Hello, InnerTubers, Welcome to the very first episode of Granny's Bedtime Meditation.
It's time to put the day behind you, dearies.
Time to free your mind and heart and get some rest.
You've all been asking for bedtime meditations, so this very first episode is dedicated to
handy tips to help you get a good night's sleep.
Do you remember in Episode 1 of the Morning Meditations that I cautioned you –
don't fuck it up – and don't fuck up anyone else's day, either?
Well, if you didn't follow my advice, or if someone fucked up your day, bedtime
is the time to let it go.
You can't worry about it.
Not now.
The time to give any energy to fuckedupdedness has passed.
It's time to sleep.
Tomorrow you can fix, recover or simply move on.
Good rest is priceless and I know that not everyone is blessed with the ability to fall
asleep and stay asleep.
In my experience, it's very helpful to have a series of tasks or routines that you do
that signal to your body and your mind that you're about to get some good rest.
Fuck yeah!
Granny's got your zzzzzz.
Whether you stare at the ceiling or a blank wall for what seems like hours,
or you're rousted from a sound sleep by outside noises or an overactive bladder,
or you wake up and you simply can't go back to sleep,
I hope these strategies work for you.
Tip #1 – you know it.
Deep Breathing.
[inhales] [exhales]
– there we go.
Restful vibes in, stressful vibes out.
I want you to do that 3 times.
Again.
And again.
You feel better now?
I thought so.
Tip #2 – Gentle Stretching.
Just sort of roll things around.
Start with your toes, and your ankles, and the arches of your feet, and move all the
way up to your neck and shoulders – a little bit forward, a little bit backward, over to
the left (my left), and over to the right (my right).
This is stretching just like in the morning.
But the difference now is that you're flexing out the bad stuff and you're bringing in
the relaxation.
You're telling your muscles to relax.
Flex, stretch, relax.
Ahhhhhh.
Doesn't that feel better?
That's the tits, right?
Tip #3 – shut down your environment.
Lights - faucets - door locks.
A quick walk-around is all you need.
These are signals and over time they will become your body's cues that it's bedtime.
Tip #4 – Maybe a little bit of self-care.
I like to wash my face and hands just before bed with a gentle washcloth and a little bit
of warm water.
Then, I apply a tiny bit of moisturizer to both my hands and my face (you know I gotta
keep my beauty skin), and then I settle into bed.
Symbolically, for me, this washes away any of the bullshit from the day and makes a fresh
start for a good night's sleep.
Be sure to brush and floss, too.
Some people like to take a quick shower at night, others like to relax in a warm bath.
Whatever it is that helps you relax, do it!
You have my permission.
Fuck yeah!
Tip #5 – the most important one – shut your mind down.
A too-busy mind will fuck with your sleep patterns big time.
Don't let anything from the day get to you.
It's useless to worry, remember?
A future episode will go more into letting go of the worry.
But for right now, just let it go.
Ha Ha, there's that song again.
Gotcha, fuckers.
Right now we're just talking about tips and routines that signal to your body
that it's bedtime.
Put your mind and imagination into time-out.
You can probably imagine that my mind is always "Ohhh," whirling, whirling, whirling, right?
It seems I'm always in "get shit done" mode.
But, FFS, when it's time for sleep, it's time to shut that shit down.
I can't have it interrupting my beauty rest.
Bedtime is not the time for planning new skits for the InnerTube.
Although, I will admit that I do keep a pad and pencil by my bedside
just in case I get an idea.
But never my phone.
Oh, no.
The phone does not come to bed with me.
No way!
Here's an insider tech tip.
I'm pretty well conditioned to always use a white noise machine when it's time to
go to sleep, whether it's my bedtime or a quick nap in the middle of the day.
It's become kind of Pavlovian – when the machine turns on, it's just time to sleep.
Simple as that.
If I wake up to pee 3 times a night, it's still time to sleep when I go back to bed.
And if you are prone to waking up several times a night, don't get one of those ones
with a timer.
No, leave it on all night long to keep your brain unoccupied.
The science behind this is kind of fascinating to me.
It's very much like how when the fridge is running, you don't hear some other sounds
around the house.
Or if there's some other ever-present drone – maybe there's a traffic going by, you're
just not tuned in to other sounds.
And the same thing happens with a white noise machine.
It just sort of puts your brain into neutral.
That's a good place to be when it's time to sleep.
Think about this: have you ever found yourself a passenger in a car or on a bus or a train
or a plane and just the steady drone makes you nod off to sleep?
Oh.
Yeah, that.
Same sorta thing.
If you don't have the budget for a little noise machine, then just consider a small
bedside fan.
There is an Amazon link down in the description to my favorite noise machine.
It's not expensive at all.
Now listen up really carefully: No phone, no tablet, no TV, no laptop.
No kindle, no eReader, no GameBoy, no none of that stuff.
Over time, research has proven that a flickering screen and the constantly moving text keeps
your brain engaged and it does not let you go to sleep.
It keeps your brain way too active and we can't have that when it's time to go to sleep.
Maybe try a real book, or a magazine, or something ultra fucking boring.
That'll work.
But no screens.
Now, before you turn off this video and go sleepy-bye, how 'bout a quick little commercial?
Please subscribe on the YouTube channel, please follow on the Facebook channel.
Please check out my Patreon where you can become one of my grandkids.
Please share this with everybody.
Please comment below.
Tell me what you think of this advice.
And give me a thumbs up.
Give me some likes.
Oh, I love the likes.
And above all, don't fuck up.
That's it, kids.
Bedtime meditation #1 is just about over.
Let's recap.
#1: Don't let worry interrupt your rest.
Save it for tomorrow and maybe it won't be as important.
#2: Establish a routine for bedtime.
#3: Deep breathing.
In again [inhales].
[exhales] Hooohhhh and exhale.
#4: Gentle stretching to relax.
#5: Shut down your environment and turn off your fucking devices.
Do you feel ready to rock the ZZZZZZZZZs?
Of course you do.
'cuz you're one of my InnerTubers and you love my advice.
[blows kiss] Nighty night, sweet ones.
Sleep well.
Pleasant dreams.
Granny Loves You
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