Wink, J. (2011). Critical Pedagogy: Notes From the Real World, (Fourth Edition p.93-99)Upper Saddle River: Pearson Education.
Hey YouTube, my name is Amy North and today I want to talk about specific conversations
that ruin new relationships.
For those of you who don't know me I'm a relationship coach from the west coast of
Canada, and over the last few years I've been working with women around the world to
improve their love lives.
Today I want to take it from the top and talk about three topics that end relationships
before they even have the chance to blossom.
In other words, talks that kill your chances are going the distance with a new partner.
Now you may be asking yourself why it is that I'm stressing "new" relationships and
"early" days and that's because unlike couples who have been together for a while
and know one another well, certain topics can drive away your new love interest because
they haven't gotten the chance to know you well enough just yet.
You'll understand what I mean better in a moment.
Now before I jump into this I would like to quickly ask that if you enjoy what you learn
here today then please take a moment to subscribe to my YouTube channel.
There you will be able to check out more of my dating advice videos and I'd really appreciate
the support.
So please, keep that in mind while watching this video.
Alright, let's get started.
So the first conversation that can ruin a new relationship is one that goes something
like this.
You and your guy are chatting and he mentions a female he knows, be it a friend, colleague,
whoever.
But, instead of listening to his story you start asking yourself who this woman is, and
questions their relationship.
Has he hooked up with her?
Is he attracted to her?
The works.
Unfortunately this feeling of worrying comes on so strongly that you end up asking him
these questions.
The problem here is two-fold.
If he says yes then you are going to never want him to be around her, regardless of how
long ago their rendezvous happened.
If he says no, well, you're probably going to question it still, and may even convince
yourself that he's lying to avoid you getting jealous.
Not to mention how insecure you'll look, and how awkward that conversation may be.
So, really, this conversation is a lose lose and if it gets out of hand, well, I hate it
say it but you can kiss your relationship goodbye.
Instead of letting these thoughts get the best of you realize that what is in the past
is in the past.
It can't be changed or undone, so don't let it ruin what you have presently.
The second kind of conversation to avoid early in a relationship is the one about wanting
kids.
Sure, there is an innocent way to go about this, but telling the guy you're seeing
that you want to have children by a certain age or deadline can be a dead breaker… not
to mention the pressure it puts on him if that end date is near!
Instead of telling him your big picture plans, if the topic comes up simply say, "Yeah,
that's something I can see myself wanting down the road" or "It's a possibility."
Really you don't have to tell him yes or no at all right now, instead keep it vague
and roll with it.
The point is to avoid seeming baby crazy.
Why?
Because it could send him running, or even make him question how far you're willing
to go to make that dream happen.
At the same time, if he brings it up and shares all this thoughts and plans regarding children
then feel free to get on board and tell him honestly you're feeling towards having kids.
That said, just be sure not to say anything that is going to make him feel uncomfortable.
The same rule can be applied when discussing marriage early on in the relationship.
Alright now my third and final conversation to avoid in the beginning of your relationship
is the dreaded "my ex" conversation.
While it may seem easier to talk about your dating history earlier on in the relationship
— before you become too emotionally involved with one another — talking about your ex
at the start of a new relationship is rarely a good thing.
Again, there's a lose-lose here.
For instance, you either speak of your ex in a high regard and your new man will think
that you're not over your ex, OR you bash them, say how much of a loser he was and blame
him for your demise and he again, thinks you're not over him, or he worries that you'll
speak poorly of him down the road, too.
To avoid this from happening don't bring up exes.
If for some reason they do come up keep your comments short and sweet.
Don't make it seem like your past relationships were a huge deal, and when possible, change
the subject.
If your new man does ask you what happened with your last relationship, or why it didn't
last, simply say that you wanted different things or that you outgrew one another.
No further details.
Not yet anyways.
Well, that just about does it for this video, I hope you enjoyed it.
If you have any questions about what I've covered here then please post those in the
comments below, along with any other topics you think should be avoided early on in a
relationship.
As always thanks so much for watching and if you'd like to check out more of my dating
advice videos then just hit the subscribe button below.
Until next time take care and good luck!
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