a
marriage, church,
workplace, or dating
relationships, we all have
moments when we need help
navigating relationships.
That's why we want to send
you this brand new book by
Pastor Jeremy Mattek
called Walking Together;
Focused on Jesus.
I wrote Walking Together
to be a relational tool
that speaks as a friend
sharing life-learned
biblical principles so you
can walk with confidence
in any relationship.
Full of core truths,
Walking Together is the
book you'll love to help
you remain undivided in
your love for others and
that's why keeping your
eyes fixed on the highest
example of a true
relationship ever, Jesus.
Walking Together is our
thank you for your
donation to help keep this
Time of Grace broadcast on
the air and online;
helping you and others
find freedom in God's
grace.
Call 800-661-3311, text
TIME to 313131, or visit
timeofgrace.org/store.
[PASTOR JEREMY MATTEK] I'd
like to thank you for the
many ways that you support
this ministry.
Your generous prayers and
support allow us to serve
so many souls with the
precious gospel of Jesus.
Let's pray.
Lord Jesus, We are so
grateful for your service
to us.
Your service was great
because it hurt.
You gave so much to meet
our collective needs of
forgiveness and filling
our hearts with hope and
you also continue to meet
our unique needs.
You look at each of us
individually.
You know what's going on
in our lives, you know the
different things that
happen in our hearts, you
know our different needs,
you're aware of them and
you promise to meet every
last one of them.
How grateful we are for
such a great love.
Help us to also put into
practice that type of
service in all of our
relationships.
Help us to love as you
did, to sacrifice as you
did, to serve as you
always do, trusting that
when we do we also bring
hope and joy and peace to
all the relationships
around us.
In your name we pray,
Amen.
God bless you now as you
go out to serve in your
many different types of
relationships.
For Time of Grace, I'm
Pastor Jeremy Mattek and
it all starts now.
[MUSIC]
[ANNOUNCER] The
preceding program was
brought to you by the
friends and partners of
Time of Grace.
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