In The Astral Platypus' first season:
The Astral Platypus are the real fathers of Progressive Rock
The Astral Platypus are one of the greatest bands ever
but very few people remember them. It's so unfair!
All the attention was focused on Supernova,
which wasn't our original deal.
There are clear signs that, during the recording of the album
Robert Lynch died and was replaced with a double with the exact same voice.
Jimmy was a being of light who came from another world
He had to return to his own plane, his own dimension.
They gave my plane ticket to that Sleepman guy!
And they left me, without a single buck, in Malabia Station!
If I think is strange that a British company shows interest in a band
that doesn't have an audience in anglospeaking markets
and that only has fans in places like Cyprus, Mauritania,
Argentina, Feroe Islands,
Caiman Islands,
and Panamá?
Don't ask me. I was cleared of charges for lack of evidence.
Welcome! Come in.
My name's Vicente Castro-Giovanni.
I'm 68 years old and I am The Astral Platyus' number one fan.
Come and see the collection I gathered through the years.
Follow me, please.
This are Dino Longobardi's original lenses.
This is the bass that Robert Lynch used to record El Piso (The Floor)
Further down here we have Anderson's guitar
the one he used to record that lovely song called "Uno" (One)
An finally, the crown jewel of my collection.
This is the embalmed body of the first Robert Lynch!
This was my platypumuseum
But, despite the band's succes in countries like Mauritania,
Feroe Islands, and Panamá,
the band's accounts were mysteriously in the red
This deficit was drastically worsened with the purchase of the Moog Synthesizer.
Dino Longobardi (Manager): First thing we did (after the tour) was to go out to celebrate the signing of the new contract.
That was one wild night.
We were with Bowie, the Platypus,
Atahualpa Yupanqui, Pelé, Foucault
and that bearded guy from ABBA,
drinking in Warhol's place.
We went out and drank some weird shit they served us in a flower pot
It completely wrecked me.
This is when, allegeldy, I signed the 3 million dolar check to that Sleepman asshole.
This is what he says. I have no recollection whasoever of that night,
The only thing I do remember is waking up embracing a tortoise.
Clarke (drummer): "Great guys, with this 100 000 pounds we can record our new album!"
Anderson (singer/flautist): "We shouldn't let our souls succumb to the temptations of materialism. We must use that money to nobler means."
Sleepman (keyboardist): "Can you imagine what we could do with all that money?
We could hire and orchestra!"
Lynch (bass player): "Don't forget we also have all the money from our recent world tour!"
Sleepman: "We could buy a Moog Synthesizer!"
Anderson: "If Moog is in your destiny, it will come to your hands!"
Lynch: I don't know. I really want to do something that trascends music,
something like a movie. A movie that emancipates people from their opression,
Clarke: I would distance myself from this group of imbeciles and dedicate myself to the writing of a fantasy novel with a little of erotica.
Robert Lynch (Bass): I don't know what was on that plant drink but it totally wrecked me.
I was so high that I mistook a metallic sponge for a sandwich and ate the whole thing.
Dino: Get that camera away from here!
This fatidic accident would ruin
Robert Lynch's beautiful velvety voice
for his entire life.
Anderson (vocals, flute): It was written on the profecies
the world was not worthy of his voice.
I wanted to prevent it but something, a Superior Being, an Astral Entity, didn't let me.
The band's financial struggles forced them to record the album in record time
to be able to go out and tour the third world once again and make some money.
Nancy Buracco (President of the fan club): Sólido, 1970's album, cimented the bands success in Argentina.
Josele "El Morsa" Wanchope (Progger, conceptist): With Sleepman and Pond the classical influences of the band were very deep.
The Astral Platypus' symphonic rock is the greatest art form the world has ever seen.
Bobi Cantimpalo (Rock journalist): Those synth solos start to sound...
this bullshit about mixing rock with classical music
and I swear to you that I hear my cock shouting that he'll never stand again.
General strike!
He hides inside, the motherfucker.
Willy "Tarkus" Berregani (Progger, fantasist): The band made a great quality leap when they changed the mediocre Wendy or Wendell Keyes
for Carl Sleepman, the greatest keyboardist in the world.
(sensual noices)
Robert Lynch (Bass): We had to enter the studio but we didn't really have much material written.
Anderson Anderson (vocals, flute): I'll admit I wasn't so interested in the making of this record.
My eye was set on more important goals.
The mystic revelations that I had received from that Ancient Order I found in my trips to Nepal had all my attention.
Sometiems Fate needs a little push...
William Clarke (drums): In reality we were absolutely sick of one another so each one of us locked himself ina different studio
to write a solo piece to fill the duration of the album.
In five hours the whole album was finished.
Without that idiot gnome everything is much much easier.
Alan Parsons: I can't imagine how awful it would have been producing an album from those guys with those giant egos.
Unbearabe, ya'
Romuald Oxford (Producer, plumber): producing the Platypus' in the 70's wasn't for anyone.
I see my role as a Football Manager and that band was like 1970 Brazil.
The trick was to manage the locker room.
Would you stress out about having Pelé, Rivelino,
Tostao, Laspada and Gerson?
Forget about it man, they're all starters!
Robert Lynch (Bass): Avatar de Éter (Eter's Avatar) is clearly a mix from different songs that we brought
and Romuald Oxford pasted in a semi coherent way.
Anderson Anderson (Vocals, flute): Has there been any literary masterpiece written by twenty hands?!
I only accepted that monstruosity because I was distracted.
They accuse me of being a dictator but as soon as I loose my grip they come up this this silly things!
Phil Spector: Do you know how I would've dealt with this idiots?
You take them to the most recondite place in the studio
and aim two guns to their heads.
Not just one, because then you would be in deep fucking trouble.
Up to this day It's one of the most requested song in our shows!
Due to legal problems with Drunk Goose Records, his formes record label
Sleepman wouldn't be able to provide one of his own compositions to the album
The resulting song turned out to be one of his most famous and celebrated pieces: an arrangement of Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor
I hadn't slept for weeks. If,by any chance, I'd fall asleep in Malabia Station someone would've stolen my keyboards.
This went up for a few weeks, but on the 16th day I couldn't avoid it and fell asleep.
In that dream I had the most revealing vision of my life:
Johann Sebastian Bach, in the flesh, appeared before me and told me:
"Carl, you must finish what I started. The answers are on the BMW 565."
After this he began dancing to Gangnam Style
and I violently woke up from a cut in my tailbone.
Raúl Osorio (Conspiranoid): It's public knowledge that the secret Order that Anderson Anderson met on his trips to Nepal
it's an ancient apocalyptic sect that secretly runs the world.
There's irrefutable proof that the most prominent artists of all time where members of said Order:
Da Vinci, Bach, Wagner, Boticcelli
Debussy, Wat Disney, Barney the dinosaur
and the Astral Platypus, the last heirs.
The idea of performing classical music themes in rock context would take Rock music to a whole new era
were intelectuality was something sought, instead of the stupidity of writing songs just to score some bitches.
Juancho Gomez-Schurrer (journalist, mole collector): What do you think of the statement "If Bach was alive he'd be playing progressive rock?"
Rick Wakeman: Bach is alive and his current name is Carl Sleepman!
Ian Anderson: I definetly stole everything from this guys, without a doubt.
I got my flute because Anderson forgot his on the bathroom of a Mcdonald's and I stole it.
and I also stole the idea of playing some Bach with my band.
The day Carl Sleepman showed me his dream transnutated into song
is the day that I got convinced that he was the reincarnation of Johann Sebastian Bach.
Dino Longobardi (Manager): This two idiots were always gossiping together about some stupid shit
in the end it was complete and utter bulshit that didn't have to do with anything.
The Mighty Platypus, that the earth was flat, Bach,
something about some superior beings they had to create.
I didn't understand any of it. But at the same time I was thinking:
"Come on, assholes. It's your fucking fault we're 3 million in the red. Make the fucking album!"
William Clarke (Drums): Danaë is one of my favourite lyrics. It's about the origins of Perceus, the greek hero.
Clarke: "Basically the song's about this greek myth were the Delphi oracle
tells the King that his daughter's progeny would be the cause of his death.
He traps his daughter in a tower, but she hatches a plan in which
she begins to masturbate frenetically to catch the attention of Zeus
to which he responds by impregnating her in the form of a Golden Shower.
The whole things ends up being a self fulfilled profecy."
Dino Longobardi (Manager): "A song about some girl massaging her squid up to explosion while an old man is watching her?
Finally!!! That's what the people want!!! Congratulations, guys!"
Anderson (singer, flautist): "It will be our masterpiece, ten minutes of pure glory!"
Dino Longobardi: "This shit will be ten minutes long? How fucking drunk are you? We need short songs, hits.
Why do I bother producing this bunch of halfwits?!"
Dino Longobardi (Manager): And then they said the song would be ten fucking minutes long
Who the fuck told me to produce this group of morons?!
Plus, from those ten minutes, five are from an organ solo.
Let's go look that transexual that we left at Malabia station. Why the fuck did we bring this new idiot?!
We are a still a bunch of boneheads, of jerks
They don't get that we're here just for the fucking money? DO YOU HAVE A TURD FOR A HEAD?!!!
Bobi Cantimpalo (Rock journalist): This ridiculous Proggers never get laid so they can't write a "shag song" even if they want to!
The next song of the album "Ama al Cura" (Love the priest) criticizes institutional religion
and caused deep internal struggles for The Astral Platypus
Robert Lynch (Bass): When I was a child I asked the nun that taught us religion back at Charterhouse
what was the point of confession if God knew everything that was on our heads all the time
Instead of being honest and telling me that guilt is one of the main resources of the Catholic Church to control society
or that listening to the sins of a bunch or pre adolescent boys turned priests on,
she simply hit me with a ruler a few dozen times.
That was the experience that inspired the song.
Anderson Anderson (vocals, flute): I get Lynch's idea to criticize christianism but I would never betray my sacred ideals
and sing that stupid chorus about the non existence of God!
Dino Longobardi (Manager): between Anderson's idealistic stupidity and Lynch's metalic sponge sandwich we had to make a singer's audition.
They all came:
Janis Joplin, Nico,
that shitty chilean girl, the blonde one from ABBA,
Valeria, Lynch's cousin,
Clare Torry came,
and finally Mama Cass. What a bird, Mama Cass...
The chosen one turned out to be a familiar face from their Charterhouse days.
Constanza Nilda Gramajo (backing vocals): I wasn't fooled by the manager, who wanted to audition me privately without the band present. Do you take me for an idiot?
So I directly went to the rehearsal, sang and got the job. That's how it's done, motherfuckers.
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