Hello
Back in English
I had a flight from Lisbon to Porto
with another airline and then
I had a Ryanair flight from Porto to my hometown in Germany
The flight from Lisbon to Porto departed with 2 hours delay
so I spent the entire flight praying to the Aviation Gods
for a delay of the Ryanair flight
At the exact millisecond the plane stops on the tarmac
everybody jumps from their chairs as if they had a thousand fleas bitting their ass
if necessary they push each other just to take their luggage very quickly
from the overhead bins
and all of this so they can spend the next 10 minutes
standing inside the plane in this kind of yoga position
promoting a very stiff neck
waiting for the door of the plane to be opened
much to my despair there is also an universal law that I observed at that moment
all these people that seemed so committed
to leave the plane at light-speed are immediately possessed by some kind of
atrophy of their legs the minute they set foot on the boarding bridge
and then start walking in slow motion
while I'm the only one that has to enter into Usain Bolt mode
trying to catch my next flight
After one extra security check
and running over three people
I made it to the boarding gate of my Ryanair flight and
the boarding
had not yet started
the Aviation Gods had listened
and there was a delay
a 3 hours delay
some improvements are needed in the Aviation Gods department
so for these 3 hours I thought
I didn't eat that many Pastéis de Nata in Portugal
so there's still room for a chocolate croissant
after this little snack
with my blood sugar levels already peaking
I received a text message from Ryanair saying that
the flight was cancelled
and the best that I could do was to go to the
Customer Service counter from Ryanair
which I did
as I arrived there I had only a 7 meters queue in front of me
easy peasy
before the rest of the passengers showed up and queued
for a kilometre behind me
was looking good
it only took 2 hours until it was my turn
2 hours
during this time I saw snails passing by me
reaching the end of the passenger terminal
and then coming back
the dialog with the non-helpful
non-friendly
lady at the Customer Service counter of Ryanair
was something like this
so my flight was cancelled, I have to be there
tomorrow
what other alternative flights can you offer me?
I can offer you a flight to your destination
which is departing
in one week
What?
in one week
Na, what?
in one week
What?
in one week
What?
I have a flight here
from another company that departs
tomorrow
early in the morning to the same destination so
please book this one
I can only book you in a Ryanair flight
and this is the earliest I have for you
If I would accept that
would you pay me for an hotel the whole week?
We can pay you for the hotel tonight
but for the remaining days it would have to be on your expenses
which you could then
attempt
to have it reimbursed from us
I asked out of curiosity just for my own amusement
as I said there's this flight tomorrow
You can book it yourself and then
attempt
to have it reimbursed from us
Do you have already our paper
with the links where you can file online
for your expenses reimbursement and the compensation for the flight cancellation?
Wait let me see if I have that in my pocket just a minute
well this last part didn't really happen
unfortunately
'cause I'm a nice person
so I had no other alternative from Ryanair
but to book and pay for an alternative flight myself
you think it's over?
No no no
It was already 1 a.m. in the morning and I had to prepare myself
to spend the night sleeping
on one of the airport chairs
lovely
The whole airport had long chairs but
small detail every one of these chairs had
this evil arm support
dividing the chairs every two seats
so if I tried to lay down I could fit in it perfectly
if I cut my legs and my hips
seemed perfectly reasonable
airports are just like SPAs
10 minutes into this lovely sleeping experience and
my eyes started to close
until I hear a strange noise approaching me
one of the cleaning guys driving one of those big cleaning machines
and the guy decided to drive that thing right by my SPA chair
and then again
and then around
So I tactically got up and moved to another SPA chair in the airport
on the opposite side of the terminal
3 a.m. now my eyes are starting to close
until
3.30 a.m. and I am back to my first airport chair
according to logic if the guy already cleaned that area
he won't return right?
4 a.m. my eyes start to close again
until
A lovely south american family
having a lovely talk with their normal voice volume
So I gave up sleeping
I also had to check-in for my flight at 5 a.m.
which was an hour away
and everything went according to plan
but I still had one last surprise from Ryanair
They answered me in 24 hours to both my
expenses reimbursement request
and my flight cancellation compensation
Ryanair was at least consistent
with what I had already experienced at their
Customer support counter
and to the first request their answer was
and to the second request
so here's my suggestion
for an update to the corporate branding of Ryanair
Thank you for watching this
Please comment!
If you had also a great experience with Ryanair
honestly I would love to know about your stories
If they told you to "Fuck You"
I would really love to hear about it
And share, share the video
spread the word
Wait
do you really think that I'd put this song to say goodbye from you?
that's a Ryanair exclusive people
my exit song is of course a much more awesome one
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