It was late in the year 47 B.C.E., and Julius Caesar had just barely survived the Siege
of Alexandria by installing a Roman ally on the Egyptian throne.
He had prevailed against Pompey in the Roman Civil War a year earlier, but as reality set
in it was becoming clear that his victory was shallower than originally thought.
While Caesar was busy in Egypt, the Old Order in their various forms began to creep back
in and fray at his conquests.
This fraying allowed three major crises to emerge.
First, an allied foreign king turned against Rome in hopes of recapturing his father's
lost territory.
Second, politicians back in Rome were up to their old tricks, using street violence to
push for radical political reform.
Third, a recalcitrant Pompeian Faction under the leadership of Cato had begun the process
of rebuilding down in North Africa.
It was looking like Caesar would have to win the Civil War for a second time.
But first things first.
A foreign king had invaded a Roman province!
If Caesar simply ignored this threat, drumming up political support for anything else would
become extremely difficult.
So, off to Asia Minor!
The king in question was a guy named Pharnaces of Bosporus, one of the sons of Mithridates
the Great.
Ever the opportunist, Pharnaces went rogue during the Civil War and captured a huge chunk
of Roman territory.
Departing Egypt, Caesar set a breakneck pace up the Mediterranean coast, foregoing supplies
for the sake of speed.
Pharnaces knew that Caesar was dealing with a bunch of crises at once, and so offered
Caesar a few minor concessions if he would just agree to leave him alone.
Not only did Caesar reject this offer, but he rejected any further offers to negotiate.
If you remember, he had just given away an entire Roman province in a negotiated settlement
with the Queen of Egypt, so it would be a pretty bad look if he turned around and did
the exact same thing with a foreign invader.
There would be no negotiated peace.
Caesar advanced further and further into Asia Minor.
Eventually, Caesar and Pharnaces encountered each other near the town of Zela.
The two armies deployed across a steep valley, each on their own separate hill.
This would be the beginning of a weeks or even months long process where each side would
engage in subtle maneuvers in hopes of gaining a slight tactical advantage.
Caesar was uniquely good at this aspect of warfare, and it's fair to assume that he was
walking in there with a fairly detailed game plan.
But Pharnaces had something else in mind.
His first move was to have his army advance straight down the hill and into the valley.
We are told that when Caesar saw this, he burst out laughing.
He turned to his advisers and told them that this was an extremely obvious fake out, and
that Pharnaces must think that they were a bunch of idiots if he thought that some weird
aggressive posturing would scare them off their hill.
But when Pharnaces's army reached the foot of the Roman hill, they didn't turn back.
One imagines the smile fading from Caesar's face.
All of his preparation was for naught.
The entire campaign would come down to this moment.
The Romans sounded the alarm.
The majority of Caesar's army were off in the distance building the camp, but there
were just enough legionaries milling about to throw together a crude, disorganized line.
When Pharnaces's army charged, this line was there to meet them.
The Roman line buckled.
For a moment there was panic behind Roman lines as it looked as if they were going to
be completely overrun.
Fortunately for the Romans, the moment passed as legionaries from the camp were able to
reinforce the line and stop the bleeding.
But now what?
The Romans were fighting for their lives and operating entirely without a plan.
Pharnaces had a whole bunch of chariots at his disposal, which apparently had been kitted
out to be used as heavy cavalry.
These chariots now began to crash into weak sections of the Roman line.
The Romans had not considered how to counter attacks like this, and so they had no choice
but to ignore the chariots for the time being.
The only thing that the Romans really had going for them was the fact that they were
fighting downhill.
They basically leaned into this advantage and began to use brute force to push forward
as best they could.
As the day wore on, the Romans were able to push Pharnaces's army all the way down the
hill.
Suddenly, there was an unexpected breakthrough on the Roman right.
The Roman infantry immediately rushed in to fill that gap.
It wasn't very long before Pharnaces's centre collapsed as well, which sent the entire army
was in full flight.
Pharnaces would be dead within a matter of days.
His successors offered Caesar their unconditional surrender.
Everybody - including Caesar - had assumed that the reconquest of Asia Minor would be
a year or years long grind.
In the end the entire campaign was over in something like 5 days.
Shocking.
But as we've just seen, this victory had very had little to do with Caesar and everything
to do with Pharnaces's recklessness.
That being said, Caesar was never one to squander a propaganda opportunity, and so in his next
report to the Senate, he wrote an open letter which simply contained the following words:
"Vini, Vidi, Vici."
This is usually translated as "I came, I saw, I conquered."
He also had pamphlets distributed in Rome that pointed out how Pompey's eastern campaigns
had taken years, while his had taken days.
Cheeky.
Caesar had dealt with the first major crisis, but his work wasn't done.
Roman politics were still spinning out of control, and the Pompeians in North Africa
were still gearing up for a brand new Civil War.
It would be impossible for any long term planning to take place until these issues were dealt
with.
Caesar set sail for Italy.
He had been away for nearly 3 years.
Along the way, he decided that his next priority would be Pompeians in North Africa.
The Roman Civil War had already ended once with Pompey's murder.
That probably should have been the end of hostilities, but for whatever reason, maybe
Caesar's inattentiveness, maybe the quality of the Pompeian leadership, the Old Order
was able to reestablish itself in North Africa and set the stage for a second Civil War.
Caesar started to make preparations for a crossing to North Africa.
During this time, Caesar kept himself busy by issuing instructions to his allies back
in Rome.
I'm not going to get into Roman politics right now because if I do we'll all turn into Zardoz
skeletons, but we'll circle back to this when the time is right.
One thing that I do need to mention here is that Caesar had a legion mutiny on him.
The reason for this was that Caesar had made significant promises his oldest legions if
they would agree to delay their retirement until after the Civil War.
That had been several years ago.
Now, after winning the Civil War, Caesar had delivered on exactly zero of his promises,
and was now gearing up for yet another campaign.
They were right to be upset.
Caesar went out to meet with the mutineers, and after an emotional back and forth he told
them that for the loyalty over the years, they were free to retire whenever they wished.
This unconditional offer came as a shock to the mutineers.
Caesar followed this up by humbly asking if they would consider on one last campaign with
him.
After that, they could retire in peace, and he would devote the next years of his life
to fulfilling every one of his promises.
Upon receiving this specific commitment, the mutineers agreed to go on one last campaign.
Time was of the essence.
The mutiny had shown Caesar that his most experienced legions would not tolerate any
more dilly-dallying.
A plan was hatched to set sail with whatever legions were ready to go.
The rest would just have to catch up whenever they could.
It was customary for the Romans to kick off a voyage like this with an animal sacrifice.
On this occasion, the bull selected for the sacrifice had an IQ of like a million, and
so when it caught sight of the knife it got all turnt up and was able to break free of
its restraints.
When the Romans tried to calm the bull down it zigged and then zagged and then booked
it off into the distance, becoming the freest bull who ever lived.
This wasn't a great omen, but whatever.
The fleet set sail on schedule.
But here's the thing: the Romans were notoriously bad sailors, and during the crossing ill winds
blew the entire fleet wildly off course.
After several stressful days at sea, only a small fraction of Caesar's original fleet
remained.
When the group caught sight of land, they decided to make camp on the beach so that
the rest of the fleet could track them down.
But when Caesar came ashore, his foot got caught on the lip of the boat and he fell
face first onto the beach.
Thinking quickly, he bounced to his feet with his hands full of pebbles and shouted for
the benefit of his soldiers: "Africa, I have hold of you now!"
After Pompey's death, the senator Cato seized control of the Pompeian Faction and pledged
to raise new armies and restart the Civil War in North Africa as soon as possible.
Cato was not a military guy, and so he handed command of the Pompeian army over to a guy
named Scipio, who, yes, was a descendant of that other Scipio from the Second Punic War.
In fact, there was a rumour going around saying that according to prophecy, it was impossible
to defeat a Scipio in North Africa.
No such prophecy existed, but the rumour persisted anyway.
Caesar was aware that this could be a damaging piece of propaganda, and so he plucked one
of Scipio's distant cousins out of obscurity and threw him into the military equivalent
of middle management.
The last major Pompeian that we should be aware of is Caesar's old right hand man Labienus,
who was serving as one of Scipio's officers.
What's weird about this is that Labienus was undeniably the better general, but Cato preferred
Scipio due to his conservative politics and his prestigious family name.
Cato was also able to solicit the support of a Roman ally, King Juba of Numidia, who
brought his world-class Numidian cavalry to the Pompeian cause.
Back on the beach, most of the scattered Caesarian fleet had been able to track Caesar down.
But there was already a problem.
In their haste to cross the Mediterranean, the Caesarians brought virtually no food with
them.
This SEEMS like bad planning, and it was, but the legions had kinda forced Caesar to
set sail before the invasion was 100% ready.
Food and reinforcements were coming, they just weren't here yet.
In the mean time they would just have to live off the land.
When King Juba of the Numidians became aware of this weakness, he immediately launched
a series of raids along the coast.
This activity made foraging virtually impossible.
One of these raids has a real "truth is stranger than fiction" quality to it, so if you'll
indulge me for a moment I'll include it here.
Caesar's army included a bunch of Gallic cavalry, and these dudes were sitting around a fire
one night, talking, maybe drinking, whatever, when out of the darkness a North African local
approached the fire and began playing the flute and doing a little dance.
The Gallic cavalry dudes were super impressed by this, and a small crowd gathered to watch
the performance.
The purpose of the music and of the crowd was to drown out the sound of hooves.
King Juba's Numidian cavalry charged out of the darkness right into the crowd.
Before the Roman camp could respond, the Numidians slipped away.
Raids like this were a daily threat, which was super frustrating.
Caesar decided to change things up by taking half of his army and marching inland to capture
a few North African desert towns.
Remember, he didn't necessarily need to defeat the Pompeians immediately, he just needed
to keep his army fed until reinforcements arrived.
Capturing a town or two would accomplish that.
A few kilometers into the desert, the Caesarians noticed a dust cloud coming up behind them.
It was the entire Numidian army, under the command of Caesar's old right hand man Labienus.
The Caesarians turned and prepared for the fight of their lives.
Marching inland had been a huge mistake.
Labienus had a tonne of cavalry with him, and he used this to his advantage by having
them ride out and occupy all of the hills surrounding Caesar's position.
He knew that Caesar was uniquely good at playing up small tactical advantages, and with this
one move he took that option off the table.
Given the size and makeup of Labienus's army, Caesar's was primarily concerned with being
flanked, and so he deployed his infantry in a long, thin line.
Labienus and the Numidians advanced, and as they did so their cavalry fanned out wider
and wider and wider.
Only now did it become clear that Labienus had been hiding his numbers by packing his
cavalry tightly together.
Caesar was much more badly outnumbered than he originally thought.
Then, Labienus attacked everywhere at once.
Infantry in the centre, cavalry on the wings.
Caesar's line was already as wide and as thin as possible, so they were unable to stop the
Numidian cavalry on the wings.
Before too long, the Caesarians were completely encircled.
Caesar turned every other cohort around so that they could face attacks from two directions
at once.
But this didn't do much good.
Labienus's cavalry refused to let themselves get pinned down.
They attacked, wheeled, attacked again, threw javelins, shot arrows, and basically behaved
as unpredictably as possible.
The Caesarians had no answer to tactics like this, and as the day wore on his army began
to waver.
During a break in the fighting, Labienus took off his helmet and rode up and down the front
line.
He began to taunt the Caesarian soldiers, shouting things like: "How is it going, recruit?
Don't you boys look dashing.
Caesar sure has lead you all into a dangerous situation.
Wish I could help!"
Mind you, Labienus would have known many of these soldiers by name, making these taunts
all the more biting.
Labienus knew the truth.
He was winning the battle.
Caesar was losing.
It was only a matter of time.
Caesar came up with a radical plan.
On his signal, he had his legions throw their javelins and charge in both directions at
once.
Labienus's encircling cavalry didn't want to be pinned down, so they wheeled and pulled
back.
This created an opening.
Caesar ordered an immediate withdrawal.
But it wasn't that simple.
The Caesarians moved as quickly as possible, but it wasn't long before Labienus's Numidian
cavalry caught up with them.
Caesar's exhausted legions turned and prepared to fight their second battle of the day.
As Labienus and the Numidians closed in, the Caesarians went on the offensive.
The infantry charged, and refused to let the Numidians take the initiative.
Labienus's Numidian cavalry continued to hit the Caesarians with javelins and arrows, but
were forced to pull further and further back as the Caesarians continued to advance.
During this onslaught, Labienus was probably thrown from his horse and injured.
The Caesarians abruptly turned and began their second withdrawal of the day.
Labienus was probably no longer in command, and whoever succeeded him chose to let the
Caesarians go.
Some historians criticize this decision, but bear in mind that the other half of Caesar's
army was only a few kilometers away.
If the Numidians chased Caesar all the way back to the coast, they would almost certainly
run into them.
Much better to just take the win and let them go.
Labienus had just defeated his old friend in open battle.
The myth surrounding Caesar's skill as a general had been forever tarnished.
Labienus must have been pretty happy with himself.
The Caesarians returned to the coast exhausted, demoralized, hungry, and unsure as to what
to do next.
So long as Labienus continued to patrol the desert, any further inland incursions would
be impossible.
Months passed.
The Caesarians spent this time huddled in a defensive crouch on the coast.
The only thing that kept them from starving was the fact that they found a hidden food
stockpile belonging to a nearby town.
Otherwise, the military dynamic remained unchanged.
No word on the reinforcements from Italy.
Over this period, a daily ritual developed where Scipio would deploy for battle just
outside the Caesarian camp, and Caesar would decline the offer.
Caesar feared that an attack may happen at any time, and in desperation brought all of
his sailors down off the ships and pressed them into the infantry.
You might be asking yourself why Scipio didn't attack at this time.
There's a good reason.
Scipio's basic military strategy said that a stalemate in North Africa was basically
as good as a victory.
The Pompeians correctly assessed that Caesar's political support was shallow, and believed
that a prolonged North African campaign would shatter Caesar's reputation and allow Pompeian
politicians to reassert themselves back in Rome.
Say what you will about Scipio, but his strategy was coherent.
At long last, those reinforcements from Italy showed up.
Two additional legions, bringing Caesar's total up to rough parity with Scipio at 8
legions apiece.
Caesar was still technically outnumbered if you counted King Juba's 4 additional legions,
but at least now Caesar could now get out of his defensive crouch.
Caesar surprised Scipio by marching off and seizing a set of nearby hills.
Labienus kept up the pressure by launching a series of hit and run cavalry raids.
The pressure worked, because after a day or so Caesar abandoned the hills and advanced
on a nearby town in hopes of restocking on food.
Scipio wisely put his army in between the Caesarians and the town, and Caesar was forced
to pull back.
The Caesarians were running out of options, and the Pompeians were slowly tightening their
grip.
But Caesar was in for some luck.
Two more legions arrived in North Africa, bringing his total up to 10.
Now, Caesar began to behave much more aggressively.
Both armies deployed on favourable ground, but neither side wanted to be the one to initiate
battle.
The Caesarians turned and marched away.
The Pompeian army followed.
Finally, Caesar and his legions approached the coastal city of Thapsus and began building
siege equipment.
It's unclear how serious Caesar was about actually storming the city, but he knew that
the threat of doing so might push Scipio into attacking.
The Pompeians closed in.
Scipio encamped on the west.
King Juba encamped on the south.
Caesar would have to attack one of these positions if he wanted to withdraw again.
The two armies deployed opposite each other.
Each side occupied favourable ground, and just like before, each wanted the other to
attack first.
Scipio and King Juba and Labienus deployed with infantry in the centre and cavalry on
the wings.
King Juba controlled 60 war elephants, and Scipio placed these in front of the line near
the wings.
These elephants would pose a unique challenge for the Caesarians.
The Pompeians had a significant cavalry advantage, which made it was pretty obvious where most
of the action would be.
Caesar moved his strongest and most experienced legions to the wings.
In fact, there was a lot of internal debate over who would get the honour of facing off
against the elephants.
In the end Caesar tapped the veteran Fifth Legion, who had served under him in Gaul,
and put them on elephant duty on each wing.
For most of the day, the two armies just stared at each other.
Whoever attacked first would be at a slight disadvantage, and nobody wanted to take that
risk.
There are several different version of what happened next.
It all had to do with Caesar's veterans.
Remember, Caesar had promised that this would be their last campaign.
For months they had suffered humiliation after humiliation at the hands of Labienus and others,
and now, retirement was one decisive battle away.
They were grumpy and impatient.
The veterans on Caesar's right attacked without orders.
Later they would claim that they detected a weakness in Scipio's line, but I don't buy
it.
It's worth mentioning here that one account claims that Caesar suffered from a seizure
earlier in the day and spent several hours recovering in his tent.
If this happened it would explain some of the miscommunication going on here.
Caesar suffered from seizures for his entire life, but this is the only instance where
his condition may have directly impaired his ability to command.
When Caesar discovered that his right had moved to attack he ordered the veterans to
get back in line, but these orders were ignored.
The right made contact with the enemy, and more and more neighbouring units moved in
to help.
It quickly became clear to that the battle could not be stopped.
Caesar ordered an all-out attack and rode forward to personally take command of the
endangered right.
Scipio's elephants charged.
Caesar's legions had trained for this, and opened up holes in their line so that the
elephants could pass through unharmed.
The Fifth Legion was waiting, spears in hand, just behind the Caesarian line.
Their only job today would be to face this elephant charge head-on.
The battle dragged on for hours.
The veterans on Caesar's left and right repulsed Labienus's cavalry again and again and again.
The Fifth Legion held their own against the elephants, but one source describes a horrific
scene with elephants throwing soldiers with their trunks and stomping on anybody who fell
to the ground.
Nightmare stuff.
Hours passed, and the sun began to set.
Bloodied and bruised, the Fifth Legion threw one last volley of javelins, which at last
caused the war elephants to panic and flee.
What followed was absolute chaos.
The elephants crashed straight into the Pompeian line, causing it to crumble.
Those who held their ground quickly fell under a renewed push from Caesar's legions.
The Caesarians then descended into what can only be described as a killing frenzy, where
many thousands of disarmed Pompeian prisoners were murdered on the spot.
Caesar frantically issued orders telling the legions to leave the prisoners alone, but
these were just outright ignored.
Caesar completely lost control of his army.
By the time the madness passed, virtually no prisoners were left alive.
In the days that followed, Scipio and King Juba of the Numidians would take their own
lives.
Labienus, ever resourceful, was able to escape with some survivors and set sail for Spain,
where he vowed to continue the fight.
But of course, Labienus and Scipio were not the leaders of the Pompeian Faction.
That man was Cato, who was headquartered in the nearby town of Utica.
When Cato learned of the resounding Pompeian defeat at Thapsus, he took his own life.
The details surrounding Cato's death have been highly romanticized, which I don't want
to play into here.
However, this incident would become famous within Caesar's lifetime, so I should mention
it in passing.
Cato stabbed himself in the stomach, inexplicably survived, and then later ripped open his stitches
and disemboweled himself with his own bare hands.
It was a gruesome death.
With the passing of Cato, the Roman Civil War ended for a second time.
Although Labienus and others Pompeians survived, it's safe to say that for the first time,
Caesar was in full control of Roman territory.
He was finally free to return to the city of Rome and begin the hard work of forging
a lasting piece.
If such a thing was even possible.
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