- Hi, I'm Jackson Bird,
and welcome to another installment of Ask A Trans Guy.
And today I am joined by Taylor Behnke.
- Hi. - Taylor,
do you wanna say a little bit about your channel?
- Yeah, so my channel is called ItsRadishTime,
and I make videos about storytelling
with kind of a social change and activism bent.
- Yeah, they're very smart, interesting videos.
You should go check them out.
Including the one that we just filmed about
my own personal mythology, so go check that out,
and subscribe to Taylor.
But, right now we're gonna do Ask A Trans Guy.
So basically what this series is,
is, as you all know, when you meet people,
or I hope you know when you meet trans people,
you shouldn't just ask them any question that you want
that you wouldn't ask any other person.
It's invasive.
You can Google it.
There are tons of resources out there,
like the ones that I make.
And this is yet another one of those resources.
So basically I invite one of my cisgender friends on
and we lift that taboo for a moment
and I let them ask me anything that they want
about me, or trans people,
and we just sort of have a more productive dialogue
within the safe space that we've established.
Which is very important if you're ever
gonna open a discussion like this.
Taylor is gonna ask me four questions,
and then I'm gonna ask her one just for fun.
- Cool.
Okay, so this first question,
when you first reached out to me
and asked me to come up with some questions,
I was like, what should I ask?
And then I thought of this time that we were at VidCon
and we had gotten into one of the cars
that were transporting people around,
and the driver said something like, "Good morning, ladies,"
and I was just, like, ugh.
But I didn't know what to say,
because I didn't wanna be okay with that,
but I also didn't wanna out you to a stranger.
- Right.
- So I didn't do anything,
and I still feel kinda bad about it.
I wanna know,
and I'm guessing it's probably
different from person to person,
but if I'm hanging out with a trans friend
and somebody misgenders them in front of me,
what should I do?
- First thing you should know is I don't remember that.
So don't feel too bad.
- Okay, good.
- But it's a really good question to ask.
I get so awkward when that happens,
'cause I don't really know how I feel.
'Cause I don't wanna make a big deal out of it.
I also know that sometimes that's actually
not about being misread and misgendered.
Sometimes it's really just a slip of the tongue
on the other person.
I think it kinda depends on the situation.
With a driver like that who probably was not gonna
ask us anymore questions, kinda just let it go.
But maybe it's another person
in the social group, in the conversation,
and if they're misgendering someone,
I do always really appreciate if someone who is not me
kinda stands up and is like, actually, he is a guy,
or he uses these pronouns, that kinda thing.
Because I'm always way too nervous
and overwhelmed to stand up for myself.
- So one thing that I have been trying to do more of
when I'm meeting new people is use my own pronouns
so that it's less awkward for other people.
We're all like blah, blah, blah,
and I'm like, oh, I use she/her pronouns,
Jack uses he/him pronouns; what are yours?
- Yeah, I think that's a great way.
On that note, should we say our pronouns?
- Oh, yeah.
- I use he/him pronouns.
- I use she/her pronouns.
- Nice.
Next question.
- Okay, I have, being a woman of color,
white friends that all hang out with
where I can tell that they're
jumping all over themselves to be really woke.
And sometimes that's annoying.
So I wanna know what's the most annoying thing
that cis people who consider themselves socially conscious
do or say around you that you wish they would stop?
- Well, first of all, I use the exact same analogy
in my head when I'm around people of color.
I'm like, I know how annoying cis people can be,
so I'm gonna try not to behave that way,
but I know I still don't do it great.
But yeah, the things that are most annoying.
I think just anyone making it any kind of deal.
- Yeah.
- Especially as a binary trans person.
It is a rare occasion when something comes up
that makes me need to be treated
differently than any other guy.
It's a little bit different
with nonbinary or agender people.
- And I know that's something that
I am definitely guilty of,
or like I can feel that I'm doing,
especially with nonbinary people.
Especially when it's people that I used to know
using different names or different pronouns
and they change them.
I suddenly realize, I'm like, oh man, I am saying they
and them so many more times than I would say she or he
and it's weird now.
- Yeah.
People using the wrong pronouns.
Either consistently 'cause you can tell
they're not trying, or if you mess up.
Which, people are gonna mess up; it just happens.
But making a big deal out of it,
never make a big deal out of it.
Just keep going as if you misspoke in any other way
that you might say the wrong word,
and then maybe later if you can
privately find them, apologize.
And don't make it about you.
- Along that same line of trying to compare this
to an experience that's completely different,
but I think about when I talk to my friends who are black
and we have certain ways of speaking.
Obviously the most notable one was that is like,
this is for black people to say
and not other people to say.
I don't even use it,
but white people can't say the N-word, right?
- Yeah.
- But certain in-groups have their own ways of talking
to each other that aren't really for other people.
Is there language like that for trans people?
That you use with your trans friends,
but should not come out of my mouth?
- Yeah.
I mean, well, we have the T-word,
which is the equivalent there.
And even as a trans guy,
it is not my place to ever use or reclaim that word.
It is just for trans women to reclaim.
We can go into that in a whole other video,
but you can Google it if you're curious.
But I think there's just a lot of
ways of talking about ourselves.
It's kind of like in the queer community,
you can make a lot of jokes about being gay.
But if a straight person made that same joke to you-
- It'd be uncomfortable.
- Yeah, it's like, that's not okay.
- I totally get that.
Especially for black communities and queer communities.
There's just our own slang and stuff.
And it's super, super weird when a straight person
or a white person starts talking
like they've been watching too much Drag Race.
And I'm just like,
this is what you think is how you relate to me,
and it's super weird,
because that's not how we relate at all.
It's a different communication style.
A lot of culture is originated by trans women of color.
- You have so much of it.
Basically anything cool.
- Yeah.
There's a poster, a T-shirt or something
that I used to see all the time that was
white women stealing from gay men stealing from black women.
And that black women is also black trans women.
- Yeah.
Even that, trying to source it, was still erasure.
- Right, right.
And so I wonder sometimes where I'm like,
even as a black queer woman, that's not necessarily for me,
so am I appropriating?
Probably.
- Yeah, I mean, I would say probably not as much as I am
if I were... (laughing) so you're probably okay.
I did think of a good example, finally, though.
And it's there are a lot of identity terms
that are, some of them are outdated at this point,
and they are not things that cis people should ever say
as an actual descriptor of a trans person.
But also a cis person should never tell a trans person
identifying with that term that they're wrong
So, for example, transsexual, transvestite.
Those were very popular around the Civil Rights era
and a lot of older trans people
and maybe some young ones highly identify with those terms
but no cis person should be throwing those around.
- Yeah.
That actually fits in really well with my next question.
Speaking of black trans women,
'cause I follow a lot of trans people on YouTube
and Twitter and stuff because I want to not be
asking these one-on-one questions.
And I was looking through the list of everybody I follow
and I realize that it is super, super white,
and I think most cis people who consider themselves
socially active and conscious know, like, Janet Mock and-
- Laverne Cox. - Yeah, Laverne Cox.
I'm struggling even to bring up her name,
but there's these two actresses,
and then if you're on YouTube you also know Kat Blaque.
That's kind of the extent of it for most people.
I don't follow a lot of trans people of color,
so if I wanna know more about what it is like
to be both not cis and not white intersecting,
who should I be following?
- Man, well, you're right that there aren't a ton.
I will say a bunch of the actresses
who are in Pose, they are so cool.
Follow them.
Aaryn, who hosts First Person,
PBS Digital,
and then Elle Hearns is not a content creator,
but she is a public speaker
and has a big Twitter and Instagram following
and she just founded the Marsha P. Johnson Foundation.
Or, institute.
But I mean, I think me struggling as a trans person
to come up with some is a problem.
The LGBT community historically has rewarded
people who are only a step below in privilege.
- Right.
- So anyone who has multiple intersecting
marginalized identities is just pushed out.
- I also think that's maybe a little reversed on YouTube
where most of the trans people I follow are trans women
because I think that there was this natural space
for especially the beauty and lifestyle communities.
- Yeah, I'm actually really relieved to hear that,
because I'm so much in the trans masculine bubble
that I've felt like it's a lot more
trans masculine people on YouTube.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause I'm like, who should I follow who's trans guys
besides you and Chase Ross?
- Yeah.
I will say I can think of a lot more
black trans women than black trans men.
Black men of color tend to go stealth,
which makes complete and total sense,
but it is hard to find representation
in the content creation world.
- Well, if you know of people I should be following,
please tell me in the comments.
- Put them in the comments, please.
- 'Cause I wanna find them.
- Was that four questions?
- That was four.
- Okay.
My question for you.
I just wanna turn your second question on its head.
What is the most annoying thing that white people do?
I mean. (laughing)
So many.
This could be an endless video.
But more in the context of things that you have experienced
with white people who think that they're woke.
- I think right now,
and this changes day to day based on
what buttons people have been pressing,
I really, really can't stand the whole trend on Twitter
and in think pieces to be like black women are heroes.
They're saving us.
They're the ones that are leading the resistance.
Or whatever; blah, blah, blah.
Making us this idolized strong black woman,
it's just a different kind of dehumanization.
If you think that we're these role models now for progress,
start following them, like, do the work,
and don't just be like, black women are gonna save us.
It's like, no, you save us.
We have to save ourselves.
We can't be saving everybody.
- I watched a great video today from Brittney Cooper
who wrote the book Eloquent Rage
just talking about how white women, white people in general
need to accept that all the really terrifying,
awful white people out there are part of our community
and we're responsible for them.
And that we don't take that responsibility.
- Right.
I can't stand when people tweet things like,
"This is not my America."
I'm like, it is.
This is happening here.
When you talk about your racist aunts
at Thanksgiving, those are your people.
Collect your people.
- Taylor, thank you so much for
joining me in this experiment. - Yeah, thanks for having me.
- And everyone, make sure you go watch
the video that we did on Taylor's channel.
And Taylor, where else can we find you?
ItsRadishTime on YouTube.
- Yup.
ItsRadishTime everywhere on the Internet.
- It's always radish time.
- Yeah, I can never get rid of that username.
(laughing)
- Awesome.
Well, if you liked this video,
you can subscribe to this channel.
And, you know, give it a like, a comment.
In the comments, we just wanna have all your recommendations
for the most awesome trans women of color.
So that's what I want in the comments today.
- Please.
- Yeah, I think that's it.
- Cool.
- Thank you all for watching.
See you next time.
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