(exotic drum music)
(laughing)
- He's not gonna be out the chair, is he?
He's just gonna be stuck.
- [Narrator] It's almost Christmas and Santa's elves
are about to go into gift-packing frenzy.
Our GCN heroes are looking for maximum bang for their bucks,
and 130 bucks, or 100 pounds, doesn't go an awful long way.
But just how far does it go?
Let's find out.
- Right, let's see what you boys have got.
Are those Gucci shades?
- Oh, hold on a minute.
- Oh no.
- What's that one on the end?
- There's some funny shapes.
Right, can we start on the left?
That's right, we've each been given 100 pounds
by a very kind producer to purchase or acquire
the fastest two-wheeled machine that our rather meagre
budget can offer, to carry out some tests.
Matt Stephens and mine.
- Gunwale ties, mate.
High five.
- What I'ma do, I'm gonna tighten the excitement
by giving you a slow reveal of mine, if that's alright.
- [Presenter] Like a strip tease?
A vintage?
- [Presenter] I thought it was a triple for a second.
(playful music)
- There she is. - Wow, look at that, mate!
- Look at that, I'm proud.
(cheery music)
Well this is my beauty.
Baby blue ink colour, it's a Carlton, made in England,
probably, I think, from the early 1980's.
Look at the rake on those forks, look at the large
flange hubs, look at the Raleigh chain set, basically.
It's a 42/50, I think, with 10 speed transmission.
Cogs look pretty big at the back, but I haven't been able
to count them 'cause they're just a little bit too oily.
But lovely attention to detail on this, I've obviously got
clips and straps, I think these are 28 mil gunwale tyres.
These are original, slightly perished at the side
which is a slight concern, but look at these beautiful,
centre pull breaks made by Weinmann, okay,
but look at these satellite shifters I have here as well.
Satellite braking for when I'm climbing,
so hope I don't really need.
Do you know what?
She's gonna fly.
- [Narrator] Matt likes a Carlton and I like Matt, too,
but when it comes to striking a pose,
Matt, as ever, misses the bus.
(silly music)
- Alright then, guys, you are gonna be,
you're gonna be a little bit nervous when you see this
'cause, uh, 'cause I think this is gonna be fast.
Check it out, we got disc brakes, oh yeah.
- [Presenter] Discs!
- [Presenter] Oh my word.
- A Gryphon.
(laughing)
I've even got a pannier rack.
- [Presenter] Did you think it was graphene?
- This is my Carrera Gryphon,
and that's Gryphon, not graphene.
Actually it's made out of aluminium which I just found out,
but nevertheless, this is a serious bit of tip
for a serious rider, I really need to win this challenge.
I've not won one since 2014 which is a longer drought
even than Cannondale-Drapac, but this,
this is the bike that's gonna do it me.
It's a very modern bike, got 16 gears, disc brakes,
I've got a nice wide 20/80 ties and even when you start
looking, got aerodynamic rims, and in fact,
an aerodynamic down tube, which is slightly ruined,
I'll admit, by that mud guard but anyway,
it's aero, that's all we need to know.
There is one slight problem, and that is
this horrific-looking steerer extender.
Now I'll admit, when I bought it,
my intention was to flip the stem and slam it,
get it nice and aero, and unfortunately I can't do that,
something about star fangled nut.
(beeping)
That's ...
That means I can't actually drop stem.
(beeping)
But anyway, I've got confidence this is
a mighty bike.
This rear brake isn't very good for skids though
- Stand back.
(laughing)
- I hope that's got a motor, mate,
otherwise that is not a fast bike.
(laughing)
- Please welcome, the Schwinn Stingray.
- It's a Stingray.
- [Presenter] Seriously, mate,
that is a lot of bike for 100 quid.
- Well this is my Schwinn Stingray, and to start this,
I'm going to quote directly from the Schwinn website.
"Part cruiser, part shopper, 100% muscle bike."
Now let's go through a few of the specifications:
got a big V back drag handlebar, some long range,
V drag spokes, plus a Big Boa drag rear tyre, so.
- [Si] A lot of drag then?
- It is a lot of drag, but I'm mean to my drag,
as you know, Si.
All in all, this comes in at a whooping 24.5 kilogrammes
which, in old money, is over 50 pounds,
and since I got this even in this condition at 95 pounds,
that's less than 2 pounds per pound.
That's a lot bang for your buck right there.
(classy music)
- [Narrator] Dan's bike doesn't come with horn, but
(raspberries), he adds a little toot of his own.
- Oh Christ, whacked my knee.
- [Man] Oh get that wheelie, pop a wheelie, come on.
(laughing)
- [Presenter] Right so, tell me what you've got
to explain these, mate.
- This, again, was 100 quid, slightly more than
that delivered, and it's got three wheels.
- [Presenter] Ho, ho!
- Bosch!
- Well, you know, it's got a three speed Sturmey-Archer hub.
- It's got quick release.
- It's got a beer, it's got a beer container.
- I think that's the allen key that's got stuck in there,
mate, that's not quick release.
- [Presenter] (laughing) That's amazing.
- I'm not sure there's much quick about it,
but yeah, this is my bike.
This is my Pashley Picador trike.
That's right, it has got three wheels, apart from that,
I've not really seemed to get the hang of riding it.
(beeping)
(laughing)
(beeping)
It's got three gears, it's got two front brakes,
which is new as well as the three wheel thing.
It's also got this trunk on the back
that it's presumably quite good at carrying things.
That's about it really, I don't think I can even ride it.
(laughing) It's marginally, marginally slower
than just walking, but we'll give it a go.
- [Narrator] Strangely, Tom puts his Aunt Jackie's ashes
in the trunk, the criminal mind hides guilt with laughter.
(laughing)
Time to take Jackie for a nervous spin.
(upbeat music)
- Wow.
Yeah, it's not,
it's not very good at going right,
even around slight corners.
- Right then, chaps.
Are we going for it?
- Yeah, (sighs), a challenge.
- Okay, you will undertake five challenges
to decide which presenter and his budget bike
was best value for money, ohhh.
There will be four tests to decide
the start order for the finale.
The winner of each test will win
time bonuses for the last challenge.
- [Matt] Wow.
- Tell you what, that's-
- That is like four preparatory rounds then a grand finale,
if that's what we're saying?
- I think that's what this is saying.
(sighing)
- So, as challenge number one is nearest my bike,
I shall do the honours.
Here we go, test number one, the wheelie.
(laughing)
- [Presenter] The wheelie king can't wheelie his bike!
- Kurt Osborne, nicknamed The Wheelie King, from California
in the United States, is the Guinness World Record Holder
for the Longest Bicycle Wheelie, riding on the back wheel
in August of 1998, he rode a wheelie for a record 11 hours
at the Anaheim Convention Centre in California.
Who can wheelie the furthest on their steed?
(excited poppy music)
- [Narrator] Time to find the answer to the question
that's been raging on the GCN notice boards:
who has the biggest wheelie?
- [Matt] Right, looks like it's me
to start off with the wheelies.
- Go Matt, you can do it.
- Look, watch, and learn.
- [Presenter] How not to do it.
- [Presenter] Good luck mate.
I know that face, that means business.
(chortling)
- [Narrator] Matt doesn't have the biggest wheelie,
but he's pleased with it.
- Si, you're up next.
- Alright.
- [Narrator] The cyborg was designed to be both
aero and dynamic, it's show time for GCN's stunt robot.
(grunting)
- Blew my neck.
- [Narrator] Oh, it's a biggie.
- Right, going down.
- Good luck mate.
- [Narrator] Dan goes OCD as he cleans the target zone,
not a hair out of place after a period of no hair at all.
(exclaiming)
- Whoa, that was nearly two metres!
- [Narrator] Dan sets the bar high for all Schwinn owners,
and back to the bar he goes, yet, he just can't stop.
- [Presenter] Whoa, even further!
- [Presenter] Proper little bit of lift there.
- [Presenter] Three metres!
- [Narrator] As ever, it's a cheeky triple for Dan.
But there's a younger man up next, pack it in Dan.
- Slightly nervous about this one.
- I don't know why, mate, I think you'll be fine.
- Just play it safe, yeah.
- You got it in the right gear?
- Look how coarse, I just love how coarse
he has to be on that button.
- [Narrator] Time for Tom to take granny for a ride,
just checking there's no puff of dust.
- Go on, Tom, hey, he's been out in the, in the Go.
Nice, you gonna lose point for hitting the GoPro.
- Nah, nah, points for beating you.
- (laughing) That was hilarious.
- [Narrator] And it's double helpings for Jackie in the box.
- He's got more speed, oh my God, this is ...
- [All] Whoa!
(clapping)
- [Presenter] I think it was about there, wasn't it, yeah.
- Every time I do this, the reach gets a little bit shorter.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] The best of the versed.
In these parts, that means top sausage.
Simon had the biggest, just out of Dan's spicy salami,
a chipple out of performance from Tom,
and a cocktail sausage from Matt, but it was chilly.
- Right then, number two.
The bunny hop: The highest bicycle bunny hop is one metre
45, or 4 foot 9, and was achieved by Rick Koekoek
in London on the 29th on July 2017.
How high can you bunny hop your bike?
- We shall soon find out, won't we?
- Who designed these things?
(laughing)
- Right, let's do it.
- [Narrator] The average bunny only hops around
three centimetres off the ground,
but can these guys beat the bunny in public?
- Come on Matt.
- [Narrator] Matt says he's aiming to produce
the perfect parabola.
That's a mathematically perfect curve, which should see
the wheels horizontal at the median point.
- [Presenter] What d'ya reckon that was?
4 centimetres?
- [Narrator] Well it's certainly a load of parabollocks.
- [Presenter] You've got a different foot this time.
(exclaiming)
- [Presenter] Ready, here we go.
- [Presenter] He's coming, coming in hot.
- [Narrator] Tom looks nervous about his first jump.
To succeed, he needs to clear his mind,
listen to the inner self, be at one with his ancestors,
who are clearly no help this time.
- [Presenter] Look at that, ha, ha, ha!
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Tom now realising
he should've gone for a younger model.
(chortling)
- I can't bend it back.
The pedal's touching the floor.
- [Presenter] Turn it upside down, it'll be alright.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Tom describes his ride as quirky,
but it's a turkey and the carcass is failing.
(exclaiming and laughing)
- [Narrator] Dan Lloyd is an anagram of diyna dull.
Time to blow it up and get on with it.
- (grunting and sighing) God, that wasn't my best one,
I've got one more go, haven't I?
- [Presenter] Come on, laddie.
(exclaiming)
- [Narrator] Dan pumping iron, he performs heroically,
teasing his cruiser into a bruiser.
- Here you go, cycle up, mate.
- Thanks.
(grunting)
- That wheel didn't quite go up, no.
- [Presenter] Impressive front wheel.
Impressive front wheel.
- [Narrator] Si is a renowned disco fanatic,
he knows you've gotta get up to get down.
- Go on, Si.
(grunting)
- [Narrator] Sadly for our wheelie king, in this test,
he's no glorious gainer.
Dan the man, Si the first two letters of silver,
Matt not glossy, Tom buried like his aunt should've been.
- Challenge number three.
(ripping)
Oh, the track stand.
The current Guinness World Record
for the longest track stand is
(chuckling) 21 hours, 34 minutes?
- Well, I've got a kick stand.
- [Presenter] I think Tom could probably do that,
on his for about two days.
- Hang on a minute, hang on,
it says track stand, not kick stand.
Anyways, Jim DeChamp at Miller Motorsports Park
in Tooele, Utah, on the 18th of November 2008,
for the MTV show Nitro Circus.
How long-
- I think Tom might've won it already mate.
(laughing and chattering)
- I've got my kickstand.
- Oh, it's gonna be close between you two.
It might need to take an extra week.
(chattering)
- I didn't even think to buy a trike.
- [Narrator] Holding steady while those around you fail
is a skillset the armies seek in elite forces.
So who will wear the big pants and who will go commando?
- [Man] Three, two, one, go.
- [Man] And stop.
- [Narrator] Animal, it's the mood Dan adopts
in competition; it's also the name of The Muppets' drummer.
Those arms are busy.
- I'm down.
- [Narrator] Dan Lloyd is an anagram of all naughty,
but he can't beat big ears this time.
- I didn't realise you were allowed to move forward.
- (laughing) I've got third.
- Right then, Lasty, it's you and me, mate.
- [Narrator] Matt turns into a bronzed beauty,
well, pinky bronze.
(chill music)
- I'm just chill, then, I'm sat here,
waiting for the frame to fail.
- Dan, do you think Tom's got a little bit of an advantage?
- Well I wasn't allowed to use my kickstand.
- He's so relaxed.
- What, you're doing well.
- Thanks mate.
- It's for the extra high handlebars.
- It's true actually, it's quite comfortable.
(playful music)
(laughing)
- [Presenter] What, one-handed?
- Well,
- [Cyclist] Can you do no-handed?
(exclaiming)
- Ut oh.
- [Cyclist] No, that's it.
- (sighing) Fair play, mate.
What up, Si?
- There's bloody good skills there Tom, seriously,
that's just off the scale, mate.
Victor, it's good when you get first?
- Yeah, it's my first podium, no, no two thirds.
- [Narrator] A relaxed yet satisfying effort
from Tom and Aunt Jackie.
Simon with the skills, Matt with the thrills,
and Dan with the swills, he'll drink to that.
- Right, hope for this one is just about looking cool.
Stopping distance.
It is stated that a bike being operated should be able
to stop at a speed of 15 miles per hour
within 4.5 metres, which is 15 feet.
What distance will your bike require to stop
from 15 miles per hour to a stand still,
if you can get your bike to 15 miles per hour?
We've got a downhill, haven't we?
- A bit dicey down there really.
- [Presenter] Yeah, that is.
- I'm quite confident on this one, I am quite confident.
- I'ma bit nervous. - Come on.
- [Narrator] Sometimes a good performance
is all about knowing when to stop.
It's show time for some proper anchors.
- Are we level with Louis' front wheel or his back wheel?
(fanfare music)
(laughing)
- Well, I think there aren't any words really, are there?
It's sad.
I think it's fixable for the final stage.
I was pleased to get the win on that actually,
that stage, but, you know, but it was win at all costs.
- [Narrator] The beard and the weird tie for first.
Matt and Si mistakenly went full beans,
but couldn't control the gas.
- The final test is the hill climb, alright?
So this is the final challenge
to decide the overall champion.
Basically it's the fastest climb to the summit
of the Campolongo, which 5.8 kilometres in length,
elevation game of 3.53 metres, 11% maximum gradient,
6.1% average gradient.
Who's gonna be the winner?
- I like the sound of that.
- Yeah, we were each provided with 100 pounds
to purchase our bike, as we well know.
Now the winner of each test receives a minute advantage,
and for every pound saved on your purchase below 100 pounds,
will also receive a minute advantage.
So Dan's bike cost 95 pounds, he gets,
well he gets 5 minutes.
- [Dan] Yes.
- Which you might actually need to be honest with you, mate.
(laughing)
Right, let's do this.
(intense string music)
- [Narrator] It's time to test the metal and see who's nuts,
who bolts, who's rusty, and who's a bit of a spanner.
There's tension in the air, you can smell it.
But who dealt it?
- [Man] Three, two, one,
go!
(cheering)
(fast, intense music)
- Pacing, pacing.
- [Narrator] You don't put a Greyhound on roller skaters,
you get a lot of effort and not much go.
Straight line pace goes awol, and pretty it is not.
- Oh my goodness, this is gonna be a long climb.
(record scratching)
- [Man] Go Lasty, go, go, go!
- [Man] Is that stuff legal, sorry?
- [Narrator] Tom keeps the faith,
he believes this game is not lost, he also believes
in the tooth fairy and Father Christmas.
He should've asked Santa for a new frame.
- [Man] Three, two, one, go.
(upbeat music)
- [Presenter] Oh, look at that, it's like poetry in motion.
- [Narrator] Sometimes in life, to get the job done,
you need to find the right tool.
Think of Simon, think right tool.
Think of Tom, think last.
(laughing and huffing)
One target down, thoughts drift to the chaser.
If he can clear the fear of the rear
from his mind, he'll be okay.
- I'm nervous about Matt.
- [Man] Three, two, one, go.
- Cheers boys, let me get these straps on, oh.
- [Narrator] Matt always fumbles when it comes to straps,
but, once tied down, he usually performs
and today is no different.
(intense music)
Matt starts to look very burn out eno,
but maybe not so much badger as tadger.
Up ahead, Dan turns into middle distance legend
Haile Gebrselassie or is that slightly Gebrselassie?
- I can't see him.
(huffing) I'm at my limit.
I can't see him.
(breathing heavily) How has he done it?
Oh God.
- [Narrator] Dan tries an old motivational technique
he uses when he races his own kids.
It's called shouting.
- (shouting) Not in sight.
Look.
A big gap, a big gap.
Come on.
- It's really sad end.
(intense music)
- [Narrator] You might think Tom brought
a knife to a gun fight, but he didn't,
he brought a catapult to nuclear war.
Tom says goodbye to auntie, there's no music
and curtains with this ceremony,
and no winning ticket from the Tombola.
Dan Lloyd is an anagram of yodelin' lad.
Well he's not singing now.
(heavy drumming music)
(groaning loudly)
- First worst.
- [Narrator] Si's efforts means he lives up to the nickname
The Ringmaster, that's from the circus obviously.
Matt, he's tested his guts today, it's been full gas.
(excited, climactic music)
This winner's been a long time coming.
Si has broken a duck, got a monkey off his back,
and he says, knotted the python.
That's how much effort he's put in.
- Oh, I can't believe it, I thought eight minutes
would be too much to make up on an athlete like Lloydy,
we saw how fast he was running.
Those tips from GCN mostly paid off,
I'm just so thankful I've broken that three year duck,
(groaning) it feels good.
Go Matt!
- [Narrator] Matt lunging for glory
from an imaginary pack of opponents with actual talent.
- [Si] Eatin' a big dog as well (chuckling).
- [Narrator] Dan Lloyd is an anagram of oldy land,
but today this mountain belongs to a younger man.
- [Presenter] Good ride.
- What up, mate?
- [Dan] What up man, you get it?
- I did man, I did, just held off.
- I thought I had it for a bit.
- I thought you had it for a bit.
- I thought you had it as well.
- I beat Lasty, though, have you seen him?
- I passed him on the second corner?
- [Matt] I just passed him just past the second corner.
He didn't look to be in great shape to honest with ya,
it was bitin' him then anyway?
- [Si] Really?
- [Matt] Yeah.
- [Narrator] Tom abandoned both his trike and Aunt Jackie.
In life, neither gave him much support,
he's coping well with his loss.
- Well I tell you what, chaps, that was quite a race,
and what a bike test, oh my goodness.
- I've learned a lot actually
on this challenge, I must admit.
- Yeah, 'cause that's such a broad spread of machines,
but ultimately, it was the hybrid,
with only one working disc brake,
that stole the day by a reasonable margin.
- The hybrid being the world's best value eBay bike,
but closely followed by the retro road bike.
- Yeah, I mean
- You pushed it hard.
- Yeah, I had automatic gears at some points,
it comes decided on declines which gears it, so it chose
itself, but regardless, still quite a lovely ride.
- I'll tell you what though, that light that you got
free with your bike, is pretty darn good like as he was
sailing into the distance, I could see him miles away.
- I could see it as well, a little marker, yeah.
- I tell you what, perhaps the most valuable lesson learned
is when buying a bike off eBay,
especially when it's made out of steel,
- Don't buy it with three wheels.
- And just check to make sure it's not rust through.
- Yeah, and that it's got triangle shapes in the frame.
Always helps. - Yeah.
Still valiant effort, mate.
- Right. - It was good.
- Just before you pulled that open,
that looked like quite a good champagne,
don't go too over the top when you're spraying,
wanna keep some of that for drinking, yeah.
- That was the coolest bike though, wasn't it?
That was without a doubt the coolest.
- Hang on, hang on, hang on.
(popping and spraying)
- Whoa.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] It was a great effort, lads.
(laughing)
- It's a screw top.
- You not know it's a screw top?
Bit wasted.
Cheers mate, and well done.
Right, well I hope you've enjoyed
this latest presenter challenge video.
I haven't sorry much, so I didn't win, if you have,
please give it a thumbs up down below and also make sure
you subscribe by clicking on the globe.
- Absolutely and if you wanna watch the more
GCN presenter challenges, then why not see
the climbing challenge, find out who was the best climber,
which I'm still sore about.
- Or for our downhill chainless challenge
in the USA, click just down here.
No comments:
Post a Comment