all right we're gonna go ahead and get it started welcome everybody to a
marriage and money thank you so much for being here we've got some great material
for you guys tonight but yeah first before we begin I want to
check you guys some information my name is Stephen Straus I'm studying personal
financial planning and I'm also a part of the student advisory board for
Powercat financial so again we welcome you guys here and we want to make sure
that you guys are aware of a service that is provided by k-state if you
haven't heard of it I hope you have but in case you haven't we have what's
called Powercat financial it's on the third floor of the Student Union room
302 and basically what that is is if you are
a student at k-state you get free financial counseling whatever that means
for you it will help you guys and know and who will be talking tonight is
actually one of our counselors so you could meet with them but yeah we've got
a few other counselors who are like just there to help you guys out for free with
whatever questions you have whether it be you know confusion with student loans
whether it be a job offer here are these papers what do they mean from you know
anything you can hope to help you out that is so again I want to emphasize
that's a free service so it's really exciting that a case they can offer that
and you can make your appointment online at K - stadium k-state edu / Powercat
financial so also this is a k-state 360 event so if you want to be a part of
that now you can sign in somewhere or on your phone I'm not sure how that works
another percent sure but anyway get that checked out
also we are you want to have this event recorded as you know cameras they are
kind of hinting at and we will have a loaded to our website now relatively
soon and the website is I believe it's that case they give you by the park a
financial as well so if you guys are taking notes or you just want to go
through and review the information that was provided here and yeah that'll be
uploaded on the website soon enough finally so we have the next event that
Powercat financial is putting on it's called spring break not spring broke and
that'll be happening March 1st at the Student Union from 12:00 to 1:30 and
basically what this is going to be is you know as spring break is coming up
everybody's excited everybody wants to know spend money of course you know
that's why you save up right but you know we want to try to reduce that so
you can have more to spend so basically come by the Student Union
at that date you time and we'll try give you guys some tips when it comes to
saving money during your spring break so without further ado we have dr. Breuder
and one of our students that thanks Steven yeah thanks for all of you to be
in here tonight it's good to see a pretty full room as you saw in the last
slide and we're having some polls throughout our presentation tonight so
have your phone's ready answer those real quick I'm just to get a general
sense of where all you guys are at it's good to see that a lot of you are
engaged so congrats on that it's an exciting time I've been married almost
two years now my wife is here so yeah it's a it's a fun time to enjoy that
period of your life yeah disclosure you have to be fast because the pole is
limited to 50 people so we'll see who can who's the first 50 people yeah yeah
like Steven said my name is Nolan Chi I'm a senior and personal financial
planning and a third year peer counselor at Powercat and so like you said we meet
with students budgeting student loans are very common topics but if you guys
have questions about as we'll talk tonight just like setting up a budget
together and what that looks like I mean we're a great service for that and we
can just walk you through that process so yeah I'll let dr. looter introduce
herself okay my name is Sonya looter I teach in the personal financial planning
program I've been at k-state for nine years I think that's right
as a professor and I've only been married for six months or so no almost a
year I am wrong and that I was married prior to that for 13 years so I have two
different experiences to share with you yeah well when she was definitely
understated herself there I mean she is extremely well known across the country
if not even the world I'd say in this topic of marriage and money so
definitely take advantage of that asked her questions she'll be happy to dance
or anything that you guys have so yeah so why'd you mention that those so if
you have any questions at any time during the presentation definitely ask
them it'll make it a lot more exciting yeah
I'm all some time at the end to dance or some as well but yeah so just a little
bit of a look of you know why we're here while we're talking about this topic
money and finance is a number-one source of stress and fights within
relationships but only greater than 70 percent reports stress over money and
report fighting about money only 50% of couples talk about money before marriage
so we're gonna take a poll here in a sec and just to see where you guys are at
you know have you talked about money before but 12% never talked about it
throughout their dating time as well as marriage so this is an important stat
here I'd say too just to show you that the gap between the the communication
that's needed and you know what the danger is of not communicating your
finances properly with your your spouse or partner so it is key and we're hoping
that through our presentation tonight you guys can just take away maybe one
thing that you can apply to your life your relationship going from here so
yeah it is easier said than done for sure so yeah if you guys don't mind what
do you answer that question real quick have you talked with your significant
other about money at before so if you weren't here when the first poll was
open you can either answer it online or you can text that code to the number 2 2
3 3 3 I feel like this is gonna be a biased sample because you showed up for
this event yeah that's true but like you said only 50 percent actually talk about
money yeah ever
okay so nobody's not at all which is good because you agreed to come to the
seminar so at least you had a tiny conversation about that not everybody
was ending a full-time or serious relationship either so of course that's
influencing the poll results of it as well I guess
yeah you've only talked a little bit about money that's okay I mean that's
why you're here so that's a good first step studying the stage for you know
bridging that gap to get that proper communication it's important to schedule
a time to have those discussions whether that's maybe once a week or once a month
at the dinner table just putting everything on the table and just you
know looking at your finances whether that's adjusting your budget together or
looking at goals that you have set or setting goals together and this is an
important time in order to just understand you know what's going on your
life maybe where you're struggling with keeping up your budget what needs to be
adjusted so it's a good time for that it's time where you can be just honest
no judging and admitting mistakes you just listening to others and looking at
the numbers so whether that's your budget or going back to past bank
statements I mean there's things you can do just to look at you know what is your
situation looking like currently and where do you want to be how do we need
to get there so before I became a professor I was a marriage and Family
Therapist and it was absolutely mind-blowing to me how therapists will
avoid anything talking about money that this is not something they want to do
but as you are probably aware money is the number one thing that couples argue
about we just saw them on the first slide or alluded to it and what's even
more fascinating and why I love the sample is that the amount that you argue
about money at the very beginning of your relationship is the number one
predictor of later relationship satisfaction so however much you're
arguing right now I can come to you in five years and predict your relationship
satisfaction based off of that one factor right now there's other things
that are gonna play into it but that's going to be the most important thing so
the fact that you're here in this room is a good sign that you're
not having conflict or you wouldn't have agreed to come here together or one of
you come and share the information with the other one but definitely it's very
important to have these conversations the reasons that people are arguing
about money if you have had conflict that's perfectly normal you should have
conflict because it means you're communicating the reason that you are
probably having disagreements is a difference in values so I value
something that you don't value it could be indecisiveness so neither of you
wants to make a decision naivety nobody knows what to do with the money so we'll
just do nothing it could be something like this is fairly common I don't know
how common this will be for some of you but family businesses when maybe one of
you in here it's part of a family business what do you do with that
because you're gonna have a really personal attachment to that and maybe
unrealistic expectations about it whereas your partner has a outside
perspective of that and they may not agree that you should continue on in
that business or have different ways of thinking about doing it economic
pressure so you are under economic pressure as a student it gets better but
you probably are gonna have more conflicts now than you might later on
because you just don't have the financial resources and also income
differences I love that this is almost 50/50 split with males and females but
this is really alarming to me that when you're when the wife makes more than the
husband conflict in the house increases even in 2017 so there's still this kind
of expectation of the man being the breadwinner and when he's not the
breadwinner conflict increases and so it doesn't mean it has to it's just a
conversation to have and what are the implications of that so how do you
reduce some of these conflict as having better communication these things are
not surprising to you active listening you've heard this time and time again
I'm sure but what this really means and I think it's really challenging for you
when I went to college I didn't have a cellphone which is probably strange to
you but to have a conversation where your cell phone is not in the room so
you're not getting the alerts the text nothing's buzzing on your phone you're
just listening to your partner not having the TV on and just listening to
one another mirroring each other's behaviors when they're leaning forward
and really engaged then you lean forward and you be really engaged and it shows
that you value your partner and you want to hear what they have to say I feel
statements just raise your hand have you heard of these those many people's I
would have thought so instead of saying you never paying you have the bills I
always have to do that start with why you're upset about this so maybe I feel
stressed when I have to juggle all of the bills on top of everything else I
have to do so you're starting with the feeling attached to it and it makes it a
lot less defensive because as soon as you start a sentence with you the person
goes into defense mode and frankly they're not listening to anything you
say that because they're just coming up with what they're gonna say back to you
and in response their excuse their reason why this is not an issue so start
with I instead yes and I only recently learned about how to phrase this one
with the yes and instead of the but statements but I do the but statements
all the time so something along the lines of well I would help you pay the
bills but you always complain that I don't do it the right way so as soon as
you hear that word but anything that I said before that doesn't count so I said
I would be willing to help you pay the bills but so I'm not actually willing to
help you pay the bills because there's this big disclosure of I'm not going to
do it because of this other thing so try something else other things you could do
is I'm willing to help you pay the bills and I need you to show me the method
that you want me to use for this or I wonder what it would be like if you if
we switch to a different system that I understand better and anything you can
do to avoid the but and then practicing gratitude and generosity for college
students this doesn't mean money for adults or working adults it also doesn't
necessarily mean money but being generous means lots of things being
generous with your time and actively listening to your partner
giving them that 20 minutes to express what happened in their day
it could mean donating some of your time together to help the food bank or help
out at a church activity or anything like that it's just this idea of giving
your time and talents to somebody else and there's so many benefits of
generosity I don't know if you know this the most applicable to you is people who
are generous have higher marital satisfaction relationship satisfaction
they also live longer that's pretty amazing and this one is really quite
remarkable that people who are generous the impacts of generosity on your
physical health for blood pressure is the same as medicine and exercise so all
of you science majors in here practicing generosity has the same
effect as medicine and exercise on reducing blood pressure also reduces
dementia and reduces stress anxiety and not surprising and it makes the
endorphins that the feel-good endorphins it releases those into your body so you
don't have to give your partner flowers or candy or cards or anything like that
but expressing to them what you appreciate about them I really
appreciate that you took the time to walk the dog this morning is a form of
generosity and gratitude and get all sorts of good side-effects from it and
then also Nolan mentioned this in the previous slide with just scheduling a
time it's not fair to say to my partner I really think we need to be spending
twenty dollars less each month on groceries on Friday evening when I get
home because I don't know what kind of day he's had I don't know if something
big happen at work I don't know what sort of homework expectations he has and
so saying you know I really have some ideas about how we might want to
restructure our budget can we talk about this tomorrow afternoon or is there a
good time that week both come together and have this
conversation so it allows each person to prepare their side of the argument or
conversation so that the other person isn't caught off guard with that with
family influence this is going to play a big role in how you guys communicate as
a partner or in a future relationship it also impacts a lot of the arguments
about money and some of the big things that I think are pretty fascinating is
for you right now regardless if you're in a relationship or not if your parents
argued a lot about money when you were a child whether you're in the lucky 50%
where you lived with both parents or even if your parents were divorced and
they were arguing about money and you were caught in the middle those people
who were exposed to more arguments from their parents have worse financial
behaviors as an adult so better less arguing better financial behaviors so
that impacts you right now but then also think about how this impacts you your
future kids if you want to have kids and just the cyclical effect this can have
on the family and also kind of in the same vein as how much of what you are
taught is carrying over to what you do today a lot of it we you may not think
your parents taught you anything about money I guarantee you they taught you
most everything you know about money they just may not have said it but they
showed you and what they did and what they and the ways that they behaved so
if they gave you an allowance what was that teaching you implicitly
not directly but was this teaching you to be butter money managers just a piece
of advice if you have kids or planning to have kids giving an allowance doesn't
actually make kids any better with money unless you talk to them about what that
money means so if you had gotten allowance as a child it probably doesn't
mean you're any better with money than anybody else some of these childhood
things that we learn we actually believe them to be true and maybe they actually
are true for us but well I believe to be true may
not be the same as what my partner believes to be true so for instance if I
grew up in a home to where we always gave 10% to the church this is just what
we did there's no exceptions to that rule I believe that to be true I mean
there's nothing else we can do about that my partner they when they had money
they gave it to the church when they didn't they they didn't and so that can
cause a lot of conflict because I believe this is the only way of doing
things and he says no there's other ways of doing it so just having that
conversation amongst yourself as far as what were what did you do when you were
a little with your family as it relates to money when I was a therapist and even
now when I do projects working with couples the number one thing I have them
do is make a family tree it's called a genogram if any of you are in a Family
Studies or sociology type program but it's a way of graphing now your
grandparents your parents and your brothers and sisters and taking a minute
to see okay was my is my brother a spender was my mom or dad a spender how
did they talk about money amongst each other
where's their conflict is one of them a gambler how is it and then looking at
the different levels of your family and how of these themes played out does a
certain trend follow the males in the family
are you picking up on some of the themes that happened in your grandparents
that's actually quite common that one generation is really good with money the
next generation spends it and then the next generation rebuilds those good
money habits so that's something to be maybe a little bit concerned about if
your parents were really good with money maybe you inherited the bad side of that
but it doesn't necessarily mean that by any means yeah so a couple conversations
you can have if you if you want to go ahead and just go through all of them
yeah just around the dinner table or just during those times where you have
those regular meetings together for us I mean I've had a couple personal
experiences with this so like for number two just how often is your parents talk
about money and what were their conversations like so for me personally
my parents and I'm sure they talked about their
finances but around us kids they didn't express those you know those
conversations and those topics around us so for me naturally I feel more
sheltered around those topics and I think she could probably agree with that
so that's something we have to work through I mean I have to be able to
express you know why I believe that you know we should alot $50 to going out to
eat instead of seventy five or four different things like that so that that
has played a big role in our relationship so we have to work through
that and just build those communication skills yeah couple of others too
I mean what does it mean to be an over-under you know spender so I think
first we need a you know build a budgeting lifestyle in order to see if
you're over under spending I mean you still have to build that budgeting
mindset to to know what your means actually are before you can start you
know monitoring that and then another one to how our patterns repeating five
and six and like what would we hope to carry on so another conversation we've
had her parents her dad especially has done a great job of
saving for college for their kids and that's something that I absolutely love
and that she absolutely loves that we're gonna pass on to maybe our kids if we
have some someday and start building up a savings and they to be system specific
with it I mean they emphasize the importance of working while you're in
school growing up in high school in college so they support them through
that and then provide some help throughout college and it's just a great
way to both help save for college as well as encourage them to work so that's
something that we absolutely love and that we're gonna carry on so here's
another question what spending personality accommodation has the
highest relationship satisfaction
oh you missed your opportunity always oh
are you gonna tell them yeah the pool did win I mean the sabre sabre and does
have the proven facts around it that that state that the relationship
satisfaction is improved so it's important to figure out you know what
money personality do you have are you a spender are you a saver naturally if
you're a spender I mean that's okay I'm just being able to understand that and
communicate that with your partner is extremely important moving forward
opposites do attract spender spender personalities do have the highest
conflict would you like to touch more on that if you've seen that maybe in some
of your studies and research yeah I think this is probably not surprising it
was at least the least frequently chosen out of you guys as far as the opposite
of the highest satisfaction but I think this idea of the opposites attracting is
very prevalent and it's especially so at the beginning of their relationship
because maybe I'm a saver and my partner is a spender and I find that really
attractive at first that he's willing to just go to the movie and buy dinner and
buy dessert wow this is really exciting and then we start sharing money and like
how dare you spend $200 on a night up hey like how how quickly that changed
and so I actually think it's a little bit surprising that it's not the saver
spender that that's the most conflictual but you can see how naturally to
spenders who maybe are consistently going over a budget you're always having
credit card debt you're always trying to figure out how to pay your necessities
can lead to a conflict so naturally the highest satisfaction
leads to the savers say yeah savor savor but that doesn't necessarily mean that's
a good thing either to always be saving because you have to spend a little bit
of money for happiness - yeah I'll touch on that a little bit - I mean are in our
relationship just given another example I think we're both naturally savers but
that doesn't mean we don't experience conflict with our
decisions for one example for a honeymoon she was wanting to go to
Ireland I was pretty hesitant on spending the money to go somewhere that
far away I guess because you know the plane ride was not cheap I wanted to do
something so it just took time for her to kind of communicate with me
communicate together in order to say okay I mean it's okay to spend a little
bit of money to go enjoy something like this that we'll remember for a lifetime
so just because we're both savers doesn't mean we don't experience
conflict but it's just something that we kind of have to work through depending
on situation depending on you know what we're dealing with yeah so some
conversations to have you know where do you see yourself on this spectrum
communicate that with your partner did opposites attract in your situation or
are you the same and like I said if you're both spenders that's okay just be
aware of that know that maybe living on a budget is the best thing for you and
then yeah take advantage of Powercat come in talk with us let us help you set
up a budget and then you know I start living on that and that will reduce I
can almost guarantee that just living on a budget and just being aware of you
know where you're spending your money can really reduce conflict in my opinion
and living on a budget isn't a bad thing or it doesn't have to be a time
consuming things there's tons of apps that make it easy for you yeah we'll
talk about but whenever you hear a budget I feel like people just kind of
yeah good yeah it's not fun but there's easy and it can be fun yeah yeah so do
you think it matters in terms of who's the spender and who's the saver which do
you think is worse for the relationship to have a spin dy for spendy husband
I heard spendy wife you said spendy husband yeah it's actually both partners
will agree that having a spin D conflict increases conflict more for their
relationship it doesn't mean that it's negative when the husband is also a
spender but it just contributes to conflict much less so than the wife
being a spender and I think this is why so wives perception of financial
conflict goes down when there is more communication this kind of seems like a
gender expectation that we expect that women didn't want to talk
it's totally biased and not necessarily right but but here's evidence the
financial conflict will decrease if you have more conversation men on the other
hand conflict is increases when they have more kids not surprising right so I
think the idea of the conflict increasing when the wife is a spender is
not surprising for the pure fact that when women tend to have extra money
however that's defined whether they got a bonus at work or I am they got money
for a holiday or a birthday or something like this but however they come upon
extra money she spends it on her children first and the husband if he has
extra money do you think he spends it on the kids no he actually spends it on
personal entertainment is the number one thing that they spend it on so I can see
why conflict would increase for men when there's more children because perhaps
he's perceiving the wife to be spending more money on the kids I'm stuff they
don't need or that he doesn't value as much as she values and she's not happy
because they're not talking about money so having those very regular
conversations however you want to define regular I guess we didn't talk about
that in your slide but I suggest monthly I think that's plenty sufficient to
review the monthly expenses did we go over where we
weren't expecting to go over is this a normal thing or should we readjusted
budget maybe cut down something else as well I don't know that we talk a lot
about kids and you this is probably way too far in the future for you guys but
do you know how much a kid cost to raise tell a teen too much it's a lot it's a
quarter million dollars on average so that's a lot of money to consider
daycare alone is for a newborn like close to two thousand dollars a month
for premiere daycare in Manhattan so that's $24,000 a year who has that kind
of money so then you had to make the decision is somebody gonna stay home or
not stay home and you can see how a conflict will increase pretty rapidly
once you introduce more dependents into the equation all right so moving on and
one of the main questions I got asked when we got married was joint or
separated I so I think this is probably one of the most you know common topics
of discussion when you get married whether or not to join your finances or
keep them separate so there are a couple options there are only joint accounts so
that's you know one one spouse moving all the money from their account over to
the other spouses account but there's also others too so you can have a joint
account for family expenses or separate for kind of like your fun money so I do
have an experience with this as well I have a friend who there he's married and
what they do is they have one of their accounts that they had before getting
married set aside for those family expenses like
rent utilities food groceries gas all those necessary things and then they
have their allowance what they call you their fund money set aside in the other
account so they in their budget have money set aside allotted to their fund
money and they can do whatever they want with that fund money and then they don't
judge each other based on what they do with that they don't necessarily even
see what the other person is doing with that money so that's a cool and I think
it could be helpful for some you know relationships to do if you're looking to
you know join your finances as well with you know keeping something separate and
then you could also do just step accounts as well I think maybe one thing
to add here is just to reiterate that relationship satisfaction is gonna be a
highest if you keep some sort of a joint account system if you have the fund
money maybe it's $20 a month right now maybe in the future it goes to $100 a
month whatever that is for your particular family this summer I did some
research and I ask couples knowing this so why do you keep separate accounts and
their reasons were they didn't trust their partner to save money like they
wanted them to save there was differences in values so I wanted to
spend money on something that he doesn't didn't want to spend money on and so you
can see how all of these reasons while maybe it doesn't seem problematic to
them we just have different goals or different values I mean that's a huge
red flag that maybe we've got a more serious problem we need to discuss so
I'm not saying that joint accounts are gonna fix that solution but at least it
forces you to work towards the same goals yeah so with financial management
going forward after you get married for those of you that are engaged or serious
relationship you need a primary person in control of your finances that can
change over time with circumstances and you can discuss that you know during
your regular times where you meet and talk about these things but you need
someone to take control of you know paying the bills just understanding when
all those are due those those sort of those sort of things that they should be
responsible for and then this is what dr. litter was discussing earlier and
the spending tracker tools that are available can make life so much easier
at Powercat we promote mint.com does anyone use mint or have you heard of
mint before yeah it's I think it's a really really cool tool tool what you do
there is you link your bank account to mint it's completely safe and then every
time you swipe your card at McDonald's or at a gas station that transaction
will be automatically uploaded onto mint in order to help you track what you're
spending your money on you can build a budget on there so
you can build out categories and a lot certain percentages of your money to
those categories and every time you swipe your card at a restaurant
it'll subtract you know that amount from your budgeted category for food and then
you know once you get down to maybe twenty dollars left on your budget it'll
send you an alert saying hey be careful you're almost you know almost up to your
budgeted amount on this item so it can be very helpful take advantage of that
and then going back I mean this is very important we've talked a lot about this
it's just finding that time to meet regularly to discuss these topics for
the primary person in control I mean sometimes that changes I know I talked I
was talking to Jody our director about this a couple weeks
ago and like she had a situation where you know her situation changed
completely and they maybe weren't quite as prepared for it as they might would
have liked so just having these discussions keeping the other spouse
aware that's you know you are doing these things you are paying these bills
so if I can't do this they can just jump right in and take over if they need to
and then automates a huge one - you can do this I think at pretty much every
online bill payment service so just go on there link your bank account set up
automatic payments so you don't forget to make this payment so you can keep
your credit going up in a good way for student loans so this can apply for a
lot of you guys if you set up automatic payments after you graduate your
interest rate could be reduced by a quarter of a percent so that's another
advantage of doing that so if you have more questions about that come talk to
us at Powercat as well but yeah it's another set here's low stress when
communicating equals likely higher likelihood of accomplishing goals and
then some goals it's it's important to build goals as a couple so ask yourself
you know what do you hope life looks like in 5-10 years maybe answer this
independently and then come together and share those goals and there see what are
the similarities between both the both of you what are some differences and
just what are some goals that you want to build together whether that's buying
a house in ten years from you know getting married or from now or buying a
car in a couple years to go on a trip with your family so these are some you
know common goals and just understand what it will take to
get there and that's that's what the budget budget comes in you can build out
a budget what we do with students at Powercat we have a budgeting process
where we have them estimate what they think they're spending on a monthly
basis and what they think they're earning and then from there we have them
track what they're spending whether that's looking at past bank statements
or I keep in track on pencil on paper or what they're spending their money on
that month and from there they can see the gas between what they think they're
spending what they're actually spending and they can see those see those gaps
and those errors and maybe okay I thought I was allotting 20 bucks they're
going out to eat but I was actually spending $80 a month going out to eat so
that's a gap where you need to maybe adjust and maybe save you know an extra
20 bucks a month on that category in order to meet a goal if you are wanting
to save an extra maybe 100 bucks a month you need to find you know hundred bucks
a month in your budget to trim down to meet that definitely not too soon to
talk about it either for those of you who are not engaged or married and
research suggests that if you write down your goal don't just talk about it write
it down and post it somewhere to where you see it every day you're gonna be
significantly more likely to accomplish it I think the bathroom mirror is a good
place to put it maybe there's a different place that's more appropriate
for you but wherever you want to at least write it down and look at it and
remind yourself what you are agreeing to work towards yeah and we have some goals
or we have some tools at power cats to help you with this we have the spending
plan worksheet is this one in the back here it's pretty intimidating when you
first look at it but if you walk through it with a counselor like myself we can
just go through the process there's a few expenses here but the list goes on
and on and it really touches on every expense that you could you know
encounter throughout the month so it's a good tool just to understand what your
budgets at and start building one for the first time maybe and then from there
you can take that budget and add it to demint or another type of software if
you don't like something as manual as an Excel spreadsheet and then we have a
financial goals worksheet which is included in your packet that answer that
helps just you know those those questions of what you want life to look
like in five I have 15 years this work she can help
you with that whether that's your savings or housing just go through there
think of them as you know make sure they're smart goals make them specific
measurable attainable relevant and timely I'm sure you guys have heard
those in some of your classes here at k-state but go through them together and
talk about them you've all heard that money doesn't buy
happiness I'm not arguing with that but I'm also not a hundred percent on board
with that because money does buy happiness up to a certain point people
who make seventy five thousand is the most recent statistic are the happiest
so for those of you maybe your happiness is not quite at its peak yet it will be
soon but once you get above seventy five thousand your happiness doesn't really
increase anymore and so something to think about like is
it really worth us spending more time apart from one another to make an extra
five or ten thousand dollars or it's what we have right now enough so nobody
else can define that for you the $75,000 is kind of a random number and it's
gonna vary a lot for each person but what's enough for you if you don't do
anything else in this in your folder do this one the might enough worksheet it's
the last one in there the key thing is you have to do it alone and then compare
it with your partner for those of you who aren't yet in a relationship or
maybe just casually dating was one of the options still do this
and think about what's enough for you and what it's gonna take to get there so
it goes through all sorts of different categories as far as housing and
transportation and clothes and travel and and it forces you to think about
okay when are when are we going to be happy enough and we kind of have this
expectation as Americans we always need to have a little bit more and more and
more but really thinking about okay when is enough to stop and when can we focus
on other priorities and not have to worry about that extra five or ten
thousand dollars so another thing perak i can help you with is credit
you're good and so yeah just going back to the benefits of having joint accounts
is transparency and another thing that's important is pulling your credit report
just to see you know what what debts out there may be and what
does your credit look like for some of your goals that you're setting whether
that's buying a house those banks they will look at your credit to see if you
are worthy to get a loan for a house or for a car so it's important to see what
both maybe your credit is if you've never done it before as well as your
partner's so power-cut can help you with that
as stated there pre-existing debt does not automatically appear on your
spouse's credit reports but once you start building other credit as such as
like mortgage or auto loans that sort of thing then they could be joining
together yeah so check with your bank first just to see what goes into their
process of determining maybe their rates that they're offering as well as just
approval of a mortgage or a loan so look there first you can go to Credit Karma
that's another good tool just to see what your score is currently and where
it needs to be but if you want to pull a credit report
I'd suggest come and talk with us it can be there's a simple process but if you
just do on your own it might seem a little intimidating but annual credit
report is where you go to do that you get three free ones a year from each of
the credit bureaus one from each of the credit bureaus so we recommend maybe
checking them on a quarterly basis or three times a year just spread them out
pick out certain dates throughout the year that you want to and maybe your
birthday your spouse's birthday your partner's birthday and and just and just
look at those reports make sure they're accurate too so this is a good way to
check for like identity theft if if someone's doing stolen your identity
there so another question that we have is what type of debt should not be
consolidated with your significant other someone was super fast with reading my
questions yeah
and it looks like so you still haven't done it yet but that's okay it looks
like the majority of you are correct student loans is the type of debt that
you should not consolidate with your spouse with your partner someone one
main reason would be if your spouse may pass away I got for bidding your student
loans what if you keep them separate their student loans would pass away with
that spouse or with that partner so that's one benefit of not combining if
you combined and that happened then you know both of them would continue under
that person's name you may lose some benefits as well with some of your
federal loans by doing that as well so that's another important aspect to
remember some pre-existing debt that you might see credit card debt student loans
auto loans keep them in original owner's name like we said but again just going
back to just discussing this finding that time to sit down with each other
and just talk about these things it's important just to create that
transparency just know you know what debt do you have are you in student loan
debt do you have credit card debt those conversations might be hard at first but
just finding ways to go about them to build that that that debt repayment plan
to move on with your life is extremely important and then some new debt that
we've talked about already is just that mortgage and credit cards go back going
back to goals just build up maybe a savings count for some other goals if
you want to buy a house and the down payment can be pricey so building up
some some savings there to reduce the amount of loan that you have to take out
can be helpful so with all this talk about debt maybe you're wondering about
if you should actually tell your partner about it this is quite common this is an
extremely conservative estimate that one-third of couples hide light to the
partner about money whether how much money they have how much money they owe
I've seen estimates closer to 80 percent so it depends which number you want so
believe and who you want to believe is actually telling you the truth
on polls like this am I actually going to admit that I'm lying to my partner
about my financial affairs maybe not checking the credit report that's why I
think this is I love this group of people too because this is the perfect
time to do that as well when you're very early in your relationship or maybe
engaged to take a look at each other's credit report because maybe you honestly
think you have no debt but maybe there's something lingering that you didn't know
that was there and maybe it's a identity theft concern but having that
conversation as far as what that we have is super important but not only that but
also looking at being honest about how much money you make there's a lot of
people who may say that they make less than they really do for certain personal
reasons maybe they don't want to spend it all on you some people will say that
they make more than they actually do and maybe that's to worry you in you don't
know why people do this but there's a lot of lying that goes on with money
it's just as damaging as other types of infidelity which i think is pretty
remarkable of course you're gonna have lower satisfaction and greater risk of
divorce all of these third of people who admitted in this poll to lying this is
what they were doing most of them hiding some sort of a purchase so maybe I
bought a pair of shoes and I didn't tell my partner and then I pulled them out of
the closet bank oh no I've had these forever type of thing or maybe I hid
cash I got extra money or I cashed a check or I deposited part of my paycheck
but to cash out for part of it and I didn't tell them and then I just spent
it on stuff that I want to spend it on which is I'm not saying don't spend
money on what you want to spend on but do it Nolan set and agree on what that
amount is gonna be so I can take out $50 doesn't mean I have to say every
purchase that I made but let's agree on what that amount is and abide by that
hitting's hiding in a bank account or a bill is fairly common and then just
various things that people lie about on the bottom so I think this particular
poll was very conservative like I said and I think it's something you should
definitely be aware of not concerned about you should trust your partner but
give the opportunity to have conversations I think a lot of the
infidelity is not on purpose I think it's just something that happens
accidentally like you didn't think to mention it to them so being honest and
having those conversations for sure I kind of mentioned some gender issues
earlier with regards to when women make more there's more conflict in the house
I think part of this reason is because women are still expected it's not
verbally stated but the unwritten expectation is that women are primarily
responsible for household work even in 2017
two-thirds of young women your age feel like they do more household work than
their partner but two-thirds of the male's think they're doing half of it so
we definitely have some miscommunication there this is going to lead to unhappy
relationships obviously and the reason I bring this up is because this is very
much tied to work we see time and time again that when women start working more
in the workforce their participation in the household work does not decrease
when men start working more in the workforce their household work does
decrease so if that's what you want to do in your relationship fine as long as
both people agree to it but having the conversation as far as who's going to
take care of what I feel like this is a good time to talk about I mentioned last
summer I did some research I'm doing it again right now with the five-week love
and money curriculum and there's lots of activities we do to kind of address
whose responsibility it is to do different tasks and what that means from
a financial perspective as well and workaholics so maybe having one person
specialized in the market work working outside of the home totally fine but
when does that become workaholism and there's huge negative ramifications of
that on your spousal relationship and also very negative effects on kids if
that's something you erode you want to go down
it's this woman okay so different conversations to have as it relates to
this what's gonna happen if down the road you start working more probably is
gonna happen you're probably not working that much right now maybe some of you
are but what's gonna happen when you start working 40 or 50 or even 60 hours
a week how does that shift what's going on in the household right now what if
you both have to start working a lot more hours what if this is short term or
long term when are you gonna go on dates like you used to go on when are you
going to have the conversations that you used to have when are you going to just
be together as a couple type of thing another thing to think
about to post marriage is updating accounts so look into discounts for
married couples for current insurance policies whether that's car insurance
maybe they will offer you better rates for being married so that's something to
look into are there duplications in your
employment benefits so if you're getting married maybe a couple years down the
road from college you might have employee benefits from either job it's
important to compare those look at them side-by-side and see you know maybe
what's what's the most beneficial for you as a couple whether that's health
insurance with one partners company or the other I mean there's those are good
topics to have conversations to have with each other to going forward and
then change beneficiaries life insurance policies retirement accounts nothing to
think about whether that's if your beneficiaries are your parents now maybe
you need to change those to your spouse once you get married or before and then
same thing with the employee benefits to talk to your HR department wherever you
begin working and they will be a good point of reference there then determine
if combining cell phone plans and other memberships cetera would be benefit of
beneficial for you to do together or keep them separate another thing that's
just all about you know what do you want personally do you want to change plans
you know stay whatever's easiest for you guys and then record a name change if
applicable so for us I think this was probably the one that I didn't like the
most for sure it's a hassle for the other married couples in here I'm sure
it was probably the same for you as well you have to go to a bunch of different
places to get social security cards driver's license different things so
it's not a thing to think about after you get married or before start planning
for that so it doesn't kind of hit you in the face with kind of being
overwhelming once the time comes it's a little bit of a summary from what we
talked about tonight I just know what's important to use have those
conversations come up with goals on your own and then together and just figure
out what will it take to get there and then yeah just play in those times
accordingly just once a month like dr. Luther said would be very appropriate if
you start a budget it's okay to monitor it and adjust it as needed I think
that's what keeps a lot of people away from starting a budget is they think
once they get that on paper they have to stick to that forever but that's not the
case at all you can adjust it week by week if you want that's that's okay so
that's something that you can do together as a couple and then compare
current reports if you don't know how to do that annualcreditreport.com is where
to start or come in and talk with us it's very easy
pull up your credit score credit karma comm and then don't hesitate to get help
whether that's Powercat or whether that's a therapist and like dr. looter
there's there's other options out there but it's okay I'm just have those
conversations with each other first and then you'll be more comfortable to go
get help if needed and then lastly I just wanted to state salt calm or salt
money org I'm sorry um k-state partners with
them they offer a free subscription a free membership to salt for all k-state
students so while you're here you can sign up for free
salt mana org slash k-state once you graduate it will cost you and I think it
is a great tool just to just have at your disposal I want it's free after
graduation now too just at the same length okay so that's yeah so that's
important to know as well I I went in and answered she probably can't read it
for just marriage articles it's one great tool that it offers is just they
have in a database just full of articles at your disposal so the first one how
couples can stop arguing about money why should you write a letter to your
money so there's different techniques on what to talk about that sort of thing
there's other tools as well but yeah explore explored that site and just
build your profile on there and then as Steven mentioned and Powercat is a free
service for all k-state students it's based on your availability your times
that you're open so if you want a scheduled appointment case study you
slash Powercat financial you put in all the times that work for you and then you
get matched with the counselor like myself so we're here to help don't feel
you know a shame that you have to come in and talk to someone it's totally fine
we see topics like budgeting credit student loans employee benefits
transitioning to work all sorts of things so yeah we're here for you so you
have any questions for us I think that's it for us presentation um do we post
that somewhere
yep and the video will also be on there as well I'll start so I married a
veterinarian many of you know there are a financial life it is very dire they
have on average a quarter-million dollars in student loan debt that's very
true for our situation so just figuring out how to navigate
that and we have to plus almost three kids and so I told you how much daycare
is so it's a lot of non-negotiable expenses so how do you negotiate that I
am still have time for fun yeah I think for me just the figuring out what each
of us value and having those conversations and like I said like we're
both savers but we differ and how we are savers so just the ability to have those
conversations I think we're still definitely working on it but I think it
goes back to their like the techniques on how to have those conversations and
the I feel statements I think were a big one for us I think for me I use the but
statement a lot so that's something that's I think we have to continue to
work on I mean maybe she can attest to that I don't know anything else yeah
yeah my girlfriend is don't get a student but I'm in a loan can I come in
with her or her me if she's good hey yeah he asked he's not
a student but his girlfriend happens to be you can both come to Powercat
financial so yep it's definitely possible yep
thank you for being patient with us if you're shy and you want to ask a
question come up and ask or still yeah
thank you guys appreciate you coming
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