Country Compendium: North Korea
Hey guys, Culture here for the start of a brand spankin' new series.
We covered history with This Month In History so now we thought we'd continue our homage
to the humanities with a little bit of Geography in our new series: Country Compendium.
Remember that it was on this day that Culture decided to doom the channel by forcing us
to discuss the most boring subject that has ever existed.
Oh poor, simple-minded Crash, you have no idea just how fascinating Geography can be!
The formation of fjords and friction forced by fault lines… ah!
You have the weirdest kinks, I swear.
I may be a dirty, foul-mouthed, immature man child…
…. yes?
That was the end of the sentence; I was just trying to change the topic from Geography.
Okay how about this: I'll mix in some Sociology too.
That way you can hear all about the crazy customs of other civilisations…
I know how much you love talking about weirdos.
So we'll get to find out about other… dare I say it…
CULTURES?!
Oh my god that's your name dude this is crazy it's finally happening!
Well yeah I guess so!
Now I kind of feel like a self-aggrandising douche.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…
Enough of that, we've wasted too much time already!
Let's get into our first country in the Country Compendium, one that I'm sure you're
very familiar with Crash: North Korea.
From that single phrase I'll bet the first thing you thought of was nuclear bombs, dictators
or whatever misquoted phrase taken from interviews news stations use to enhance the hype of their
reports at the expense of the masses who will go into widespread panic that everyone and
everything they know and love will come to an instantaneous end at the push of a button...
Culture it's okay, just think of it this way: If the world ends, there won't be any
more people who rev their motorbikes while sitting at an intersection.
See, every mushroom cloud has a silver lining!
Thanks Crash, and besides, there's so much more to North Korea than that!
If you take the time to pause and look into the culture more, you'll see that it's not
about brainwashing their citizens.
Well, not just about that at least.
North Korea is well-known for several things, and as secretive as the country is, there
are some other facts about it that are just out in the open for all to gawk at.
Some of them are very interesting, and others are...well, pretty weird.
Of course this is the case for most countries, but… well, you'll see.
Let's jump into this!
Number 1: Most men are unable to date for ten years
Just to clarify: This isn't like how Crash hasn't had a date for 10 years, this is
actually because of a government rule.
You see, following graduation from high school, most young men enlist to serve in the North
Korean military - and the length of that service goes on for a course of ten years.
That being said, you can probably guess why these guys don't have the luxury of being
able to use Tinder, let alone go out and meet a girl the old fashioned way... so that's
where the folks come in!
After their time of service is over, the soldier's parents will set him up on a blind date, and
unlike how us Westerners would usually catch a convenient cold to get out of it, men in
North Korea have to take the blind date seriously.
Most guys actually end up even marrying these women.
I prefer the Western Navy method: Pull in at a port, have sex with the first woman who'll
let you and then marry someone from the Philippines when you're 50 years old.
Hmm, interesting, there's another method guys in the Navy use to have sex that I figured
would be more your cup of tea…
Number 2: Except for ten cities, most parts of North Korea are rural or untouched
Compared to North America, where very few places are without some form of civilization
or modern comfort, North Korea has many parts of land that have remained rural.
It's not just a matter of these areas being under-developed; some of them are also completely
un-developed and never-before visited.
One example of a rural area is a mining town off in North Korea's north-eastern territory.
They had houses with no running water, no electricity, no heating systems, no lavatories,
no baths, no washbasins, no kitchen and nearly no furniture.
As you can imagine the living conditions were pretty awful and residents had to use coal
for heat, and the only electricity they had was for light, with the usage being strictly
controlled.
And despite all this they still smelt better than Culture.
HA!
Really?
You're gonna start this war with me?
All I have to do is walk 5 metres and open the toilet door to prove which of us makes
the worst smell.
When I smell it's funny though, when you smell it's just sad.
Number 3: Sugar is considered to be a luxurious ingredient.
For most of us, sugar is as common as can be.
However in North Korea, sugar is very low in supply.
The supply isn't so low that it's viewed as a treasure like its seasoning counterpart
salt once was, during the age when it was more valuable than gold, but it's low enough
to the point where people only use it for special occasions.
If you're looking for something sweet to eat, you would have to go to the offices of high-ranking
officers where you can use foreign currency to get access to an selection of sugary sweets.
Okay I know that they've got nuclear warheads and are extremely hostile and all that jazz
but… denying them sugar?
Now that's just cruel.
Number 4: Cost of education up to eleventh grade is completely free of charge
I don't know if this includes the cost of uniforms, text books and cafeteria food, but
all the same, education is free in North Korea from kindergarten to eleventh grade.
Wow something Culture doesn't know?!
I'm going to have to revoke your Nerd license
Well I do know the reason for this has to do with the country having compulsory education.
School is a legal requirement: there is no alternative option here.
This can either be in a registered school, or you can be home-schooled by your parents.
Either way, you have to go to school for that whole period of time, no exceptions.
This law was first instated on November 1st in 1958 and at the time it was only for grades
kindergarten to middle school.
Then by 1975, North Korea extended this to eleventh grade.
It's just so much harder to be a high school dropout and disappoint your parents in this
day and age… *sigh*
Number 5: The best-selling novel, titled "Ode to Youth", was about a technician working
in a steel mill
While the popular writer himself, Adam Mickiewicz, was Polish - his novel "Ode to Youth"
was even more popular in North Korea.
It was flying off the shelves right from when the Korean edition was first published in
1987 to 1994.
The story about a steel mill technician was no James Patterson masterpiece.
In fact, a lot of the literature you'll find in North Korea is predictable and straight-up
boring for most people.
A lot of YOU is predictable and straight-up boring.
Got him again, I am on fire today.
No I mean really boring, not just too intelligent for you to understand.
You'd want to read the entire Twilight series AND the Fifty Shades series PLUS watch the
films before you ever read a book out of North Korea.
And the literature found here isn't exactly fanfiction either; Creative stories are produced
by official writers who are given a state salary.
A little fact about "Ode to Youth" that makes it relevant to this list is that, at
the end of the novel, it reconfirms the fact that all relations both business and romantic
alike only exist to encourage loyalty to the leader.
Number 6: No one is allowed to change their residency by choice.
If you're a bit of a nomad and change locations constantly, then you'd better not move to
North Korea.
Residents who live there don't have the option to simply change where they live, whenever
they choose.
To move to another province or town you have to send in a formal application with a valid
reason such as, say, marriage.
You can't even go away for a weekend trip or holiday at your leisure!
Once again, you have to apply to the proper authorities in order to have such a trip and
said authorities have to approve of family vacations.
Oh yes, and you have to wait for your vacation quota.
If you're one of the lucky few who has managed to prove themselves loyal to the party and
state, then you'll get a reward in the form of a family vacation.
I could make it work, at least then I'd have a legitimate reason to sit home and play
Overwatch all day.
Number 7: Gift giving is strict.
Gift-giving is an important part of the North Korean culture; However, gifts are only given
based on capacity and affordability of the person whom you're getting a gift for.
This is because Koreans are firm believers in reciprocating.
What that basically means is that if your friend or relative gives you a Nintendo Switch,
then you'll have to get them something just as good.
More like just as expensive…
Usually the number of gifts received is seven because it's considered a lucky number.
Also, when you get your wrapping paper don't use the colours black, green or white because
these shades are considered offensive.
But pink, red and yellow represent happiness and prosperity so those are just fine!
My wrapping paper is just a tessellated pattern of me giving the middle finger…
I assume that's fine because it's mostly orange?
Number 8: Restricted use of automobiles, a no car's land.
The use of private cars in North Korea is very restricted through a series of regulations.
According to an exile of the secretive state, a man named Kim Ji-ho, unless a driver has
a permit they cannot drive alone - usually a driver must have passengers in their car
in order to go out and about.
It's like an authoritarian carpool lane.
So… a carpool lane?
Among other documents, the driver requires a military mobilization permit in order to
transport soldiers in times of war, a certificate of driver training which must be renewed every
year, a fuel validity to show that the fuel was purchased from an authorized source and
a mechanical certificate to show that the car is in working order.
Actually the more I talk about this the more it just sounds like a driver's license and
a roadworthy certificate…
Kim Jong-un also claimed he could drive at age 3 and sail by age 9 so who knows what
to believe anymore.
Number 9: There are only four channels in North Korea.
In most countries we can spend hours channel-surfing, but in North Korea it can be done quicker
than it takes Crash to formulate a basic sentence.
Why?
Because North Korea only has four channels.
And before you all ask, none of them are cartoons or dirty soap operas.
The only channels available are the Central TV Channel for political news, the Mansudae
Channel for foreign news, the Sports Channel for various types of sports and finally a
cable line channel for Lives.
The closest thing to entertainment TV that the state gets is when a Chinese movie series,
which was originally made in 1990 in China and consists of five parts, appears and shows
one part during one week.
Meanwhile we're all over here binging TV series like it's nothing.
Huh- what?
Number 10: Ranking of the loyalty of the citizens.
As if the North Korea wasn't strict enough, they actually have a system that ranks the
loyalty of its citizens.
Based on North Korean documents and testimony from refugees, everyone in North Korea are
separated into groups based on their Songbun.
And before you guys make any jokes – no, this is not a "Song bun".
A Songbun is an ascribed status system based on a citizen's assessed loyalty to the regime.
Oh jeez, whenever the word "regime" is used things tend to go to shit pretty soon
after.
This system is so important and rigid that it determines if the individual can be trusted
with responsibility, is given good opportunities in life or even gets decent food to eat based
on the social, economic and political background of three generations in their family.
It has also been alleged that the Songbun affects a person's employment and education
opportunities.
But as with most things in North Korea, no one really knows for sure.
Well thanks for that tsunami of speculation Culture, another put-down of the glorious
country of North Korea has been put online for everyone to see.
I mean it's just a different way of living, it's not necessarily bad.
I for one think that such a controlled environment would be good for someone like you who has
no sense of personal responsibility or organisation.
Words hurt Culture, words hurt.
Thanks for watching Country Compendium guys, we'll see you next week!
No comments:
Post a Comment