Youtube daily report May 9 2017

Good, good.

Are you all ready to laugh?

Yes.

We're not in class anymore.

You can-- we're going to be loud when you're laughing.

You'll be engaged.

We got my boy Ernie G. in the building.

Let's give it up for Ernie G. He's--

[APPLAUSE]

So Ernie G, he's our guest entertainer.

He's one of the top Latino comedians in the country.

He has been seen by millions on TV shows,

such as Comedy Central's Make Me Laugh, BET's Comic View,

and is one of the original stars of the hit show, Que Locos,

hosted by that one and only George Lopez.

You all know George Lopez?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So he's a graduate of Loyola Marymount University

with his degree in psychology and a minor in Chicano studies.

Ernie was honored with the first ever Mario Moreno "Cantinflas"

Award for his work in the Latino community.

He was the keynote speaker at UCLA's 32nd annual Raza

graduation and spreads the message of transformation

through laughter as the empowerment committee

for the Hispanic Scholarship Fund.

And today, we are all lucky to have him

here at Highline College to inspire us and keep

us going with our goals today.

So without further ado, I'd like to introduce

my boy, my good friend.

Give it up one more time, Highline welcome for Ernie G.!

All right, what's up, Highline College?

How you guys doing?

You guys good?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, you excited to be here?

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Give it up for Joe, man, Joe releasing his inner DJ.

Joe, like academic advisor, is like, you guys ready to party?

Like, what's up, dawg?

He used to be-- you could tell he used to be a DJ.

All right, cool.

So my name is Ernie G. I'm a Latino

comedian from Los Angeles.

I'm on a bunch of TV shows nobody watches.

I'm so famous I have to tell you how famous I am.

I was on a show a few years ago.

What's up, buddy?

How you doing, man?

I love you.

Look at that smile, brother, so beautiful.

I was on a show a few years ago.

Clap if you think you remember, or maybe your parents used

to watch, a Latino comedy show called Que Locos.

Does anybody remember Que Locos out there?

All right, two Latinos.

I see you.

Two Latinos have cable.

All right, cool, awesome--

because you know Latinos don't like paying for cable.

One dude in the neighborhood gets cable

and then the whole neighborhood taps into that one box

right there, right?

And then we have the audacity to complain

when our cable goes out, huh?

Hey, my cable went out.

You owe me $50, dawg.

You owe me $50.

Que Locos was this English language comedy

show that came out on Spanish Language Television.

So you'd be watching what you think is Comedy Central

and then they'd cut to commercial,

and it'd be all, [SPEAKING SPANISH].

And you're like, what the heck?

It was hosted by the number one Latino comedian in the country.

Where are my George Lopez fans?

Got some George Lopez fans out there, yeah?

All right, cool.

I always like saying thank you to George

for opening doors for us.

I started my career with Gabriel Iglesias.

You guys know Fluffy?

I'm not fat, I'm fluffy.

You guys know Fluffy?

So me, George, Gabriel, we were all on that show

called Que Locos.

We traveled the country, performing in places

all over the country.

But now I do something called empowerment comedy, which

is comedy with an inspirational message.

And we're going to get into that in a moment,

but I just want to acknowledge really quick that you're

going to hear me say the word "Latino" pretty

often in the next hour or so.

You're going to hear me say the word "Hispanic" pretty

often because I'm Latino or Hispanic, depending

on what flavor of the month we're

talking about here, right?

But when you hear the word "Latino"

and you hear the word "Hispanic" over and over again

and you don't happen to be Latino or Hispanic,

there's like this kind of underlying assumption

that maybe I'm not really speaking to you.

I want you to know, if you can hear my voice,

I'm speaking to each and every one of you, OK.

Just like you don't got to be black to love Dave Chappelle,

right?

You don't have to be black to love

you some Kevin Hart, all right, all right, all right.

Right?

You don't have to be Korean to love Margaret Cho, right?

You don't have to be Latino to love

Ernie G. You need two things to love you some Ernie G. A,

you got to love to laugh.

If you love to laugh, you're going

to love you some Ernie G. And B, you got to want to be inspired.

So if you love to laugh and you want to be inspired,

can I hear you make some noise?

Is that everyone?

That should be everyone, right?

That should be everyone.

I love being Latino.

I'm proud to be Latino.

But people always ask me, what's the G for, Ernie G.?

Is it Garcia?

Gutierrez?

Gonzalez?

My full name is Ernesto Tomas Gritzewsky.

Messed you up with that one, huh?

I thought you were Latino, stoop.

I'm a Mexican, American, Puerto Rican, Russian,

and French Catholic Jew.

Wow.

I am this country, gosh darn it.

My mom's from Mexico, born and raised in el DF.

She's [SPEAKING SPANISH].

If you don't know that means, too bad.

No, I just mean she's Mexican through and through, all

the way down to her pistol holders [SPEAKING SPANISH].

My dad's Puerto Rican, so I'm mostly Mexirican.

Hey, hey, hey.

Have you ever noticed Puerto Ricans are arrogant salsa

dancers?

You ever notice that?

If you've ever been salsa dancing,

you'll notice that Puerto Ricans, Cubans,

and Dominicans dance salsa like, I know I look good.

I know I look good.

You wish you looked like me, but you don't.

I know I look good.

Mexicans, we love dancing salsa, but we end up

mixing salsa with this other Latin dance called cumbia.

We look like we're dancing the chicken dance.

Da-da-da-da da-da-da, da-da-da-da da-da-da,

da-da-da-da ch-ch-ch-ch.

You clapped in your head right now, huh, bro?

Look at him.

He's like, I love the chicken dance, bro.

And here's the thing, y'all.

I'm so proud to be here for, you know, my buddy, Joe.

I met Joe at Washington State University in 2008

when he was an undergraduate student,

and now he's an academic adviser right here.

And he's the one who brought me here.

And I'm really proud of the fact that I have thousands

of students all over the country that I inspired back

in the day, and now they're all professionals

doing their thing.

I just flew in from El Paso, Texas yesterday.

I performed at the--

I was at Stanford last Saturday performing,

and now I'm here at Highline College

in Des Moines, Washington, baby, doing my thing.

And it's beautiful because we have a diverse crowd here.

And I love that because, you know, the whole point of it

is that we're all the same underneath it all, right?

So we're going to laugh.

You're going to hear me say "Latino" a lot.

And some of the jokes you're going to really laugh at.

Some of them you're not going to get as much,

and you'll see the Hispanic heads going, [LAUGHING].

And like, those of you who aren't Latino

are going to be laughing at the Latinos

laughing so hard at me, which is going to be really fun.

And then-- but it's going to be like a reverse kind of dynamic

because sometimes Latinos are in classes

and all the Caucasian kids are cracking up.

And the Latinos are like, I don't get it.

I don't really get it.

So the dynamic is going to reverse here today,

which is a beautiful thing--

I think what we want, right?

And then, is it me or does anybody else feel bad

for white people now?

I feel bad for white people now, huh?

Because they voted him in.

They voted him in, right?

So I feel bad for them now because, you

know, he's not really doing what they thought

he was going to do, right?

It's so weird because that term "white people"

has become so divisive, huh?

You can't even say the term "white people" anymore.

It has, like, an edge now.

White people, white people-- you know what I mean?

It's like "white people" has become like the new n-word.

You know what I'm saying?

It's true.

Have you noticed that?

Like, you say, dude, are there going to be white people there?

Shut up, dude.

They're right there.

They can hear you, dude.

Don't be saying "white people".

They're right there, dude.

They can hear you, bro.

You know, it's true, and pobrecitos, I feel bad.

If you're a white person that's at my show, welcome.

Thank you for being here, OK.

I know we're probably on a similar page, right?

But white people don't even like being called white no more.

You know, I mean, is your family white?

No, my mom's from Ireland.

My dad's from England.

But we are not white, OK?

We are not white.

No, we are not white-- just all these negative stereotypes

associated to that, you know.

And I mean, I feel so bad, you know.

And just the whole point-- the good thing

is that we're all starting to learn that you can't put people

in boxes.

That's the whole point, right?

You can't just assume that somebody's

that way because of their skin, because of the way they--

you know, like one of my favorite artists is India Arie.

I am not my hair.

I am not my skin.

I am the soul that lives within.

You know what I'm saying?

India Arie, she's a beast.

And the other thing too is, I think God

is trying to teach us a lesson.

I think God is trying to give us a gift.

And the gift that God is trying to give us,

the lesson that he's trying to teach us,

is that, when the races mix, when different cultures mix,

the children always come out gorgeous.

Have you noticed that?

Have you noticed that?

Like a black daddy and an Asian mommy,

you ever seen that combo, black and Asian?

That's kid's gorgeous, huh?

Or Asian and Caucasian, you ever seen that combination?

That kid's gorgeous, right?

Or anybody and Latino, that kid is gorgeous.

That's all I'm trying to say.

That's all I'm trying to say, right.

We got that Latin blood, baby, that Latin blood.

Hey, hey-- my girl over here, I said when she came in,

I said, what are you mixed?

She said, I'm black, white, and Filipino.

Hey-- it's like, we're all going to look like you

in about, like, 200 years.

We're all going to look like that, beautiful, mixed of all

these different races.

It's beautiful.

What's up, bro?

[SPEAKING SPANISH], huh, bro, huh?

I love it.

[SPEAKING SPANISH], it's an inside joke.

It just means I can tell this dude is very Mexican over here,

right?

Are you Mexicano?

Oh--

No, miex?

Because you could also be Peruvian too.

I just came back from Peru, Machu Picchu.

Where's your family from?

[LAUGHING]

You want to go?

Is that on your bucket list too?

I know.

I just got back from hiking the Inca Trail to Macchu Picchu,

which is one of those seven--

it's not one of those seven wonders of the world.

It's one of the modern marvels, of the world,

I think it's something like that.

But your family's from Mexico?

[SPANISH]

My mom's Mexican, and my Dad is Guatamalan.

Oh, so you're mixing "mexa-chapin."

I love it, bro.

I love it.

Cool.

He's like, how do you know that?

Over here they're all, what does that mean?

Latinos, it's weird, like we also

have nicknames for each other.

Puertoricans are the boricuas.

Guatamalans are Chapinas

I don't like talking about race too much,

but it's just there always, you know?

Who's more racist against Mexicans?

Other Mexicans.

[LAUGHING]

Have you noticed that black people are racist

each other a lot of the time.

My mom was so racist when I was growing up, like she

didn't even realize it.

Like she'd go, mijo, let's go to the beach.

I'm like, oh, cool, are we going to Santa Monica?

She goes I don't like Santa Monica.

I go, why not?

She goes, too many Mexicans.

Too many--

[LAUGHING]

But we're Mexicans.

She goes, we're not those kind of Mexicans, mijo.

I'm like, dang, mom.

I just think we need to hang out with each other.

You know what I'm saying?

I think it's a beautiful thing that we

get to hang out, and get learn from each other,

and know each other.

I love being.

I'm proud to be Latino.

But, like I say, with a name like Ernesto Thomas Krechevsky,

I was never really accepted anywhere.

Like you know, it's weird, when you don't get accepted anywhere

you, kind of, learn to be accepted everywhere, right?

Learn to kind of compensate, and to kind of

do what you got to do to fit in everywhere.

It's a beautiful thing.

People that grow up in like mono-cultural society,

they don't learn how to expand, and to be

appreciative of other people.

And I learned it in the neighborhood

because the Mexicans, the cholos in my neighbourhood--

I grew up cholos.

You guys know what cholos are?

You guys know what a cholo is?

For those of you who don't know, it's

what most people refer to as like

a Mexican or Salvadoran gang member.

It's what Mexicans and Salvadorans refer

to as family members, right?

[LAUGHTER]

Sir, that's not funny.

There's one right there.

Shut up, right now.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm just-- I'm just--

I'm just-- He is so not a cholo.

You're like the opposite of a cholo, bro.

You're like a fresa, right?

More than anything.

[LAUGHTER]

You look good, bro, you look good.

He's like, I told you we shouldn't have sat in front.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm going to go hide in the back, jerk.

I'm going to go hide in the back, jerk.

Oh, look, you're so beautiful.

May I guess?

If I'm wrong, I apologize.

Ethiopia?

Yeah.

Awesome.

So gorgeous.

I worked with a bunch of Ethiopian girls

at a restaurant.

They-- dude, you know what's so funny?

People, they'll talk behind your back in their own language.

They would always go--

[CLICKING]

They would like-- you know what I'm talking about?

They would do that Ethiopian thing.

I'd go, I know they're talking about me, man.

Well they were so cute, man.

I loved it.

Aw, look it, she's like what are you going to say about me,

jerk?

[LAUGHTER]

No, I'm not going to pick you guys apart--

although I could.

[LAUGHTER]

No, see, here's the thing.

See, I was the keynote speaker--

I don't know if you heard in my intro--

I was the keynote speaker a few years ago at UCLA's RAZA

graduation.

So every year UCLA has a graduation,

and then they have a RAZA grad for the Latino students.

You know, with mariachis and pan dulce, you know how we do it.

You say, oh, they should have had some pan dulce

right here for us.

Man, I haven't had some conchas in a long time.

Wow.

[LAUGHTER]

Look at your face, it's, what's a concha.

Concha is like a Mexican sweet bread,

or a Salvadoran sweet bread.

[LAUGHS]

That joke usually gets bigger laughs

because most people get that it's funny,

but you guys are like, no, we seriously

do not know what a concha is.

We have no idea what you just said.

It's Mexican sweet bread, but--

so UCLA had over 300 Latino students

graduating at their RAZA grad.

300 Latino kids from all over the country graduate

with their bachelor's degree.

They had over 200 students getting

their Masters and their PhDs.

So over 500 Latino kids graduating from UCLA,

and then they had about 5,000 of their friends and family

at the graduation, right?

Because you know if one of our cousins

graduates the whole family shows up, right?

I heard there was free pan dulce.

[SPANISH] Where do I go?

I brought the foil in the back to take some to go.

Let's do this, right?

You ever be at a party and your mom

be sneaking chicken in her purse?

You know what I'm saying?

You're like, don't be doing that, Mom.

That's ghetto.

But give me the big piece.

Give me the big piece.

You ever complain that your mom did something and then complain

she didn't do it for you?

Don't be doing that!

Did you get me some?

Did you get me some?

And what I told those UCLA graduates is the same message

I'm delivering here today, highlighting college.

It's beautiful that you guys are here,

figuring out what it takes to navigate the terrain here

at college, and then eventually either transfer or graduate

from college here.

Why?

It's not just the fact that you're here.

The fact that you're here is beautiful,

but it's about graduating from college.

A lot of students go to college.

Not a lot, or as many, graduate.

In the Latino community it's about half

of the students that start their college education do not

complete it.

So it's about graduating from college.

Why?

The day you graduate from college,

the day you can say I am a college graduate,

you will instantly transform the perception

that people have of our community.

How many of you know what I mean when I say that when

most people in the world hear the word Latino, when

most people in the--

I'm not talking about us.

I'm talking about most people in the world--

hear the word Hispanic, or black, or white, or Asian,

but especially communities of color like black, or Hispanic,

or Latino, certain images pop up into their head

as to who they think we are.

And I know in your hearts you tell yourself,

that's not who we are.

That's who you think we are.

Who we really are, are beautiful,

powerful, educated people who contribute to this country.

That's who we really are, right?

Yes you may clap.

That's who we really are.

[APPLAUSE]

It was so cute.

I saw at least ten of you go like this, go,

I think we're supposed to clap right now.

I think that was-- that was really--

I liked that.

So I know you've had speakers all week,

and you're probably not used to reacting.

But for me, react.

Please.

OK?

I want you to clap if you want to clap.

I want you to laugh if you think it's funny.

Let it out, OK?

Sometimes you want to be respectful and quiet,

and all that stuff.

Not here.

Not now.

This is a comedy show, OK?

Empowerment comedy show.

So please clap it out.

Clap it out everybody.

Let it out of your system.

[APPLAUSE]

See that's the thing about me.

I don't want anybody to suppress themselves.

We are being taught as a society to suppress ourselves.

I mean, there's this thing about acting appropriately and acting

professionally, but I think a lot of us

have interpreted it as shut the heck up.

We have interpreted that as shut up.

Keep your head down, work hard, and shut up, right?

You've heard that before.

No, I want you to be yourselves.

I want you to be authentic.

I want you to be genuine.

Use-- there's a little, still, small voice

within that knows who you are.

You know, one thing I tell students--

I perform in high schools all over.

Next week I'll be in Yacama, I'm performing

at a bunch of high schools in [? Walla, ?] Pasco.

I perform in small little towns like Mattawa, Washington,

Waluke High School.

That school's so small they don't have a red light-- they

have a stop sign.

That's how small that school is.

And when I perform for the kids, I always tell them--

I'll tell you the same thing--

I'm not here to tell you who you are.

I'm here to remind you of who you already

know yourselves to be.

You already know who you are.

You already know you're beautiful,

powerful, educated people, but sometimes we forget.

Sometimes we forget who we are because we get so caught up

in life, start trying to play by the rules,

or live up to people's expectations

that we forget who we are.

But if you just get restored back

to who you know yourself to be, then everything should be fine.

You know how I know that you know?

I want each one of you right now to think

of the person in your family who loves you the most.

The one who loves you unconditionally, right?

For most of us it's Grandma and Grandpa, right?

They just love you a little too much sometimes.

You know if Grandma's like a little too sweet to you,

you're like, Grandma, don't be nice to me.

I was mean to my mom today.

Or a lot of us it's nieces or nephews or somebody nice,

somebody who knows the little brothers,

little sisters, little cousins.

But when Grandma talks to you, she talks to the real you,

right?

She talks to the-- have you ever tried

to be your professional self around Grandma?

And she's like, don't do that in front of me.

I don't want to see that person right now.

I want the real you.

Come put your head right here.

Put your head right here.

She can pop your pimples and play with your ears and all

that stuff.

[LAUGHTER]

Some of you got grossed out, some of you

are like, oh my gosh!

I miss my Grandma, right?

[LAUGHTER]

My Grandma used to pop my pimples

when I was twelve, dude.

I loved it, bro.

I go, Grandma, Grandma, I got a good one.

I got a good one.

And she's like, hey, yours are good, mijo.

Yours are really good.

They really pop out.

I like these, mijo.

I'm sorry, but those are my memories of my Grandmother.

And half-- somebody-- there's half of you going, ugh!

And the other half are like, yeah, me too.

And what happens when Grandma talks to you?

Grandma talks to the real you, right?

She says stuff like, [SPEAKING SPANISH] You're

so beautiful, mija, you are the most beautiful girl

on the planet, mija.

And in your heart you go like this, you go, I know, huh?

It's true!

Ay, why doesn't everybody know?

You should tell everyone, Grandma.

Ay, you're like the only one who knows me.

Now, is Grandma making up a lie about who you are?

No!

She's not trying to convince you of something that's not true.

To you-- to her you're the most beautiful girl on the planet.

Grandma knows the real you.

And when people speak consistently

with who you already know yourselves to be, what happens?

A little bell goes off.

Ding ding ding ding ding.

You've got it Grandma!

But when people say something about you, or your race,

or your culture, or your heritage,

or your community that's inconsistent with who you know

yourself to be, what happens?

You have a reaction.

You go, ew.

What?

No.

And a lot of times we get mad.

We get angry, you know?

I know you've heard this quote before, but he who angers you,

controls you.

Anybody who can say or do anything that has you

react in a way that causes you be not yourself,

they have control over you.

But when you know who you are, when you're

steadfast in who you are--

it's easy to get reactive media nowadays.

Please don't watch the news, man.

Just don't watch CNN.

You ever been flipping through the channels, you see CNN,

you see the dude, and he starts talking and you're like, huh.

You know, 30 minutes later you're

like, why am I still watching this?

It's because they know how to play into your brain waves

and they suck you in, you know?

But you got to be careful what you let come into your brain.

Let me get back to this whole UCLA thing.

Like I said, they had over three--

all these students graduating from UCLA.

The message that I was delivering there

is the same message I'm delivering here.

I said it's beautiful that you're here, figuring out

what it takes to get through Highline College and then

graduate.

Why?

Because the day you graduate from college--

the day you can say I'm a college

graduate-- you will instantly transform the way people listen

to you.

You say, I grew up in Seattle and I graduated from UDUB,

let's say.

You say, oh, you graduated from college?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

And you'll literally see them shift the way

that they listen to you.

I don't know if you've noticed this before.

Some of you have, some of you haven't.

You say, I grew up in Federal Way, or in Tacoma,

and I graduated from college.

And they're like, oh, you graduated from college?

Oh!

And the whole way that they relate to you shifts.

But here's the message--

no matter how much education you have,

no matter how much money you ever make,

no matter how much affluence you attain,

if you grew up in el barrio, if you grew up

in the neighborhood-- you will always

have a little ghetto inside of you, right?

[LAUGHING]

See, I saw a bunch of you go like this-- a bunch of you

went like this-- that's right!

What's up?

And a bunch of you went like this, no, stupid, dumb.

I'm not ghetto.

And it's so cute.

Some of the Asian girls over there, they're like,

um, I'm not even sure what that means.

It's so cute.

See I don't mean chute ghetto, like our cousins, OK?

Do you guys know what chute ghetto is?

See, I have to like--

regionally, my jokes have to shift a little bit.

Chute ghetto-- we say that in LA, California, Texas, Mexico,

Arizona, Chicago, they say to chute-- and Texas.

But maybe not here in Seattle.

Chute ghetto is like ghetto to the max.

When you know you're going, and then

someone else is chute ghetto right there,

you know what I mean?

Ghetto is that one cousin who a lot of us have,

who's like, what, hey, I'm ghetto, hey what, hey?

What, hey?

What, hey?

What's my name?

What's my name?

You can't read-- you can't read my name right there?

You can't read that?

No?

Oh, where do I live?

I live right there.

I don't mean chute ghetto.

I mean ghetto fabulous.

Clap if you know what I mean by ghetto fabulous.

[APPLAUSE]

Clap if you know what I mean.

OK, a lot of you are clapping, some of you

are just clapping to be polite.

I think I know what you mean, right?

I love being back here on the west side of the country.

Here in Seattle, it's cool, because there's

a lot of Latinos in Seattle, which is cool.

But I perform on the East Coast all the time.

I was the national spokesperson for the Hispanic college fund,

I worked with the Hispanic scholarship fund.

And the college fund was housed in DC,

so I was always in Virginia, Maryland, and DC,

and I have to explain to the Mexican kids in Virginia

what a taqueria or a taco truck-- is.

OK?

Do I have to explain to you what a taco truck is?

No, my uncle has one on Sundays.

Here's his card.

Here's his card.

He does quinceaneras, weddings, bodas.

Your cousin gets out of jail, boom.

Taquero right there, man.

He's part time taquero, part time mariachi,

depending on what you need.

I go to Virginia and I'll ask the Mexican kids,

I go, where do you guys go for Mexican food?

They're like, Taco Bell.

I'm like, no, dude.

I'm talking about real Mexican food with corn tortillas.

Oh my God, Chipotle.

Totally Chipotle.

I'm like, no, dude.

I'm talking about a Mexican man pushing a shopping cart

in an alley behind a car wash.

And there's a little white light dangling right there.

And you're driving with your dad, and you're like, ooh,

there's tacos over there.

You pull into some random alley and you're eating tacos

on a milk crate, right?

For those of you who have never been

to an authentic, Mexican, makeshift taqueria.

See, in LA-- I don't know if they do this

here in Seattle-- but in LA, there's

all these entreprenuers-- social entreprenuers.

And on Thursdays and Friday nights

they make a taco stand in front of their house.

They just go into some alley, and they start cutting up meat,

and all of a sudden there's a line of 30 people waiting

for tacos, right?

And if you've ever been to an authentic Mexican,

a real Mexican taqueria, the taqueros have figured out--

the guys that make the tacos have figured out--

that you got to make the tacos with two corn tortillas.

I don't know if you've noticed this.

Two Little corn tortillas.

Why?

Because if you make the taco with just one corn tortilla,

you cannot do the very traditional pinch, lift, tilt,

insert method, right?

Now--

[LAUGHTER]

Look at half your faces--

oh my gosh, I do that!

I didn't realize I do that, but I do that too!

See, when you grow up around Mexicanos, or certain cousins,

you were taught-- no one taught you

that you were taught by them.

You just did them because everyone around you

was doing them, and pinch, lift, tilt, insert is one of them,

right?

Have you ever seen a non-Latino eat a plate

of tacos for the first time?

Non-Latinos, it's so cute.

Like my buddy Craig.

Blonde hair, blue-eyed Craig.

I was the Best Man at his wedding.

Civil engineering major, as white as white could be.

I go, bro-- he goes, dude, let's get some tacos, dude.

Let's go, dude.

Let's ethnic out, bro.

Let's go get some tacos, dude.

So we go get tacos-- he's used to eating tacos

like at a Mexican restaurant, with a mariachi,

and a sombrero, sitting down, right?

But I took him to a real taco truck.

A makeshift one where you have to stand and eat tacos.

He's like, where do you sit, bro?

I go, get the milk crate right there.

And so I give him a plate of four tacos, right?

I give him a plate.

And he got the plate and he goes, oh,

can I get a fork and knife, bro?

I'm like, no, dude, just pick them up and eat them, bro.

Just pick them-- you pick them up?

Oh, let's see.

OK.

How do I pick these up?

Let me see, um--

no forks?

OK.

Wow.

Third-world country I guess, but let me see here.

Let me see, do I-- how about if I cup?

Maybe If I cup the taco?

If I cup-- and I go, bro, you don't cup the taco, dude.

You pinch, lift, tilt, insert, dude.

And the tilt has to be just right.

Pitch, lift, and then you have to tilt at a perfect angle.

The timing of it and the angle has to just right, or else you

might bang your nose a little bit, right there.

So--

[LAUGHTER] See, these are all things

you don't even think about.

Do you think about tying your shoelaces?

No.

You just do them, but somebody had to teach you

how to tie your shoe laces.

Somebody taught you pinch, lift, tilt, insert.

And if you're a real Mexican connoisseur,

a real Mexican taco eater, you do pinch, lift, tilt, and use

your pinky to make sure that none of the meat

falls off the back of the taco right there.

Pinch, lift, and ahm, ahm.

[LAUGHTER]

Some of you are like, stop it, mister, I'm getting hungry.

Stop that, I'm getting hungry.

But if you've ever had a taco that's made with just one corn

tortilla, the juice from the meat

usually cracks that tortilla in half, right?

Then you do pinch, lift, tilt, and the meat's

still on the plate, right?

So most authentic taquerias have figured this out.

So they use two corn tortillas so you can do pinch, lift,

tilt, and insert.

But Latinos, we like to save money at all costs, right?

So when we go to a taco truck, do we ever

order four tacos or five tacos?

No.

We order two tacos, and then we separate each of the tortillas

and make four tacos.

[CLAPPING]

Spread the meat around.

You always end up with that one taco didn't get enough meat--

it's like a cilantro taco.

Ugh.

See, the ghetto just popped out of half of you.

See?

[LAUGHTER]

It's so cute.

Those of you that are cracking up are like, ha ha ha!

And then those of you who aren't really

getting it are like, I do not understand this material.

This is not speaking to me or my culture.

I don't understand what's happening right now, you guys.

I want to feel included.

I'm feeling very excluded in this moment.

No, you just got to embrace it.

Just love it, and let it in.

Just love it, let it in.

This is how Latinos feel in the white classes, OK?

That's how-- so this is like a reversal.

Reversal of the dynamic here.

It's so cute.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, I love it, bro.

I love it, dude.

You're so cool, man.

I love this guy.

A beautiful smile on his face.

It's so cute.

There's a lot of things that we grew up

doing that we just automatically do,

but somebody had to teach us.

Like if you're at your Grandma's house,

and you're eating menudo or pozole.

We like-- traditional Mexican soups,

we always like to eat them with a corn tortilla.

So it's like, Grandma, can I get a corn tortilla?

What does Grandma do?

She opens that straw basket-- you know the straw basket?

There's always like 14 heated up corn tortillas for two people.

Just for two people.

Grandma keeps heating up tortillas.

No, ya, estamos bien.

We're fine.

No.

[SPANISH] Eat it.

Eat it.

Grandma has calluses on her fingers.

She puts her hands on the stove.

Grandma, your hands!

She goes, oh.

[BLOWING]

She can't even feel nothing no more,

she's flipping so many dang tortillas.

You go, Grandma, can I get a corn tortilla?

She opens that straw basket.

She hands you a corn tortilla.

How do Mexicans roll up a corn tortilla?

We pinch the bottoms and we roll that thing up.

Look it, half of you went, chu!

Or if you're ever eating menudo pozole,

we like to spice up our soups.

We don't like bland stuff.

So we like putting Oregano in our pozole.

Oregano comes in the same container

as the Parmesan cheese at the Italian restaurants, right?

Have you ever been to an Italian restaurant

and watched any non-Latino put Oregano on their pasta?

They're so patient.

Non-Latinos are so patient.

They're like, it's barely coming out.

It's hardly even coming out.

Is this thing plugged up?

Phh, phh, phh, phh.

It's not even-- Latinos, we don't

have that kind of patience.

What do we do?

We unscrew the lid, we pour it in our hands.

Then we go like that.

We use our hands like grinders.

We grind the oregano with our hands.

Then of course, we never wash our hands

when we're done eating.

No one ever taught us that rule.

We're just like, I'm out of here, dude.

I got to go.

We'll see you later.

Then we go to church on Sundays, and we're

giving blessings to people.

May peace be with you, and also with you.

May peace be with you.

And the pobrecita senora is like,

[SMELLS]

Oh, marijuanero, wow.

Ah.

He smoked some marijuana.

Oh, I'm going to tell your family.

I'm going to tell your family.

You're like, no, no, no, I say no to drugs, senora.

It's orgeano.

Te lo juro.

It's Oregano.

She's like, oregano.

Ah ha.

Ay, si, tu, oregano.

But if you've ever had a taco that's made with just one corn

tortilla, the juice from the meat

usually cracks that tortilla in half, right?

And you do pinch, lift, tilt, and the meat's

still on the plate.

Yeah, so-- oh, I already did that joke.

I already did that joke.

I did that joke, so.

There's a lot of things like that, that we grow up doing.

You know it's so funny, because some of you

are going to come up to me afterward and go,

you forgot a ghetto move.

There's another ghetto move you forgot.

When you run out of toilet paper and you go to McDonald's

to get napkins.

You forgot that one.

You forgot that one.

You forgot that one.

When you run out of toothpaste, then you

don't throw the bottle away.

You cut the tube in half, you stick the toothbrush in there.

You forgot that one.

You forgot that one.

You know what my mom and me used to do?

When we were kids, we were so broke she used to make me use

the same side of the [? Q-tip ?] for both ears.

And then stick it back in, face up-- the white part

face up-- so it looked like you had a bunch of clean ones.

Some of you are like, this just went from funny to disgusting

really fast--

really fast.

Some lady came up to me after a show, somebody said,

and she goes, [SPEAKING SPANISH] you're so funny.

You reminded me of my first baby when I was so young.

I had my first child, I couldn't afford the diaper wipes,

so I would go to a Pollo Loco to get the towelettes.

[LAUGHTER]

You're so cute.

My mom did that too!

That's so cute.

Oh my God.

You've been saving up, huh?

There's girls that are saving up the towelettes.

You know-- do you ever go to the hotels

and you just be saving all the soaps and stuff like that?

You've got so many little soaps.

You never use those, but just in case.

Just in case.

They're free-- might as well.

They're free.

They're free.

They're free.

Might as well.

Latinos and blacks love free, huh?

We will drive 20 minutes out of our way to save $0.03 on gas.

But it's cheaper.

It's cheaper.

But the drive over there, you waste the gas going over there.

That's not the point.

That's not the point.

That's not the point.

I'm not going to give them more of my money.

That's not the point.

We have no rationale.

We just know like $1.99 is cheaper than $2.02, right?

That's all we know.

That one right there.

I see the one and I get excited right there.

You know what I'm saying? $2.03, that's like $2!

$1.99, that's one and change right there.

Huh?

Hey, that's funny.

I just wrote that.

That's a funny joke.

I just improvised that one.

That was a good one.

$2.02, that's $2, but $1.99, that's one and change.

I just wrote that.

You saw me write that?

That was good.

I've never said that before.

I've never said that.

You just witnessed comedy in action as we speak.

The creative process-- the gods are talking.

The comedy gods are speaking through me tonight.

Oh, it's beautiful--

Rinocerontes?

Como?

Como?

Rinocerontes?

Oh, you want me to do your material now, or what?

Lady.

Dang.

Why don't you write a comedy show?

This is my show, lady.

Not yours.

All right?

She goes, I came to see the jokes

that I think you should do.

I am an English teacher, and I demand that I get treated--

She's so cute.

How about elotes?

Do the elote joke!

Every other comedian talks about elote.

I'm waiting for you to do it.

If you're not going to do it, then what's the point?

I came here to get represented.

I need you to understand my connection to elotes.

It is a visceral, emotional connection.

And if you're here representing us,

I want you to talk about corn!

[LAUGHTER]

No, so many comedians do elotes jokes.

I don't do any of that stuff.

I try to keep it unique.

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

I try to not do what everyone else is doing.

But I want you to talk about elotes.

Do you guys know-- elotes is corn on the cob.

In every community there's a Latina walking around

with a big bucket of corns on the cob.

And she walks through every neighborhood going,

elotes, elotes.

Elotes to us, is like the ice cream man.

OK?

We hear elotes, and we're like, oh, oh, elotes, elotes.

Mama!

Elotes, elotes.

And it's so wonderfully, disgustingly, unhealthy for us.

We think it's healthy because it's corn on the cob.

But they put mayonnaise, and Parmesan cheese,

and butter, and sauce, and tahini, and chile, and lime,

and they spray it with lemon salt, and all this stuff.

By the time you eat it, it's like a heart attack

waiting to happen.

Feel better?

All right, good.

[LAUGHTER]

That wasn't quite what I had in mind.

I wanted you to make it satirical.

OK?

Don't just explain it to them.

Tell them why it's funny.

So cute.

I just-- I try to stay away from things

that we've all heard before.

You've never heard of an empowerment comedian

Mexican, American, Puerto Rican, Russian,

and French Catholic Jew.

I'm trying to keep it unique.

So here's the thing, you know?

These are the same-- oh, oh, so at UCLA's RAZA graduation--

that's kind of where I was going with this.

You know, I just like educating people on who we really are,

you know?

And trying to present an alternative perspective on who

people are, because every single one of you in here

knows that people think you are a certain way,

and you know you're so much more unique than that.

Identity is fluid.

Who you are has no box.

It's fluid and it changes every day.

And we kind of adapt.

We're like water.

Be the water.

You guys know what I'm talking about?

Bruce Lee?

You ever seen that video?

Just Google Bruce Lee water.

Just Google that thing.

Bruce Lee was a genius before his time, man.

If social media existed, then he would have

been president of the world.

Bruce Lee was a beast.

Be the water.

The water adjusts.

The water flow.

Be the water.

You could tell-- you could feel how real and deep that is, huh?

I got to write more about that.

I just watched the video recently

and I was blown away by the brilliance.

There's so much brilliance around us.

Brilliance is everywhere.

You ever catch yourself saying something brilliant?

Like, did I just say that?

Where did that come from?

I just thought that.

I had that-- that was my thought.

I think I thought that.

You ever-- I think I thought that.

I think I thought that.

Did I think that?

Or someone taught-- where did that come from?

Those moments, you want to cherish them, and write it

down, and remember it.

And SnapChat it, I guess, right?

If it didn't happen on SnapChat, it didn't happen, right?

It's like the new rule.

All right, let me get back on track here.

Let me get it back on track.

You guys are so great.

You know the-- see, I teach leadership development

workshops all over the country.

And I teach emotional intelligence

to high school and college kids all over

the country-- maybe next time I'll come back

and we'll do some of that.

But one of the things I talk about

is this-- powerful speaking is a function of powerful listening.

You can't really have powerful speaking

unless you have powerful listening.

And the listening in here is so rich-- it's so powerful that I

want to share more with you.

Like I just totally went off track.

I'm not even doing jokes.

I'm just talking for my life--

and the elote lady right here.

So let me get back on track a little bit here.

These are the same jokes I did at UCLA's RAZA graduation,

right?

What was beautiful to me was the audience was laughing.

I'm a comedian, I do jokes for laughs,

but what's even more important to me, more poignant,

was that after the show there was a big long line of people

to come talk to me.

And the line was filled with tias, tios, primos, cousins,

grandmas, and grandpas, abuelitas

and abuelitos coming up to me to say thank you.

Thank you for not only celebrating

our child's accomplishment by graduating from UCLA,

but thank you for not going them forget who we are, where we're

from, and the obstacles we had to overcome

to get them to even go to UCLA.

I said, wow, there's something beautiful about embracing

every piece of who we are.

And that's one of my messages here today.

You got to love and embrace every piece of who you are,

including the ghetto or the survivor within.

Look, if you don't like that word ghetto,

replace it for survivor.

Because trust me, if you're a student here today

at Highline College, you are the product of a survival story.

If I-- I'm serious.

If I gave this mic--

in that leadership workshop that I do,

I have students reveal their story.

And it doesn't happen right away.

It takes an hour or two sometimes

to get students to feel comfortable enough

to be vulnerable-- to tell their story.

If I gave this microphone to any one of you

and said, tell us what your dad had to overcome and go through

and go through to get you to be a student here today,

we'd all start bawling.

The real story-- not your elevator speech.

Not the story you want people to know-- the story you

don't want people to know.

If I asked you to share how many houses

your mom has had to clean, or how many jobs she's

had to have, or all the tragedies and drama

that are going on in your families,

we'd all start crying.

And then we'd want to share our story, right?

So if you don't like that word, ghetto,

replace it for survivor.

But as far as I'm concerned, shoot.

If you're from the ghetto, you get to.

Right!

If you're from the ghetto you get to be street smart and book

smart.

If you're from the ghetto you get

to know what time it is in the classroom and in the hood.

If you're from the ghetto, you get

to be proud of your education, and of your culture.

So if you have a little ghetto in you,

can I hear you make some noise?

A little ghetto in you?

[APPLAUSE]

All right.

I can tell some of you are feeling me, and some of you

are looking at me, going, but we're not ghetto, though.

OK?

We have worked too darn hard to still be ghetto, Ernie.

We are trying to get out of the ghetto.

OK?

Maybe not.

Maybe what we need to do is embrace the ghetto within.

Look, if you're not feeling this,

here's the ultimate test if you think

you might have a little ghetto inside of you.

When you run out of shampoo, do you throw the bottle away?

No, you pour the water inside.

Shake it.

Pour it on your head, right?

Right?

Everybody does that.

Everyone does that.

Even the teachers are like, we do that to.

We do that too.

That's actually not being ghetto, that's being thrifty.

There's ghetto and there's thrifty,

and that's definitely thrifty.

But those of you with a little bit of money, you guys

fill that bottle up the whole way one time.

Shake it, pour it on your head, then throw that thing away.

That's being a waster, dude.

Not us.

Latinos or black kids, we fill it up a third of the way.

Because that soapy water, that's like three shampoos in one

right there.

You fill it up a third of the way,

shake it, put some on your head, then you put that the back.

Then the next day, you go in there, you

get the shampoo bottle, you open it and squeeze it on your head.

Burr!

That soapy water's cold.

That water's cold.

OK, only the really ghetto people are laughing now.

Then finally, the last day, you go in there, you

get the shampoo bottle, you open it and squeeze it on your head,

nothing comes out.

You're like, shoot, what do I do now?

Like the good ghetto person that you are,

you wrap a towel around your waist, go to the kitchen,

and get Palmolive dish-washing liquid, baby.

Heck yeah!

Look at half your faces.

You just crossed the line on that one, mister.

Hey, do a lot of you have to go to a class right now?

Is that what's happening?

Yeah.

It starts at 11?

Oh, so bummed.

The ending is the best.

The ending is going to get deep.

So if you don't have to go, or if you can ditch your class

like this lady did right here for me,

please do because the ending is amazing.

So go ahead and take off if you have to,

but please stay if you can because the ending is the best.

The ending's the best.

Sorry guys.

Did you have fun, though?

You had fun?

Yeah.

All right, cool.

All right, can we do me a favor?

Can you guys all come sit in the middle now please?

So I can have everyone up in the middle?

Come on, come sit in the middle.

Just so I can have-- the ending is the best.

Don't leave if you don't have to.

If you can miss the class and get the notes,

do that, because the ending is worth it.

I promise.

The ending is worth it.

All right.

You don't mind?

Thank you.

Come sit in the middle.

You got to leave?

Oh, nice to see you, buddy.

Nice to see you.

All right, thanks.

Thank you, buddy.

Thank you.

Come sit in the-- don't leave if you don't have to.

Don't leave!

Don't leave!

Don't leave!

The ending is the best.

The ending is what Joe wanted me to do.

You just saw the jokes.

You didn't see the empowerment.

Please don't leave.

[LAUGHTER]

Please don't leave if you don't have to.

I promise you it's worth it.

I promise you it's worth it.

Aw.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know a bunch of people were going to leave.

Yes, yes, you're still here.

The small crowd that could.

All right.

Give yourselves a round of applause for sticking around.

Thank you, you guys.

I appreciate it.

You're so awesome.

So that's the thing.

I go across the country and I tell students that I'm not here

to tell you who you are.

I'm here to remind you of who you already

know yourselves to be.

You already know yourselves as beautiful, powerful, educated

people.

You know, and l grew up in a neighborhood

where people always taught us--

tried to tell us who we are.

You know when you grow up-- clap if you grew up

in an area where there were either cholos

or gangsters in your neighborhood,

or in your surrounding communities.

Clap if you were in that neighborhood.

So most of you will appreciate this.

Those of you who didn't clap, you'll still understand it.

See, when you grow up around cholos or gangsters,

you don't really fear them.

They're just part of the neighborhood,

you know what I'm saying?

You know, it's like-- imagine if a bunch of cholos

walked in right now-- like six pelones,

bald-headed, white t-shirt wearing.

Orale.

What's up?

Hey?

A bunch of you would be like, security, what's going on?

Security.

Security.

Are they your cousins?

Are those your cousins?

Are they here for a victory outreach car

wash or a bake sale?

Is there a bake sale going on?

Is there carne asada?

What's happening?

I don't get it.

But if a bunch of cholos walked in right now,

I'd be like, all right, cool.

I got backup.

We're straight, you know what I'm saying?

I got a ride home right there.

It'd be on a bike, not on a car, but I've

got a ride home at least.

And it's weird too, because I always

tell students, be careful of what you put in your brain.

Try not to watch the news.

The news is just about sucking you in, making you fearful,

and then throwing commercials at you

so you go consume whatever commercial-- oh, I've

got to go buy that burger because I feel

so lonely and afraid, right?

And so-- oh, that went right over your heads?

No.

No, that's the fear mongering.

News is all about making you afraid-- scaring you.

Have you noticed that?

It's like, that rape, and molesters, and car accidents,

and death, and then at the very end-- oh,

and a fireman saved a kitten.

Yay.

It's like, oh, I'm going to watch this again tomorrow.

Then they throw all these commercials--

are you depressed?

Are you lonely?

I need that.

I need-- I'm going to go buy that.

I'm going to buy it right now, as a matter of fact.

But here's the thing--

there's this show on the History Channel called Gangland.

You guys ever heard of Gangland?

I love the show because it's based in fact.

It's based on court documents.

But I don't like it because it makes us fear

our own communities sometimes.

You got to be careful what you put in your brain.

I was watching it one time, and it's all,

some of the most notorious of all of LA's gangs

comes from the small Mexican-American community

of Highland Park, where the avenues run the streets.

I'm like, that's where I live.

It's dangerous right here?

I didn't know.

Go to the store to buy milk.

I can't, I might get shot.

You know, and it's a weird phenomenon too,

because I perform in middle schools and high schools

all over the country.

And these little wannabe cholos--

you know those little wannabe cholos?

They're just basically little dudes

that didn't play football.

Everyone wants to be on a team, right?

They didn't play football or soccer, so they joined a gang.

They can't kick a ball or throw a ball, so they steal a ball

and end up in a gang.

My heart goes out to these kids, because if you

listen to the news, they're always exaggerating.

The media's always like, some of the most notorious

of LA's criminals, some of the most notorious of Seattle's

gangsters.

I'm like, notorious criminals?

No it's not.

That's my cousin Nacho and his homeys right there.

He's not notorious for nothing, that guy.

The only thing he's notorious for is not having a job

and eating my mom's food all the time, man.

If you're going to come over and eat,

bring some tortillas at least, fool.

When I was a kid I wanted to be a cholo bad.

I did.

You know what's crazy?

I can't believe there's cholo problems in Washington, man.

I perform at [? Yakamaw ?] all the time.

I performed at some tiny high school called White Swan High

School on a Reservation somewhere

in the middle of nowhere.

And there's gang problems in Mattawa.

Mattawa, Washington, doesn't even have a stop sign --

a red light.

It has a stop sign.

And there's a [SPANISH] problem--

North and South problem in this little town.

I'm like, what are you guys fighting over?

Apples?

Red apples!

Green apples!

Red apples!

Green apples!

Then a little cholo comes running in, cherries!

Homeys, cherries!

I'm like, come on, dude.

Give me a break, bro.

I live in LA, where the Mexican mafia runs the streets.

The Crips and the Bloods used to run stuff,

but now we kicked them all out.

Now it's the Mexican mafia.

The Salvadoran Salvatrucha down there, right?

I know you can get killed in [? Yacamaw ?] too,

but in LA, killings are like an every day thing.

You just don't even hear about them anymore.

And it's weird, because I wanted to be a cholo bad when

I was a kid, dude.

You guys all see that movie Grease?

Everybody's seen Grease.

[SINGING] I got chills, they're multiplying.

And I'm losing control.

Look it, the girls want to go.

[SINGING] You're the one that I want.

Hoo, hoo, hoo.

Darling.

The one that I want.

Look at their faces.

Oh my gosh, we always sing that one at karaoke.

Remember the drag races in Grease?

Remember when those cars raced in Grease?

That was along the LA River.

Now, the LA River is not really a river.

It's just a bunch of cement with a stream of water

in the middle of it.

But between the LA River and Dodge Stadium,

where the LA Dodgers play baseball,

there's a little body right there.

And the cholos who run that part of town,

called Frog Town-- that's the name of their group.

Frog Town.

On the other side of the LA River,

over here by General Hospital-- all your parents

watch that soap opera, General Hospital.

The cholos who run that part of town are called Dog Town.

When I was a kid, Frog Town and Dog Town didn't get along.

I never understood that growing up.

I'm like, we're all Latinos.

Why don't we get along?

They said, cross the river.

See what happens.

I said, I ain't going over there, dude.

Those Dog Town dudes were bad, dude.

Dog Town dudes walk around the neighborhood intimidating

people.

Dog Town, fool, what's up?

Woo, woo!

Dog Town, fool, what's up?

Woo, woo!

I was like, ay, perro.

Couldn't imagine what they were saying

on the other side of the river.

Frog Town, fool.

Ribbit.

Ribbit, ribbit.

Don't make me get my ribbit on, dog.

I was like, ay, pobrecitos.

All I knew was Frog Town and Dog Town didn't get along.

When I was a kid, I wanted to watch them rumble.

Because whenever they-- what, fool, what?

What, fool?

What, fool?

What, fool?

Look at their faces.

Oh my gosh, he fights like my tio, hey?

Whenever they were going to throw it down,

there was going to be a rumble.

A rumble at the river.

There's going to be a rumble at the river.

Shut up, dude.

Let's go.

There was something about it that was exciting.

You could feel it in the neighborhood.

The kids would be running inside.

They'd be slamming all the doors.

Grandma stick her head out the window, [SPANISH]

I love the word babosos.

Babosos sounds like Grandma's cursing at you.

Baboso!

Baboso just means slobbering idiot.

That's all that means.

You know when you fall asleep in class

and you have saliva hanging from your mouth right there?

Those are called babas, right?

And if that ever happened to you, then you're a baboso.

Back in the day, cholos, they didn't

have cars to go to the rumbles.

They used to go on their Huffy bikes.

We're going to get these fools.

We're going to get them.

We're going to get them, fool.

There's always that one dude, he couldn't afford a bike.

He just had a skateboard and a rope.

Slow down, dude.

Slow down!

Don't turn, dog.

Don't turn!

The dude on the handlebars, here comes the police, dude.

Go, fool.

[SWISH]

And when you're a cholo on the way to a rumble,

you got to be hard, right?

You got to represent.

You can't stop your bike with a hand brake.

Dring, dring.

How did we stop our bike back in the day?

With the heel of our shoe.

We're going to get these fools, hey?

[SCREECH] [SPANISH] I was like, yeah,

I want to be one of those dudes.

Those dudes are bad!

Until my mom found the comb in my pants.

You know what comb I'm talking about?

That round, plastic cholo comb?

You slide your finger on that thing.

You guys have ever seen those before?

You have one in your pocket right now, fool.

Don't lie.

He's so cute.

He's like, dude, I'm not a cholo, dude, I promise.

I'm a skateboarder dude.

I used to hide my gangster paraphernalia from my mom.

My bandanas and my cholo combs.

But I forgot my cholo comb in my pants.

And my mom was doing laundry and she found it.

She said, [SPANISH].

What is this?

My son wants to be a cholo?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

You get your butt over here, Mr. I'm

going to show you what cholos feel like!

Dude, I was scared.

I ran, I stood at attention.

She put that cholo comb on, and she was like, POW!

I had indentations on my face for a week.

Turns out I was more afraid of my mom

than I was the cholos, dude.

I used to get protection from the cholos from my mom, dude!

The cholos, they beat you up once to get you into the gang.

Ka!

My mom beat me up every day.

My mom was also trying to teach me lessons!

You know what I'm saying?

Anybody else get a lesson teaching from their mom?

Look it, nobody wants to admit it right here.

I don't want to put my mom on lash.

I'm pretty sure there are mandated reporters.

I don't want to put my mom on lash.

My mom was always trying to teach me lessons,

and I was really good at blocking her teachings.

My mom would try and teach me something--

POW!

I'd block it--BOOM!

Safe.

She got mad when I blocked it, too because I got good with it.

She'd be like, pow, pow, pow.

I'd be all, pow, pow, ping.

Uah!

I got all kung-fu panda with my mom.

Hiyah!

Uah!

I got so good at blocking her teachings,

she came up with alternative ways of teaching me things.

She came up with a sneak.

Anybody's mom do the sneak?

Psh.

Real fast.

You'd be hanging out with your friends

and she comes up from behind you.

Pow.

Poom.

Ay!

I didn't even see that one coming.

You've got a give me a warning at least.

Mom, mom, mom, look, look, look-- when you warn me,

I at least like to clench.

I didn't even get to clench on that one.

You got me all loosey goosey!

That's not fair.

One time I caught my mom slipping though.

She did the windup.

Did your mom ever do the windup?

After awhile, you see your mom's blood starting to boil.

Don't worry, the empowerment stuff's coming.

This cannot possibly be the empowerment stuff, right?

You ever be arguing with your mom

and you see your mom's blood starting to boil?

You say that one thing you're not supposed to say-- you

say it.

[SPANISH]

[EVIL LAUGHING]

[SPEAKING SPANISH] Which means, keep talking, slobbering idiot.

What do you be doing?

You be staring at your mama, going-- no!

No!

No!

I caught my mom slipping, she did the windup.

She went like that-- wah!

POW.

I had time to react though.

I was like, no!

Boom!

Pobrecita.

She's so cute.

Aw, I'm sorry.

I'm going to get to it in like five minutes.

You guys want me to do this material before I get--

the ending's the best part.

But I love talking about my mama giving me lessons.

You ever get chased by your mama?

No!

No!

[SPEAKING SPANISH] You make your mother sweat, I swear to-- ah!

She gets her chancla--

shoe.

The chancla.

I love the chancla.

You know why?

Because my mom had bad aim.

She'd get the chancla, she'd throw it, I'd be like-- psh.

Ah, you missed!

Ooh.

You can't find your shoe.

Uh oh, you found it.

She gets her other chancla shoe.

Be like, psh.

Ah, you missed!

You only got two shoes.

[LAUGHS]

Clunk.

Ow!

What the-- how the-- who the--

where'd that one come from?

You can't have three shoes.

That's not fair.

Go to school to tell your friends.

You want your friends to feel sorry for you, huh?

You want the to console you.

You want to go, dude, my mom hit me with the chancla.

You want your friends to go, no way, really?

That's messed up.

Not at our high schools, huh?

You go to our high school, you be like, dude,

my mom hit me with the chancla.

What do your friends say?

Fool, that ain't nothing!

You know what my mom did to me?

She sold me out, dude, she told my dad

who pulled out the cinto.

The cinturon.

And not the little skinny ones from Wal-mart.

No, no, no.

The big fat thick ones from Tijuana, with the matching

botas y todo, guey.

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

Have we got some rancheras in the house.

They're all cracking up, they're like, oh my gosh,

they played that at my quinceanera.

And then some of you are like, I never got a quinceanera.

I didn't even get a Sweet 16, guys.

This is not fair.

All I got was my driver's permit.

Damn.

Oh my gosh.

I'm almost there.

I'm almost there.

Three more minutes.

I just want to finish this material.

And you guys are loving it.

I didn't think you'd be loving it so much.

The high school kids love it.

They're like blah!

College, half the time they're like this is inappropriate.

This is inappropriate.

You guys are like, ah!

Oh, do you know what my mom's weapon of choice was?

Her teaching stick-- a long, yellow, plastic Wiffle ball

bat.

A classic baseball bat.

I could hear that thing coming.

Vhoom.

Pow!

I could time it because of the wind.

Vhoom, pow!

One time she missed.

It went like this, it went, vhoom--

My mama's right there.

Zoom.

Zoom.

Zoom.

[SPANISH]

My mom was like the Latina Darth Vader with that thing.

Zoom.

Zoom.

Zoom.

Come over to the dark side, Ernesto.

I am your mother.

After awhile your mom doesn't even have to touch you.

She just gives you the look.

You know that look?

Dude, the look is worse than the touch, huh?

Yes.

The touch, at least you know what's coming.

That look?

You don't know what's coming.

You ever be at a party with your family

and you're like, hey cous, you want

to see my mom get mad right now?

Come here.

She's going to get so mad, be like her vein's going to pop,

y todo.

Ven.

You think my mom's nice?

She's not nice.

Then you go do that thing you know you're not supposed to do.

Your mom doesn't have to touch you.

She just goes--

Vhoom.

[LAUGHTER]

Watch.

Complete the second half of this statement.

Watch.

Vas--

A ver.

--a ver.

Vas a ver means you're going to see

what happens when we get home.

And what are you be doing the whole rest of that party?

You be kissing your mama's butt.

You're my favorite mommy.

My mom is like, I'm your only mother,

and you're still getting it when we get home.

I'm like, dang, mama, you bad mama.

I said, where are you from, mama?

Where are you from?

Oh my God, you know what's so cute--

you ever get too old to be given a lesson?

You're twelve and you're taller than your mom.

[INAUDIBLE] fellows.

Dude, when I was twelve, I outgrew my mom.

My mom went like that one time.

All I did was stand up.

My mom was like, ay!

Ay!

Ay!

I said, no, no, no.

I'm not going to do nothing to you.

Just don't do it to me no mores.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

My mom was like, [SPANISH].

Don't talk to your mother like that, baboso.

[SPANISH]

Give me your face right here!

Psh!

You ever have to give your mom your face when

you're getting a lesson?

OK go, mama.

OK, go.

No, no, no.

Mejor pompis, mejor pompis.

I have more cushion here than I do there.

I'd prefer this area, please.

After awhile-- dude, you ever talk back to your parents?

Oh.

One time my mom went like that and I went, stop it!

I'm going to call the police on you!

You know what my mom said?

You know what she said?

She said, good.

Call the police.

I'm going to do this in front of them!

That way everyone in this neighborhood--

[APPLAUSE]

--that way everyone in this neighborhood

know what kind of a boy I have living in this house.

I said, dang, mama, you bad, mama.

I said, where are you from, mama?

Where are you from?

Mama, I said, don't worry about it.

They say I'm from nowheres.

My mother does not speak like that, OK?

It just makes the joke funnier, that's all.

Look at some of your faces-- dang, Ernie G's mom,

straight up hood rat.

My mom's like, tell them I'm a hood rat, mijo.

I don't even know what that means.

Just tell them.

I don't care.

Pa' que aprendan.

So they learn.

So they learn.

You know what's so cute?

I've done these jokes all over the world.

I was in Japan entertaining our troops with these jokes.

I just performed in Stanford a few days-- last Saturday.

Now I'm here at Highline College in Des Moines, Washington,

and it always gets the same mixed reaction.

Most of you-- there, it's definitely 50-50.

Here, it's like 25% of you guys are cracking up, going,

oh my God!

That happened to me!

But the other 50% of you, and a lot

of teachers at the high schools, when

I perform they're staring at me with their arms

folded, with a blank stare on their face.

Who approved the budget for this person to come?

Is this-- are we paying for this?

And I'm sure a lot of those of you who

go-- who aren't related to this are going, oh my gosh,

did that really happen to these people?

Oh my gosh, you guys, that is not OK!

Under no circumstances is that ever OK.

You guys, we are at Highline College.

We have counselors available for you.

We can write you a referral note.

You guys do not need hits-- you need hugs.

All we ever got in my house was a time-out.

I wish I could get a time-out when I was a kid.

I didn't know you'd get time-outs

from being disciplined.

The only thing I knew about time-outs

was from soccer, or basketball.

My mom would have been teaching me lessons-- pow.

Time-out!

Time-out!

[SCREAMING]

My mom would have gone, OK, baboso, go, time-out.

28, 29, 30.

Time-in!

Pow!

Look, I shared this with you for one reason and one reason only.

I am not up here condoning corporal punishment, OK?

I'm not saying it's cool that our parents did that to us.

I am saying this--

that the only reason our parents ever did that to us

is because our grandparents did it to them.

You do what you're taught.

If you're taught by the hand, then you teach by the hand.

But if you're taught with love, you're

going to teach with love.

That ended up being the greatest gift my mother ever gave me--

to have me respect her more than I did the streets.

The streets wanted me.

That was a pull.

I wanted to be in trouble bad.

You know, I always have principals and administrators

come up to me, are you sure that this material

is appropriate for our high school age students?

Are you sure that our middle school--

I just performed yesterday at the Isleta Middle School

on the border of Juarez and El Paso.

Like, you could see Mexico from the playground.

And those kids, man--

are you sure it's appropriate that they see-- and I'm like,

have you seen the memes on their smart phones?

I'm not teaching them anything they don't already know.

But here's the true answer to that question--

I've talked to judges, behavioral health specialists--

what makes something abuse?

A lot of students have suffered real abuse.

And what makes it real abuse is the context--

it's the anger.

It's done out of anger with the intention to harm.

That makes it abusive.

But with our moms, it was to teach us a lesson,

she did it out of love, right?

Isn't it weird that the harder your mom hits you,

the more you knew she loved you.

She got a good one in one time.

Ay!

My mom loves me on that one right there.

See, that ended up being the greatest gift my mother--

when you have suffered real abuse,

you lock yourself in a dungeon in your own mind,

and you think no one can relate to me.

Nobody knows what I'm going through.

And you get depressed.

But when you come to a show like this

and people are cracking up, maybe you

realize that you're not alone.

That ended up being the greatest gift my mother ever

gave me-- to have her respect her more than I

did the streets.

The streets wanted me.

That was a pull.

I wanted to be in trouble bad.

I wanted to get a spider tattoo, a teardrop tattoo, three dots

for mi vida loca y que, guey.

But I was literally more afraid of my mom

than I was the cholos in the hood.

Had I listened to the cholos in the hood,

I would have ended up dead or in jail.

I listened to my mama, I ended up being a college graduate.

So I thank my mama every day for loving me that much.

Thank you mama.

[APPLAUSE]

Let me just wrap up by saying this.

My mom-- your parents are the reason

you get to be who you are today.

I'm going to repeat that.

Your parents are the reason you get to be--

you don't have to be here.

You don't have to come to school.

You don't have to do well.

You don't have to study.

You don't have to do your term papers.

You get to.

You get to go to school.

Do you know how many students would

love to trade places with you?

Do you know how many people who are 19, 20, 21,

they're like, ugh, I should have gone to school.

Why am I here digging this trench?

Why am I here cleaning?

This job I don't even like?

They would love to trade places.

You get to go to school, and you have your parents

to thank for that.

When it was time for me to go to high school,

the conventional wisdom of the day--

teachers would tell the parents of the black and Latino kids--

back in LA the teachers would tell

the parents of the black and the colored kids,

since you're child's probably not going to go to college,

they should learn to work with their hands.

Develop a skill that will help them in the workforce.

Mechanics, electronics, woodcraft.

Gardening would be wonderful for your child--

since they're probably not going to go to college.

The rich kids, they got encouraged to go

to St. Francis College Prep.

It wasn't even called St. Francis High School--

it was called St. Francis College

Prep because the expectation was you

were going to go to college.

The rich kids, college prep.

The brown kids trade tech.

Now, if you're sitting there thinking,

hey, my dad went to a trade tech.

My brother went to a trade tech.

I'm not discouraging trade techs--

that's a great alternative for people who don't want

to go to a four-year college.

But I'm encouraging all of you to graduate

from a four-year college.

Highline's a great school-- two years,

and I know now you have some four-year programs.

But get yourself into a four-year school

and graduate with a four-year degree.

Everybody here deserves that.

My mama said, no, those kids can go to St Francis,

my son's going to St. Francis.

We did sneak across this border fair and square.

My mom snuck over here when she was 9 years old,

made it to California.

Boom.

Safe.

It took her-- it took my mom 20 years before 9/11

to get her papeles-- to get her papers, right?

Now, since 9/11, it's almost impossible to get your papers.

It costs so much money.

There's so many documents-- you guys

know about the undocumented dilemma here, right?

It took my mom 20 years before 9/11 to get her papeles.

She was-- Mom was a proud citizen of the United States

of America, but it took her 20 years.

So can we open our hearts and our minds

to my undocumented dream students out there?

[APPLAUSE]

DACA and Dream students?

Yeah?

All right, cool.

Last thing is this-- so my mom said,

you're going to St Francis, but it's a two hour drive

and I can't take you.

So you're going to get up at 3:30 in the morning,

take three buses, OK, Ernesto?

So I took three buses at St. Francis College Prep,

all boys Catholic high school.

There were three Latinos in my freshman class.

There were two black dudes too-- the running back

and quarterback of our football team, you know what I'm saying?

You know how prep schools don't recruit, right?

Oh my God, that got crickets in here, man.

That usually gets a chuckle at least.

You guys are like, that is not funny or right.

It's true.

In LA they say you're not supposed to recruit,

and they always recruit like two or three brothers

to play on the football team.

Anyway, I guess that doesn't happen here in Seattle,

we're all liberals here?

OK, fine.

Whatever.

So anyway, so I go to St. Francis College Prep

and that's where I met Miss Donna Huckabee.

Miss Donna Huckabee is my one guidance counselor--

that one mentor, teacher, or coach, that

looks at you in your heart, looks at you in your soul, that

says something to you you didn't even know about yourself.

How many of you guys have ever had a mentor, teacher,

or coach, say something in your face, and in your heart

you go like this--

how do you know?

You who don't know me.

You know that feeling?

Don't talk to me all comfortable.

You don't know my life.

That was Miss Huckabee.

She said, you're a leader.

People love you because you're funny.

Where are you going to go to college?

I said, I don't know.

Where'd you go?

You know when someone's trying to love you too much,

they don't even know you?

Hey sweetheart.

How are you doing?

Where are you going to go to college?

Look, I don't know.

Where'd you go?

She said, I went to Loyola Marymount University.

It's a small, Jesuit, private Catholic University.

I think you'll fit right in.

Oh, well then I'll go there.

I took the SAT once.

I applied to one school.

I don't recommend students do that--

but because of the love of Miss Donna Huckabee,

I got into Loyola Marymount and became the first person

in my family ever to go to college right

after high school.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

How many of you, when you graduate from college-- not

if, when you graduate-- will be the first in your family

to do so?

Do we got some first gens in here?

Give yourself some love.

That's an amazing feat.

That's an amazing feat.

Why do young people become gangsters and cholos?

Because somebody influences them to.

No little kid wants to be a cholo.

You ever see these little cholos at the mall

that are two years old?

They have like, you know, a little wife

beater and a Raiders Jersey or something, you know?

You ever seen that?

And you feel like, that kid doesn't even have a chance,

man.

Why do young people become college graduates?

Because somebody influences them to.

For me it was Miss Donna Huckabee.

I got into [? Loyola ?] Marymount, and what happened?

I got scared.

I didn't have a lot of resources.

I didn't have a lot of people teaching me.

I didn't have a lot of love of people telling me,

this is what you're going to expect.

This is what's going to happen.

I just showed up.

And all of a sudden, there was all these people

with more money than me.

I started drinking, started partying, started hanging out.

I managed our basketball team.

So if you're a basketball fan, you'll love this story.

If you don't love basketball, you'll still appreciate it.

I managed the highest scoring basketball

game in the history of NCAA Division One basketball.

Loyola Marymount University beat US International, 181 to 150.

Most points ever scored in a game.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because my parents were never married.

See, the leading scorer on our basketball team

was this guy named Hank Gathers.

Hank Gathers lead the country in rebounding and in scoring.

No player had ever done that before him.

Only two players had ever done that before him--he was

the third ever.

So he was on ESPN all the time.

So I used to see him around campus.

And see, my parents were never married.

I am the result of a noche divertida.

My dad went salsa dancing and nine months later, boom.

Ernie G.

And so, I didn't have a male role model in my life.

So when I met Hank Gathers, he was

one of the strongest dudes I ever met in my life.

And I go, you, Hank, my name's Ernie.

I'm the manager on the basketball team.

He said, hook up some towels, y'all.

Trying to clown me, right?

I said, no, no, no.

I'm the manager on the basket team.

Just wanted to introduce myself.

He said, hook up some towels, youngin'.

He grew up in the projects in South Philadelphia.

He didn't know I grew up north of East LA, Highland Park.

He didn't know that.

I said, hey, dog, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

He said, all right, then come on dog.

Threw the ball at me, we started shagging.

Bam, we became boys.

To this day, I still have Hank Gathers size 13 Reebok,

his number 44 practice jersey, his Loyola Marymount hoodie.

Why?

Listen, the whole thing about Hank--

my parents were never married.

So when I met Hank Gathers, the most powerful guy

that I ever in my life, you know I felt connected to him.

But I never used to share that on stage.

I wouldn't tell people my parents were married.

Then after a show, some cholo came up to me, a gangster.

He goes, hey, homes, can I talk to you for a second, dog?

I said, what did I say?

He said no, no, no.

[SPEAKING SPANISH] I can't believe you put yourself

on blast like that, homie.

I'm like, what do you mean, dog?

He goes, hey, my parents were never married either.

And until I heard you speak just now,

my whole life I thought I was a mistake.

But after listening to you, I realize maybe I'm not.

I said, God doesn't make mistakes, bro.

Your job is to figure out why God put you on this planet

and give your life over to that.

He said, mucho respeto, homes.

So now I tell people my parents were never married.

So when I met Hank Gathers, the most powerful guy

I'd ever known in my life, he became my boy.

We were friends until March of 1990,

when he went up for an [INAUDIBLE] dunk

on national television, dunked the basketball,

had a heart attack on the court and died.

The most powerful man I'd ever met in my life

was gone in an instant.

If there's any old school basketball fans out there,

you've heard this story before.

Hank Gathers is a really well known guy

who died on the court.

When Hank Gathers died, I started drinking.

I started partying.

Started hanging out.

Got put on academic probation.

You know what that means?

You got to get a 2.0 to stay in school.

You get a C- or a D now, you can work it out next semester.

You get on academic probation, you get a C-,

they kick you out.

I went to my biology class, I looked inside.

I was like, you know what?

These people have no idea what it's like for me, man.

They don't know what I go through.

These rich kids, they have no idea what I struggle with.

You know what?

Forget this.

I'm out of here.

Went to my bed, pulled the blankets over my head,

and knocked out for three days.

I slept for three days in my dorm room.

You know how hard that is to do?

Well I did it, and got kicked out of college.

First person in my family to go to college, to becoming

another Latino statistic.

A drop out.

And it was devastating for me.

I went back home and my mama's like, what are you doing here?

I said they kicked me out of school.

She said, no they didn't.

You go back and you tell them you them you want to go back.

I said, I can't.

They kicked me out.

She said, mijo, I came over here from Mexico

when I was nine years old.

And all I've ever wanted was for you to get your education.

You go back and you beg them if you have to!

But get back to school, mijo!

I said, I can't.

They kicked me out.

Dejame en paz.

Went to my bed, pulled the blankets over my head

and knocked out.

You think I slept for three days this time?

Oh no, no, no.

Not at my mama's house.

5: 00 A.M. the next morning, my mama's like,

Be good for something.

Take out the trash!

I get the trash, I walk outside.

I'll never forget this day.

My foot hits the pavement.

Goosh.

It went from no rain to rain.

I felt the floor, I was holding trash,

and it was raining on me.

I started thinking about my life.

I had got kicked out of Loyola Marymount University.

I owed that school $26,000 in student loans,

and I didn't even graduate.

I got arrested for drunk driving,

the state of California versus Ernesto Grichevski.

I totalled my car in a car accident.

I didn't have a job.

I didn't have money.

I didn't have a pot to pee in.

I was sitting on the floor, I was holding trash,

and it was raining on me.

Now, I've never been addicted to alcohol or drugs, thank God,

but that was my rock bottom.

I hit rock bottom.

I looked up to God and was like, what do you want from me?

What do you want from me?

Not three days later, my tia got sick.

Now my tia, my aunt, is that one aunt we all

have that Christmas is always at your tia's house,

Thanksgiving is always at your tia's house.

If you're ever hungry there's always

a pot of beans or frijoles at your tia's house.

I called her at the hospital.

I said, tia, are you OK?

She's like, no, mijo, there's something wrong with my blood.

They're going to do some testing.

I said, can I come visit you at the hospital?

She said, you mom is really mad at you right now, mijo.

I said, tia, I want to come see you.

She said, quedate con tu mama.

Stay with your mom.

I'll never stop regretting that I didn't go visit my aunt.

Why?

The next day my cousin called.

She's dead, cous.

I said, what did you say to me?

My mom, Rose, your tia?

She's dead.

I said, no, no!

I grabbed the phone and I threw it.

God!

As I ran down the street.

No!

No!

Why?

And in that moment, of all people,

Miss Donna Huckabee popped into my head.

She said, everybody knows that rage.

Everyone has felt that anger.

When you feel that rage and anger,

don't take it out on people, don't take it out on things.

Get yourself a pen and a pad and write your feelings out

onto the page.

I got a yellow pad and a pen and I started writing.

What is the point of life?

Who cares about school, or study, or anything

when you can just take people from us?

Hank Gathers is dead!

And then you took my tia.

How could you take my tia?

She was the most beautiful woman on the planet.

She walked with the grace and dignity of an angel.

Anybody who ever met my tia loved her.

I'm going to miss you, tia.

Rest in peace, tia.

I love you.

And all that rage turned to so much love.

And I remember going to her funeral, and at her funeral

the priest was saying a few words,

but he didn't know my tia.

He was saying stuff like, I'm sure Rose was a lovely lady.

I'm sure Rose was a wonderful person.

I'm sure people really cared about Rose.

What do you mean, I'm sure?

Who is this dude?

I don't care if he's a priest, man.

People need to know who my tia was.

Somebody needs to give a proper eulogy to my aunt.

People need to know there was always

frijoles at my tia's house, man?

The priest said, you feel so passionately?

Why don't you say something?

I said uhwa?

Uhwa?

And in that moment, ding!

Miss Donna Huckabee, always trust yourselves.

We're not saying you can trust the world, Highline College,

but you can always trust yourself.

I looked out to the audience and I said, ode to a Rose.

Why did my tia die?

Why did God take the one angel we still

had living on this planet?

I don't know why she died, but I promise everyone here

I'm not going to let her death be in vain.

I'm go back to Loyola Marymount, and I'm

going to graduate in her honor.

And I ask every one of you, do that thing that you

know you're supposed to do.

Dance that dance.

Sing that song.

Construct that poem.

Get your grades up.

Get into the college of your choice.

Graduate from the college of your dreams!

If not for me and my tia, then for the people

you most know and love.

And then I said, I'd like to end this eulogy in the way

my tia most remembered me by, and that is with a joke.

My family's like, no, no, no, [SPEAKING SPANISH]

You don't do that at church.

Ernesto!

Ernesto!

I said, no, it's OK.

My tia loved me for this.

I said, how many roses does it take to make violets blue?

I said, if all of us here today are violets, it only takes one.

Rest in peace, tia.

I love you.

And it was silent like this.

And my uncle was sitting right there, bro.

And he stood up, clapping and crying.

And then they all looked at him and they

started clapping and crying.

And they all went

[CHEERING]

And I went, woah!

I never felt that before.

And in that moment I captured for myself what Miss Donna

Huckabee had seen in me--

that I'm a leader.

And I don't have time to tell you guys the whole story,

but the short version is this.

There was a big long line of people to talk to me.

I thought the line was to give bendiciones a mi tia, blessings

to my aunt in the casket.

The line was to come to me.

They said, how did you know what to say?

How did you know what words to use?

You said what I was feeling.

I just didn't know how to express it.

I said, I just trusted myself.

And in that moment, I committed to getting back into college.

Now the short version is I went to a school very similar

to Highline College--

Pasadena City College.

I was committed.

I'm going to take four classes, I aced them all.

Took four more classes, aced them all.

I got eight As.

I went back to LMU, I said can I come back?

I got eight As.

They said come back in two weeks.

We'll review your records.

I showed up later-- two weeks later with a suit,

ready to be re-accepted to LMU.

The Dean of my college, with a lot of the other Deans,

at this big long table.

The Dean and Sister, a nun, monja,

said, after reviewing your academic records,

we suggest you pursue your academic endeavors elsewhere.

I said, no.

No, no, I'm doing this for my tia.

She died.

I got eight As.

What more do you want?

She said, good luck.

And I had a moment.

Commit or sellout?

Commit to my education-- which once I have,

no can ever take from me for the rest of my life--

or walk out feeling like a loser.

Walk out in shame and sell out.

I stopped, I looked back, I grabbed that Sister's hand.

I squeezed it.

I said, with all due respect, Sister,

nothing's stopping me from graduating from LMU.

I'll see you again soon.

I walked out of there going, I'm going to hell for sure.

I'm going to go for sure.

Here's the weird thing.

The moment you commit, the universe

will conspire to support your commitment.

What did I just say?

I said that the moment you say in your heart, in your soul,

in your gut, if it is to be, it is up to me, all kinds of doors

will open for you that would not have otherwise opened.

So please repeat after me.

If it is to be--

If it is to be--

--it is up to me.

--it is up to me.

Nice and loud.

Everyone.

If it is to be--

If it is to be--

--it is up to me.

--it is up to me.

The moment you say that, and mean it

with every ounce of your fiber, the universe will

conspire to support your commitment.

Long story short, I got a random phone call

from the dean of the psychology department, Doctor Renee

Hurang, who I had never met before.

She said, hi, Ernie.

I heard you want to come back to LMU, and I'm going to help you.

You are?

Who are you?

How'd you get my number?

What do I got to do?

Train for the marathon?

I'll meet you at the track at 5:00 A.M. I don't care.

Let's do this.

She's like, no sweetheart, we just

need to prove to them that you're serious.

Long story short, I went to Pasadena City College,

Santa Monica City College, UCLA extension classes,

to take Statistical Methods for the third time in my life.

I went to Cal State LA.

Took 14 classes, got 12 As, 2 Bs, 10 letters

of recommendation from every teacher that gave me

an A. And with the love of Dr. Renee's hands on my shoulders,

got readmitted for my senior year.

I made the Dean's List my last two semesters

in honor of my tia.

And on June 14, 1994, I walked up onto that stage,

got my college degree with my name on it,

looked out to the audience-- hold on--

and I said, Mom, Rose, I did it!

[APPLAUSE]

I did it!

And that is the feeling that each and every one of you

wants to feel.

The day you graduate from college, you will forever--

for the rest of your life-- be able to say,

I'm a beautiful, powerful, educated person.

And if you're like me, you'll always

have a little ghetto inside of you.

All right?

[APPLAUSE]

Hey I got two parting gifts, really quick before we go.

Really quick, I brought these for all of you.

OK?

This right here-- I've never been married,

I don't have any kids, I'm college educated,

I'm pursuing my dream, I have a heart of gold.

Basically I'm a catch.

The problem is, I'm looking for a beautiful, powerful, educated

woman who has a little ghetto in her, OK?

I want the kind of girl I can sneak food

with into a movie theater.

OK?

I want the kind of girl who gets turned on with a coupon, right?

Or who's in love with the elote lady.

No, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

But to honor-- this year for Valentine's Day,

I didn't even take out a date.

You know who I took out for Valentine's Day?

I took out my mom for Valentine's Day.

That's right, boy.

That's right.

Had a good time, too.

Took her to the movies, went to dinner, went to the theater

after, and I didn't spend a dime, boy!

My mom knows how to treat a man, dog.

My mama's good to me.

She didn't even let me pay the tip.

I'm like, at least the tip, mom.

She said, guarda tu dinero, mijo.

Save your money.

It's a joke, people.

I took my mom, I paid for my mom.

But to honor my mom, the best way I

know how, I decided to name my first comedy CD Mama's Boy.

Aw.

People always ask me, is that really

my mom on the cover of my CD?

I'm going to hire a model to be my mom.

She'll kick my butt.

It's 52 minutes of clean comedy.

I know college students are broke, but if you all buy one

then you can put it on Pandora and sell it,

and all that stuff.

Anyways, just kidding.

You can look me up on Pandora.

There's an Ernie G channel.

Please don't leave without getting one of these.

I gave this to a girl eight years ago

when she was a sophomore in high school.

Was going to go to a local community college maybe.

She shot for the stars, got a full ride to Stanford.

Graduated from Stanford.

She just graduated with her master's degree in education

from Stanford.

She took a picture of this and posted it on Facebook.

And she said, when I forget who I am I read that

and it reminds me of who I am.

It's my parting gift to Highline College 2017.

Thank you, Joe, for bringing me out here, man.

I look forward to coming back every year,

maybe doing a leadership workshop with you guys.

That'd be fun, right?

My parting gift to you is this.

And let's stick around.

When we're done, can you guys come down here

and we'll take a group picture-- a group selfie?

And then if anyone wants to have lunch with me,

I'm getting hungry.

So we'll go have lunch.

All right?

We'll go pinch, lift, tilt, insert.

[LAUGHTER]

My parting gift to you is this.

If you've heard the movie-- if you saw the movie Coach Carter,

you've heard this quote.

If you saw the movie [INAUDIBLE],

you heard this quote.

But you probably never heard it quite like this.

My parting gift to you is this.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It's our light, not our darkest, which most frightens us.

And that's not the way we think, y'all.

The way we think is, I'm afraid I might not be good enough.

I'm afraid I might not be strong enough.

I'm afraid I might not be smart enough.

That's not what you're really afraid of.

What you're really afraid of is how awesome and amazing

you might actually be.

We ask ourselves, who am I?

Who am I?

It's a very Latino thing to say.

[SPEAKING SPANISH] Who am I to be

brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You're a child of God and you were put this planet

to make manifest that glory of God that's within you-- to let

your light shine, bro.

I had a little girl just like you, mija,

she came up to me after the show one time.

She said, Mr. Ernie, you were awesome,

but you kind of made me feel bad.

I said, why do you feel bad, mija?

I feel bad because I get straight As.

I said, excuse me?

Why do you feel bad for getting straight As?

Because my friends and cousins get Cs and Ds and they

make fun of me.

I said mija, your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightening about shrinking so that people

won't feel insecure around you.

You are meant to let your light shine as children do.

And when you let your light shine,

you unconsciously give permission to other people

to do the same.

As you are liberated from your fears,

your presence automatically liberates others.

So I just want to say, Highline College,

please continue to let your light shine,

and thank you for letting me let my light shine.

All right, you guys.

Awesome.

Thank you.

Thank you, bro.

I appreciate that.

Oh, yo, standing ovation.

All right, come on down-- come on down

and take a picture here, man.

Here man, before you go.

For more infomation >> Empowerment Comedy with Ernie G. - Duration: 1:21:07.

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Best Learning Sea Animals 🌊 Educational Video For Children 🙅Toddler Baby Kids Fun 🎼 Nursery Rhyme - Duration: 3:01.

Sea Animals

For more infomation >> Best Learning Sea Animals 🌊 Educational Video For Children 🙅Toddler Baby Kids Fun 🎼 Nursery Rhyme - Duration: 3:01.

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شوف إمرأة جزائرية حرة و إبنها تحاول بكل ما أوتيت بقوة من منع شيات من تزوير الإنتخابات مرأى الدرك - Duration: 3:17.

For more infomation >> شوف إمرأة جزائرية حرة و إبنها تحاول بكل ما أوتيت بقوة من منع شيات من تزوير الإنتخابات مرأى الدرك - Duration: 3:17.

-------------------------------------------

The Race for the Brain 1/2 - Duration: 13:21.

This is one of Norway's most famous brain researchers

The US Army used Norwegian patients

in brain research

Welcome and thank's for watching Rikets Tilstand

Tonight we're starting in Stryn

At a nursing home in Stryn

we find Erling

deaf and silent

Before Erling disappeared into himself

he claimed a doctor had mounted antennas

into his head

Erling even claimed he had tried

to pull the antennas out

but now he is silent

and if he could talk

we would most likely not believe him anyway

so Erling has been sitting like this since the early 1960s

looking out the window

Normally we would leave Erling here

the world is full of people with an idea about

psychiatry cooperating with the CIA, NASA,

the Norwegian Labour Party and God knows who

and that the government operates small wires

into the head of people

in order to remotely control them

this is of course nonsense

but it would be interesting to investigate just one story

The first thing we need to find out is

who is Erling

Erling was born in 1922

as one of 8 siblings

strong, athletic and popular

he was an athlete, a shooter and a woodsman

but he was also unlucky

a car he drove burned up

and he became almost broke

further difficulties made Erling depressed

people in the area started to talk

he came to an institution

it became several institutions

and then he ended up

at Gaustad psychiatric hospital

and at Gaustad he was treated by

brain researcher Carl Wilhelm Sem-Jacobsen

Erling said it was Sem-Jacobsen

that mounted the antennas

Sem-Jacobsen is dead

but who was he

he was admired

he was a friend of King Olav

Sem-Jacobsen was famous

he did research on the human brain

and was known as one of the worlds foremost in his field

among other things he was active

in the US space program

Sem-Jacobsen's memory wall was filled with greetings

from astronauts he had worked with

Here at Gaustad

a locked in patient and a famous doctor met

the year was 1961

and the doctor had all the power

Per J Isdahl

has been chief psychologist at Gaustad hospital

he has investigated the conditions

Gaustad was a really closed environment

where the patients was available for

the system

Not the other way around?

No

The patients was there for the system?

Yes

In the archives of the Norwegian Board of Health Supervision

we find a copy of a letter where

Sem-Jacobsen apply an American fund for money

he writes that in Norway

one can operate on the patients

without the patients consent

In Norway no patients sue the hospital

This work has been developed

with huge support from

the American Air Force and the Federal Aviation Agency

He got American money

in several archives we find copies of research contracts

Sem-Jacobsen signed with

the Army, Navy and the Air Force in the USA

In the early 1960s

he got about three million NOK

to do research for the Pentagon

this equals 22 million NOK in todays monetary value

Already in 1956

Sem-Jacobsen built his own laboratory at Gaustad

it went fast thanks to personal engagement from

Health Director, Karl Evang

Minister of Social Affairs, Gudmund Harlem

and Prime Minister, Einar Gerhardsen

And such an advanced laboratory

we have not had in psychiatry

either before or after

Today the laboratory is demolished

just the cement tracks in the wall remains

Sem-Jacobsens archive has also disappeared

We have to go back to Erling

from Erlings medical records

we learn that he was operated in the head

but what kind of operation was it?

In several archives we find remains of

Sem-Jacobsen's research

at this time Sem-Jacobsen experimented

with placing electrodes into the brain

surgeons drilled holes and placed the electrodes

down into the deeper layers

this way Sem-Jacobsen could measure the brain activity

and send in weak electrical impulses

he let the electrodes remain in the brain

for weeks and months

he solved this practically

by mounting junction boxes on the patients heads

the boxes made it possible

to connect the patients brains

to the apparatuses when convenient

maybe this was what Erling called antennas

which he tried to pull out

When Erling was released

from Sem-Jacobsens laboratory in 1961

he had changed personality

his family explains that Erling had become reclusive

paranoid and angry

the year after Erling was hospitalized again

a new doctor lobotomized him

that destroyed everything

Erling became gradually more and more silent

by the window

It seems Norway could deliver the American Army

something they really needed

brains

in the 1950s and 60s the patients at Gaustad

was approximately defenseless

but if we are going to understand more of this

we need to search for a wider context

we need to dig backwards in time

trough the USA's own brain research

we have to go backwards into the cold war

The Korean war

the year was 1950

and the communists in the north attacked

they got support from Soviet and the dictator

Josef Stalin

the USA answered by sending soldiers

supported by a UN decision

the World was on the brink of war

American soldiers was captured

several of them later emerged

in communist propaganda movies

apparently brainwashed

the West feared that

the communists could control peoples brains

in the USA it was mobilized within brain research

animals was used

among other things to test hallucinogenic substances

the researchers themselves filmed

how they could give a cat LSD

and turn nature upside down

Throughout the 1950s it was not enough with animals

these recordings is done by the American Army

and show a soldier drugged with PCP

today known as the dangerous

and illegal substance angel dust

the drug gave an unrealistically sensation of strength

It was secretly carried out a huge experiment

several thousands young American soldiers

and civilians

was subjected to biochemical experiments

the researchers was commissioned

to find out if substances like

LSD, mescaline, BZ and angel dust

could be used in chemical warfare

and if the substances could get some of the USAs

most disciplined soldiers

to act against their own will

And here Sem-Jacobsen emerges

under WWII he worked for

the American intelligence agency OSS

precursor to the CIA

after the war

Carl Wilhelm Sem-Jacobsen

was educated in Minnesota in the USA

and in 1954 he participated

in testing LSD and mescaline on patients

Sem-Jacobsen's task

was to measure how the substances influenced

the patients brain activity

the Canadian researcher Wilder Penfield

was one of the authorities within brain research

he tried to change peoples consciousness

through electric stimulation

Penfield cooperated closely with Sem-Jacobsen