[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Weed smokers are the last people you want to owe you money
'cause they be doing some shit like, "Yo...
Yo, I went to the ATM and forgot."
Weed is not worth selling drugs. It's not worth the trouble.
♪♪
20 years ago today. It's March 9th.
-[ Trills tongue ] -The greatest rapper ever died.
Hov doesn't count as the greatest rapper ever
'cause he's a businessman, not a business, man.
-Okay? -You know what I'm sayin'?
Do you remember -- I don't remember where I was when Biggie died.
I was probably in kindergarten or something, right?
Yeah, I was in my mother's womb. Do the math.
But, you know, those of you guys who were
blessed enough to be around back then...
Shout-out to y'all. ...who had to find out from a telephone call,
not the Internet.
You didn't find that shit out on Twitter.
Someone called your house mad-early on Sunday.
Hopefully they didn't get a busy signal.
[ Laughs ]
Yo. That's 20 years. Biggy died mad-early, too.
He dropped "Ready to Die." He was like 21.
This was dope, too, when he was rapping
in front of the bodega wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt.
Imagine Biggie over a Metro Boomin beat now
or some shit, or with Future.
Biggie rapping about xanies and lean and shit.
[ Laughs ] Yo.
Damn. This nigga left.
Nigga didn't want to stay for the freestyle battle.
He was like, "...that." "Bum-ass nigga! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
That's a New York proverb, by the way.
Shout-out to Biggie. Shout-out to Biggie being great.
Even with the wild Jamaican mother
who was also a Jehovah's Witness,
so you're sure she was mad-strict. Shout-out to her.
Shout-out to those of y'all who, on Saturday mornings,
Biggie was knocking on your door like,
"Yo, here's your Watchtowers, my nigga."
♪ I got seven Watchtowers, about eight Awakes! ♪
[ Laughter ]
Diddy wants us to rap our favorite Biggie verse
in honor of the memory of Biggie Smalls
and so we don't ask questions about his involvement.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, this is the Biggie challenge?
Maybe not joke about it, 'cause look.
Diddy got the "I'll kill you" beard. Yeah.
So, check this out. This what I want you to do.
I want you to rap your favorite Biggie verse
and post it with the hashtag #WeMissYouBIG.
Then I'm-a chop it up, edit it up, and everything,
and we're gonna put out something special.
"That's right. I'm-a sell it.
And I'm not gonna give you none of the money.
The Bad Boy way. Take that, take that, take that."
"Gimme that bread. Gimme that bread." Aw, man.
Let's keep it funky. Is he getting money off of this?
He's always getting money, baby.
He gets the macaroni and the cheese.
Probably just walking around with a fur for no reason.
Just no...reason. Puffy's got furs on deck.
Yeah, he does.
He's extra-swaggy for no reason.
I remember one time he just --- He was in Harlem.
He chopped the doors off his Jeep
just so he could ride with his foot out like this,
the fresh Air Force 1.
I was like, "Yo, what are you doing? I love you, nigga."
Amazing.
Yo, why does Puff look like he needs dialysis, though?
-Listen. -He looks a little bloated.
You keep talkin' spicy about Puffy.
I'm just sayin'. This is not spicy talk.
This is concern.
Puffy slapped the shit out of Drake. I'm concerned.
Let's not get it twisted. Puffy is not a little slouch.
Puff run with goons and shit. That's true.
Like, Puff is from Mount Vernon and Harlem.
Like, you don't really want to mix those two.
I mean, yeah. But I'm from the Bronx, nigga.
Not anymore. Not anymore. You about to be from Bergen.
You're about to lose your Bronx representation.
No, no, no. No, no.
-You about to be a Jersey boy. -[ Laughs ]
You're gonna have the wild pomade in his hair
and comb and shit like, "Yo. Oh, my God.
The...traffic on the GWB. My God.
Yo, I had to get off the ferry to get some gabagool. Oh, wow."
I love it. I love it.
I can't wait till this guy is...riding a unicycle to work
with fuckin' Warby Parker glasses on like...
"Just moved in to North 11th. Mad-fabulous."
"Sorry I'm late. I was with the Homeowners Association.
Can you believe the person across the street put up a fence
and it's not sanctioned?"
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
There's nothing more beautiful than Bronx love.
Yes, sir.
We love love so much in the Bronx,
we've named places after it.
"Bae" Plaza. Do the math. That's right.
And the latest Bronx couple on the horizon --
They all have -- Their names are nicknames.
JLo and A-Rod. Just the gawds.
A-Rod is the gawd of home-run hits.
JLo is the gawd of hit records?
Yeah. She got hits. She got hits.
This is perfect because you can just say J-Rod.
The couple name is already there.
J-Rod or A-Lo.
"Alo!" "Alo!"
So, Daily News and Page Six are reporting it,
so you know it has to be true.
They've been dating for four months.
Wasn't she dating Drake, though?
But everyone said that was fake. Right? Right?
She was dating Drake, but -- "Tea Report" --
she cut that off when he was spotted with model Rosie Divine.
Is that how you say her name? Rosee Divine?
Sounds like the wild stripper name.
This is not in the prompter.
This sounds like just messy Dyckman Twitter
that Mero overheard this shit on.
I overheard this at El Tina.
This says the pair has been stepping out together
for at least four months,
which goes back to December, a source told The News.
The insider added...
Also, they're both old washed Latinos,
so they can bond with that. Yeah. This is what happened.
When you are old Latino people
and you've been through like two or three husbands,
you get together and you do a Latino Brady Bunch,
where you don't really... with their kids,
you don't really... with their kids,
but y'all live together and occasionally fight over pernil.
I mean, they kind of look the same,
so I can see how this works.
They're both very beautiful... Yeah. Yeah.
...and, you know, narcissistic people,
so I'm sure it's wonderful.
All my Latinos know, like, this is your aunt and uncle
that show up to the party that have been doing insurance scams and shit.
They got like two cribs in Little Ferry.
You know what I'm sayin'? Like, they're doing okay.
My man comes through with the gel cut all day.
Look at that.
Person that's gonna replace you is right there.
Yeah. Lookit. Marc Anthony's there.
He's a hater in a Mets jersey.
You know you was gonna take that L, my nigga.
Look at the difference between these two!
Marc Anthony got the little, weaselly
"I just got out of rehab" moustache.
He's not -- You can't -- A-Rod got the fresh highlights.
Come on. He got the juice. You know what I'm sayin'?
Got the fresh steroid injection, a little mark on his butt.
-Allegedly. -Alleged. He's still the gawd.
He got the '09 ring. You can't take that away from him.
He's about to be the wild popping sportscaster.
JLo right now, she's kind of -- She's a little desperate.
Is she on the decline? She's just reaching out --
I feel like she's about to hop in my DMs.
I mean...from A-Rod?
Yes, from A-Rod!
Ahh!
I was in Elle magazine. All right?
Let's not get that shit twisted. I'm poppin'.
A-Rod's on the way down. I'm on the way up.
JLo knows to get in early.
Does your crib have a retractable roof?
I don't even have a crib.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah. This is the greatest photo ever. Look at this.
-Yeah. -This is how I start every day.
Like, "Yes. Who's wonderful?
Who's gonna make a great show today? "You're the illest."
Who's the chocolatest? Who was in Elle magazine?
Look at the biceps. Who's great?"
[ Laughter ]
See, this is the kind of thing JLo walks in the room
and is like, "Yeah. That's sexy. That's sexy."
Yeah. She's like, "Oh, papi. He loves himself."
This is what A-Rod thinks of when he's having sex with JLo.
He's like, "Yo,
you're getting...by A-Rod right now, mami."
He's like, "Yeah, I'm...A-Rod. Yeah, yeah, you like that?
I'm just trying to hit the ball and be a team player, you know?
You know, it's not about I. It's about the team.
"It's not about individual stats for me ever, you know?
You know, Jennifer and I, you know,
we just enjoy each other's company. She's amazing, you know?
She's Puerto Rican. I love the bacalaitos."
She's always hitting those really high notes.
She doesn't have the strongest voice,
but, you know, she really tries well.
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Faizon Love, better known as Big Worm.
Big Worm. "Better have my money."
He got into a confrontation with a valet
in an airport in Columbus, Ohio.
And by "valet," I mean he showed ragdoll physics
by dragging this guy around like a Sim.
Faizon Love is the big guy here.
He comes around. As you can see.
He's like, "Hey, Smokey.
You better have my money, Smokey."
They're like, "Hey, guys, just relax."
He's like, "I loved you in 'The Parent 'Hood.'"
Heh-heh.
He's like, "What? I don't even talk to Reagan Gomez no more."
"...outta here, man. We ain't even cool like that.
Hey, nigga, what the..." Whoa!
Yo.
The guy with the wheelchair's like, "What?"
Whoa! Whoa!
This is definitely a video
where you need to hear, like, what was said.
Yo, listen. Y'all are all buns.
Because all those dudes ran up and were like, "Hey, stop!"
If that's my man, I'm taking
that tensile barrier right there,
and I'm hitting a 400-foot home run with that nigga's head.
I mean, that's your co-worker. In theory --
I would fight for everyone in this room.
But in theory you just can't be banging for every coworker.
Not all of them. But there's a couple of them there.
You mean to tell me none of those guys...with him?
You don't know. You know what I'm sayin'?
You don't know. Maybe he's the wild asshole?
Maybe he voted for Trump or some shit.
They're just like, "Yo...that.
...everyone in this, especially you, Larry."
Yeah.
Oh. Look. How nice. They brought the wheelchair for him.
Pow!
Oof! See, they're kind of --
They're walking over, but they're not running over.
Brunga! Yo! He's probably in the wrong.
He's like, "Yo, they're gonna need this."
Also, if you see Faizon Love beating down your coworker,
you got to ask questions before you get involved.
I mean, first of all, I'm turning my phone
into slo-mo video, and then I'm gonna ask questions.
Look at my man with the safety vest.
He's like, "Yo, y'all good?
I'm going to Shake Shack. Y'all need suh-in'?"
The two in the back are like...
Are those TSA agents in the back? They're just like, "Yo..."
Yo. Trained to Stand Around. My nigga. I told y'all.
They're like, "Damn. I wish real security was here."
Yo, it's crazy.
So, he was charged with, like, uh -- What was he charged?
...this nigga up? Felony...this nigga up?
He was arrested and released on $2,000 bond.
Wow. 2 G's bond? Okay.
That was worth 2 G's.
-He explained himself, though. -Okay.
You know what I'm sayin'? Got to hear both sides.
-Let's hear it, Big Worm. -Let's hear Big Worm.
I go to get the car, and the guy's talking smart.
And I'm like, "Look, bro. I'm a grown man."
So then his buddy chimed in, was like,
"Hey, you can't talk to him like that,
or I'll put hands on you."
I'm like, "Put hands on me?"
So then I went to confront him and said,
"If you're gonna put hands on me, let me get closer."
Then he says, "Yeah, I'll put hands on you.
You a grown man. I'll put hands on you."
Then I was about to walk away, and then he tried to spit on me.
So that's why when you see me walk away --
He spit, but it missed.
And that's why I was like, "Oh, hell, no."
And that's why I grabbed him like that.
I wish I could say I'm sorry or feel remorse,
but sometimes somebody got to get their ass whupped.
[ Laughter ]
Yo.
I respect that to the fullest, my guy.
See? That's what the guy didn't know. Faizon Love, 2020.
First of all, Faizon Love still wears his stickers
on his fitted.
You don't want to cross a guy like that.
Both -- the price and the hologram.
He's not playin'.
Is that a Bruce Lee photo in the back?
Yes. Yes.
His apartment is decorated like my freshman college dorm.
He's not playin'. So you should've known you were cashin' it.
Also, you can't spit at people. That's where you cross the line.
That's total violation. That's felony assault.
-Yeah. -So we stand with Faizon.
You know what I mean?
♪♪
Woman: I think that's the "A" block.
Yo. Hold up.
Did we do an entire "A" block with no Trump?
Desus: Yep!
[ Laughter ]
What?! Amazing.
-Yo, tonight's guest. -You know what I'm sayin'?
We got rapper, actor extraordinaire.
Uh, uh, anything else you want to throw in there?
-Ruler of the universe. -Ruler of the universe.
-You know what I'm sayin'? -Joey Badass!
Yeah!
♪♪
-You're from Brooklyn. -Oh, yeah.
-Yeah? Born and raised. -I am.
Do you -- You've seen Brooklyn change through the years.
-I did. Yeah. A lot. -Yeah.
Is it sad to watch? Do you miss the old Brooklyn?
Um, I think it changed for --
You know, there's pros and cons to everything,
to every change, so, yeah.
Like, you know, there's good things that I like about it
and there's bad things I don't like about it.
What's your favorite new thing about Brooklyn now?
It looks cooler. The visuals is dope.
Yo, dead-ass, we was walking through the other day.
I was like, "Yo, this shit feels like we're walking through a movie set."
-Or like a safe place. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Yo!
Yo, you were recently in "Mr. Robot."
Shout-out to your role. You killed it in there.
Thank you.
When you read the script, did you --
'Cause I watched it, and I was like, "Yo, that shit was dope.
I have no idea what the...I just watched."
Did you know -- Like, were you able to follow it
and just know what was going on with your character?
Were you a fan before you came on?
No. Mnh-mnh. To be honest, it came to me --
I got the opportunity to, you know, do the audition
literally the same week they won the Golden Globe.
So I'm like, "I never heard about them,
but they just won a Golden Globe,
so I'm gonna do this." Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
And then what happened after the president --
Oh, I was gonna say the president --
...this. Still the president.
The president's daughter had your name on a T-shirt.
How's it feel to be Malia's favorite rapper?
I wouldn't say I'm her favorite rapper.
But when you saw her with the shirt,
were you like, "Yo..."? "We out here."
Was that, like, a moment you was like...
Well, to be honest, like, you know, that day was crazy.
That day and night was crazy
because, like, I seen that picture
as soon as I got out of an Australian jail,
an Australian prison.
What the fuck? What'd you do in Australia?
-Fight a kangaroo? -I had -- Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
That was the bouncer incident?
Yeah, security guard.
Yeah, it was a miscommunication.
Like, I was running to the stage to catch my set.
They thought I was a concert-goer.
And, yeah.
-Ohh. -Ohh.
-It got a little ugly. -Hey.
But, anyway, yeah, so I spent the night in jail,
and then I woke --
Like, you know, when I got out the next day,
like, as soon as I got my phone back, you know,
I'm checking the 'Gram and shit.
And I'm scrolling down, and I see the picture,
and I'm like, "Oh, okay, it's just, you know,
a random girl in my shirt."
And then I keep scrolling,
and I see all my homies posting it,
and I'm looking at the comments and the captions.
I'm like, "No, that's no way --"
And then I just posted it, and the Internet went crazy.
Yeah, I remember. I saw that.
And then everyone was trying to figure out
if she had an Instagram account or Snapchat.
The Secret Service reach out to you about this?
-Yeah. -Wow.
They were just, like --
But they wasn't on some super-crazy shit.
They were just like, "Yo, don't further exploit it."
I was like, "All right."
Damn. They just leaned on you like that?
"Don't further exploit it"? Damn.
Don't like, you know, don't keep f--
Don't put this shit on a T-shirt.
I totally got it because, like, you know, it was --
The way the news was picking it up, it's like,
"Supports, like, anti..."
"Gangster rapper!" Yeah.
So it was like, oh, whatever. But, yeah, you know.
Those shirts will be coming soon, though.
You go cop that.
You're an actor now, but you started off as a rapper.
You know what I'm sayin'? Now you're a thespian.
Is there somebody that you want to work with?
Like, what do you want to take --
-A what? -A thespian. That's like --
-What's that mean? -A professional actor.
-Oh, yeah? Thespian? -Yeah. Throw that out there.
You mean that T-H-E-S-P-I-A-N?
T-H-E-S-P-I... Yeah.
Come on. Catch up.
[ Laughter ]
Yo, you had me...
I was like, "Wait. Is there two S?
Is it T? Is it P? Is it 'EAN'? Like French?"
He had the numbers going around his head.
Yeah, you know. I've always been a thespian.
Okay. So, like, what do you -- What's your favorite --
Obviously, like, you rap, you act.
What's your favorite thing to do out of the two?
Um, make music.
But most importantly, I guess my favorite thing --
because in both of them -- is just inspiring people.
-You know what I'm sayin'? -Yeah.
Like, I just like touching people,
like, inspiring people,
making people feel like they can do anything,
whether it's in rapping or in acting.
But, you know, music is my bread and butter.
-True. -So that is the number one.
I ain't gonna turn down a Coachella for an Obama role.
You playing Obama in the biopic?
No, no. I wasn't Obama. I was, like, his homey.
I would have been a dude
who, like, showed him the hood and shit like that.
What if they wanted you to play Obama, though?
If the check was right? You -- No?
I don't even look like him.
I would be like, "It don't make sense."
I mean, like, Matt Damon was in "The Great Wall."
-Yeah. Anything's possible. -Yeah, but it's like --
No, I like when things make sense.
I would feel like that wasn't right for me.
Who would you play -- Who do you think you could play in a biopic?
Like a famous -- You know what I'm sayin'?
Um, I don't know. Shit.
Probably, uh, uh --
Mr. Cheeks.
[ Laughter ]
"Ahh! Freaky Tah! Hah!
My man Spigg Nice!"
[ Laughter ]
Yo, but speaking of Mr. Cheeks
and that whole era of, like, the '90s,
people say that you're, like, a throwback to that.
Do you do that on purpose 'cause you...with that music
or is it just the way it comes out?
No. I mean, I am born in 1995,
smack in the middle of it.
But, nah, I mean, I don't try to make '90s music.
You know what I'm sayin'? It's a misconception with me.
It's actually something I really hate talking about
because people only think
that, like, you know, that's what Joey Badass is.
At least the uneducated people about Joey Badass.
They're like, "Oh." They're putting me in that '90s box.
But it's like once you really inside of my music
and you really are, like, a listener,
you know that's not, like, all I have to offer
or all I'm even about.
You were on the Smokers Tour the same year "1999" came out.
Do you even remember what that tour was like?
Yeah, that was the one with Juicy J.
That was my first tour.
That was -- Oh, wow.
That was my first time on the road. I was --
You're talking about a kid, a junior in high school
going across the country for the first time with Juicy J.
That's wild. That's a show right there.
I might not have made it back, dawg.
We're talking about "Bandz a Make Her Dance" era.
-Oh, wow. -Yeah, bro.
Like, wow, and hormones-going-crazy era.
It was wild? And then after that,
they expected you to go back to school?
Yeah. Right?
"Yo. Come to the S.A.T. prep."
Like, "Nigga, what? You stupid?"
"I'm going to the strip club."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Do you know what you want your rainbow to say?
I didn't know it could say anything.
Say anything you want.
Uh -- [ Laughs ]
"Peace and Love."
-Aww. See? -Yeah, bro.
Give it up for Joey Badass.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Peace and love. Peace, bro.
And love. Ding!
♪♪
Shout-out! Shout-yowts!
Yo. Shout-out to Australia,
everybody on the SBS watching us.
All y'all Australian men,
you're leading the world in lying about your dick size.
What?!
A dating size called SaucyDates
has conducted a study around the world
asking men the size of their erect penis
and women what was the penis size
of the last man you had sex with --
similar to what we do here every morning.
Australia had the biggest gap,
with men claiming their dick was 7.09 inches,
while women went with 5.58 inches for their last partner.
'Cause women are haters.
-Yo. -All right?
And they don't realize sometimes you have to measure
past where the hair starts and other things.
All right? Y'all don't have one of these.
Y'all don't know how to measure it properly.
I'm not just out here measuring titties.
I don't know how that works.
Irregardless. You gotta start under the balls.
What's the average for the United States?
6.64".
'Cause I was pretty sure, according to Backpage,
the average is 10", but, you know, it's whatever.
Shout-out to whoever wrote this grant.
Like... [ Laughter ]
Like, "Here's $10 million. What should we study? Hmm.
"Uh, discrepancy in dick size.
Do niggas be lying on the Internet?"
Somebody was just tight. They was just tight in the morning.
Like, "I know what we should study!
These lying-ass niggas and they small-ass dicks!" That's right!
Yo! You know what we do every...day,
as an exemplary Dominican.
So shout-out to de lo mío personal.
[ Speaking Spanish rapidly ]
The Dominican Republic plays its first game
of the World Baseball Classic tonight,
and it is going to be a historic run of dominance
the likes of which we have never seen in any organized sport!
You know what I'm sayin'? We already know what's gonna happen
'cause we're playing Canada and Drake is not playing.
So y'all gonna get washed! You know what I'm sayin'?
That's all I got to say.
And now we got a shot of the team's pregame meal.
'Cause they're carbo loading.
They're getting their nutrition up.
And also we got to hear the volume on this
'cause you got to hear the soundtrack.
Yes! Yes! [ Bachata music plays ]
Fried cheese, longaniza, queso frito.
Mangú y cebolla. You know what I'm sayin'?
And the aguacate on deck. You already know.
We're getting lit for the... World Baseball Classic.
'Cause when you need to dominate,
you need plátanos in your system.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Didn't that Mets guy Noah -- whatever his name --
Didn't he say the World Baseball Classic
was trash or some shit like that?
-Noah Syndergaard? -Yeah.
-And that's why you're a Met. -All right?
World Baseball Classic's not a real thing.
WE have the World Series already, right?
The World Series settles
who is the best baseball players in the world.
Not really.
And then your little countries want to come.
Instead of fixing y'all road, y'all playing baseball.
There's two niggas in Jamaica right now playing baseball,
but they think it's cricket. They don't know what's going on.
They're doing the Willie Bounce.
The World Baseball Classic is cool.
It's just Dominicans coming up with
yet another reason not to work.
Shout-out to strange bedfellows. You know what I mean?
And the budding friendship
between Rick Ross and Martha Stewart,
which I feel is not that strange
'cause Martha's, like, cool with Snoop Dogg and shit.
So she got the intro into turkey bags of weed.
Also, Martha went to jail, and Rick Ross used to be a C.O.
That's true, so they probably linked up in there.
Yeah, they probably were talking about nutraloaf
and, like, how to get a prisoner out of his cell
if he doesn't want to come out.
"Martha, here's your phone. Hunh."
Look at Martha doing
what a lot of women on Twitter refuse to do,
and that's support your bae's dreams of having a mixtape.
That's right. 'Cause Ricky Rosé's ninth album
is coming March 17th. Pre-order that shit.
Not only did she tweet about it,
she made a cake, she got the cardboard cutout in the back.
You know her neighbors are concerned.
She's like, "Yo, Martha, why does your estate
always smell like the spiffington?"
She's like, "That's just my boo.
He comes over with the lemon-pepper wings."
"Yeah, Martha, those aren't bricks of flour.
You can't -- You can't fool me."
-Yeah. He's like, "Damn, girl." -Yeah. Look at that.
This looks like a scene from "Get Out 2."
That sex must be wild. [ Laughs ]
"Ross. Ross."
"Hunh. Hunh."
She's like, "Ricky, your cock is a good thing."
♪♪
Yo, shout-out to this rude-ass bird.
No, this is not a video of somebody on 161st Street.
This is an actual bird.
No, this is not Yesenia Torres. Sorry, Yesenia.
He's like, "I need a double cup, nigga."
This is when you're in VIP, and you're getting tight.
You're like, "None of these niggas chipped in on the bottle.
What am I pouring them for all y'all?"
"...y'all. Pour your own drink, nigga.
...outta here. ...you."
He's like, "Guess who's picking up these cups.
Not me, asshole." You dick.
"...this cup. "...this cup."
-Yo. -Yo.
Fam, this is not how you play flip cup.
♪♪
For more infomation >> J'ai une proposition... Qu'en pensez vous ? - Duration: 5:23. 
For more infomation >> СЕКРЕТНЫЙ ПОЛИГОН ДЛЯ НЛО В СССР ! ДОКУМЕНТАЛЬНЫЙ ФИЛЬМ 11.03.2017 - Duration: 30:31. 
For more infomation >> Ghost in the Shell
For more infomation >> スト5_技一覧_いぶき_通常技_(字幕on) - Duration: 2:17. 
For more infomation >> Mil Vocez -Sincero - Duration: 2:56. 
No comments:
Post a Comment