Have you ever wondered, well I have, about how
when I say, say "red", for example, there's no way of
knowing if "red" means the same thing in your head
as "red" means in my head when someone says "red"
How if we are traveling at almost the speed of light
and we're holding a light that light would still
travel away from us at the full speed of light
which seems right in a way, what I'm trying to say,
I'm not sure, but I wonder if inside my head
I'm not just a bit different from some of my friends
these answers that come into my mind unbidden
these stories delivered to me fully written
and when everyone shouts, like they seem to like shouting
the noise in my head is incredibly loud
and I just wish they'd stop, my dad, and my mom
and the tv and stories would stop for just once
and I'm sorry, I'm not quite explaining it right
but the noise becomes anger and the anger is light
and this burning inside me would usually fade
but it isn't today, and the heat and the shouting
and my heart is pounding, and my eyes are burning
and suddenly
everything, everything is
Quiet.
Like silence, but not really silent
Just that still sort of quiet
Like the sound of a page being turned in a book
Or a pause in a walk in the woods
Quiet.
Like silence, but not really silent
Just that nice kind of quiet
Like the sound when you lie upside down in your bed
Just the sound of your heart in your head
They say stand up, lie down
make the best of your heart now
But I say the honey light has no effect on me
as once it did seeping through the trees
Sure, I am blue
but I am not used up
I'm scared of what I know not
but scared is a word for kids
playing in the dark
Every night I wake up frighted by something in
the shadow spot
The shadow stays when light pours in
Improbably, it lives in the kitchen
Why does it have to be that way?
Because, because
Why does it have to be just so?
Because it does
Thirteen times, check the lock and key
Oh, thirteenth time, why are you so deep in me?
Why does it have to be that way?
Today I may be Jesus
or maybe Joan of Arc
or maybe I'm just God Himself
we've been waiting for so long
"You're just a you", they tell me
"no greater than the rest
this mountain that you speak of
an imaginary crest"
Still, I ache with grandeur
not quite sure that I am wrong
These worlds I see
are not stable or concrete
outside my window
it's so different than my mind's show
In there it's so surreal
but grips you like it's real
no warnings, or end credits
to alert you how to feel
In the morning when I wake up
I don't listen to the birds or fill my coffee cup
I am worried, no I'm frazzled, maybe frenzied,
is this my body or my mind?
My mind or my body?
"I must go home", it's a phrase I know too well
This tingling haunts me, it's a special kind of hell
A sensitivity to everything I smell
the moment I seek
the one that breaks the spell
Where is my quiet?
When will I find it?
Is this my own mind?
Will I be just fine?
And though the people around me
Their mouths are still moving
The words they are forming
Cannot reach me anymore!
And it is quiet
And I am warm
Like I've sailed
Into the eye of the storm
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