Finding love isn't easy... but have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're going about
it all wrong?
Who says you have to fall in love with an actual person?
Love is hard, and weddings get… complicated.
Fulfillment takes all forms, and while your eventual marriage to your favorite object
may not be considered "legal" in most states, love is love.
Here are a few things that people have formed non-traditional relationships with.
If you find yourself looking at, say, your shoes or that tube of tennis balls a little
differently after watching this, don't blame us.
But do invite us to the wedding.
The Berlin Wall
From an early age, Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer knew she was into things, not people, and
never felt the need to hide her orientation.
In the '70s, Berliner-Mauer wanted to teach others about her feelings, and helped coin
the term "Objectum Sexuality," or simply "OS."
In 1979, she made her love official when she married the Berlin Wall, an object she'd loved
since she was a child, changing her last name to, literally, "Berlin Wall."
It's easy to make fun of someone like Berliner-Mauer for their odd proclivities.
However, she and other OS individuals have insisted that it's not just a fetish, but
rather a complete orientation.
Why the Berlin wall?
She explained,
"I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy.
The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick — my husband is sexier."
Unfortunately, the marriage ended in tragedy.
In 1989, the Berlin wall was demolished.
The widowed Berliner-Mauer was horrified, but in her deceased husband's place, she kept
multiple models of the wall at her home.
Fortunately for her, she was able to move on.
At the time of her death in 2015, she was kind of seeing a nearby garden fence.
That's not a joke.
A large rock
Tracey Emin is something of a high-concept performance artist.
You may recognize her from her controversial installation called "My Bed", which recently
sold for millions of dollars, and was pretty much just her bed after she soiled it for
three days during a mental breakdown.
Art, right?
"I don't know much about art, but I know what I like."
Recently, for the love of art, Emin married an "impressive stone" in her garden.
For Emin, the groom rock represents permanence in an unreliable world.
Emin described her feelings about the marriage, saying,
"It just means that at the moment I am not alone.
Somewhere on a hill facing the sea, there's a very beautiful ancient stone, and it's not
going anywhere.
It will be there, waiting for me."
That's a pretty lovely sentiment, even if the rock, and most human beings, will never
understand.
The exhibit itself, titled "I Cried Because I Love You," features several of her works
in a variety of mediums revolving around her stone-cold wedding.
Not one for tradition, Emin wore a white shroud that was initially intended to cover her father's
dead body.
Now, she has a husband who will never take her for granite.
A Barbie doll
A man marrying a Barbie doll might sound a little creepy, but it's okay.
He was only doing it for his dead wife, who had tragically committed suicide twenty years
prior to their own personal Barbie dream wedding.
Chang Hsi-hsum believed that the doll contained his spirit of his former wife, Tsai, and wanted
to give her the happy marriage of her dreams.
Chang had married another human wife in the years since Tsai's death, but his new wife
was totally cool with the marriage, which took place in 1999.
The wedding reportedly looked like a traditional Buddhist ceremony with the plastic bride adorned
with gold jewelry.
Chang was relieved to have finally found spiritual peace, saying,
"Now I will marry her spirit and take her home.
We will be finally together and able to live in peace."
…providing that Ken isn't the jealous type.
And we all know that he is.
"I can't take it here, Ken.
I wanna go to the butterfly room with you!"
"Yeah, well, you should've thought of that yesterday."
A pizza
In 2015, The Mirror reported that an unnamed Russian man decided human love was just too
much trouble.
Rather than finding another annoying, needy human, full of emotions and thoughts and not
nearly enough pepperoni, he decided to straight up marry a pizza.
The happy groom made no secret about his motivations, saying,
"Love between two humans is a complicated wild thing … Pizza would not reject you
or betray you, and speaking quite frankly and sincerely, I love it."
The marriage was not officially recognized for obvious reasons, the least of which being
the fact that the ordeal sounds like a rejected too-hot-for-TV Ninja Turtles plot.
Multiple inflatable animals
Though the young man we know only as Mark is happily married to Lila, a dragon-shaped
inflatable toy, he's still involved with 14 other inflatables.
Featured on TLC's My Strange Addiction, Mark deeply loves the toys and keeps his relationships
completely non-sexual.
"If I could marry Lila, I would, because I am that much in love with her."
Mark realizes that his relationship to the inflatables might not be completely healthy.
By admitting that his obsession with blow up toys was a coping mechanism left over from
his traumatic childhood, Mark has been able to wean himself off of his dependency on inflatable
objects, even if that only means spending a couple of days away from them every week.
And what relationship can't benefit from spending a little bit of time apart?
The Statue of Liberty
Amanda Whittaker of Yorkshire fell head over heels in love with the Statue of Liberty and
now can't imagine love with anyone else.
While Whittaker has admitted to being attracted to a few different objects, Lady Liberty,
who she calls "Libby," is her favorite, for obvious reasons.
She's traveled across the sea to visit her partner four times and has been lucky enough
to land a kiss.
As of 2013, Whittaker considered the statue to be her partner, but they aren't technically
married.
She knows that too many people love Libby, so she won't subject her to a monogamous relationship.
Still, she goes by the name "Amanda Liberty," and to celebrate their love, she keeps replicas
of the statue in her home which she can love more freely.
Recently, she's given Lady Liberty some space and kind of moved on to chandeliers and candleholders.
Twilight Sparkle
When you're a Brony, how far is too far?
"Say love, love, if you love ponies, you're my little pony girl."
Do you draw the line at wearing your Rainbow Dash t-shirt to dinner, or do you just go
full-brony and post your erotic fan art online under your real name?
Any potential future employer who doesn't understand your attraction to a cartoon animal
just isn't worth your time anyhow.
In 2013, a letter from one angry Pony-lover went viral.
The unnamed Brony had contacted a DeviantArt user, asking him to stop requesting erotic
art of his fiancee, Twilight Sparkle, saying in part,
"...we're planning on getting married next June or July should everything go as planned
financially speaking.
And yes, I have found a wedding chapel that will let me marry someone that most people
would consider a fictional character."
True to his word, the man claimed to have later gotten married via webcam, since "his
family in Equestria wasn't going to be able to attend anyway."
He continues to publish countless images of himself with his plushie bride even today,
visiting museums together, smoking, and sharing sweet, sweet pony love.
And the less said about that last one, the better.
Hasbro could not be reached for comment, but we're assuming that it sound something like
this.
"Oh my god, AHHH, AHHHHH, AAHHHHH, AHHHHH!
Oh, that's better.
AAHHHHH!"
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