- Hey y'all, it's Brendan and in this episode
we're gonna talk about something
that came up way more often than I ever imagined
after we launched our study of high performers world wide
and as much as I've taught people how to succeed
and taught them to master their mindset,
taught them the habits that we know
literally lead to long term success,
I cannot believe the number of people
who wrote in or asked throughout this year,
those last 12 months like, hey Brendan,
like I know what to do but I
kinda suffer sometimes from imposter syndrome.
I feel like I'm goin' through the motions
but I don't feel like I'm worth it
or I don't feel like I can see
myself succeeding like other people did.
I feel like I'm faking it sometime,
like what do you do if you ever deal with imposter syndrome?
And amazingly I love to share with people
that was kind of part of the story
that one of the person's who I interviewed
for High Performance Habits which I hope you guys all have,
there's a link in this post where you can
get a free hard cover copy,
that this woman was dealing with that she felt like
she just couldn't really break through
and she knew achievement wasn't her problem
but alignment was her problem.
She knew how to get stuff done
but she really wasn't getting stuff done
in alignment with her true character,
her true beliefs, her true values,
the things that really lit her up
and made her happen in succeeding.
She kind of felt like she was going through
the motions sometimes or copying other people
and that imposter syndrome also sometimes
made her not feel confident enough
to put herself out there 'cause
she thought who am I or I can't compare with them,
or that imposter syndrome really sort of bled into her work
where she felt like well, you know what?
This isn't gonna work for me.
I don't really belong here.
And so if you ever felt any of that,
this is the episode for you.
I've got some notes here,
I've been thinking about this quite
a bit as we head into this time of year
where a lot of people are looking back to this year,
the last 12 months and I'd like to ask you,
do you feel like you really lived
your most authentic, vibrant,
true, passionate, productive you?
Do you feel like sometimes you
were fakin' it 'til you made it?
Do you feel like sometimes you just didn't belong?
Even if you were successful or you were doing good things
you felt like well, I'm not like them.
I don't really belong here.
If that's true for you then I'd
really love for you to take some notes on this episode.
I'm trying to change up how we're doing these,
kinda get in your face a little bit more,
do a little bit more coaching
as you guys have been requesting.
Obviously we have products and programs for that.
Those links are also in this post somewhere,
but I felt like just taking on
this imposter syndrome for you and it was a struggle.
I had to take some notes because I'm gonna be honest,
I don't think I ever felt that the way
that most people talk to me about it.
And partially that was because I was young,
dumb and naive (laughs) when I began in this industry right?
In this industry, if you're watching me on YouTube
or later on Facebook or somewhere else
on the inter webs you know
that it's a fairly young industry.
I started doing major online courses
and development in terms of like personal professional
development online and teaching that as far back as 2006,
which was really early.
You gotta remember that's like before the iPhone, right?
It was a long time ago.
That was when most people would like cancel something
or refund something that I gave them
not because of quality but because the buffer speed
on the video was really bad so,
I kinda lucked out to begin in this industry
when there really, it was like the wild west.
There wasn't many of us.
I was like one of the pioneers in personal online courses,
like personal development online courses like way early.
So, I didn't enter an industry where
there were a lot of super established people
outside of like there were major authors.
There were some major motivational speakers.
There were some people doing seminars.
But social media wasn't there yet.
And this whole world where we have influencers
all over Instagram now like
all day long can swipe through them,
I didn't feel like I was competing with them.
So I know that might sound like,
big headed to say I didn't feel imposter syndrome,
but I just didn't because I began something
that was really fresh.
I also had the benefit of being naive enough
to just do my own thing without really
at the very beginning seeking
out other role models and mentors.
I didn't really like have a peer set.
I started like this industry, I started with nothing.
I was bankrupt.
So I wasn't around other people where
I could compare myself all day and ask whether I belong,
I just had this passion and I was gonna give everything
to this passion and not worry about
what other people thought and
not worry even about how I felt.
I was just gonna do the hard work,
show up and make it happen and so
that might be part of my message to you today
if you have that imposter syndrome.
Like stop worrying about whether you belong.
I always tell Millennials especially
a lot of folks who I get to coach at that age,
successful entrepreneurs and start up founders
in Silicon Valley especially,
I tell 'em hey, listen, stop asking whether or not
you belong and start asking whether
or not you're being of service.
Like part of the imposter syndrome
comes from the selfie syndrome.
Like, just thinking about myself.
Am I right?
Do I really fit in?
Am I good enough?
Am I worthy enough?
And it's I, I, I, I, worry, worry, worry
this from the selfie generation where
we're all like takin' pictures of ourselves
and thinking about how we portray ourselves
all the time and how do I portray myself?
Does it fit in with everything else
and because it doesn't I don't feel like I belong.
Part of it's like stop asking if you belong,
start asking if you're being of absolute service every day.
Because if you feel like you're
being absolute service every day,
you're not gonna worry whether you fit in as much.
You're gonna worry whether you're
gettin' the job done, right?
You're gonna worry whether or not you're
actually contributing value because
I think one part of the imposter syndrome
is that people don't feel like they're adding value
and if they're really honest they know they're not.
And because they're not adding value,
they feel like gosh, this isn't right for me
or I'm faking it and the fact is they are.
So let's talk about four ways to deal with this.
Number one.
If you have the imposter syndrome
and it's firing off.
You don't feel like you belong or
you feel like you're faking it and you don't like,
you don't deserve it or you're not worthy
well then job number one is stop faking it.
Start asking how can you do what you're doing
in a way that you feel like is authentic,
real and adding real value the way that you would do it.
Strop trying to do it the way everyone else
is doing it 'cause that's what faking it ultimately is.
It's like you're just conforming
and you're copying and you're doing other people,
like what they're doing and no wonder you feel like crap
'cause you show up every day and you live like a copy,
you're never gonna feel that.
Vibrancy comes from personal freedom
that comes from personal authenticity.
That comes from knowing like this day is mine
because if you live each day as another person
you never get that gift of this day's mine.
I got it.
This is real for me.
And so of course you feel like a fake and a phony
'cause you're showing up running
everybody else's playbook trying
to fit in to everybody else's thing
and I'm here to tell you listen,
and I'm being a little hard sometimes
in my videos but I'm here to like,
I do that because I'm cheering you on.
I know that no matter who you are
and where you are watching this or when you listen to this,
I know this about you.
You've got like a bottomless level of potential.
Like, you have the ability to figure things out
and live life on your terms and add
that level of value in the world that I can't do,
that anyone else you follow, like, watch,
they can't do 'cause they're not you.
They haven't lived uniquely in your shoes.
They haven't studied what you study
or observed what you've observed what you observed
or dealt with everything you've dealt with
or had the same exact aspirations and dreams.
And there's seven billion people on the planet.
We're all unique.
And so you've got to say okay,
if I feel like an imposter here
what would my truth be in the space?
If I stepped away and I just like,
what would be real for me to do?
Like your job one is to stop faking it.
Stop conforming, stop copying and say,
how would I do this and add a unique value
that I'm passionate about?
And that helps immediately break some
of the imposter syndrome.
Number two.
If you feel like you are experiencing imposter syndrome,
number two is stop avoiding difficulties.
What happens is because you don't feel like you belong,
or you don't feel like it's real for you
or you don't deserve that level of success,
you back off and your primary strategy is avoidance.
You stop, you like start avoiding those difficult tasks
each day that actually give you momentum
and progress towards the thing so you can feel it
and integrate and know it is you right?
You're not getting that momentum forward
on the things that matter,
so you're not getting the identity that say wow,
this is me, I am making this happen.
Instead you're observing it and you're avoiding it.
And so as you see people do great things
or you avoid the difficult hardships,
your psychology starts saying hey, you're full of crap.
You're not even tryin'.
You're not even doin' it.
You know what?
Yeah you showed up here but you're
just goin' through the motions and you're
not taking on the tough stuff and here's the weird thing.
If you're not getting momentum,
you won't have the mindset of authenticity.
Like, if you're just kind of like kickin' tires
or dippin' your toe in the water,
your brain goes I'm fake, this isn't real.
You always feel like an imposter
if you don't get real momentum.
When you get real momentum your brain goes hey, this is us.
We're doin' this.
This is real and the identity of an achiever
in that space that you are in,
like starts firing and now it starts feeling
like really like wow, I've got this.
I'm doin' this.
This is good.
And the imposter syndrome starts going away.
The third big idea to help you do exactly that
and to deal with imposter syndrome
is to work daily goals.
You cannot keep showing up random
to so many days of your life,
because in reaction we feel smaller.
In reaction we feel constrained
and constricted by the world.
We feel like things are unfair.
In reaction we're less motivated.
In reaction we won't break through.
So, you've got to have goals built out
that you're moving towards that
does give you that identity pf achievement
and the identity realness says hey, I'm doin' this.
And so, here's what I need you to do.
I need you to look at the next 12 months
and I need you to set at least
five big goals for this next year.
And then I want you to break each of those five goals
down into five different deadlines for each quarter.
Meaning life if you've got one goal for the year,
I want you to set down a deadline for quarter four,
quarter three, quarter two, quarter one.
So that today as you go out these next 12 months
as an example you go okay,
in quarter one I'm gonna achieve this deadline
that's gonna help me move towards
this goal by the end of the year.
Quarter two, I'm gonna achieve this deadline
that will help me move even closer.
Quarter three even closer.
Quarter four we've achieved it.
Make sense?
So you're busting down the quarterly
goals or quarterly deadlines,
then you're saying okay what does that mean,
what are the major activities I need to do
each week leading into that and then each day leading that?
Just work it backwards my friend
because you know when you don't have confidence,
when you don't have clarity.
So if you're like I want to do it
and I'm kinda doin' it and things
are goin' okay but I still feel
like it's not real for me and I don't like it,
partially the reason is you just don't know what to do.
And when we don't know what to do,
when we lack competence we also lack confidence.
Right?
We're always talking about this is my high performance work.
Hopefully you read this in High Performance Habits.
It's that issue of the competence confidence loop.
And we're not gonna get you more competent
if you don't try new things which requires confidence.
And if you try new things you learn more
which gives you confidence so it's this loop right?
And I think it's really important that you understand
if you're not working goals every day,
if you're just reacting and doing tasks,
fulfilling everybody else's needs, that's gonna eat away.
Even if you have a lot of success,
even if you're doing great and that's where
I really tell people you know when
the imposter syndrome really sucks
is when you're actually getting ahead,
you are doing good things.
Like things are happening but you still
don't feel like you're worthwhile
and that's happening because you're not celebrating
those goals along the way.
You're doing everything but
you're never ever feeling everything.
So it's not like, the wins aren't being integrated
into your identity to make you feel like oh this is real.
I deserve this because I looked at what was forward,
I measured it, I broke it down,
I judiciously, conscientiously moved forward.
Like if we don't know that we are
like conscientiously with real discipline moving forward
and gaining momentum because we chose it, we willed it,
then it's easy to look around and go,
yeah I'm with these other people
but I don't feel like I belong because
they must've really earned it
and I just kinda lucked into it.
'Cause if you feel you lucked into it,
that imposter syndrome will always be there.
Listen, I feel deeply grateful that I have
achieved the level of successes that I wanted
in my life with my books and my courses
and everything else and I'm still learning
but I can be deeply grateful,
but know that I earned this path.
That I honored every single struggle.
That I architected it out, that I built the strategies.
Lots of failings happened and grace opened up
and I got blessings and, yeah.
There's some luck peppered in there too,
but also I showed up every single day
and I decided what I was gonna do that day.
And because I did that I decided
and I stayed disciplined I don't feel fake.
I don't feel like I'm an imposter.
I'm like I earned my way into this spot.
And sometimes I wish that the spot
was more abundant, more amazing, more awesome,
more connected just like anybody else,
but I don't question the work that went into it.
Yeah, sometimes I wish I was further along
just like anybody else but I can go you know what?
I earned my way into this position
and if you can't say you earned it
of course you feel like an imposter.
Fourth big idea and this is really important.
It's so simple.
To help overcome that feeling of the imposter thing.
Part of the feeling of the imposter thing
is you don't feel the outcome of your work.
And so I want you to start visualizing and meditating
on the actual outcome of your contributions.
So, as an example if your new team member
of a new company and you're just like
I don't really belong here,
I don't feel like I'm here.
I want you to stop every time you feel
that imposter syndrome come in,
I want you to close your eyes and
I want you to visualize yourself doing something
and I want you to visualize yourself
experiencing, celebrating, seeing,
sensing the outcome of the thing.
For example, like for me I began my career writing books
and doing seminars and I remember being
with a group of speakers one time
and they had really like,
they'd done a bunch of seminars
and they were really along their way
and I'd only done one or two and I didn't do them well.
I broke doing 'em.
I had no idea what I was doin'.
I thought oh my gosh.
Do I belong with these guys?
Like can I play at their level in the seminar game?
And I remember that doubt coming in
and I remember it specifically.
I talked with a bunch of 'em and were
all in like this hotel ballroom.
I went over, I got in the hotel elevator,
and I closed my eyes and I just
said Brendan just see it man.
And I forced myself to see myself standing
in front of 1,000 people in a hotel ballroom
for multiple days and just like teaching and training
and coaching and interacting
and having fun and jumping and clapping and I just kept,
I was like how would that feel?
And I'd allow myself to feel it.
What would it look like?
And I like did little details.
I went up, there was maybe 10 floors in that building
and I'll tell you what.
From the doubtful kid who entered on floor zero,
the kid walked out on the 10th floor,
I felt like 1,000 feet high.
Like I felt so good you know?
'Cause I felt it.
And so much of the imposter syndrome
is you're just kind of like analytically
like questioning yourself and you're like
digging yourself into a hole
and you're doubting yourself and you're
letting your own thoughts poison you versus fuel you.
And there's a visualization or
a meditation that can be your savior
and that is just anytime you feel it take a break.
Go lay down or sit down.
Close your eyes, see it, feel it, sense it
and make it more real 'cause the reason
you feel like you're an imposter
is 'cause it feels fake.
So make yourself physically feel
and see the outcome of your good words.
Now I mean if you're gonna start
a new nonprofit see and experience yourself,
like okay you're building that school
and okay you're opening the door
and the kids are goin' in,
they're gettin' their first books
and like you built that school.
Like of course you feel like a fake
when you start a nonprofit 'cause you don't
know what you're doin' but if you do these things,
you've asked how you authentically can do it.
You don't avoid the difficultly work.
You work daily goals and you constantly
keep visualizing and feeling it,
visualizing it and feeling it,
I promise you my friend,
do these things and you'll stop feeling
as much of as imposter and
you'll start getting real momentum.
I keep saying it.
You are stronger than you think
and the future holds good things for you.
So trust in yourself, honor the struggle,
get to work my friends.
These next 12 months, they're yours.
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