Trees have been on the planet for far longer than us humans have and much like
an annoying older sibling who is yet to move out they take up space break things
and well this is hopefully not like your older sibling they kill over a hundred
people in the United States every year and I now I understand most of you will
think that there are plenty of good things that come along with trees and I
will agree however I think the bad greatly outweighs the good I think they
need to go and I implore you to listen to me for just a few minutes of your
valuable time on why the US should rid ourselves of these bark bound blights the
first point I will touch on is one for those who fancy yourself to be a man or
woman of solid facts none of those emotions for you
trees in the United States have killed over 100 people every year which that's
based on if the Pioneers and all those people who constantly surrounded
themselves with trees and built their house said of them didn't kill
themselves more frequently which is not likely but that's still over 24,000
people who died since the founding of America that's a pretty high number in
fact you're over 200 times more likely to be killed by a tree than you
are a shark which means trees are 20,000 percent more dangerous than sharks but
we have them everywhere so I'm gonna ask you this do you still think my claim is
crazy that we need to get rid of trees I'm gonna continue on to my second point
which luckily for those in the non Vulkan persuasion is one that
effects something closer to home money money makes the world go round as they
say but how am i connecting removing trees to earning green you might ask
well friends what is resource that we can sell them many nations gaining a big
export it can also be used for power and construction which is good but something
great is the sheer amount of jobs this undertaking will bring since the job of
cutting down trees wouldn't require many certifications so people who don't have
a job can get a job not to mention we could use the opened up land to build
crop farms wind farms solar farms even livestock farms I like
farms which the employees could migrate to after finishing the job this could
solve a slew of problems for the US nay the world if they followed our example
so I ask again y'all still think I'm crazy removing trees would also reduce
damaging to houses and property in general trees have cost untold millions
and damages from springing leaks in your pipes with their roots to ruining
roadways for week on and months on end while the city fixes them to even
crushing falling down and crushing your brand-new cars that you work so hard to
buy you worked overtime lost time with your kids and now it's smashed perhaps
forever if you don't have insurance get your insurance kids that last one was a
bit of an over-exaggeration however you get the point
trees can be destructive but they can be more than that they can be annoying
trees cause all sorts of problems with falling on your field of view and
driving and every autumn they get especially obnoxious by dropping their
leaves on your lawn along with a few spare branches so you have to go pick
those up on your hands and knees so you don't ruin your lawnmower sorry but if
we simply remove the root of the problem I think that we would have no issues
of this kind but if you think that leaving these detriments to our
infrastructure that inconvenience millions of Americans every year it's
just fine you're free to think that way now as much as I would love to
continue to bash trees and tree huggers those who claim I'm barking up the wrong
tree that it "wood" be wiser for me to "leaf" the issue alone I need to "branch"
out with my solutions forgive me with all these jokes I need to get them out
while they're still relevant I will admit that they've got some points to
their side of the argument the main point the one that we are all taught in first
grade being that trees produce oxygen the lifeblood of the world but I don't
think that you know how much oxygen tree really produces trees excluding
rainforests produce less than 2% of the oxygen in the world with the vast
majority produced by marine plants at seventy percent and twenty eight percent
at rainforests leaving all other trees on the planet to produce less than one
fiftieth of our oxygen not even factoring in that we're only
talking about American trees which while they contain 8% of the world's forested
lands don't even contribute a percent of the world's oxygen very few other points
such as shade are valid in these modern times where we can just build them
unimaginable things by people a hundred years ago so I leave this to you if
you're fine with believing it this as it is I suppose I just wasted your time and
I'm sorry for that however if you want to get up and help make our country
safer richer and better then I suggest you go out and help this movement
flourish by informing others are the benefits of a true free America starting
a petition for your city or even giving a monetary donation to my foundation
however do not just go chopping down trees without proper permissions
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