Hey hey, my friend! Welcome to Parenting A to Z! I'm Kelly Bourne and this week we're
taking a look at overwhelm. So if you are drowning in to-dos, if you feel
like you are constantly spinning your wheels and can't get any traction,
this one is for you! I've got some really practical tools
that do not involve a better time management system, or a new
planner, or a new way to make a list -- none of that stuff! The real deal -- coming right up!
I feel like one of the biggest,
most common misconceptions when it comes to overwhelm, is that we
need to do something different as far as time management goes. That we need to
find a better way to organize our time. That we need to have a better list. That
we need to have a better planner. If we just go out and buy some new
highlighters, everything will be fine! I know I have definitely fallen into
the trap of thinking that office supplies are going to solve my overwhelm
issue... but the truth is, less! You know what? Less! Less is more! Less is the secret
to having less overwhelm! Less of the time-sucks, of the tasks, of the amount of
stuff in your home. It's all about getting rid of all the clutter. Whether
it is a physical thing, like too many mismatched socks, or whether it's a
personal thing, like relationships, or whether it is time commitments, like
birthday parties and soccer practices and all these things coming out the
wazoo that are just draining you and pulling you down and aren't really
giving you anything back in return -- it's all about cutting and slicing and dicing
and getting rid of all of that stuff that you don't want or need or care
about, so you have more time in your life for the things that really do
matter. And I know, it's like okay, yeah, we all know that. It all makes sense. But we
can struggle with how to get it done. So we're gonna look at some
practical practical things that you can do to make it
happen. I know, I'm getting all... because it's hard! But we can do it! We can do it!
One of the first things
I want you to do, is you can put me on pause after we talk about this and
chat to about this for a second, but I want you to take just like even 5
minutes or 10 minutes and think about what your ideal day would look like. From
the time you wake up, to the time you go to sleep, in your ideal world what would
that look like? Or what would your ideal weekend look like? Or what would your
ideal evening look like? Whatever section of the day, whatever portion
of your life you're feeling the most overwhelmed, and take a look at that. And
just take a minute to dream. I know I'm closing my eyes because, uh! It sometimes,
it can feel impossible! It can feel like, okay, yeah, whatever. Living on cloud nine...
But unless we're really clear on where we want to be and how we want our life
to look we're never gonna be able to get there. So just take a minute, you can put
me on pause and just think about that. Map that out. What you would like
your ideal day to look like. With no "buts" or no "Well I can't do that because..."
like really sit down, and if there were no restrictions on you, what would your
ideal day look like? And then when you've got your ideal day mapped out, just
pause for a sec and take a look. Take stock. How is your current reality, how does it
differ from your ideal day? Paying especially close attention to what is
present in your day-to-day? What is presently causing you overwhelm that
*doesn't even exist* in your ideal day? Because that's your first clue as to
what you can slice and dice out of there. And I know it can feel hard.
It can feel really, it can feel so hard! One of the things I like to remind
myself of, is that so much of the overwhelm I was placing on myself was
not from actual emergencies. Not actual life-and-death, or unless I act in this
moment my whole life is going down the tubes.
Nothing, really, that was overwhelming me was that serious.
It was all these manufactured emergencies and all these things that I
was putting so much more value on than they deserved. They weren't actually
really that important. I had made them be in my head more important
than they actually were. So just getting real with yourself on your priorities,
and where you're placing your value, and what you can chuck to the
side. So I know, and again I know it can be so tricky, so I've got a few things to
help you through that process. A few things to think about. And the first
thing when you're looking at creating your ideal day, or it doesn't even have
to be your ideal day, just like bringing the stress down a notch, is the idea of
just eliminating that which sucks your time and does not serve you.
Which you're giving your time and is giving you nothing in return. So that
could be being on the PTA -- well, I said it! Maybe everybody doesn't want to be on
it, right?! Maybe you thought you had really good intentions of signing up and
you actually hate it and don't enjoy it. Get yourself out of there! You don't have
to do anything you don't want to do! You don't have to volunteer
for anything you don't want to volunteer for! You don't have to make cupcakes if
you don't want to make the stinking cupcakes! You don't have to be going to
playdates you don't want to be going to. You don't have to say yes to every
single birthday party invitation your kids receive. And then even looking at
our our private time or personal time, how much time are you spending watching
TV? How much time are you spending scrolling social media? And of course
it's completely personal. But just look at those things
that are sucking your time and what you can just cut out immediately. And the
freedom that comes from that, holy! Just imagine if you are someone who
regularly spends three hours at night watching TV, what you could do with that
time instead. It opens so many doors. Another thing, too that I
try to keep in mind for myself when it comes to eliminating things outright, is
reminding myself that "no" is a complete sentence and try to get out of living in
the land of "maybe." I swear "maybe" is the worst word in the history -- well,
it's not, I'm totally exaggerating, but I feel like we can say
"maybe" to you know, leave that door open, or maybe we don't want to hurt
somebody's feelings. But whenever we say "maybe" and
mean "no" we're doing a disservice not only to ourselves, but also to the other
person. Because we're kind of leaving that door open that, "Oh maybe they'll
come and speak at this event..." or "Maybe they'll be at the birthday party..." or
"Maybe they're gonna join the soccer parent committee..." Whereas if you can be
really clear and really firm -- you can still be nice about it -- with your "no"s
and setting your boundaries, it's so much more freeing for everyone! Because
everyone knows where you stand. You know where you stand! They know where you
stand! And you're not wasting that mental energy thinking about "Oh, are they gonna
ask me to do that again?" Whereas if you just say "no," you leave it
at that. It's clean. It's the way to go, I'm telling you, people! No. It's a great
word. And then of course, you can't eliminate everything from your life,
right?! Like we do have some responsibilities. Some things you have to
take care of. The next thing to think of is, what can I automate? What can I
kind of put on autopilot so I'm not wasting all this mental energy and this
mental overwhelm thinking about all the time? Getting your diapers delivered.
I know for a lot of people, and when I was in the diaper stage, that was a
huge time-saver. So I wasn't constantly going to the store for diapers and wipes. Or
a huge lifesaver for me that I found is I have a service that delivers my
groceries. So I still cook and I make the meals, but they just deliver
everything for me so I'm not having to go out all the time. And of course,
it'll be different for everyone, but just start to think of what don't
I have to be doing myself? The other thing that goes along with that, too, that
doesn't involve spending money or signing up for any kind of service, is
batching what you're doing. Automating in a sense doing laundry only on Sundays, or
checking your email only three times a day at certain times instead of letting
all the notifications constantly bombard you and bury you.
Same with social media. Instead of constantly having it going, have set
times where you can go in and that's when you check it. Get in, get out, you're
done. So batching whatever you can batch. Even paying bills. Instead of going
through constantly and you're always in and out switching activities, whatever
you can batch, batch. Whether it's dishes or laundry or changing the oil in your
car! Whatever it is -- I know, it's a weird example! But batch what you can.
Batch, automate what you can. Just save your time wherever you can. And I know
it's hard to if you're thinking about putting out money for a service, but
something else I try to think about is that anything that saves me time is also
saving me money. Because your time is priceless. Your
time -- I know, I'm sounding like a greeting card! But it really is. And then the other
thing that I just, I just love this, especially for us parents, is if you
can't eliminate it, you can't automate it, delegate it! So guys, I'm looking at you!
I'm talking getting your kids to start doing some chores around the house! Showing
them how to vacuum, showing them how to do the dishwasher, showing
your older kids how to cut the grass! All of those things! You don't have to be
doing all of it! Start letting go. Start letting go where you can. Delegating what
you can, getting your older kids involved in supper prep -- heck even handing over
dinner a couple nights a week to your older kids! Delegate what you can. Just
asking yourself -- do I need to be the one doing this? Or can someone else be doing
this? And when it comes to a lot of our parenting -- I'm wearing my "parenting
hat," if you can't tell that's what I'm doing -- to a lot of our parenting jobs,
we're doing stuff that our kids are more than capable of doing! So just try to
delegate as much as much as you can. So I know, overwhelm, it's a big topic and
it's not like an overnight, easy fix, but I really and truly believe that the way
to get rid of overwhelm is not through time management, or more office supplies,
or better lists, it is through getting rid of the crap that is junking up your
life. Eliminating, eliminating, eliminating. Being ruthless! But you can also be nice
while you're being ruthless with your time. But if you don't manage your time
and you don't take control of your time and what gets your attention, someone
else will do that for you. So eliminate what you can, automate what you can,
whether it is laundry service or grocery service or whether it is just batching
your emails or batching your laundry or batching your yardwork,
whatever it is, really automating and putting a system around it so you don't
feel like you're all helter-skelter constantly all the time, and then the
third thing, probably my favourite, is delegating. Stop doing everything for
your kids. They're so capable. And I know I'm getting so animated because
you're not only taking stuff off your plate, you're teaching them such valuable
life skills and you're teaching them that they are capable. So that when they
do leave the nest, they're not scrambling because they've never turned on a
dishwasher, or they've never pumped gas, or they they've never cleaned their room
in their whole entire life. They have those skills. They'll have that
confidence. So guys, I hope that helps! If you have any questions, comments, of
course leave them below. If you have any other tools or strategies, again leave
them in the comments below. Sharing is caring! And of course, if you're looking
for any more in-depth parenting resources and support, don't forget to
join us over in the Parent 'Hood, we've got tons of exclusive videos, tons of
resources, and I also hold regular office hours. So best of luck cutting the junk,
getting rid of the clutter, and I'll see you in the next video!
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