So, the audience of this channel has historically contained similar amounts of man and woman
viewers, maybe skewing a little bit toward the man side.
However, after the success of my Sam Harris video, there are a lot more dudes here now.
And considering the types of dudes that are usually interested in Sam Harris and his cohorts,
I'm gonna guess that it's mostly straight dudes.
Hi I'm T1J!
[WEIRD VOICE:] Follow me!
So uh, this video is sponsored.
Am I real YouTuber yet?
But for real, big shoutouts to JORD Watches for sponsoring this video.
Yeah that's how it's pronounced ("Yode").
JORD makes these awesome hand-crafted wooden watches, they're made from sustainable and
ethically sourced materials, and they were even kind enough to send me one, and I love
it, it's super dope.
JORD also wants to hook one of you guys up, so for the next two weeks if you click the
link in the description, you can enter my giveway and one lucky person will receive
$180 off, which actually covers the full price of many of the watches.
Also for the next two weeks, anyone can simply enter the coupon code "t1j" to get $25
off your purchase.
So please check that out, links in the description and thanks again to JORD for sponsoring.
Now a lot of you may not know, but my channel used to be specifically targeted towards straight
men.
I used to make a lot of videos attempting to inspire young men to be more confident
and ethical in their romantic and sexual relationships.
In fact one of the videos that I'm probably most associated with, the one that basically
put me on the map is a perfect example of that.
Don't watch that video, by the way, it's old and bad and I kinda hate it now.
These days, there are a few people out there giving good, non-toxic sex and relationship
advice to men, from the perspective of a man.
Shoutouts to Dr. Nerdlove!
But I feel like this is a genre that is sorely lacking overall.
Which could be part of the reason why so many men just don't know how to ack.
Straight men are essentially brought up under the implication that women are prizes to be
won, and that we're entitled to that prize for some reason.
And this sounds pretty bad, but it's not even consciously malicious most of the time.
I just think that we succumb to what I like to call "straight dude logic."
Like in The Office when Michael advises Jim not to give up on Pam even though she's
engaged.
[JIM:] She's engaged.
[MICHAEL:] Pfft!
BFD.
Engaged ain't married.
That's terrible advice!
You're just emotionally manipulating someone and complicating their life.
Or like on Friends, when Joey falls in love with Rachel, and Ross totally freaks out.
Even though Ross has a girlfriend at this point, and hasn't been with Rachel for literally
like 5 seasons.
[JOEY:] Come on Ross!
Hey Ross, don't-- [ROSS:] I-I-just, you know, I just have one
-- Rachel!!?
As usual I tend to think in terms of old sitcoms.
forgive me.
And I understand that these are fictional stories, but we internalize and accept things
like this our culture.
Both Jim and Ross eventually get their respective girl in spite of these feelings of entitlement,
as well as their obvious mediocrity… and as viewers we're okay with it!
We rooted for them.
We're all like, "oh my god she got off the plane!"
If I'm being serious I always get a little choked up when Rachel gets off the plane.
[RACHEL:] I got off the plane.
(audience cheers)
But I digress!
This is sort of the attitude we've been taught as men.
'We deserve romance, we deserve sex,' oftentimes we even feel like we get to pick whom we deserve
it from; regardless of how shit we are at being humans, we still somehow are entitled
to romantic and sexual attention.
So if we're not getting that, something must be wrong, either with the women in question,
or society as a whole!
And if you take ideas like that to the extreme, that's how you end up with toxic communities
like Pick Up Artists and Incels.
But like I said, there's not a whole lot of voices who are talking to men to about
these things in a way that's both constructive and accessible.
Or at least if they exist, I'm unaware of them; feel free to enlighten me.
Now of course there is no shortage of people yelling at straight men on the internet.
And this can be an effective way to get people to be thoughtful about their ideas and behavior.
It just depends on the person.
But I think that usually this yelling is retributive rather rehabilitative.
And even it weren't, I've come to believe that shaming and ridiculing people generally
fails to makes them want to change.
In fact I think it often makes them more steadfast in their convictions.
And on top of that usually the people yelling aren't also straight men.
Which makes sense, because straight men don't usually have to deal with the consequences
of the problematic behavior of other straight men, while other groups of people, particularly
women do.
But this is unfortunate, because it's easier to get through to someone if you know what
they've been through and can empathize with their point of view.
Now I am not an expert on any subject much less sex and relationships, but to all of
my friends out there who are straight men, let's talk for second.
And this isn't exclusive to straight men, and also it doesn't apply to all straight
men, #notallmen…(sigh) Do I really have to say that?
Yeah this is the internet I guess I do.
But these are lesson that I personally had to learn, so hopefully it will get some of
you thinking.
So when a woman is overtly sexual, it's usually seen by most people as pretty remarkable
and unusual, whether in a good or bad way.
And if we're being honest, it's often bad way.
But with men, society doesn't usually punish or even notice us for being openly sexual.
Not all guys are like that, but in my experience men are much more likely than women to openly,
in public ,discuss sex, and who they think is hot and who they wanna fuck.
Or make sexual jokes, or discuss the features of their own genitals loudly at a Mexican
restaurant in the booth right behind me.
Like, really?!
I have no doubt that women are probably as likely to have sexual thoughts as men are,
but they also seem much more likely to keep it to themselves, or keep it among their trusted
circle.
But I get it, I'm very sexual myself, and I'm very sex positive and open about sex.
But I think the fact that there is rarely any social punishment for me being like that
has a lot to do with it.
I think that it is a good thing for people to be more open and communicative about sex.
But this is a hard thing to achieve because of the way that straight men tend to grow
up thinking about sex and relationships with women.
And I'm not immune to this.
Whenever I see like a photo on social media of a woman that I think is really attractive.
My brain briefly has to muscle through a maze of "straight dude logic".
My brain's all like, "Dude, she's hot.
Well I obviously gotta say something, girls like being told they're pretty, right?
Girls like being told that you want to (bleep), right?
But you gotta be smooth so as to differentiate yourself from the hundred other guys in this
thread.
Maybe you should send a private message.
Maybe if you're extra charming, she might ask you to come over right now!"
This is obviously absurd, but I think a lot of very sexual people have to process through
this kind of horny mentality.
But many people seem to get stuck there, and end up giving in to these ridiculous urges.
If you ever looked at the comment sections on some women's photos, you'll understand
what I mean.
And in fact when I was much younger, I often gave into these stupid urges and found myself
doing and saying ridiculous creepy shit all the time.
Now sometimes dudes are completely inappropriate and obviously out of line, but it's not
always like that.
Sometimes people give genuine compliments in a relatively civil way.
And sometimes people are okay with that, but sometimes they aren't.
And I don't think that women or anyone is required to graciously accept unsolicited
flirtation or sexual advances.
And to be honest, on a surface level I think that most people actually understand that
unwanted advances are undesirable, even if they are technically civil.
Because I mean think about if and when it happens to you.
Kinda awkward and annoying right?
And for many women there is an added layer of the threat of violence upon handing out
rejection.
Probably most dudes won't get violent, but if one decides to, there is often not much
a woman can do to defend themselves.
So just imagine having that in the back of your head, while some stranger is telling
you you're beautiful.
This is why I think men have to think more carefully about how they are making women
feel in these situations.
But when we get deep into our feelings and urges, we often don't consider how someone
else might be feeling.
If we get rejected or ignored we often feel like something unfair has happened to us,
even though that makes no sense, because we're not entitled to other people's affection,
no matter how nice or accommodating we are to them.
Just like I said in that video I told you not to watch.
[T1J]: Dude this is not a fucking transaction where you walk to the cashier and pull out
your "nice bucks" and buy sex and romance!
So when disgruntled women are tweeting about how straight men are trash, it can come off
as implying that having sexual or lustful urges is a bad thing.
And that men can't truly be allies to the plight of women unless we somehow get rid
of these cravings.
Of course I don't think that's the case, but here's the thing.
We are human beings.
And one of the useful things about being a human is our capacity to change and control
our behavior in spite of our impulses.
If you're a good person, you should value the safety, comfort, and happiness of the
people you interact with more than you value--maybe getting sex?
But here's the pill that might be hard to swallow.
Maybe a swallowing metaphor is the not the best for this particular video?
But It's very possible and frankly probable that men who aggressively pursue sex, likely
receive it frequently.
I mean after a certain point it's just playing the odds.
But in pursuit of that there are dozens, if not hundreds of frightened, creeped out women
left in their wake.
Unfortunately, I know this from experience.
And even among the ones who agreed to it, how many of those women felt pressured into
it.
How many gave in to avoid a fight?
And I'm not even going to get into how some men seem to not understand what actually constitutes
consent in the first place.
Guys often tie some measure of personal value to their sexual success with women.
That's why go-to insults for straight men sometimes include calling them gay, or making
fun of their inability to find or keep a partner.
[2 PAC]: ♫You claim to be a playa but I fucked your wife!♫
And don't get me wrong, sex is fucking dope, and I personally think you should have as
much consensual sex as you want.
But it's not something to derive any fraction of your self worth from.
It's not the point of being alive.
It's not even necessarily the point of forming relationships.
It's clearly not so important that you should neglect to consider someone else's comfort
and well-being in pursuit of it.
As I see people do very often.
Usually straight guys.
I've been known to say stuff like, "it's not that hard to be respectful, or to not
be creepy" but I don't know, maybe for some people it is.
Maybe a lot of men struggle with finding a way to express their sexuality in a way that
doesn't ruin other people's days/lives.
So as with anything that's hard to do, I would suggest practice.
Literally practice not being creepy.
When you're presented with an opportunity to make a decision based on "straight dude
logic", instead just don't.
Try to always be mindful about what you're doing and what you're saying.
Think about how the other person might feel.
Even if nothing bad directly happens as a result of your behavior, it's still not
a good look, you look foolish, and it will probably damage your reputation.
Girls talk.
The mere fact that you are attracted to someone does not entitle you to their attention.
This sounds pretty obvious, but you'd be surprised at how many people have not truly
internalized that.
And I'm not saying you can't talk to women, or you can't flirt with people, or ask people
out.
But there's a time and a place, and also respectful ways of doing it.
Like DMing random women you don't know is probably not gonna get you anywhere You look
foolish.
Maybe wait until you match someone on Tinder for example, it's a more suitable context.
But even then maybe don't tell the person that you wanna (bleep) within the first few
messages.
Also, and this is probably the most important part, you have to respect their right to say
no if that's what they decide.
I think sometimes in these political, social justice, #MeToo type conversations, people
in positions of privilege, like straight people and men, may sometimes feel like in order
to be perceived an ally or non-problematic, they must live up to some impossible standard
of perfection.
And I guess if you spend too much time on Twitter I can see why you might think that.
Please, look away from the timeline every now and then.
I promise in the real world there are people who aren't lunatics.
As a straight man, I understand where you're coming from.
Maybe a lot of you guys out there are immune to straight dude logic, and those creepy thoughts
never enter your head.
I'm not!
I think publicly expressing sexuality as a man in a safe and healthy way can be difficult,
and maybe that's a topic we can talk about more in the future.
But like most things, I think it boils down to basic respect and compassion towards other
humans.
Before you give into that straight dude logic, consider how it might affect someone else.
DAS JUS ME DOE.
What do you think?
Thank you for watching my video.
I'm really close to 100,000 subscribers, so if you like the video consider subscribing
to help me reach that milestone.
If you'd like to support this channel and help me make the videos even better as well
as receive free merch and other rewards, consider donating a small amount per month on Patreon.
Big shoutouts to my existing patrons, and I will see you all the next video.
Bye.

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