Hi, everyone. In today's lesson we're going to look at phrases you can use when you're
dating someone, you want to date someone, when you're making friends, or when you want
to make friends. And the way this lesson works is there's... There are two people speaking,
one person says something, and the other person replies. So let's start here. And all these
examples are things that would... A person would say if they met somebody they didn't
know before at some kind of class. I suppose it depends where you live, but in London there
are so many different kinds of classes you can go to, from exercise classes, for things
that are artistic, dance classes, or photography classes, many classes that are based on interests
- and that's a really good way for meeting new people. And it seems like many people
date that way, really. They go to the photography class because they want to meet someone to
date. They're a little bit interested in photography, but you know, they just want to meet new people.
So that's how it works in a place like London. If you... If you live somewhere where there's
not so many classes, perhaps these kinds of conversations wouldn't be so common where
you live, but these are... These are the kinds of conversations you would hear in London
if you went to a dance class, a salsa class, that kind of thing.
So, number one: "Is it your first time here?" You've met someone, you want to continue the
conversation with them, get to know them a bit, you can say: "Is it your first time here?"
And the person replies: "I come most weeks." Or they say: "No. I come once in a while".
"Once in a while" means not every week. I come one week, then three weeks later I come
in an unpredictable way.
Number two: "Do you come here often?" This sentence or phrase, this is an innuendo. So,
it is a kind of phrase that many people would avoid using if they didn't want to be really
direct and show that they were interested in someone in that kind of way. So, if you
just want to be friends with someone, maybe you wouldn't say these exact words: "Do you
come here often?" So here are the replies: "Not as much as I'd like to.", "Today's my
first time." or "It's my first time today." Or you could say: "I'm a regular". "A regular"
is a person who goes to the salsa class every single week, they always go. So that's...
Being a regular is the opposite to a person who's just going for the first time today.
Number three: -"So, how long have you been coming to this photography class?" -"About
a year now."
Number four, you could say: "Do you go to any other classes?" Now, this question could
mean any other similar classes. If, to use the salsa example again, because salsa's quite
a popular hobby I suppose to do, in a city like London there's more than one salsa class,
and people really into it, they've probably tried different salsa classes, so they could
ask that question to you: "Do you go to any other classes?" It means: "Do you go to any
other salsa classes?" But it could also mean in general, depending on how you're asking.
So it could be: "Well, I'm at salsa today, but I do... I do embroidery on Wednesday",
or whatever else you do. Here are the replies: "Sometimes I go to the other one in ______."
So, to use a place name in London, I could say: "Sometimes I go to the other one in Brixton."
For me to answer that, it means I'm talking about the same kind of class. And I could
also say: "This one is my favourite." I mean: This salsa class that I'm at today is my favourite
of all the other salsa classes. Or I could say: "This one is my local", and that one
suggests I come here because it's the easiest one for me to go to. Another example of that
would be a yoga class, because there are so many different yoga classes, perhaps some
people prefer to go to the one closest to their house, so they might say that.
Next we've got: "How did you find the class?" Now, when I use the word "find" there, it
doesn't mean: How did you find the building? Or: "How did you...? How did you get here?"
It means more like: "What did you think of the class? Was it interesting for you?" So
we can reply this way: "I really enjoyed it. It was good fun." Or we could say: "It took
a while to find my feet." Or I could say: "It took a while to get into it." And they
mean almost the same thing. It means at first I wasn't sure, but when I did it a bit longer
I got more comfortable. They mean something like that.
Number six, you could say to the person that you're chatting to: "So, will you come back
again?" Because maybe you enjoy talking to them, and you would like to see them again
next time. And they can reply: "Definitely. It was great." Or they could say: "I think
so. It depends on whether I get to leave work early next week." Or you could say: "Most
probably." It's not a very certain or strong yes, but if you're not sure if you'll go back
100%, you could say that. And the last example here is: "I will, if I get the chance." So
this example is much less certain than the other... The other examples here. "If I get
the chance" means if it's possible in the future I'll come. Not 100% decided yet. So,
when we... We're now going to look at more examples for making friends and dating things
to say.
Now we're looking at phrases you can say when you want to stay in touch with someone. You
met someone new, you like them, and you hope to see them again. You want to stay in touch.
People who come to London, for example, and they didn't know anyone when they moved here,
they can often find it easy to meet new people because all you need to do is go to one of
those classes and you can speak to people, you can meet new people. But then they struggle
with the staying in touch part. They just meet new people, but don't really make friends.
These phrases will help you go from acquaintance, someone you just said hi to, possibly toward
being friends.
Number seven, you could say... The person could say: "It was nice to meet you. Would
you like to stay in touch?" And the reason that there are two sentences in this phrase
is because if you want to see someone again, rather than just hitting them with the question,
as in: "Do you want to stay in touch?" you can take more time and say why first. So you
can say something like: "It was nice to meet you", so it kind of gives you a reason why
you want to ask. And they can reply: "Sure. Are you on Facebook?" A lot of people use...
A lot of people will swap Facebook contacts for someone they only just met, rather than
their telephone number. I think it depends on a lot of factors, though, the person's
age, and where they met. Let me know in the comments what you think is the most common
contacts to swap in that situation.
Number eight, at the end of the class or meeting, wherever you met the person, you can say:
"It's been nice chatting to you. Are you on Twitter?" It's almost the same as the example
before, except we've changed the first sentence. This one's a little bit more relaxed, I think.
"It's been nice chatting to you. Are you on Twitter?" And they can say: "No, but you can
take my email." They might say that because they prefer being in touch that way, by email,
or they might say it just because they're not on Twitter.
Number nine, they say: "It was good to chat. Do you want to swap numbers?" And you could
say: "I'd like that. My number is", blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Or you could say: "That would be good. What's
yours?" So, you start off taking the number or perhaps you just take their number.
Another example: "Let me take yours instead." With some people, that's what they'll say
because if you take their number you're more in control of whether you actually call that
person. So some people will always prefer to take the number, rather than give a number.
Or you could also say: "Here's my card." Generally, if someone swaps a card it's because there's
some kind of professional relationship there, they've met through a work situation, or something
to do with their job. And it does seem to be getting... Well, maybe it depends on the
people you know in the social circles you move in, but it does seem to be getting less
common doing the card swapping things. Sometimes people might say LinkedIn or Twitter, depending
on what social network they might use for their job.
Number 10: "Do you want to give me your number?" How this one is different is because of the
word "want". It changes... Although you want the same thing, you want the person's number,
this word "want", in my mind changes the meaning quite a lot because if you say yes to this,
you have to admit that you want their number. So I think this way of asking is... Depending
on who asks it, they can be... They can be quite confident in a sense, that they say:
"Do you want to give me your number?" Because this kind of question is easier for someone
to say no to as well, so they'll only ask it if they have high confidence that you'll
give the number to them. So, here are the replies. "Okay, let me put it in", in the
sense I'll put my number in your phone. "Sorry, I've got a boyfriend." Sometimes women would
say that if they want to say no, and it could be true, but they could also say that if they
don't feel comfortable directly saying no to you. Next is a woman who can't... Woman
or man who can't make up their minds: "Yeah. No, wait. Give me yours." So they don't want
to give you their number; they want to take your number. And that's quite a clever way
to turn that around. If you don't want... If you don't mind giving them your number,
but you don't want to say you want to give your number to them, you can say that: "No.
You give me yours." Next example: "Yeah, we can go for coffee", and that suggests the
next step, what might happen next if you exchange numbers. And the last example here is: "My
battery's run out." You can say that because you don't want to give the number, you can
say that because it's true and you'll have to write it down, or they'll have to take
yours, or you could say that because you don't remember your number so you can't write it
in their phone, depends.
Number 11: "Have you got...? Have you got a card?" And I already explained earlier that's
more of a business kind of a situation. -"Here it is. And yours?" -"No, but put it in your
contacts.", "Oh, no, I don't have a business card." If you know your number, you can just
tell them and they can put it in their contacts inside their phone. Contacts is the same as
address book, but inside your phone.
Number 12: "How about I take your number?" This one is a little bit suggestive I think
as well. This one comes to mind as if it's more of a dating situation, and the person
could reply: "Facebook would be best." If you don't want to go to phone numbers with
that person because you think it's too familiar or too soon, and you would like more... More
distance, but you don't mind knowing them, you could say: "Facebook would be best", and
that indirectly means: "I'll stay in touch with you, but I don't want you calling me
up for long chats every day", kind of thing.
And the last one here: "I know we've only just met, but I'd really like to stay in touch."
You would say that if you really met some amazing person that you just, you know, maybe
love at first sight or something like that. It's a bit over the top for people you just
met in the yoga class that you didn't really connect with. You wouldn't... You wouldn't
say it in that situation. You could reserve it for those really special moments in life
where you meet a great person. We've got more examples coming up next.
Number 14, you've met someone, you want to stay in touch with them, you can say... They
can say to you: "What are you doing now? We could go for a coffee?" And you might say:
"Another times perhaps. I've got to get home." A different day, maybe yes, but generally...
Generally the real meaning of this is: Not really. Another example: -"We could get a
quick one." -"Yes." A quick one refers to a coffee, it can also refer to a drink, an
alcoholic drink, a quick one. And if you say a quick one, it means: "Yeah, I can do that
now but I can't really stay long." Just... It'll mean just one drink or short. We won't...
We won't stay there for hours.
Number 15: "We're going for a quick drink, if you fancy it." And I've used "We're" here
because what sometimes happens in those group class situations is that even when it's finished,
some people stay in a kind of group, maybe they know each other, and they see each other
regularly every week, so that's who the "we are" is, the group that already know each
other. And this time they're inviting you to come with them to carry on after the class
or wherever you met them. You might say: "Who's going?" You don't know those people, so maybe
you want to find out first to check if you'd be comfortable or check if you want to go
there, wherever the next place is. Or you might say: "Maybe next time. I'm shattered."
When you're shattered you're really tired. Again, this... This might be true or this
might be a polite: "No, I don't really want to come."
Next, these are things people might say in a chance meeting. A chance meeting can be
a situation... Not that these happen all the time, but you meet somebody that you really
want to stay in touch with, or a chance meeting could be a person that you used to know years
ago, and in an unexpected way you met on the street or you met at some event. Here are
things that you could say. "I've got to run, but let's swap contacts." When you've got
to run, you're in a hurry, you're in a rush, you can't stay long. And when you meet someone
by chance, it wasn't planned, you didn't plan to meet that day so you might not have time
to chat to them. So you want to quickly stay in touch. But, again, as with so many of these
examples, sometimes people are not sincere when they say that kind of thing. This is
an excuse that they need to go, so they might not necessarily call you; depends on the person.
Number 17: "I have to go, but give me your number and I'll invite you for a coffee. I
have to go, I've got no choice. I didn't expect to meet you. I have to go. Sorry about that.
And I'll invite you for a coffee." Sometimes people say that, and that means when you invite
someone for a coffee it means that you're going to pay, and... Yeah, some people would
say: "I'll invite you", rather than say: "We could go for a coffee." It's more like extending
an invitation, something to do in the future with that person.
Number 18: Imagine you met someone in a situation where you did feel in a hurry because you
were a bit hungry or you've been at work all day and you're really hungry, and maybe you
would like to carry on the conversation, you're enjoying it, but not in that place and not
in that situation. Perhaps you want to move on to the next situation and in this... This
time you're hungry, so you can say: "Do you want to grab a bite to eat?" So we'll go somewhere
that serves food so I can eat. And if I say: "grabbing" it makes it fast as well; we're
not going to spend hours. And also it generally suggests that it's not going to be somewhere
really expensive, because somewhere really expensive you take more time about eating.
Number 19, you could say... They could say to you: "You're welcome to join us tonight.
We're just leaving in five minutes." So, again, here I am imagining a group of people that
already are together. Perhaps this would happen in a bar situation. Someone is with their
group of friends, it's a birthday party or something, and they have got talking to someone
who's not part of their group, but they like each other and would like to continue hanging
out with each other that night, but because one of them is in a group with other people,
it's rude or impolite to leave them so they can invite you to come. And you can say: "How
long?" to give you notice that if you want to come, you have to decide now. This is a
spontaneous kind of thing. Maybe you'll come, maybe you won't, but you have to decide really
soon.
Number 20: "I'm going to blah-blah on Thursday. You should come." If somebody says: "You could
come", this is a way of inviting people somewhere without taking the risk that that person won't
come. If you just say that, you wouldn't be so, so disappointed if they didn't come to
the thing because you didn't directly ask them. You're just giving them the idea. And
if you see them there because you're going there, you'd be happy about it, but you have
nothing to lose. If they don't come, maybe they were busy; you didn't ask them if they
were. So for people who find it hard to invite people places, they might use that one.
Number 21: "I'm hosting a dinner party on Saturday night. Can you come?" There's a plan
happening soon in the future. I'd like to stay... "I'd like to stay in touch with you.
Here's something we can do soon. I want to see you soon."
And the last example here, number 22: "So great bumping into you. We should get together
again soon." When you bump into someone, you didn't expect it to happen. This would be
someone you've already met before, perhaps somebody you used to know years ago, and you
could say: "We should get together again soon." It could be genuine, sometimes not. Sometimes
people are just being polite and they'll say: "Yeah, let's do something", and it won't really
happen. If you think about this situation, perhaps there was a reason that you didn't
stay friends or stay in touch, and the reason could be that you're not really that close
or that special to each other. So, next we've got even more examples.
Okay, now we've got planning an activity with a person that you met. You want to see them
again, what will you do next time? Number 24: "Listen, I'm going to an amazing party
on Saturday. Want to come?" This is really direct and I imagine in my head someone who
is quite a popular person, and they do exciting things, and you've met them in a spontaneous
way, and that's why they're saying: "Listen, I can't take all day to tell you this amazing
thing, but I'd like you to come to the party. Wanna come?" And we say: "Wanna come?" rather
than: "Want to come?" or "Do you want to come?" So this is informal speech.
Number 25, you might have an idea of something you want to do together, something like going
to a museum or art gallery together, there could be a local event that you would like
to go to with this person, so you can say: "Have you ever been to blah-blah? I'll take
you there sometime." So you could say, if you're in London: "Have you ever...? Have
you ever been to the South Bank?" Or: "Have you ever been on the Millennium Wheel?" The
big Ferris wheel. "I'll take you there sometime."
Next we've got questions that you can ask when you're getting to know someone, and you
use these kind of questions when you want to deepen that relationship that you've got.
In order to deepen how well you know each other, you need to find out more about each
other. So, you can use these kinds of questions to get to that next stage of your friendship.
Now, the thing to realize about this, and all countries of the world will be at a different
stage in relation to this, in England there are so many families that are split up, families
that don't fit the "mom, dad, and two kids" image, so when you start asking all these
family questions... Of course English people do ask each other these kind of family questions,
but sometimes it can be a little bit sensitive when, for example, someone from a really traditional
country starts asking the English person these kind of questions about their family. It can
be almost embarrassing if the family is, like, all split up and there's loads of step-children,
and your... Your dad is gay or something like that. So it really... It depends on... It
can be embarrassing for the English person to answer the question, not because they're
embarrassed about their family, they're just kind of embarrassed about how different their
culture is to your culture. So, just something to bear in mind about asking the family kind
of questions.
Number 26: "Are you married?" They might say: "I've got a partner". "A partner", sometimes
people prefer to use the word "partner", it doesn't necessarily mean... They don't like
to use the word "married". "Partner" is... And "partner" is more a term to use when you're
a bit older, rather than "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". After... Or if you've been together a long
time, then lots of people say "partner" rather than... It sounds more serious than "boyfriend"
or "girlfriend".
Number 27: "Do you have a partner?" And, again, some people might ask that question, partner,
because in a country like England, people don't always get married. They might be together
for a really long time, but not necessarily married, so people would say partner. And,
again, they might say: "Do you have a partner?" Because the other question to ask is: "Do
you have a boyfriend?" or "Do you have a girlfriend?" And that, in politically correct language
and all those kinds of things, you don't necessarily know that person's sexual orientation, so
you might use the word "partner" to avoid those kind of issues. They can say: "No. I'm
divorced." That means: "I used to be married, but we ended it officially. We're not together
now. We're divorced." Or you might say: "Not at the moment." That kind of means I would
be open to it.
Number 28: "Do you have kids?" The reply: "No, but I have a step-daughter who lives
with us." What this would mean is I don't have kids of my own. So, for example, I've
never had a child myself, but I could live in an arrangement with a partner where my
partner has a daughter, and she lives with us.
Number 29: "Where do you live?" They might respond: "In North London." I've experienced
this question, that sometimes people say it: "Where do you live?" and there's this sort
of movement of slight embarrassment after they say it because they feel, like, really
nosey to ask you that straightaway. So, people sometimes give a really... A more general
answer than specific. If you say: "In North London", that's quite a big area with many
different places. If you say somewhere specific, like: "Tottenham", I suppose it's... If you
say specifically where you live, it's maybe getting to know that person too close for
when you only just met them.
Number 30: "Where are you from?" This question is different to the previous one: "Where do
you live?" because where we are from isn't necessarily the same place where we live.
So, if you ask me that question, I can say: "London. I'm from London." And sometimes if...
Let's say you live in England, you live in London, but you're not English, you're not
from here, sometimes that question will mean to you: "What's your original country? Where
are you from?" So the answer in that sense is: "I'm from Poland."
Number 31: "Where are your parents from originally?" That question, it seems like the most natural
way it would be asked in England. I think in America they say: "What's your heritage?"
It means the same thing: "Where are your parents from?" But it's not a common question over
here in England, and that means because of how you look, your skin colour, or whatever,
or your accent... No, no, it wouldn't be your accent because it means your... I can see
you're a native in terms of how you speak English or whatever, but your race, they want
to know about that, so they say: "Where are your parents from originally?" and then you
can say: "Whatever country" or you can say: "My mom's from" blah-blah-blah.
Next one is: "What's your job?" I'm a teacher.
Number 33 is: "What kind of music are you into?" I'm into rock music.
Number 34: "Do you cook much?" And the answer to that would be a few times a week. That
is a question of frequency: How often are you cooking at home? You could also say: "I
don't cook that much because I eat out a lot."
Whereas the last question here, number 35 is: "Do you enjoy cooking?" And that's more
about your interests. "Yeah", if it's one of your hobbies, "Yeah, I really like cooking.
I like to have dinner parties. I do it on a Saturday." So this, number 34 is more about
your routine: "What do you do in your day-to-day life?" And number 35 is more about: "What
are your...?" Like, I want to get to know what your passions are kind of thing.
So, there's lots of things you can say when you're getting to know people. And what you
can do now is our quiz on what to say when you're meeting someone and are dating or getting
to know someone's situation. Thanks for watching. Bye.
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