- [♪]Hey, I'm Grump - [♪]I'm Not So Grump
TOGETHER: [♪]And we're the Game Grumps
Hey!
ARIN: I just got to the third checkpoint. DAN: Yup.
ARIN: I'm feeling very proud of myself… DAN: I saw it.
ARIN: Um… I'm doing the best that I can. Now we're in Rock World, I guess?
ARIN: With a... Satan door? DAN: I got a...
DAN: Dude, I—whoa… bosses!
DAN: I completely forgot games could… ARIN: Oh… Oh-ho! Whoa, okay!
Dude, I don't know how to say it— or if I should say it—
I got a crazy boner right now.
Like, I am fucking rock hard and I don't know why.
It's not for Battle Kid.
- [laughs] - I swear it's not.
- "Look, Sivak Games… - Yeah…
- "I don't want you to get too proud of yourselves.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - "It is not for Battle Kid."
- Wow! - Maybe for the tension that Battle Kid brings?
- I am so hard right now. - Oh my God, dude.
- Sorry. - That is nice to hear.
It's just, I don't— I don't understand!
God-dang! Dang, dude!
Holy crud, dude!
DAN: [laughing] Oh my God! ARIN: Oh my God! Oh, FUCK!
DAN: [laughing] Oh my Lord! ARIN: Jeezum!
- This is fuckin' ridiculous, dude! - Try going left.
Try going left instead of to the boss.
Oh, sure, that's what you want me to do.
It is.
Well, that would explain it.
See? I get "I" from the boss.
Did you like it?
- [laughing] I have to kill the boss. - Did you—did you have a good time?
[laughing] I literally have to do this!
DAN: This is gonna be ten minutes…
AH!
DAN: Everyone strap into an episode of ten minutes of this shit.
ARIN: [laughing] Fuck you, Dan!
You don't know anything about my Battle Kid skills.
DAN: Hope you're counting at home.
- Here's a fun drinking game you can play… - [laughs]
DAN: Every time Arin gets killed by a giant purple flower, take a shot!
Take a sip! And you'll be drunk in three minutes!
- You will be fucking annihilated. - Ah! Agh…! AGH…!
[groans] Ho…! Fuck.
There's another one.
- Ho…! George! - Down the hatch.
- [exhales] Hoo… - [laughs]
You do not know the passion that I have for the—
Why does it have to have a fucking cutscene right before—You know you're—
[inhales sharply] Oh! OH! Jiminy Jillickers!
[laughs]
Oh… You know what? You better do this with sips of beer.
'Cause if you do this with shots, I don't wanna be responsible
for someone dying in the hospital from alcohol poisoning.
Rasputin is… ready. I don't know what I'm doing.
I… have a hard time… keeping my cool in situations of stress.
I mean, there's just nothing you can do.
All right. All right. This time, I've got it.
Got it locked and loaded.
All right, then—hah! Hah!
[exclaims erratically]
OH FUCK! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!
- Damn! Damn it, Stan! - [laughs]
I'm trying so hard not to say anything 'cause I just want, like…
you to have your moment…
- …think shit through. - [exhales]
How many hits does he take? I need to know.
- [stammers] I need to know. - Do you want me to look it up?
- No, no, nonono, it's part of the… - Okay.
It's part of the— It's part of the challenge.
[through gritted teeth] "It's part of the fun!"
"It's part of the fun! Everybody's having fun!"
ARIN: AH! AH! AH…! Not the needle in the back!
- [laughs] - That's the worst way to go!
[sighs]
I think… you should try to shoot, um…
DAN: ...like, changing sides on the platform each time.
I'm tryin'. Dan… listen, man…
Shit, I… Do you not want helpful tips?
You… you gotta pay attention to every little thing, dude.
Every little thing is coming at you.
It's coming at you like Cleopatru.
[both laugh]
Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Oh my GOD…!
- [screams] - [laughs]
- [exhales and whines] - Wow!
- [out of breath] Okay… - Hope this episode's titled "Arin Loses His Mind".
[laughs and whines] Oh… purple plant!
Why were you growing in a rock world?
- …I didn't even try! - [laughs]
We're only a third of the way through the episode, dude!
ARIN: [high pitched] That wasn't even something that happened for me!
All right. All right, this battle is… for… real.
DAN: Yup. ARIN: I have a good feeling about this one,
I'm—I'm bringin' it downtown, you know? Right? I'm—I'm playing music on the street.
I'm getting a noise complaint, but you know what? I don't even care!
Because this is my art!
- And no—FUCK! - [laughs and claps]
I was just, like, watching slack-jawed in awe…
- [laughs] - …of you, like, improvising a crazy monologue…
[laughing] …while you do this shit!
- It seemed like it was helping, actually! - Oh, okay! Uh…
ARIN: [deliberate] One day, I was walking down the street. I met a guy named Carl.
[skittish] Carl was nice because he gave me some ice cream!
DAN: [laughs]
ARIN: And—AH…! DAMN IT…! DAN: [laughs and claps]
I got—I stuttered on the fuckin' story and then I messed up!
- [laughs] - Okay…
ARIN: ...All right, here we go, here we go… DAN: Okay, okay, okay.
ARIN: [exhales] DAN: Here's the one!
ARIN: Mark mistakenly ordered me nine pizzas! DAN: [laughs throughout]
I wasn't sure if I should keep them or not, because I really enjoy pizza!
[unstable] But when I opened them up, it was pineapple and ham!
[hysterical] And I don't like ham, and I'm allergic to—FUCK…!
DAN: [laughs] ARIN: Damn it!
- You saw how close I got, though! - It was so good!
ARIN: [laughing] He changed colors! DAN: Keep talking about pizza!
- [laughs and exhales] - Oh my God!
Nintendo would've never allowed this game to exist!
ARIN: Rocket the Hedgehog was a lonely young hedgehog
in the Sonic the Hedge— DAMN IT!
DAN: [laughs] ARIN: Fuck!
I can't talk about Sonic fanfiction, that's too much!
DAN: All right. Were you gonna cross Rocket Raccoon with Sonic?
ARIN: Maybe.
Cool!
ARIN: Here we go. DAN: Okay!
Um… Uh…
ARIN: I knew a guy named Jesus! I asked him, "Hey, isn't your name pronounced "Jesús"?"
and he said, "No, my mom is very religious".
And I said "Wouldn't that have prevented you from having the name Jesus?"
ARIN: ...and he said—FUCK! DAN: [laughs]
- [continues laughing] - [exhales and laughs]
- Okay… - I'm changing my mind...
DAN: ...I'm very glad we did a third episode of this.
[strained] Radical Republicans really wreck my…
- …rectal r…AGH…! - [laughs]
- Don't go for alliterations! - I'm sorry!
- That'll make it way too hard for you. - Okay, okay.
- You need the not-thinky stories. - I need the not-thinky stories, all right…
- Verbal barfing. - [laughing] Something that comes from…
- ...Something that comes from the heart. - Yeah.
ARIN: [strained] Purple plants make me feel uncomfortable when I walk towards them.
They say, "Hey Arin, how's it goin'?" and I say, "It's goin' okay," but it's not really going okay,
[explosively] I just didn't want to share my emotions with the purple plant!
'Cause, fuck… I don't know him!
- He's not—DAMN IT! GOD… FUCK…! - [laughs]
- [exhales] I think I injured myself! - I think you're gonna do it!
- [exhales] - I mean injure yourself, not succeed.
Check out Battle Kid's face when the door closes.
And, like, the... He's just like…
[both laugh]
ARIN: Jerry wrestled bears for a living! But he wasn't happy with it!
DAN: [giggles] ARIN: So instead he changed his profession to golfing!
ARIN: He wasn't happy with that either! He just realized he was an unhappy dude in general!
So he saw a psychiatrist,
and the psychiatrist— FUCKING GODDAMN IT!
This is as hard as fighting an actual 20 foot plant monster.
ARIN: [groans] DAN: [laughing] Wow!
- Okay! - Yup!
Oh, that's actually more like a 60 foot plant monster…
ARIN: Jennifer dumped me!
[laughs]
That was your shortest, saddest story yet!
[both laugh]
Three words is all it takes to get the tears flowin'...
ARIN: ...I'll tell you that. DAN: [laughing] Oh my God!
Recklessly, I touched a car that didn't belong to me!
It was a very nice car! A 1978 Bugatti!
[yelling] That's not even a real car model! I made it up!
ARIN: And I d—AGH…! DAMN…! DAN: [laughs]
Nothing will make me feel better! Even the victory will be bittersweet!
DAN: [laughs]
- [exhales] - [giddily] That victory is not comin', bro.
- Oh my God. - Oh…! Wow…!
Register now at your local supermarket for their rewards card.
DAN: [laughs] ARIN: It will save you 10% on—
FUCKING goddamn bullshit! FUCK!
- [laughs] - [exhales]
[laughing] I can't breathe!
- [exhaling] Okay…! - Oh, God in Heaven!
[exhales]
My mom's a nice lady, but sometimes, you know…
AGH…!
You'll NEVER know the end of that story! I'M MOVIN' ON!
[laughs]
ARIN: [exhales] Okay… DAN: Your improv skills are through the roof right now.
ARIN: I was caught murdering some man named Steve!
I talked to the police and I refuted that I had anything to do with the murder!
The police said, "Wait. Wait.
"Then why are you STANDING ABOVE THE DEAD BODY!?"
DAN: [laughs] ARIN: GOD—
I think you got, like, three more chances.
- [exhales] - Holy shit.
- [out of breath] Okay… - [giggles]
[tensely] My dad really likes that I'm doing music right now.
[explosively] But he's kinda disappointed that I'm not good at it!
[through clenched teeth] Because he's spent his whole life writing music,
and I've only spent a couple—
FUCK! GOD! I…!
- I… am… NOT okay. - [laughs]
[continues laughing]
- Something's gotta give, dude! - Wait, wait, okay, okay…
For this one, total silence. Total silence.
Go.
- No! No! Goddamn it! - [laughs]
I didn't even do that well that time! It is the improv skills!
DAN: [laughs] Last try! Last try. ARIN: It's a magical fuckin' golden monkey, dude!
DAN: This is it. This is it. For everything. ARIN: [exhales]
[exhales] Good luck.
ARIN: As a child, I always wanted to be on…
ARIN: …Who's Got… DAN: [laughs]
ARIN: All right…! Fine…!
DAN: All right! Keep goin'! ARIN: That's the end of that story…!
It's fine! Fine! Yeah, "Who's Got…"—not even a show!
ARIN: Legends of the Hidden Temple was one of my favorite shows of all time!
I always wanted to be on it! Kind of a consider—continuation of the last story!
However! I have to say… I'm very close…
TO BEATING THE GODDAMN PLANT MONSTER! But he's NOT dying!
- We're NOT stopping! This is HAPPENING! - [laughing] Okay! Okay!
- I am SO… CLOSE! - Oh my God!
- I'm like a god… damn… GIGOLO, ready to burst… - [laughs]
…and she's saying, "No! three more minutes, AT LEEAAST".
DAN: [laughs]
[laughing] Fuck…!
Ah, shit!
AGH, NO…! NO…! No! The green needles will not be the death of me!
DAN: [laughs] ARIN: I will continue onward!
- They've been nothing BUT the death of you! - [laughs]
- They've been exclusively the death of you! - Okay, that's not true...
...the bottom green needle has gotten me sometimes.
- Okay. - That didn't count. That one didn't—
- don't add it to the counter. - [laughs] There's no...
- Take the counter down from the screen. - There's no counter!
- [exhales] Okay… Woo… - Okay. Okay. Okay…
ARIN: Why is there a plant here? What is he doing? What's his purpose?
Why did he have to open up when I showed up here?
He could've just been hanging out and I could've just shot him in the fucking bud!
It would've been fun! "Nip it in the bud," they say!
That's the term! I'm getting close.
Why do I have to point that out!? It always makes me worse!
Agh…! Agh…! FUCK…!
- I was SO… GODDAMN CLOSE! - Possibly.
Did you see that!?
There's also the possibility that it goes through, like, 12 more iterations of purple…
- Oh, sure! That's what they want you to think. - Oh my God, I think so.
[groans]
[♪]Gerrymandering politicians always get their way unless you veto their vote in a voting booth
You have the power! As a citizen of the United States!
Register to vote at your local DMV! So that you can control the fate of your country...
[strained] at least somewhat, I mean, there's the Electoral College and everything, but, I don't know,
[explosively] I don't know much about how politics work—
- GOD-FUCKING-DAMN IT! I'M DONE! - [laughs]
I'M FUCKING DONE! THIS IS BULL! SHIT!
ARIN: RED PLANT! PURPLE PLANT! BLUE PLANT!
DAN: [laughing] Oh my God… ARIN: This is not…
ARIN: [groans]
- [sympathetically] You all right? You okay? - [laughing] Hey Ross!
- Oh, you missed some shit, man. - No, I was watching through the window!
- Oh, you haven't…? Okay. It's amazing. - It was terrible! Holy shit!
DAN: It's been amazing. ROSS: Keep it up, buddy, you can do it.
DAN: He can't do it. No one can do it. ROSS: He can do it. Buddy, come on.
- Oh my God, Ross believes in me! - Yeah, Ross believes in you!
ARIN: I've got one more shot! DAN: Oh, G—okay.
ARIN: With Ross' magic touch. DAN: This is the "Ross shot". This is the one.
Ross.
- No! I hit "End"! I hit "End"! - [laughs]
[screeching] No! NO! NO…!
FUCK…!
- FUCK EVERYTHING! - [laughing] Next time on Game Grumps!
BATTLE KID, FUCK YOU! SIVAK GAMES, GO SUCK MY GODDAMN DAD'S CHODE!
YOU PIECE OF HAIRY GARBAGE!
- I'LL FUCKING KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! - Oh, that is such legit rage.
- Didn't go well? - [laughs]
Oh, goddamn, next time on Game Grumps!
DAN: Woo!
ARIN: All right. All right, this battle is… for… real.
DAN: Yup. ARIN: I have a good feeling about this one,
ARIN: I'm—I'm bringin' it downtown, you know? Right? I'm—I'm playing music on the street.
I'm getting a noise complaint, but you know what? I don't even care!
Because this is my art!
ARIN: And no—FUCK! DAN: [laughs]
ARIN: Hey! I just got to the third checkpoint. DAN: Yup.
ARIN: I'm feeling very proud of myself… DAN: I saw it.
ARIN: Um… DAN: Whoa…
Everyone strap into an episode of ten minutes of this shit.
ARIN: OH! Fuck you, Dan!
[laughing] You don't know anything about my Battle Kid skills.
DAN: Oh… ARIN: Holy crud!
Oh my God! Oh! Oh, FUCK!
Why is there a plant here? What is he doing? What's his purpose?
Why did he have to open up when I showed up?
I could've shot him in the fucking bud!
DAN: You should try...
ARIN: "Nip it in the bud," they say!
Why do I have to point that out!? It always makes me worse!
AH! Oh my GOD…!
DAN: There's just nothing you can do...
ARIN: AH! AH! AH…!
DAN: Everybody's having fun!
ARIN: This battle is… for… real.
ARIN: Here we go. DAN: Okay!
ARIN: Uh-uh-um… DAN: Oh my God!
Here's the one!
ARIN: Listen, man…
DAN: Shit, I… Do you not want helpful tips?
ARIN: You gotta, you gotta pay attention to every little thing, dude.
Every little thing is coming at you.
Coming at you like Cleopatru.
I have to say… I'm very close…
TO BEATING THE GODDAMN PLANT MONSTER! But he's NOT dying!
ARIN: We're NOT stopping! This is HAPPENING! DAN: [laughing] Okay! Okay!
ARIN: I'm SO… CLOSE!
Ah, shit!
AGH, NO…! NO…! No! The green needles will not be the death of me!
ARIN: Why is there a plant here? What is he doing? What's his purpose?
Why did he have to open up when I showed up?
I could've shot him in the fucking bud!
DAN: You should try...
ARIN: "Nip it in the bud," they say!
Why do I have to point that out!? It always makes me worse!
AH! Oh my GOD…!
DAN: There's just nothing you can do...
ARIN: "Nip it in the bud," they say!
Why do I have to point that out!? It always makes me worse!
AH! Oh my GOD…!
Jennifer dumped me!
ROSS: Why'd you lose it?
- I accidentally hit "End" instead of "Continue"! - No…! Are you serious!?
Right after you said you believed in him, he was like,
"All right, I'll give it one more shot 'cause Ross believes in me," and then he hit "End".
[Ross and Dan laugh]
I fucked it up!
DAN: Oh, God, Ross! That's what your belief does.
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