When we are
striving and yearning
for spiritual development
we get so excited about it,
we want to share
everything we learn
with our loved ones.
And...
usually it's our partner.
So...
and we would love them
to be on the same page
as us.
I mean, how wonderful would that be
if your partner
was exactly on the same page
as you are.
But often
that's not the case.
So, I'm going to share with you
a tool that I use,
well, not really a tool,
but a way to...
view relationships
that's going to help you.
Because this question
is actually multi-layered.
So, I'm going to cover it
from a couple of angles.
So, the first
thing to understand
is that most of the time
when people think about relationship
they think about it this way:
This is me and this is you.
and if we are getting along
than that's good.
That all is well
But if we are
not getting along,
we don't agree on something,
then that line,
that 'me to you'
starts to get...
Starts to get tension
and friction.
And sometimes it breaks.
So, that's that
constant tension
with me and you,
always a tension.
And that is not
how I see relationships.
This is how I used
to see relationships,
and it caused me a lot of
heartache and troubles and pain,
and I gave up on that.
I may have seen it somewhere else,
I didn't understand it,
I can't honestly remember.
But I remember
when it really clicked for me.
I struggled in my relationship
with my mom.
I love my mom dearly,
but there was friction between us,
there was tension.
And I wanted that to change.
I went into the bush,
into the forest
for three weeks
away from home
because my mom was
living with me at that time.
So, I kind of took that time away
to go and meditate in the bush
and spend my time in the bush.
And I was asking
for guidance,
I was asking for help.
And the bush
gave me... the forest gave me
this model.
And it gave me that model
with two questions
that I'm going to share with you.
What I was shown
is that relationship,
when its on this plane,
me and you,
and this is kind of like
our connection,
it's always push and pull.
It's always uncomfortable.
Even when things
are going well
there's something underlying it
that's not quite comfortable.
And what I was shown is...
well, relationship
is actually a triangle.
So, here is me
here is you,
and here is
the relationship.
So when I saw that
I then received two questions.
And those questions changed my life.
They changed my relationship
with my mom forever.
Which for me at that time
was unthinkable.
Because
even though I loved my mom
I never experienced
a healthy relating
with my mom
because of that friction and tension
that was there
and I wasn't even sure
why it was there.
It felt like
I was born with it
and we struggled with it
all my life
And when I received
those two questions
and I answer them
from my heart
everything changed.
Honestly, this was
such a transformational moment.
What I felt in that moment
in the forest
when I answered those two questions
(I'm going to give them to you in a second)
I felt that
years and years and years
of baggage
and staff
just dropped
from my shoulders.
And I stopped being...
tense and uncomfortable
and having that friction
in our relationship.
Yeah, sure we still get a little bit of...
you know...
we are human.
So, sometimes she says
something I don't like
or she does something I don't like.
But there is no this...
constant underlying tension.
You know, if it's something
we can solve it
right there and then.
So, it's not something
that has any magnitude
or any influence
on our connection.
So, remember the triangle:
here is me, here is you,
and here is our relationship.
The first question to answer is:
Do I want
the relationship with this person?
The answer could be yes or no.
And that must be
either yes or no.
If you don't know
then you need to go
and solve that first
because you can't move anywhere,
you can't change anything
unless you know.
So, once you
know it's either no or yes,
and in that moment
I had a choice, too.
Any relationship is a choice,
even with your mom.
So, I had to make that choice.
Do I want
or do I not want?
Because if I don't want -
well, that's easy, right?
We just manage that
and somehow separate
and I don't have to have
any of that pain in my life again.
But my answer,
from my heart,
was: Yes, of course I do.
Of course I do!
So: Yes.
And then the second question was:
what kind of relationship
do you want with your mom?
And that answering that question
changed everything.
Because the answer was:
I want kind and loving
relationship with my mom.
Because I want
kind and loving
relationship with my mom
all that baggage,
all that tension
dropped from my shoulders.
Because it was not
in alignment
with that....
you can say...
it's not a goal,
it's a state,
that's a decision,
that was really a decision.
So...
whatever was not in alignment
with that decision
had to be let go.
And it happened,
in that instant.
Honestly,
it happened just like that
when I made that decision.
Of course that decision
has to be made
with every cell of your body.
It's not something you
think yourself into.
It's really something
you contemplate deeply.
And when you answer that question
from the deepest place of yourself,
then the shift happens,
the transformation happens.
So, why am I explaining this to you
is because
this is important to know.
Next time you are
having a conversation
with your partner
I want you to remember the triangle.
Because...
when you are having that relationship
it's not just...
it's not just on this plane,
me and you
and we are having this conversation,
if the conversation is going
the way that I like
then it's good,
and if it's not
it's uncomfortable.
No.
So, I want the relationship
with this person
and whatever the relationship
that you want,
then every interaction
filters
through that.
So, every interaction
that I have with my mom
filters through that
kind and loving,
kind and loving,
kind and loving.
Because that's what.
That's what I have chosen.
That's a choice that I made
with every cell of my body,
deep in my soul.
So same for you:
whatever that might be
then every interaction
you are having,
I want you to have it
through that filter
because that's the choice
you made,
and then everything
filters through that.
And what it also means,
and that's the second part to it,
is that
when you are interacting
with that person
you are not stuck
at the lower level interaction.
You can go higher,
you move beyond
those things
that upset you
about that person
or that you don't like
about that person.
Because
you've chosen
to have this type of relation
with that person.
So, anything that's still stuck
over here
you are, literally, transcending,
you are moving beyond.
So it doesn't bug you at that level.
So, let's say,
it's bugging you right now
that your partner isn't spiritual
or isn't as into spirituality
as you are,
and you'd love them to.
But once you've gone through this...
triangle,
and if you answered those two questions
then you may look at this again
and see
where it fits
and how it fits
and what importance does it play.
So, that's the second layer
that takes you...
higher
or you could say
deeper in the relationship.
And the other thing
that it does for you
and what it offers you
is to show up
in a different way
in a relationship.
Because...
let's look at it this way
Yes, it's all well and good
to talk about spirituality
and talk about all these...
fancy things,
spiritual things.
But what's more important
is the doing,
is the being.
So, in your relationship
with your partner,
even if your partner
isn't 'spiritual'
as you may call it,
then you
showing up in the relationship
at that higher level,
showing up in the relationship
as a soul...
of course human as well,
you can't drop that...
So... but also recognizing
and showing up
in your relationship
from the highest place
that you can,
then even if they
mentally
don't talk about spirituality
don't believe in spirituality
or are not into it,
because you are showing up
at that higher place
something in them
will resonate.
You don't need to talk about it,
you can just be it.
And that is a much better way
because you are bringing something
very very special
into your relationship
with your partner
I hope you can do this,
I hope this serves you.
Let me know if it does.
If you have comments or questions
leave them in the comments below,
I love hearing from you
and I'll see you in the next episode.
If you liked this video
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I'll see you in the next episode.
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