Hey, if you stutter or stammer and if you want to speak fluently this video is
for you. Stay tuned.
From the medical perspective fluency is a quality, a criterion of a healthy, normal
speaking but at the same time you've probably already heard that fluency is a
wrong goal when you're trying to get free from stuttering because fluency does
not represent your speaking, it's just a quality of your speaking. The
speaking can be very different resulting with fluency. Fluency if you wish is just
a shade of your speaking, it's not the meat and bones, it's not the substance of
your speaking. So each time we're thinking, we are having a goal of fluency,
we're thinking about fluency, we're trying to be fluent we kind of chase
that shade, we're chasing pretty much nothing. We forget about the real stuff,
the real speaking what your speaking is consisting of, what it's made of, what
it represents, what is inside your speaking. Imagine you want to ask, you
want to say "Where do you live mr. Dawson?" So the way you want to say is a normal way
"where you live mr. Dawson?" So imagine you said fluently "where you live" and then
you're facing "m" mr. and you know you struggle with "m"
So "where do you live" So you said fluently "where do you live" but you created
the ground, the foundation for your struggle with "m." You might say "where
do you live mr." "where do you live mr." creating struggle for "d" Dawson. You might go
fluently with the whole phrase "where do you live mr. Dawson?" and you might feel like
a victory wow I've done it! I said it fluently! What in fact happened is just
your stuttering was not revealed so if we have a goal of stuttering treatment
or of your improvement efforts maybe self-help improvement efforts, if we have
fluency as that goal you will be trying to say that phrase fluently in some way
and you might practice that ten times, a hundred times, a thousand times and you
might say it fluently but you don't change your speaking pattern this way,
your speaking pattern stays the same. And it is impaired so your stuttering
will be revealed, will come up at some point because when you start "where" "where
do you live" when you start your phrase your goal is
to go through fluently until you have an issue, until you block, until you get
stuck, until you feel difficulty. Instead of trying to get through fluently we
want to feel the inner structure of our speaking right from the first sound
"Where do you live mr. Dawson?" It can be one go, one air flow "where do you live
mr. Dawson?" It can be two air flows like "where do you
live mr. Dawson" The point is you want to launch your speaking piece creating that
airflow and you want to go to the stresses in your speaking piece.
You create a feeling that I'm in total control of my speaking piece, of my
phrase and overall gradually over my speaking. So you're not
chasing fluency in this case. You're chasing the right structure which I call
the training speech. And the problem of the training speech is of course it
doesn't sound, like it doesn't look like regular normal speaking and many
people say to that, "I don't like that because that's not me. I want to be
normal like that girl and like that guy." The truth is I'm telling it again you're
not that guy or that girl. We have stuttering which means our
automated speaking pattern is impaired and it's a certain state we've built we
have right now we can try to introduce different tricks and techniques but
eventually we don't change our speaking pattern this way. So the training speech
that I showed you, well, you might not like the training
speech, the other person you're talking to might not quite like it because
you're taking your time, you're being yourself, you're not fussing around,
you're not trying to satisfy anybody but your body and mind, your physical memory,
your emotional memory they like the training speech. And they need the training
speech if you want to build that confidence in your speaking you wanna
like this training speech. And some people say, "this is not me" Yes, this is
not you. But that "me" is your stuttering speaking pattern, that's what you have.
That "me" is a very vague concept. I mean what is "me?" Is there any room
for a personal change at all? It's really hard to imagine how our responses to
different situations and environments how much they are automated but yet
there is some room for change. The thing is, taking that phrase that we played
with, when you say "where do you live" you see, you already know that you struggle with "m"
you struggle will "d" So you know that you will get stuck either at "m" or at "d."
You actually anticipate it so you want to go kind of fluently before that "where
do you live" but you have that certainty that you will get stuck at
some point. Now imagine with the training speech what you're having is
a certainty that you won't get stuck. "Where do you live mr. Dawson?" or "where do you live
mr. Dawson?" in one go or in two goes. So if you're using your training speech
pretty consistently you gradually build a different feeling behind the
very act of speaking. And if you remove that anxiety, that stuttering fear that
anticipation of stuttering... Well, we cannot change our genes
you know, our physical structure but we can change how we feel about speaking
dramatically. So coming back to the goal of the stuttering treatment. If fluency
is not the goal what should be the goal or goals of the stuttering treatment then?
My take on that is that we need to focus on two things. The first one well
let's call it acceptance. When we try to be fluent we try to hide
our stuttering, we try to hide our self right now because right now we stutter, we do!
As long as you hide it, as long as you suppress it, as long as you try to be
normal you will never be able to get to the training speech in the first place
because training speech means that you say that "I do stutter and I'm trying to
improve." Each time we're trying to be normal like that guy like that girl we
abandon, we give up our open approach, our ability to use the training speech.
You can't use the training speech if you're trying to hide it right. So the
initial point is the acceptance. And there are different roads, I mean, there
could be acceptance as "I stutter so what?" "I don't want to change, I don't want to
do anything about it. That's normal that's fine, that's okay." And yes it's
okay but there is another way which I'm preaching about is that "I stutter, it's
okay but I'm trying to improve, I'm trying to change my speaking pattern and
how I feel about my speaking." So acceptance in terms of like total
acceptance and acceptance in terms of what I'm trying to say they're
starting, stemming from the same root. They go different ways but the
initial idea is pretty much the same. And it comes to your
self-esteem - how do you feel about yourself? Using your training speech you
start to build your self-esteem because you're saying it on your terms the way
you really feel, you really mean. So you can think about real
expression, real connection with the person giving yourself time to really
ask it the way you want. "Where do you live mr. Dawson?" "Where do
you live mr. Dawson?" or "Where do you live mr. Dawson?" So there are hundreds of ways how
to say but the one thing we want to feel is the confidence you're in control.
Once you have that confidence you can be really present and you can really mean
something, you can really connect on a different level. You're not chasing
fluency in this case. Because right now what we have is desire to go through it
fluently "where do you live mr. Dawson?" We want to get through it somehow,
we don't think much about how we really want to say it. What is the feeling, what
is the true meaning that we want to put there, what's the intonation, what's the
emotion that want to put there. So once we go with the training speech we have
that ability to put substance in our speaking. So instead of trying to be
normal - that's my big suggestion - you try to be you, you try to be yourself, you
try to really be present the way you are. And that's what you can do when you have
a certain room that we create with our training speech. Without that room the
only goal that we're having is to get through fluently, normally, somehow. So I'm
preaching about two goals one is your self-esteem and acceptance. Acceptance
that it's fine that I stutter, it's fine that I'm trying
to improve my speech. It's fine that I'm being just me here try to feel, trying to
connect, trying to be present rather than trying to speak fluently, to get through it.
Rather than trying to satisfy somebody's expectations about me, trying to satisfy
my fear because most expectations they're coming from here not from other
people. So the first goal is acceptance and self-esteem, building your
self-esteem. And the second goal is building the
confidence with your training speech restoring the inner structure of your
speaking injecting relaxation, power, expression and overall confidence that I
am in control of my speaking. Launching the speaking piece and going with that
confidence through the speaking piece you're saying. Launching the next one and
the next one feeling that your speaking is not a chaos consisting of hard words
and sounds and you like, you know, you are trying to escape those. It's a
structured way of saying what you feel and what you think. And if you don't have
something to say you're just think, you just take your time. And it's just a way
to connect with the other person. Once we have that room, once we stop worrying and
fearing and trying to get that fluency, once we stop worrying about that,
once we have that room of confidence, once we have that box where we can feel
that confidence then we can really connect with the other person then we
can really feel something, then we can really mean and think much more freely
and actually improve the communication because our ability to receive the
information, to receive other people's feelings and thoughts is reduced by our
worrying and constant thinking about that fluency stuff - how will I get through it,
how will I say it. So it really doesn't let us be present and truly receive and
understand what the other person means. And of course and does it doesn't let us
connect to give feedback in the way that we do want to do.
So, chasing fluency, trying to get through you're speaking fluently with your
current speaking pattern, trying to implement some tricks and techniques to
your current speaking pattern I believe all that is the wrong goal.
It reinforces your belief that there is nothing you can do with your stuttering.
What we want to focus on is building a new speaking pattern, the real inside of
your speaking. Not the shade of your speaking. It will come, it will be there
but first we need to think about the inner structure - what our speaking really
consists of. And in that training speech we want to feel the confidence through
injecting relaxation, injecting power, expression to our speaking launching the
phrase and feeling how we go with the phrase in a confident way. And you
can't you can't even approach the training speech without first accepting
that's you stutter and that's okay. And that's you have the right, you have the
ability to improve, to change your speaking pattern and that's okay too.
Once we try to hide it, once we try to be normal, once we try
to be like that guy we shift instantly in a moment to our current speaking pattern
which is stuttering speaking pattern. Don't try to be fluent, don't try to be normal.
Try to be you.
Thank you so much for watching.
For more videos, subscribe to this YouTube channel,
head over to freefromstutter.com for more great stuff
and for more interaction join Free From Stutter Facebook group.
See you in the next video!
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