when was the last time you looked in the mirror and loved what you saw
without the mask?
removing the external layers is just the first step.
Being willing to be truly seen requires a different kind of courage.
We have been trained to hide our flaws to feel accepted.
It's time to redefine beautiful.
I'm learning to love who I am as a woman.
Umm.
Because sometimes
I feel ashamed of the women in our family
because I see their weaknesses
and I think that I have to be strong.
I was a sex worker for about 3 years
and I thought it was fun
it took me on a very dark
path of manipulation and
greed
power.
I was sexually molested by an Uncle and a neighbor when I was 10 years old
one of the
things that I struggle with is my body
since that experience I feel like part of me was
taken.
My belly is one area where I avoid looking altogether.
I have yet to bear children and
I've been considering if I struggle loving it the way
it is right now how then will I be able to fully love it when
there's a child growing inside and it is large
and after that child passes through when it is loose and
even flabbier
than it is right now.
I subconsciously try to cover and overprotect myself as best I can.
So I've had a few miscarriages and
there is a piece of me that I feel as though it's missing
somehow because I know that I would be an amazing mother.
I am so certain that I would be such an amazing mother.
I have hair on my face and hair on my chin.
Hair like a little mustache and at a young age just wanted to shave everything off
somehow society ended up making that okay.
Making that something I should do because right when I did my eyebrows and threaded
my face and I went into school I was no longer invisible.
I was stripping my soul away.
No substance, just makeup
just eyelashes.
Being naked has been a struggle
to be open and say this is me.
To be loved for me
and that's all that I think I want but I think
that's all that anybody wants wants.
I got cellulite and shapes and lines and it's beautiful.
And it's a daily process to accept that that is okay.
And I'm learning to look at that experience
and the trauma that it has come with as a
sense of strength
I can surprise anything, beauty has been now more so, a recognition
of my essence.
Versus my outer appearance.
I am a beautiful mess.
When and why did someone tell me to straighten my beauty?
skinny hard and flat and tight set
together and put together do trees
grow natural and perfect parallel, linear rings?
Do vines wind
and unwind in symmetric oval cyclical coil?
Do skies rebirth the same puff of cumulus clouds each
day?
why should I not then embrace
my chaos?
I
am a perfectly
beautiful me.
Thank you so much.


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