HEY TRIPPSTERS Shania Twain I'm gonna get you good now this is not your
regular version this is a world mixed version it is from the blue CD that was
released when she released her up album there was a green version a red version
and a blue version this particular video is the blue version all the lyrics are
the same but the music that you hear is completely different it's considered a
world mixed version so if you'd be interested in hearing that in case
you've never heard anything from the blue CD just click the link in the
description below and saxon web thank you for sending me this link i had
actually heard the song but that's because i had all of the cds but i am so
glad that you shared this with me because i had not thought to share it
with the other fans so guys mixed special thank you to Sexson web for
sharing this with me so that i could share it with you guys so i hope you
enjoy it I know I did but huge Shania Twain fan can't help it but guys don't
forget to help save your favorite youtubers your favorites small youtubers
to save their modernization by subscribing to their channel so if you
have a favorite youtuber and they have less than a thousand subscribers they're
going to lose their monetization if they don't reach a thousand within the next
20 days so help save your favorite small youtuber by subscribing to their
channels guys that is going to do it for now this is Icepets Queen and I am
tripping out
For more infomation >> SHANIA Gonna Getcha Good BLUE VERSION - Duration: 1:38.-------------------------------------------
한국인의 밥상, 함양 벽송사 가는길 두부 들깨 토란탕..정취암 새알 팥죽..극락암 보리 청국장 우엉두부 부침|TKRTV - Duration: 7:46.
For more infomation >> 한국인의 밥상, 함양 벽송사 가는길 두부 들깨 토란탕..정취암 새알 팥죽..극락암 보리 청국장 우엉두부 부침|TKRTV - Duration: 7:46. -------------------------------------------
La Linea Verticale, ultima puntata: Luigi guarisce davvero? | M.C.G.S - Duration: 3:59.
For more infomation >> La Linea Verticale, ultima puntata: Luigi guarisce davvero? | M.C.G.S - Duration: 3:59. -------------------------------------------
2TV 생생정보, 5,500원 수제 돈가스 무한리필 초저가의 비밀 수원 로뎀나무무한리필돈가스 장관진|TKRTV - Duration: 2:10.
For more infomation >> 2TV 생생정보, 5,500원 수제 돈가스 무한리필 초저가의 비밀 수원 로뎀나무무한리필돈가스 장관진|TKRTV - Duration: 2:10. -------------------------------------------
생방송 오늘저녁, 팥 초콜릿 월 매출 1억! 건강한 초콜릿 비밀 대구 레드로즈빈 한은경 고결한펀치 건강한 초콜릿|TKRTV - Duration: 6:59.
For more infomation >> 생방송 오늘저녁, 팥 초콜릿 월 매출 1억! 건강한 초콜릿 비밀 대구 레드로즈빈 한은경 고결한펀치 건강한 초콜릿|TKRTV - Duration: 6:59. -------------------------------------------
'마이웨이' 이경애 딸 김희서 전원주택 집안 공개 "남편 김용선 사망원인 어묵 도토리묵 다이어트" 가족사 고백|TKRTV - Duration: 5:05.
For more infomation >> '마이웨이' 이경애 딸 김희서 전원주택 집안 공개 "남편 김용선 사망원인 어묵 도토리묵 다이어트" 가족사 고백|TKRTV - Duration: 5:05. -------------------------------------------
[2017 신차 열전]친환경차가 대세..전기차 '볼트'에서 '트위지'까지[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 3:37.
For more infomation >> [2017 신차 열전]친환경차가 대세..전기차 '볼트'에서 '트위지'까지[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 3:37. -------------------------------------------
[리얼 시승]시트로엥 C4 칵투스 원 톤 에디션[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 4:39.
For more infomation >> [리얼 시승]시트로엥 C4 칵투스 원 톤 에디션[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 4:39. -------------------------------------------
현대차, 美서 5세대 '신형 엑센트' 깜짝 공개.. 국내 출시는 미정[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 5:30.
For more infomation >> 현대차, 美서 5세대 '신형 엑센트' 깜짝 공개.. 국내 출시는 미정[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 5:30. -------------------------------------------
[2017 신차 열전]하반기 신차 경쟁..프리미엄 세단부터 소형차·SUV까지[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 4:53.
For more infomation >> [2017 신차 열전]하반기 신차 경쟁..프리미엄 세단부터 소형차·SUV까지[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 4:53. -------------------------------------------
교복 입고 단체로 '롯데월드' 놀러 갔다 팬들에 포착된 아이돌 - Duration: 2:01.
For more infomation >> 교복 입고 단체로 '롯데월드' 놀러 갔다 팬들에 포착된 아이돌 - Duration: 2:01. -------------------------------------------
축소모델로 공개된 '차세대 아우디 A7', 12월 데뷔[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 2:43.
For more infomation >> 축소모델로 공개된 '차세대 아우디 A7', 12월 데뷔[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 2:43. -------------------------------------------
"아우토반, 졸부 놈들이나 무작정 무제한 속도 내는 곳"[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 9:03.
For more infomation >> "아우토반, 졸부 놈들이나 무작정 무제한 속도 내는 곳"[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 9:03. -------------------------------------------
가격 공개된 혼다 어코드, 스포츠세단으로 진화[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 3:57.
For more infomation >> 가격 공개된 혼다 어코드, 스포츠세단으로 진화[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 3:57. -------------------------------------------
쉐보레 트럭 100주년, 기념비적인 모델들[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 4:33.
For more infomation >> 쉐보레 트럭 100주년, 기념비적인 모델들[dailycar kr love] - Duration: 4:33. -------------------------------------------
EJ Carter is Up Next
For more infomation >> EJ Carter is Up Next-------------------------------------------
like that - bea miller (acoustic cover) // albvry - Duration: 2:35.
can see from the way you're looking at me you don't think I'm worth your time
don't care about the about a person that I might be offended that I walk the line so what if I'm not what if I'm not
everything you wanted me to be so what if I am what if I am
more than you can see when you treat me like that
it's pushing me harder when you're breaking my back
when you're breaking my back I only get stronger only get stronger
should've walked away one year ago when you said I couldn't make it out alive
when you treat me like that I only get stronger only get stronger
when you treat me like that
as far as I can tell it's kind of crazy that you even care at all
convincing everybody you can save me
but you're the one who made me fall so what if I'm not what if I'm not
everything you wanted me to be so what if I am what if I am
more than you can see
when treat me like that when you treat me like that
it's pushing me harder when you're breaking my back
when you're breaking my back I only get stronger
should've walked away one year ago when you said I couldn't make it out alive
when you treat me like that
only get stronger
when you treat me like that
why'd you want to see me bleed why you wanna watch me fall apart
try to find the worst in me but I won't follow you into the dark
when you treat me like that it's pushing me harder
when you're breaking my back I only get stronger
should've walked away one year ago when you said I couldn't make it out alive
when you treat me like that Only get stronger
when you treat me like
that
-------------------------------------------
100km/hで100mは空けすぎ？ 安全かつ現実的な車間距離とはどのぐらいか - Duration: 5:52.
For more infomation >> 100km/hで100mは空けすぎ？ 安全かつ現実的な車間距離とはどのぐらいか - Duration: 5:52. -------------------------------------------
Number of Companies Offering 'Trump Bonuses' Thanks to Tax Cut J - Duration: 4:28.
Number of Companies Offering �Trump Bonuses� Thanks to Tax Cut Jumps to 250
Employees at companies of all sizes and in various industries are already starting to
bring home additional money in direct response to tax reform by the Trump administration.
Even before Americans start to determine whether Republicans were correct in predicting the
new law will result in noticeably larger paychecks, many workers have already received or been
promised a bonus of some type.
As the Washington Examiner reported, the number of firms offering an incentive tied to their
lower tax bill has reached at least 250 in the weeks since President Donald Trump signed
the bill into law late last year.
While the Republican bill received some criticism for its disproportionately steep corporate
tax cuts, many of those businesses have shown a willingness to pass some of that money on
to their employees.
Among the latest major corporations to announce such bonuses are Starbucks, Disney and Home
Depot.
Many of the firms are offering one-time cash bonuses, but some have promised additional
and potentially more long-term benefits as a result of the corporate tax cut.
According to the Chicago Tribune, Starbucks, the world�s largest coffee chain, will offer
its employees expanded parental and sick leave in addition to a one-time stock grant and
an hourly wage hike
Disney has also made a sizable and multifaceted investment in its employees in response to
the new tax rate, Fortune reported this week.
Along with giving more than 125,000 individuals a $1,000 bonus, the entertainment giant is
also putting $50 million into a program designed to help workers pay for college tuition.
About 88,000 employees will reportedly be eligible for college tuition help from the
program Disney has pledged to fund annually.
About 90 percent of Home Depot�s more than 400,000 employees are expected to receive
a $1,000 bonus the company recently promised each of its nonsalaried workers.
In a statement announcing the bonuses, CEO and President Craig Menear joined other business
leaders in crediting the lower tax rate.
�We are pleased to be able to provide this additional reward to our associates for continuing
to deliver outstanding customer service,� he said.
�This incremental investment in our associates was made possible by the new tax reform bill.�
Walmart and a number of other major corporations have made similar announcements recently,
though many other smaller employers are also joining the movement.
The conservative advocacy group Americans for Tax Reform has been keeping track of announcements
by firms offering employees an incentive tied to the tax reform bill.
Some executives at smaller companies thanked Trump directly for the new tax bill, while
many took the opportunity to recognize their employees with more than just a check.
�Because of the reduction in corporate taxes we, as will all businesses, benefit from this
tax cut,� CEO Roger C. Camp wrote to employees of his Houston construction company.
�We believe that YOU are the reason for our success.
And now that we will be giving less of our hard earned income to the federal government,
we can share some of it with you.�
Employees of Camp Construction Services will be receiving a $500 bonus with their next
check, he announced.
The total number of firms offering some type of bonus has increased a reported 525 percent
over the past two weeks.
What do you think?
Scroll down to comment below
-------------------------------------------
Our Cartoon President | Series Premiere | Full Episode (TV14) - Duration: 27:28.
♪♪
And now a message from our cartoon president.
My fellow Americans
and temporarily unfurloughed nonessential
federal dead weight,
we are one year into my presidency,
and it's time to finally admit I am absolutely crushing it.
These past few weeks alone, I've achieved headlines with words
like "porn star," "shithole," and "cognitive function."
It's Showtime. I mean, I can say "shithole," right?
Can I say [bleep] [bleep]
No? We found the line for season one!
So, how did I do it?
Well, for one, everyone knows my brain has great bone structure.
My doctor said that my I.Q. was 180/90.
He said I'm so smart
that he doesn't know how my organs function.
I mean, I was a great athlete.
The Yankees wanted me to sign,
but I was in talks with the Knicks,
which broke down because, how do you say no to the Yankees?
One time, Steinbrenner's having a party,
and Don King walks in with Roger Ailes
and two of the hottest, youngest pieces of --
So, why is this show called Our Cartoon President?
No one knows.
But I'd like to think that it's because we're all
in this together, folks.
Each and every one of you voted for me, and the ones who didn't,
you kind of wanted to see what would happen,
and it's happening more than you could have imagined.
Now, some are worried that this show might humanize me.
Well, too late, folks.
After my recent physical, Dr. Ronny assured me
that I am a human being and there's no cure for that.
I'm also our cartoon president,
and our show -- but really mine -- begins now.
[inhales deeply]
[straining]
[clears throat]
♪♪
♪ solemn music plays ♪
♪♪
[woman] President Trump enters this beautiful day
with a historically low approval rating.
[President Trump] Fake news. According to --
[man] ...widely reviled... Fake news.
[man #2] ...bad president... Fake news.
[woman #2] ...piece of shit... Fake news.
[man #3] Temperature today -- 38, which is still higher
than the president's approval rating.
Fake weather. Tomorrow's --
♪ upbeat music plays ♪
Okay, Fox & Friends, I'm ready.
♪ Three white people on a couch ♪
♪ It's Fox & Friends ♪
Welcome to "Fox & Friends."
It's 6:00 a.m., and, Mr. President,
rise and shine, and I love you.
I don't know what it is.
There's just something about this show.
Big week at the White House.
First, the State of the Union address,
delivered before a joint session of Congress
broadcast to the eyes of the nation.
Sucks for whoever booked that gig.
And that will be delivered by none other
than President Donald Trump.
And we're also celebrating
the president's upcoming wedding anniversary.
Maybe if I'm quiet enough she'll sleep through it.
Oh, Donald. Damn it!
When you dragged me here from New York, I was sad,
but every year, your anniversary gifts remind me
that behind the suit the size of a beach cabana,
there's a blue-cheese-obstructed heart.
That's why this year I'm giving you
the most tremendous anniversary gift yet.
You're gonna love it even better
than taking you horse hunting.
Really? You promise?
Hey, I didn't get three women to marry me
by breaking promises.
♪♪
Why are you looking at me?
There's a TV in the room.
Here's what I don't understand.
Why do they get Hanukkah off,
but I have to go to work on President Trump's anniversary?
♪ mid-tempo music plays ♪
And then Hillary called me to concede,
and it was official --
I had won the presidency.
And that's the daily recap of the 2016 election.
Moving on to top stories.
A new Quinnipiac poll shows you've cut
much of the excess fat from your approval ratings.
I mean, you got to love an approval rating
that's nice and trim. With a firm ass.
Nuch Dog coming in hot.
A local deli has named a sandwich after you.
And you didn't lead with that?
Sir, I hate to interrupt, but have you prepared
your State of the Union speech?
Well, I'm definitely gonna bring up that sandwich thing.
And then maybe I'll announce the national bird.
Mr. President, we already have a national bird.
It's the bald eagle.
You make the bald eagle the national flower.
Trump picks the bird.
What happened at the end of today's Fox & Friends?
I only caught the first 170 minutes.
Uh, Brian Kilmeade said you're fantastic?
Kilmeade using a three-syllable word?
What are you hiding?
I give Trump's presidency a 10.
10 for me. Well, I'm gonna go with a 9
because a part of my brain is telling me
that all of this is wrong.
My God. I've lost Kilmeade.
Gentlemen,
I took a look at my polls,
and I'm sad to report that our worst fears have come true.
Only 38% of Americans have good taste in presidents.
Does this mean we're moving again?
Shut up, Eric!
Shut up, Don! Yeah, shut up, Don.
Shut up, Eric.
I mean, that's actually why I called you both here.
I love you, but I don't need you
trying to goose my poll numbers.
You leave the heavy lifting to me
and stick to your roles -- eating Gushers
and barfing in hot tubs.
You got it, Dad. Uh, hold on.
Dad, we're the best bros you got, dude.
We know Americans way better
than some pollsters who surveyed Americans.
This is the new normal, Don.
But don't worry about all this.
I got an easy trick presidents use
to juice approval ratings.
War time, baby!
Give me that nuclear football!
Hyah!
Give me that. -Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh!
Okay, okay. Fine, fine.
So, uh, anyone have any plans this week?
Give me! Uh, I got...
-Come here. -Forget it.
If you're gonna hog the football,
why not just take over the whole government?
[door slams]
Did he just ask us to wage a coup?
I heard "coup."
-He did, right? -I heard it, too.
I definitely heard the word "coup."
-That's what he heard. -Hey, hey.
Keep your pants on, ladies. I'll handle this.
Sir?
I'm not talking to General Won't Let Me Start a War.
Mr. President,
is this about what the mean man said on the TV?
Maybe.
If you really want to be popular,
you don't use the weapons of war.
You use the strongest weapon in the president's arsenal --
the State of the Union address.
Every respected leader has used the State of the Union
to lay out an inspiring and unified vision for the future.
Franklin D. Roosevelt and the New Deal,
L.B.J. and the Great Society,
Ronald Reagan and the smooth taste
of Chesterfield cigarettes.
And now, President Trump, it's your turn.
[crowd chanting "Trump, Trump, Trump"]
[horn blares]
[chanting continues]
We've found the president's tax returns.
They say he's the richest man in the world!
[cheers and applause]
Reporting for duty, sir!
That's it!
I'm gonna give the greatest State of the Union address
in history.
Mark my words, I'm gonna --
[grunting]
That's the closest I've gotten.
Wow. What a rush.
I'm coming for you.
But until then, I'm gonna win
the State of the fricking Union!
[echoing] Fricking Union! Fricking Union!
Fricking Union!
♪ solemn music plays ♪ Okay, Paul,
before I lay out my vision for the State of the Union,
what's the House pyrotechnics budget?
We do not have one, sir.
That said, I love where your head's at.
We should totally cap it off
with some sweet M80s, right, Nuch?
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
[all whooping]
-Gentlemen, if I may... -Whoo-whoo!
Y'all looking at me like I'm crazy.
I didn't start the whoo-whoos, did I?
It's my solemn duty to remind everyone
the State of the Union is not a self-aggrandizing spectacle.
Ugh. Fine!
I guess I'll lay out an "agenda."
Let's hear some lines that'll get me a standing O.
Poor people are gross, so let's put smallpox all over pennies.
Nuch Dog with a banger. Keep it going.
Too many people die every day,
and -- and their perfectly good brains go to waste.
We could use brain tissue as insulation
for drafty office buildings
or, um, little, uh -- little pillows for big dogs.
These sound great. I mean, that applause --
It's gonna be huge.
So huge that it might finally fill the hole in my heart
left by my callous, unloving father.
[music stops]
[unenthusiastically] Whoo-whoo.
Well, how do we know the meeting is over?
Does someone say "ding-ding" or "ding-dong"?
Look, Mike, I hate to do this,
but I need to listen to you.
I need to get Melania an anniversary gift.
What do you get the woman who has the man who has everything?
The Bible says in times of -- Skip it.
I got Karen and her closest gal pals third-row tickets
to Joel Osteen's prayer fest.
I would have joined them, but my impure thoughts
for an audiobook narrator
forced me to take shelter in the arms of God for the evening.
So, wait, wait.
You pawned Karen off on someone else?
Why, she loves spending time with her fellow Christ-ettes.
Say, why don't we set up the gals on a night out?
Michael, have you met Karen?
It's like talking to a human shower curtain.
Why, thank you, sir.
That's not a compliment, Michael.
And then Ohio came in, and I was like, "Wow.
I mean, I think this might happen."
Yeah, whatever, Dad.
So, I know you said we're out of our depth,
but we can boost your image.
Remember when everyone said you were
the dumbest person in the world,
then we showed up on TV,
and they were like, "We spoke too soon"?
We could be your new spokesmen.
We should definitely get Susan on the paperwork.
Full disclosure, boys -- I sort of made up Susan
so critics would think I had someone doing paperwork.
Wa-- Susan's not real?
But she sounded so nice on the phone.
That was Jared.
All right. Forget Susan.
Imagine it, Dad.
Your two sons on television,
wearing makeup, kicking ass.
Interesting.
Well, any man willing
to put on makeup for me has my trust.
Go on TV, but no Sunday shows.
[bleep] yeah!
Stick to friendly confines -- Hannity.
But don't talk about Russia.
I'm good. It's Eric you got to worry about it.
Yeah, actually, Dad, uh, it's me you got to worry about.
Eric, if you're ever in doubt,
you just find a policeman and tell him you're lost.
All right, Chuck and Nancy,
before you try to slip your agenda
into the State of the Union,
just know you can't soften me up
with a bunch of New York talk.
Of course not, Mr. President.
We're not going to talk about New York.
What about it?
I was taking the Staten Island ferry the other day.
Empire State Building. Hudson River.
Katz's Deli. Pizza!
Uh, train track!
[together] Central Park!
Five. Okay, you won me over.
What do you want me to do?
Just add the word "progress" to your speech
so we can tell our donors
that you capitulated to all our demands.
You don't even have to mean it.
Now you're playing to my strengths.
And, by the way, who's in charge of your party?
Right now it seems like a bunch of seagulls
fighting over a potato chip.
[gargling]
[spits]
Ted Cruz! Aah!
What the hell are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What are you doing to your teeth?
I'm brushing them.
You got hair on your teeth?
What am I missing here, Don?
What do you want, Ted?
I decided to pick the lock on your bedroom,
sneak into your shower, and wait for you to come in
so I could bounce a State of the Union idea off you.
Oh, here we go. Here's what I'm thinking.
Around minute three, you pretend like you've lost your place,
say, "Oh, the hell with it," and let your good pal Ted Cruz
take the reins. No can do, Ted.
But if it gets you out of my bathroom,
I'll tell people you're not that bad of a guy
so they stop judging a book by its odor.
That's got to be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And in return, I promise not to stab you in the back
for the sake of attention.
Great. Anything else?
Now, is everyone brushing their teeth,
or is this, like, an alternative-medicine thing?
As we all know, President Trump and I
haven't always seen eye to eye,
but our boy has turned a corner
and decided to do things the Washington way,
and I have agreed to value political expediency
over my conscience. [applause]
♪ up-tempo music plays ♪
Hannity!
The American people all agree
that the Democrat deserve to drown.
Moving on, let's welcome the greatest sons
of the greatest president in history.
First, let me just say it's an honor to be in the presence
of what used to be Donald Trump's sperm.
I'm feeling the high. Great to be here, man.
The presidency is going so well.
Good morning, Sean.
I am Eric.
Let's start with the first question
your dad told me to ask you.
Why are you good? Uh, hate to interrupt, Sean,
but I just need to say right up front
that we are not here to talk about Russia.
Of course. That's nonsense. Russia doesn't exist.
Dad told us we're not allowed to talk about it.
Uh, that Russia stuff is secret.
I doubt we've even been to Russia.
I do not recall. Yes,
and anyone who says otherwise
can join Democratic drowning victims in hell.
It's funny, Sean.
The Russia stuff is so good at being fake
that it almost feels entirely real.
Totally. But, like, if it was fake,
why would Dad be so mad about it?
You'd think he'd be like,
"Oh, that's not a thing, and we're moving on."
Eric, you're talking about it.
Shut up, or Dad's gonna be so mad.
Dad, we messed it up!
You make it so hard. [crying]
[bleep] you, Dad.
[voice breaking] I'm sorry.
When we come back,
Rudy Giuliani and I will talk over a black doctor,
and later, we'll watch an American flag throw a football.
Roll the reverse-mortgage ad.
And then they called Wisconsin, and I was president.
Do you want to hear it again?
Always.
But, first, how's your State of the Union address coming?
Terrific. Stephen Miller's writing it.
I mean, that guy's incredible at channeling my voice.
Oh, Anamalick, demon of the unheard,
guide my syntax that it may traverse
the valley of darkest woe.
Ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot.
That's great.
And I've just been informed of your anniversary.
So, what do you have planned with the little lady?
Well, I'd love to say, but I really don't like
to throw my wealth in people's faces.
Ah, come on, Donald.
We're all pretending to be friends here.
Okay, okay.
It was gonna be a big surprise, but here it is --
limo, dinner,
a tremendous luxurious night on the town
for you and Karen Pence.
[applause]
Don't wait up, boys.
We're going to a restaurant.
Karen Pence?
She doesn't even know the first thing about fashion.
She told me her favorite designer
is Cracker Barrel gift shop.
Honey, until I get a better job,
we're stuck here, so make nice with Karen.
[Cruz] Unh-unh-unh! No tartar in Texas!
Oh, no.
What's Ted Cruz doing now? Mnh-mnh-mnh!
When I heard the president and his phony-baloney cronies
in Washingtoni-ony were working on an agenda
that will bankrupt regular folks, I thought,
"What is the most callous, most self-serving thing
that I can do?"
And here I am, Ted Cruz!
Calling for a boycott of the State of the Union address.
Additionally, I will be moving forward on brushing my teeth.
Just need to find a toothpaste that goes down smooth.
We know we screwed up by making a passing reference to Russia,
but we can fix this.
We just have to get everyone to feel really bad for us.
And so Eric's gonna go, and he's gonna disappear
into the Bermuda Triangle.
Really, Eric? You're okay with this?
Yeah. I mean, I'm sort of just hearing it
for the first time now.
You know what? You've done enough.
You'd better hope my brain makes me tweet
something that distracts the media.
It's really anyone's guess until I get on that toilet.
And the dog on my dress is chasing a bone,
and the bone is on my back.
Oh, my God.
Now, here's where things get really kooky.
This dress has pockets.
More wine!
You know what you need, Melanarnia?
You have this look that says, "I'm not from around here."
What if I told you my gay barber stays open late on Mondays?
Ooh!
Honey, I think --
Do not talk to me right now.
All I was gonna say is that you look like Karen Pence.
She tried to baptize me in reflecting pool.
Would it kill you to go with the flow
of the life I blundered us into?
Donald, when I moved here, you were the only thing I knew.
You were my home.
But when you act like this, I feel like a refugee.
So, tomorrow, I go back to New York.
Katz Deli. I mean don't go, don't go.
Good night, Donald.
Good night, LaGuardia.
I mean Melania.
♪♪
♪ dramatic music plays ♪
Uhh!
Uhh...
Oh, God.
[man] Where's your fire truck, loser?
[crowd booing]
We found Trump's tax return.
Turns out, he's only very rich!
Melania, will you marry me?
Yes, Colin!
Hey, Donald!
I used your toothbrush.
[laughing maniacally]
Ah, Ted Cruz!
That's a menace!
[soothing music plays]
He's a war hero 'cause he was captured.
I like people that weren't captured, okay?
I hate to tell you.
But what we want to do
is to replenish the Social Security trust fund.
Such a nasty woman.
Look at that. I was so young.
They're bringing crime. They're rapists.
And some, I assume, are good people.
It's amazing. I still have that same suit.
...what we're getting.
And it only makes common sense.
When did I lose my way, boys?
It's this city.
It's these Washington losers with the "you can't say that"
and "you can't put a mini-fridge in your bathroom.
It would be 'unhygienic.'"
Here's the deal.
Washington's gonna criticize us no matter what we do.
So we should just do us, which is you.
I want to see the guy who sued my mom,
the guy who totally owned a Gold Star family
on national television,
the guy who slapped me when I underordered at Chili's.
You're right.
See this guy. "Uh, I don't know what I said.
Uh, I don't remember!"
That's the real Donald Trump. "I don't remember."
That's who's gonna win the State of the Union.
Uh, what should we do?
Just do what you do best, boys,
which, to be clear, is nothing.
Got it. We'll do the most nothing ever, Dad.
♪♪
Tonight is President Trump's first State of the Union,
and everyone's wondering, "What will he do?"
Will he embrace Washington
or take a 40-minute call with Carl Icahn?
Make it up the podium stairs
or deliver the address from the doorway?
Mr. President,
I present "State of the Union 2018: Blood Horizon."
Allow me to read you one of the more tame passages.
And, lo, the tide of Caucasian might
will crush down on the shore of Chicago,
turning Lake Michigan seas red with the blood
of the irredeemably unemployed.
Great stuff. We can use it for another speech.
I'll tell Susan to keep it on file.
♪♪
Melania, the State of the Union is about to start.
I'm going to New York.
I have tickets to Stomp in six hours.
Melania, I know you didn't want to come here.
None of us did.
But Hillary didn't go to Wisconsin, so here we are.
And we have to make the best of a bad situation.
[Kushner] Come on, babe, time to go.
We can chitchat when we're all in prison.
♪ epic music plays ♪
I told you guys not to do anything.
We just wanted to show you that we're not bad at everything.
♪ Duh-da-da-da ♪
Do you like it?
Wow.
When you guys confirmed my ties to a hostile foreign power,
I'll admit I was pretty miffed, but this is awesome!
Dad, how about a hug?
I'd love that, but maybe close your mouth first.
I don't want to have to change my suit.
Oh, it is closed.
Don, am I crazy? Is it open?
Yeah, Dad, it's open.
It's always open.
[gavel banging]
Mr. Speaker,
the President of the United States' son.
Ladies and gentlemen,
America is on fire,
and there's only one man who can put it out --
President Donald J. Truuuuump!
[dramatic music plays]
[cheers and applause]
♪♪
[engine starts, siren wails]
My fellow Americans,
the State of the Union is...
[horn honking]
[cheers and applause]
I love you, Dad.
I love me, too!
The next seven years will be tremendous!
First, I'm gonna finish this speech,
and it's gonna be a huge success!
Then we're gonna take all the Time's Up pins
and melt them into guns.
And during sweeps week, get your passports ready,
because we're taking the whole country to Hawaii!
[cheers and applause]
Okay, folks,
let's bang out these special guests.
Bing, bang, boom.
We got cop, fireman, woman thing,
science guy, the sandwich named after me.
They're all patriots, folks.
[cheers and applause]
Loving it!
You know, ever since I won the Electoral College
by the largest margin in history,
Washington has tried to box me in,
make me say dumb dictionary words like "progress,"
and give handshakes that end the same day they began,
but that's not who I am.
Donald Trump thinks freely, brags bigly, and bings bongly!
One moment, I'm talking cake,
and the next, I'm threatening nukes!
[applause]
I'm gonna get it,
and I'm not giving it back!
We'll see how you'll like it.
But what I want to talk to you about right now
is my wife, Ivana -- Ivanka, Melanka -- Melania.
Yes, Melania.
She gave up a lot to be here in Washington --
escalators, pizza,
and I don't thank her enough.
[cheers and applause]
I don't thank you enough either.
Oh, thank you, Jared.
If you loved me, you'd tell your dad to fire me.
Oh, Jared, that will never happen.
That is why, in the spirit of returning to my impulsive ways,
that I'm gonna name Melania -- oh, I don't know --
national bird.
Do we like that? [cheers and applause]
We like it.
Come on up, Bird.
How do you like your anniversary gift?
You're back.
[applause]
Wow, look at these gibblets!
All the fixings!
You all want to hear a bird sound?
Caw-caw! Caw-caw!
She's working on it, folks.
[applause]
I give the president's speech a 10.
10 over here. Brian?
I'm gonna say a 9.9 because, again,
a tiny part of my brain -- and it's so small --
but it's screaming that all of this is completely wrong.
I'll take it.
Melania, I won the State of the Union,
and I couldn't have done it without you staying quiet
about the porn star I paid off.
I feel like I won the State of the Union.
Right. Well, you kind of didn't,
because it turns out there's already a national bird.
Not a lot of people know that.
But there is some good news.
What's this?
An executive order proclaiming that I tried to make you happy.
Donald, thank you.
[smooching]
More good news.
My State of the Union ratings were so high,
they asked me to do it again next year!
Yay!
♪ rock music plays ♪
♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪
♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪
♪ Yes, he is ♪
♪ Yes, he is, we elected him president ♪
♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪
♪ Yes, he is ♪
♪ We had a vote and elected him president ♪
♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump ♪
♪ He is our president ♪
♪ We made him president ♪
♪ We did it ♪
♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪
♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪
♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Trump!
Gotcha. Let's have some fun.
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