I've been on the force a long time.
Seen some horrible things.
I get 30 minutes a day to free myself
from this abyssmal black hole.
This...
...is all I have left.
[Freddy] Kauffman.
[Freddy] The captain wants to see ya.
I can't. I'm on lunch.
[Freddy] Then bring it up with the captain.
A HUNGER FOR JUSTICE
[Captain] This case is top priority.
[Captain] Someone's killing good cops.
[Captain] We think it may be someone on the force.
[Captain] Someone on the inside.
[Captain] I need you to keep your eyes and ears open.
Murder.
The captain wants to talk about murder
at a time like this?
It's high noon and I've only got one thing on my mind.
Turkey.
Bacon.
Tomato and avacado.
All stacked beautifully between
two slices of whole wheat bread.
I've go the perfect sandwich waiting for me
on my desk...
But murder.
The captain wants to talk about murder.
[Captain] Do I make myself clear?
[Kauffman] Crystal.
[Captain] Good.
[Dramatic Music]
Is there nothing sacred in this world?
What was I thinking leaving a
culinary masterpiece unattended?
This place is crawling with vermin
and they've all got sticky fingers.
But who would have the gall to steal from me?
[Burp]
Fat Freddy.
The food shoveling rate who single handedly
keeps Africa starving.
I should've known he had something to do with this.
[Freddy] What do you want Kauffman?
[Kauffman] Can we have a word?
[SLAM]
[Kauffman] Where's my sandwich fatso!
[Freddy] It's on the ground!
[Freddy] You knocked it out of my hand!
[Kauffman] Don't play games with me!
[Kauffman] Where's my sandwich?
[Kauffman] You've seen it, right?
[Kauffman] I saw the bread crumbs.
[Kauffman] You were eatin' something!
[Freddy] I swe- I swear I don't know!
[Freddy] I don't know, I had a PB&J!
[Freddy] Someone set me up!
[Kauffman] Who would wanna set you up!?
[Kauffman] Huh?
[Freddy] Maybe Greg saw the whole thing, huh?
[Freddy] Why don't you go ask him?
Fatty's got a point.
Greg Gillman.
They eye in the sky.
There's cameras all over this place
and Greg's got the best seat in the house.
If anyone saw anything, it'd be him.
[Greg] Officer Kauffman.
[Greg] What brings you up here?
[Kauffman] I need to see the security footage.
[Greg] Ahh...
[Greg] No can do...
[Greg] We're running maintenance.
[Greg] Nothin's bein' recorded.
[Kauffman} I've, uh...
[Kauffman] ...never heard of maintenance.
[Greg chuckles]
[Greg] Well you're not the expert...
[Greg] ...are ya?
Smells like bullshit to me.
[Greg] Have a good day, John.
I'd know that color anywhere.
[Sexy Guitar Strum]
Doris.
A goddess with a body so hot
she'd make the devil sweat.
If I was Adam...
...she'd be my Eve.
[Doris] Hi Johnny.
[Doris] Care to join me for lunch?
[Kauffman] Don't be coy with me
[Kauffman] you silver tongued harlot.
[Kauffman] Where's my sandwich?
[Doris sighs]
[Doris] A sandwich.
[Doris] What's wrong detective?
[Doris] Can't crack the case?
[Doris] You want me to call the police?
[Kauffman] Damn it, Doris, this is not a joke.
[Kauffman] There was bacon on that sandwich.
[Doris] Johnny.
[Doris] What do I want with your sandwich?
[Doris] I'm a vegetarian, remember?
[Dramatic Music]
[Doris] I thought you knew that.
Is this your first day on the job?
How could you forget this broad's a vegetarian?
Stop acting like a rookie.
Starvation settles in.
My sandwich a distant memory.
Was it ever real?
All I know now is this precinct
is dirtier than the streets I was sworn to protect.
[Tweeker] Hey man.
[Tweeker] You don't look so good.
[Tweeker] Maybe I can help.
[Tweeker] I saw what happened to your sandwich.
[Kauffman] What'd you say?
[Tweeker] I saw everythin' baby.
[Tweeker] But...
[Tweeker] If I'm gonna help you...
[Tweeker] You gotta do somethin' for me.
[Tweeker] Uh oh.
[Tweeker Chuckles]
[Kauffman] What do you want, scumbag?
[Tweeker] Half.
[Kauffman] What makes you think
[Kauffman] I won't blow your head off?
[Tweeker] Oh baby, you could do that...
[Tweeker] But then...
[Tweeker] Nobody gets the sandwich.
[Tweeker laughs]
[Kauffman] Start.
[Kauffman] Talking.
The tweeker tells me a tale so twisted
my stomach turns.
It all started with Doris.
She must have convinced Greg
to shut the cameras off and tell me
that ridiculous maintenance story.
He's always been a sucker for Doris.
With the eye in the sky out of the way
the plan was in motion.
That's where the fat man came into play.
Freddy had to get me away from my desk
so Doris could make her next move.
She has the whole precinct by the balls.
She tried to throw me off by planting the bread crumbs
but Freddy never had the sandwich.
He was a dead end.
Freddy lead me to Greg.
A logical next step.
But a pointless one.
By the time I got to Doris my sandwich was long gone.
All the pieces in the puzzle of deception fall into place.
Nothing
cuts deeper than betrayal.
[Captain] Ah, detective.
[Captain] You've done it again.
[Captain] Another case solved.
[Kauffman] Why me?
[Kauffman] Why now?
[Captain] I don't have to explain myself
[Captain] to the likes of you.
[Captain] I'm the captain...
[Captain] ...and this is my precinct.
[Captain] I do as I please.
[Captain] And you'll like it.
[Kauffman] Don't...
[Kauffman] ...do it.
[BANG]
[Dramatic Music]
[BANG]
[BANG]
[BANG]
[Greg] No no no no!
[BANG BANG BANG]
[Sexy Guitar Strum]
[Doris] Johnny...
[Doris] Johnny...
[Doris] Johnny...
[Doris] John...
[Doris Chuckles]
[Doris] Baby...
[Kauffman] What!
[Doris] Don't do this.
[Doris] Johnny.
[Doris] What are you doing?
[Doris] What are you d-
[Doris] Johnny!
[Kauffman] You made me do it.
[Doris] Johnny, it was just a sandwich!
[Kauffman] IT WAS MY SANDWICH!
[Kauffman] It was MY sandwich.
[Doris cries]
[Doris] Johnny...
[BANG]
I find no solace in my actions.
There is no catharsis to be had.
Put your trust in the wrong people...
and you'll find there's no bottom in a black hole of lies.
There is no escape from the dark cloud of crime.
This...
...is all I have left.
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