- You activate the phone and immediately an unknown number
goes ping, the text reads
Meet up at the pit.
- I need, we should go in there,
text and then we listen for the text to be received.
- You look out into the dance floor and see,
Zayn Darkshadow
- [Fig] I would like to text, OMW.
- And as you send it, pop, Zayn's pocket lights up.
(buzzing)
There is a young woman, she takes her hand,
kisses it and goes I'm Tracker.
Tracker is talking to you, she leans forward
and kisses you on the mouth.
(Kristen screams)
- Actually I don't kiss.
- I'm so sorry
- No I'm sorry
(beast growls)
All over, people hit the deck
as their bodies start to change.
- We gotta take out that DJ.
(electronic music)
- Hello and welcome back to Fantasy High.
Last week our intrepid heroes were deep in the Black Pit.
Elmville's number one music venue,
all the assorted patrons of the bar
and club have just burst forward into
their true monstrous forms.
Vampires, werewolves, zombies,
now spread out across the dance floor
in the various rooms and venues
and our heroes are scattered and in disarray.
Here we see the board before us.
DJ Brains at the turntables, two massive,
pulsing amps behind him.
Zayn Darkshadow raving it up on the floor.
Riz hiding behind the bar stool,
Fig and Gorgug hanging back in the dance hall,
looking on, having just seen the phone or crystal
in Zayn's pocket light up,
being texted from Johnny Spell's burner.
In this bar area, we have Kristen Applebees
talking about faith and getting a romantic proposition
form a young woman who has just freaked the fuck out
and turned into a ravening werewolf, and as far from
the music as possible, are two most patrician party members,
Adaine and Fabian, in the whiskey bar area,
as far form the music as they can get.
We leap into combat, the first act as the noise, boom.
(electronic music)
Rage.
You see over the pool table Fabian,
the guy across from the other player goes,
You cheater.
And his body starts to transform, you are the first to act.
- Now are they transforming,
things are about to get violent,
it's clearly a fight, or--
- You see from that and you begin to hear the screams
from the other part of the room,
but your lightening fast reflexes afford you
the ability to do something based on whether
you think something bad is about to happen.
- I think something bad's about to happen,
I turn to Adaine and I say, we need to find everyone,
and I take off toward the back room.
- [Game Master] Awesome.
- I would plan on dashing, if anything.
- [Game Master] You take your move, so that's gonna be,
one, two, three, you have used 15 feet of movement.
This room is filled with people hulking out into werewolves.
So this was the mosh pit from earlier.
- Okay.
- Mero, the particular, the werewolf that bought
the drink is over by the pool table here.
- That's the guy that bought me a drink?
- [Game Master] That's the guy that bought me a drink,
who slugged you in the face.
- Fuck him up, I don't trust him.
- [Game Master] You've used 15 feet of movement,
you have another 15 feet left, but you see this room,
you look through the window here,
go ahead and give me a perception check.
- 14.
- 14, you see DJ Brains, you do not see Riz,
who is more hidden than he's ever been.
You see DJ Brains, and you see, Zayn Darkshadow,
all the way through, because he's got these weird,
glowing rave things around.
- Okay.
- You have the rest of your movement left,
you can of course, use a dash action if you want as well.
- Ah, I need to wait for Adaine, can I dodge?
- Yes, do you want to stay in the door
and not use any of your movement?
Use your dodge action?
- I guess I'll move to more, along the wall I guess.
- Okay.
You use your dodge action, so you move
three more spaces here and you guys see
that the quickest to act after Fabian are
a group of people that you thought we just gothy,
or didn't get out much and you now see,
are clearly vampires.
This all vampire with an open trench coat,
grabs the person to his left, sinks his fangs into her neck,
and exsanguinate her completely.
Goes, and she drops lifeless to the ground as he says
(evil laughing)
Sasha, Lord of Whispers, calls for the blood hands!
- [Fig] Daddy, daddy.
- [Game Master] This vampire, is going to make
perception roll and starts running right for you Fig,
other vampires are going to act as well,
it's going to be,
- Can you see you?
- Yep, I'm in the corner.
- [Game Master] This is going, well--
one of the vampires from the pinball machine,
rushes, grabs a young woman at the bar and
Begins to exsanguinate, the rest of our vampires go,
it just turns into a total feeding frenzy over here
and you see Kristen that one of the vampires attacks you.
What is your armor class currently?
- 18.
- 18.
You take, nine points of damage
as the vampire slashes across your face.
- Ooh!
- And goes, little human girl,
you look nice and warm.
Oh it's now Adaine's turn.
- Shit, well all I've seen is this werewolf guy turning,
do I know what phase of the moon it is?
As a wizard, is that a thing, that I would--
- Go ahead and give me an arcana check.
- Great.
11.
- You know it's not the full moon.
- Okay.
Shit, I would like to run as close to
this bouncer as I can get, with a disengage action.
- [Game Master] Okay.
- [Adaine] So, hopefully nobody attacks me.
- [Game Master] Okay go ahead and move, disengage means
you can only move six squares,
if you take a dash action, you can move 12.
- Oh then I will take a dash action, 12.
- [Game Master] Rad, you run as fast as you can,
sprinting towards the exit.
Now, the zombies are going to go.
(tense music)
(zombies growling)
- [Adaine] Zombies, Jesus Christ!
- [Fig] Zombies, vampires, and werewolves!
- Oh.
- [Fig] Are there any, just innocent bystanders?
- [Riz] I think, we saw people getting eaten.
- Yeah
- This man at the bar, he looks like--
- [Fabian] He looks like such a sweet--
- He's definitely here because he's--
- He's got a book under his arm.
- He's had a fight with his wife.
- I mean, just clubbed to death.
- [Fig] What?
- With their, there's not even hitting
with their fists, they're hitting with the like,
just forearm, crack his skull wide open.
- To eat his brains?
- [Game Master] One, two, three.
- [Gorgug] Oh shit, they're coming at you.
Are both of them?
- Yeah, it looks like they're coming at both of you guys.
- [Riz] Fabian hurry.
- They're going to take some swings at you,
that's going to be three zombies of Fig, what's your AC?
- 12
- [Game Master] 12?
Okay, that's going to be 12 points of damage to you.
- [Gorgug] Jesus.
- And Gorgug why is yours?
- It's 13.
- One hits you for three points of damage.
Bam.
Riz, that's you.
- DJ looks okay with all this?
- Go ahead and make an insight check.
- 19.
- As the music spins you see the glamor
on the DJ's face changes,
the DJ has a rotting necrotic face,
covered by a poultry allusion.
Just a, a zombie, a fully, necrotic, undead DJ.
- [Riz] Cool, I'm going to, run up on stage.
- [Game Master] Rad, you're going to take
your movement to get up there.
- Then I'm going to try to, actually,
I will use my insightful fighting,
- [Game Master] Okay.
to see if I could get sneak attack on him.
- Versus his deception.
- Yeah it's my insight versus deception.
- 12.
- Nat 1.
- Brennan nat 1, god dammit.
- Dude!
- I will just swing.
- Throw that dice away.
- With a rapier,
and that's pretty go, that's a 20 to hit.
- 20 hits.
- Yeah.
- [Game Master] Go ahead and roll damage.
- Okay.
11, fuck yeah, and them I'm also gonna use
fury of the small to do another three damage to him, so 14.
- 14 points of damage?
Woo!
- Fury of the ball.
- Fury of the ball!
- [Game Master] You run up on stage and hit him
through this rotting, pustule of green bile.
Squirts out of this side of him,
and he reaches out onto the turn table and goes, oh no.
You see that, that is Riz's turn.
Zayn, goes one, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
- [Fig] Let him run.
- [Game Master] That's going to be Gorgug.
- That's fine, we'll see him at school.
- Yeah, we'll find him at school.
- [Gorgug] I'm going--
- There is no exit though right?
- I'm gonna go into a rage, Gorgug thinks about
taking his time, but it's just too much.
He just goes into a rage.
- Oh, ah not to mention, the song is particularity--
(electronic music)
infecting.
- I think it was yelling rage at one point.
Rage, Gorgug rage!
- [Gorgug] I'm going to, attack this one, with,
I'm going to use frenzy and attack,
well I'm going to attack that person
and then use frenzy on another.
Okay, so.
Sheesh, that's only a 13.
- I mean she's wearing no armor.
- [Game Master] 13 for a zombie hits.
- Good okay. - Yes!
- Phew, okay so that would be D12,
plus five, that's six, eleven.
- Badly injured, so that's your action, you,
hack into it.
- Okay well I'll just use frenzy and attack it again.
- Yeah, go for it.
- That hits and then that'll be, eight.
- [Game Master] Eight points of damage,
that'll be 19, this zombie is fucked up.
- No she's still standing.
- [Kristen] Fuck.
- Eish.
- [Game Master] As you lay into this zombie with your ax,
that is now going to be--
- We're going to front pants him.
- I know, I think we need to disengage.
- You guys don't have anyone in this room anymore,
but I know what's happening.
(laughting)
This, poor soul is lept on by these two.
- God, Daniel Boom=ne?
- The Daniel Boone.
- Poor Daniel Boone, that's how we win, did you know that.
- Whoa what's that other guy?
- There's guy dressed exactly like you, by the werewolf.
- What a copycat.
- [Kristen] Weird!
- [Fabian] Who's the dude with he helmet?
- The dude with the helmet is just a partier,
in a fucking shredded tank top, who,
he was here with a helmet before.
- Okay great, and is he coming for me?
- He's got a big anarchy sign on the side of the helmet
and he's coming for you, he looks over,
Hey man, this ain't your scene.
These guys have disadvantage to hit.
What's you armor class my man?
- 18.
(tense music)
- That's a miss,
that's a miss,
that's a miss,
that's a miss.
You, as these guys just try to get
their claws on you, come on man!
(Fabian laughs)
This werewolf turns around,
leaps over the table at this vampire.
- Oh okay, good to know.
- [Kristen] Yeah.
- [Game Master] Takes some swings,
and partially mauls that vampire.
As the vampire shrikes out in pain.
- Oh.
- Yeah, fuck each other up.
- Yeah maybe we could hide?
- [Game Master] You see that Tracker turns
to the vampire that attacked you.
- Romantic.
(Fig laughs)
- [Game Master] And leaps on her,
scratching her eyes out with her claws.
- Okay.
- That's going to be, Kristen.
- Okay cool, then I'm going to run and jump up on the bar.
- Sure, if you'd like.
- Cool, I'm just going to try and get as close
to this door as I can.
- [Game Master] Cool that's going to be
an acrobatics check to get up on that.
- Yeah, I will.
You know how well this goes, 18, cool.
- [Game Master] Oh hell yeah--
- [Kristen] Oh wait, what's my acrobatics?
Minus three, so 15.
- [Game Master] 15 will do it.
You rush past, you're gonna get an attack of opportunity
here from the one vampire off to your side.
- Oh, cool.
- [Game Master] He's gonna go, hits you with
the claws for another, six, nine points of damage.
- Damn.
- So Kristen, how far would you like to run?
- As far as I can.
- Okay you're taking a dash action?
- [Kristen] Yeah.
- [Game Master] So that's one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
- [Adaine] Yeah what's up with that dude?
- There's a portly looking, red-winged, demon guy--
- [Fig] Was he like that before?
- Yeah, oh he was like that before,
he's got like a green shirt on that says Got Souls?
- [Fig] So didn't get, he's not a bad guy in this--
- [Kristen] Is he the devil?
- You don't, as you rush past,
give me an insight check as you rush past him.
- Daddy?
- Insight, ah, nat 1 !
- With this side of the table.
- Kristen, this guy is here to help you.
- Great.
- Alright cool, I would like to cast, spiritual weapon.
- That's a bonus action, dope.
- [Kristen] Cool, it takes the shape of a giant, holy corn.
It's a giant ear of corn, it looks exactly like
the corn cutties but good.
(laughing)
- [Game Master] Dope, who would you like to attack
with this corn.
- Can it enter the next room?
- You can't see the next room, so you couldn't order it,
you can like, basically cast in the next room so that on
the next round it'll be there waiting for you.
- [Kristen] Cool, yeah I'll do that
I'll cast it into the room that I run up to.
Sick.
- [Game Master] So in that room a big, fucking,
glowing corncob appears, floating in the air,
that is now going to be.
- I see it and try to fight it.
(laughing)
The corn cutties still back.
- The humans start freaking out and running,
for the exit, these guys start pouring out of the door here.
- [Kristen] This guy!
- That man had no business in this place.
- Also with a book, this is killing me.
- [Gorgug] A lot of people brought books to a concert.
- A couple of hours to kill, I'll just go hang out
at this bar, there's a DJ I'll bring my book.
- These humans are on stage?
- [Game Master] Yeah, these guys, this guy is dead.
These guys straight up start fleeing, run off stage.
- [Fig] Cowards.
- Drummer is dead.
- [Fig] Cowards, you guys don't live your aesthetic.
- [Riz] That is going to--
- [Game Master] This guy is behind the bar.
- Is this a human?
- [Adaine] He's just very focused on playing.
- [Game Master] Yes, he starts, there's a werewolf there,
he runs into and hates his choice,
this guy jumps off and flies over the bar.
- [Fig] Cutie! Daddy?
- [Gorgug] Is that a person over over here?
- She's the coat check person? - Coat check.
- [Game Master] Coat check, doesn't know anything,
he hears yelling but that's normal.
- He's just like, as people are fleeing, being like,
you have your coat here?
- Tickets?
- Tickets, tickets.
- [Game Master] That is now going to be Fig.
- Can I just flip over Gorgug to hide behind him?
- You want to flip over Gorgug to hide behind him,
okay, you can actually, you could take a disengage
and move through Gorgug's space, for sure.
- Okay, but do I have to take a disengage,
can I just use my action to go underneath Gorgug's legs
and hide behind him?
- You can take your move action to move through Gorgug,
but they will get attacks of opportunity on you,
unless you take the disengage action.
- [Fig] Okay, I'm gonna take that disengage then,
so I'm gonna go disengage and go behind Gorgug,
and I guess maybe, ah fuck, that guy's gonna--
- [Game Master] You can go farther if you want,
because it's two squares movement to go through Gorgug,
if you want to go further back you can.
- I do want to move, way further back, I just, I guess
I'm going to go way back into the corner as far as I can.
- Close to the corner.
- [Fig] But then, my, even though I use disengage,
can I at least use bardic inspiration,
because that's bonus action.
- Yeah you can do that.
(chime)
- You got a little bardic inspiration.
- What is that about?
(laughing)
- Yeah, that's my turn, for now.
- [Game Master] Awesome, I'm gonna go ahead
and need Riz make a wisdom, saving throw.
- Oh shit.
- 18
- Ooh baby, you see DJ Brains was,
now all the good little children, always try to,
who's there, mine!
And you feel the music vibrate in your bones
and and try to rob you of your sanity, but you hold strong.
- Whoa.
- [Game Master] You are yourself still.
- I just hate house music so much. It's like, fuck this guy.
- [Game Master] That is now going to be, back to Fabian.
- [Fabian] Alright.
How breakable, is that glass look.
- Honestly dude?
Pretty breakable.
(inspirational music)
- Okay, hell yeah, I'm gonna action surge
to disengage from these two dudes,
- Oh nice.
- Then dash through this window right here.
- [Fig] Sick.
- Past the sad devil dad.
- [Game Master] That's 100% rules.
- [Fig] Be careful watch out for my dad.
- Dude that's 100% rules.
Cool, so you didn't use your actions series, disengage,
no attacks of opportunities, one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,
you have four squares of movement left,
for using the dash action as well,
go ahead and give me an athletics check
to smash that window.
- [Fig] Hell yes! - 22
- You fucking, like a, fucking gazelle just,
(smashing glass)
protect your face, right into the shoulder,
glass doesn't even remain on your clothes
as you're through the other side.
You have four squares of movement left.
How do you want to use it?
- [Fabian] I think I got eyes on my main man Riz,
so can I vault the bar?
- Absolutely, go ahead and just give me another
acrobatics check real quickly.
- [Fabian] 24.
- [Game Master] You are well and truly behind the bar,
so you've, no glass on you, and are behind the bar.
- Hell yeah.
- Having used your move.
- Hell yeah.
That window by the way is broken.
- Sweet, helpful for everyone.
- The vampires are going to go now.
(tense music)
- Come on.
- [Kristen] Whoa, swords.
- [Gorgun] It's going right through them.
- Beam of light?
- It is a beam of light.
These two turn here,
vampires, these guys are swarm over here.
- God damn.
- [Gorgun] Killing people.
- [Kristen] Fuck.
- This is a blood bath.
- [Fig] Literally, more werewolves fighting vampires.
- I'm going to need, Kristen what's your armor class again?
- 18.
- [Game Master] 18.
A vampire leaps up on the bar and says,
where you going, don't you want to get to know me,
and your halo glows brighter.
- I don't yet, not for five years.
(laughing)
- Hell yeah. These two vampires,
start going to work on this werewolf.
their attacks do literally nothing,
you see them connecting with the werewolf and punching it,
this guy behind Gorgug is going to start swinging at him.
- I've had my eyes on this two-sworded man for a while.
- What's your AC again dude?
- It is 13.
- 13, that's going to be, nine points of damage to you.
- Halved?
- Halved, yes.
- So four or five?
- I believe it's rounded down.
- It's rounded down.
- [Game Master] Rounded down.
So four points of damage, as he slashes you with a bright,
silvery katana, and shouts out,
Mountasia, go get the silver weaponry as fast as you can,
it's looks like the dogs have gotten out of their kennel.
- Oh my god.
- I hate you so much.
(laughing)
- [Fig] Why do we fight the most erotic villeins?
- They're so sexy.
- [Game Master] These guys both join in on
Tracker over here.
- I'm so sorry.
- [Game Master] You guys see.
- [Fig] Dude, I don't think she was right for you.
- I don't know who's right for me.
- I feel that.
- [Game Master] That is now going to be Adaine's turn.
- I'm gonna run out and like, yell to the coat check,
and then yell outside, this bad, it's bad, it's bad,
vampires, there's werewolves, I don't know what--
- You run out to yell it to the bouncer.
- [Adaine] Uh huh.
- [Game Master] As you run out, you see the bouncer going,
not again, not again.
- [Adaine] Oh shit.
I run back in.
- Cool, you move a couple more squares in,
you move six squares back in.
- And then I guess I will, fuck.
- Well have you moved now, six squares right?
- Oh yeah, so I'm done again.
- I think you're done again.
- Fuck.
- No, actually you have one action left,
if you've moved six squares all told you get
a free bit of speaking.
- Okay, then I will cast,
a ray of sickness
on this werewolf that's right in front of me.
- Great, what's the save one that?
- Constitution.
- And what happens if he fails?
- He pukes a bunch, 2D8 poison damage.
- Oh, go ahead a roll 2D8.
- Six and four, ten.
- [Game Master] Oh, awesome, you raise your hand,
a ray of bilious green energy surges out of
your outstretched fingers and,
he whines in pain as the horrible sickness overtakes him,
that is Adaine's turn.
(tense music)
It is now going to be zombies turn.
- [Gorgug] Wow, what a bad time.
- These guys are all going to take swings at Gorgug,
what's your armor class again my man?
- 13, oh no.
- You've got 35.
- I'm raging so it's half damage though at least.
- You take nine points of damage, spread over three,
so five which becomes two and then,
so four points of damage from zombies wailing on you.
(Fig laughs)
You're just fucking hulking out.
- [Fig] Fig is watching and she just cackles.
- You see that DJ Brains flicks a little thing on it
and says, creatures of the night,
come to a-a-a-id your master.
(tense music)
And these zombies gather around Riz.
- I'm coming the ball.
(Fig laughs)
- [Game Master] They're gonna take some swings at you Riz,
what's your AC?
- [Riz] 15.
- One of them hits you for three points of damage,
I'm gonna roll some acrobatics checks for these zombies
to get over the bar.
You see that all but one zombie are completely
thwarted by the bar.
As they try to get over it.
One manages to get up there, takes a swing at you,
Fabian, and misses, that's gonna be Riz.
- Okay, I'm going to try to use my insightful fighting.
Once again.
- [Game Master] Go for it.
- Hell yeah.
- Yes, that's a 23.
- 23's gonna do it.
(tense music)
- Okay, please hit, we'll do so much damage if I hit.
You know I'm gonna use this, this is lucky now.
- This is lucky now.
- 18 to hit.
- 18 hits.
- That's 2D6 and a D8.
- Hell yeah. - Wow.
- 11, 16, 20.
- 20 damage?
Geez--
- And I'm looking at Fabian to see if he's impressed
while I do it.
- [Adaine] Fucking cannonball over here.
- I'm not.
(laughing)
Of course not.
- [Kristen] Do you see me jump through
that glass like it wasn't there?
- I'm sorry did you watch me smash glass,
vault, dodge the zombies.
- This guy's the leader and I'm the ball.
- After three fucking turns you finally land a hit
and yes, it's, whatever.
(laughing)
- [Game Master] That's incredible.
You skewer DJ Brains, that's gotta hurt.
Meanwhile he's just going,
seemingly unable to feel pain,
but looking very badly injured now.
That's going to be Zayn, one, two, three, four, five,
you can take an attack opportunity if you want.
Six.
- [Fig] Yeah, I am going to.
I'm gonna fucking take an attack of opportunity.
Alright, is nine gonna hit him?
- No, it does not.
- Okay, so I swing at him with my bass guitar
and when it doesn't hit I pretend like I was just dancing.
(laughing)
- Why are you still dancing?
- Whatever, I'll see you at school dude.
It's cool that we both got in right?
- Make a deception check for me.
- Okay, oh, that's gonna be, 23.
(scary music)
- You see he looks through the door with all of these
fucking vampires the other side, you see he goes, ah sick,
and stands back and covers himself in magic and vanishes.
- You old piece of shit.
- Make an arcana check if you'd like.
- Seven.
- He did something cool.
(jazzy music)
- He turned invisible, you don't need arcana to see that.
- [Game Master] That's going to be Gorgug.
- Okay, I think, this is the one I've
been wailing on right?
- Yes.
- Alright, I'm going to hit her, can I do the frenzy
after I move, if I hit her, and then move and then frenzy?
- [Game Master] You can hit that one, move,
and then frenzy, yes.
- Cool, I'm just gonna attack her.
- Cool.
- That's eight.
- Eight hits a zombie.
- Wow. - Ooh.
- Dang. - Interesting.
Thank goodness.
One D12.
- They're not dexterous.
- [Gorgug] Plus five, wait, that's, 14.
- [Kristen] Would that help?
- You whack, decapitate the zombie in front of you
and you are free to take your move
and then we get attacks of opportunity on you
but you're free to do so.
- I'm gonna take the, those attacks of opportunity
and try and get, as close to the DJ as I can.
- Cool, one, two, three, four, five, six.
- [Gorgun] Okay.
- [Game Master] Cool.
- So I wanna throw a hand ax at the DJ equipment.
- At the DJ equipment?
- Yeah.
- Rad, go for it, also give me
a perception check real quick.
- Okay.
That is only a, where's perception, nine.
- Nine, not going to, you don't notice anything.
- [Gorgug] Okay.
- Go ahead and roll your attack though.
- That is--
(laughing)
ten, ten total.
- Ten you, ax flies from you and clings off of an amp.
- What about bardic inspiration?
- Oh shit, is it too late to use it?
- You can use it if you'd like.
- Oh six, so its 16.
- [Game Master] Okay. Six. You hurl it,
go ahead and roll damage.
- Five, so that's ten.
- You unleash, you throw a fucking hand ax,
it connects with one of the amps behind DJ Brains
as it strikes deep within it
and you see yellow lightning fork out form the amp.
Grab the ax and forcibly repel it,
knitting itself back together with magic.
- [Kristen] Oh no good.
This amp right here appears, wasn't great,
now that you've thrown an ax at it,
you notice this amp appears to be magical.
- Of the two?
- [Game Master] Of the two, that one appears to be magical.
But you've noticed a fucking dope magic amp.
That's going to be the werewolves--
- Do those guys get attacks on me.
- Oh they do, they super do, thank you for the reminder,
it's very--
- [Fabian] Why to be honest.
- [Riz] What is your dex and your constitution modifier?
- Constitution is two, dex is one.
- Oh wow, okay, that's why you see so bad.
- You take, I'll have it for you,
you take two damage, two damage, and two damage.
- So six.
- Six altogether, I have them for you.
- Okay.
- And the vampire takes a swing with the sword, hits,
and deals you, seven points of damage, halved to three.
- Okay.
- [Game Master] Werewolves act now,
(tense music)
you see these guys, rush this human here, toast,
this human gets rushed, and is toast as well.
This werewolf attacks, badly injures this vampire
right in front of it, this werewolf turns,
there's no other people in here other than
that guy right, and rushes Adaine.
- Great.
- Is he poisoned?
- [Adaine] Yeah he is poisoned, I think, is he poisoned?
- [Game Master] Yes he is poisoned.
- [Adaine] Great.
- [Game Master] Rushes you, what's your AC?
- 12.
- Oh, okay, this werewolf--
- I mean he, oh you already rolled it.
- I did already roll it, but I didn't tell you
what it did so you can totally say something.
- Okay so he gets a seven.
- On his first one or his second one?
(Gorgug laughs)
- First one.
- Oh!
- First one, okay, claw misses, bit hits.
- Fuck.
[Game Master] I'm going to need you to make a--
- [Adaine] Shit, my dad's going to be so unhappy.
- First of all you take five points of damage,
- Okay.
- [Game Master] Alright we're going to bring out
the box of doom.
Adaine, this is a constitution saving throw.
The DC for contracting lycanthropy is 12,
I'll tell you that right off the bad.
What's you constitution saving throw?
- Two, so I've gotta get a ten or more?
- A ten or more.
- [Adaine] Ten or more.
- And a nine or lower means--
- I'm a werewolf?
- Yes, go ahead in the box of doom.
(tense music)
- [Adaine] 13
(gasps)
- [Game Master] What did you get?
- 13
- 13, okay.
- Oh my fucking god.
- You feel the wound in your arm fester as things
try to place themselves into you.
I'll take that box of doom.
- I feel like genuinely panic attacking little bit.
- Oh yeah, your character really is.
- That's going to be Kristen.
- Okay, I look at my bible which has flown open,
and I read, I can do all things through corn
who strengthens me, and I--
(Fig laughing)
and I use a spell, to turn undead.
- Oh, your turn undead action.
- Nice.
- [Game Master] That's awesome,
that's actually a special ability.
- Oh cool.
- That's great.
- Oh I'm sorry, can I run through the door
and cast that so it's in the other room?
- Hell yeah.
- [Kristen] Yeah, I should have done that.
- Cool, so you're going to run through here,
there's going to be one attack of opportunity on you,
where do you want to move to in this space?
- [Fig] It's got 18 AC.
- Do you want to move next to Fig or--
- I wanna go a little bit in front of Fig I think.
- [Game Master] Okay, you can go here
because then 30 foot is gonna be big.
- Cool.
- One attack of opportunity on you, which misses.
- Cool.
- As the vampire reaches out, your halo glows brightly,
defending you with the might of Helio even though you guys
are at a bit of a crisis of faith right now.
- We are yeah.
- But in the moments that really count.
- Yeah thanks.
- Helio's like trying to reach out to you and be like,
no, no, no, we're cool, we're cool.
- And I'm like maybe, but yeah, no, we'll see.
(laughing)
- I'm also gonna need you to make a perception check for me.
- Sure.
- Oh, just a, what do I have, oh 12.
- Ah you bump into something as you rush through the door,
that you don't see.
- Oh, can I cast arcana on that, to see what--
- Yes, make an arcana check sure, go for it.
- Not cast, okay.
- Or just make an arcana check.
- Eleven.
- [Game Master] Oh, an invisible creature, is right
in the doorway, but you see tons of undead in here as well.
They're gonna make wisdom saving throws.
(tense music)
- Is it just zombies, or are there vampires too?
- It is zombies and vampires, which are both undead.
- Ah cool.
- So I'm going to see how many beings you affect real quick,
it's all within thirty feet of you.
- Holy shit.
- Geeze that's a lot of people, okay, so that's everyone,
that's both of those vampires, rad okay,
so that's all four zombies and three vampires.
- Cool.
- [Game Master] I'm gonna roll their saves real quick,
what is your spell save DC?
- Oh that's a 14.
- [Game Master] 14, okay, damn.
Kristen tell me what happens as you raise,
you speak those words through corn of strength,
raise your bible aloft, what happens,
this you can feel is something mighty working through you.
- Yeah I raise my bible and I hear
that Frat Boy God voice, it's like,
hey, if feels like you're mad at me?
And I'm like, shut up.
Then all this shit happens in front of me.
- I'm sorry my child that things are not chill between us,
if they are not chill between us,
let them be chill before you.
But the light of the sun emanates from your book,
all of these zombies turn, burned by
the light of the true god of corn, fleeing from your vision.
Both of these vampires shriek in pain, and fear.
This vampire turns to face you,
and the darkness clouds around him.
- Cool.
- Do you think your little soul caress
can possibly stop the flow of my midnight whisperings?
- Dude could you just like, button up your trench coat?
(laughing)
- The buttons fell off, two hundred years ago.
- You didn't have time to--
- What?
- [Kristen] What were you--
- Oh do you think a lot of tailors
are open when I'm around and doing stuff?
- You could just learn how to do it.
- I won't I'm a noble.
- Do you know Fabian?
(laughing)
- You also have your spiritual weapon right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And your spiritual weapon can attack, if you'd like.
- I would like to attack that guy.
- Fuck yeah, go ahead and roll your spell attack.
- Oh nat 1.
- This is insane.
- [Fig] Shit.
- You see that your corn kind of pokes him in the face,
you see he goes, ooh you're kinky like that,
you want me to do something to the corn?
- Yeah.
- I can do something, and his jaw unhinges
like a snake and he kind of, fellates the corn.
(laughing)
- Hot, very hot.
- Oh!
- This is what I think, what have you never
been exposed to this?
- No I think it's fine, I accept everyone, I have an uncle.
- It makes it less good for me if you accept it,
you get that right?
- Sure, ah--
- Let's fight, let's fight.
(laughing)
That is going to be, what humans are even fucking left,
(tense music)
oh yeah, these two bartenders straight up dip,
rushing through this room.
- Ah, my cover.
(Fig laughs)
- Rushing out.
- And into those two--
- Into those werewolves.
- [Fig] And my dad.
- And your dad, that guy's dead, this guy's got
a fucking run, he makes it here behind this other werewolf,
she rushes back through here and goes
and hides in this booth.
- [Adaine] That's a human?
- That's a human yes.
- [Fabian] Careful around here.
- [Game Master] Wah!
And then.
- [Fig] Daddy!
- Ah he really is, an older man.
- I'm too old for this place.
- He's like Margaritaville meets a demon.
- He went to CBGBs in the 70s.
- That's going to now be Fig.
- Okay, I would like to move, so,
one, two, three, four, five, six.
- [Game Master] Mm-hmm.
- That's how far I can go, so no one gets
attacks of opportunity on me here, right, if I move here?
- [Game Master] If you move there?
No, no one gets an attack of opportunity.
- [Fig] And then I'm going to cast, I'm going to cast,
where is it? Shatter aka shred, on this, on these 10,
or this 10 diameter.
- I will warn you that casting a spell that deals damage
to those undead will break the turning effect
that is on them.
Yeah.
- [Fig] Okay so, one, two, three, four, five, six,
can I hit a ten diameter thing around here?
- Sure.
If you want to try and fuck up the turn--
- The DJ.
- You could hit those two zombies in front,
the DJ and his booth.
- Okay that's what I'm gonna try and hit.
- Sweet.
- So I take out my bass guitar and I hit,
really, really low note, and it's like so low and powerful.
- Duh.
- Yeah.
- So cool.
- Just deep and vibrating and, cool,
and they have to make 3D8 thunder damage.
- Hell yeah, let me go ahead and roll the constitutional--
- And also--
- What is your spell save DC?
- My spell save DC is, 14.
- 14, okay.
- 14 and also any non magical items will take damage.
- Any non magical items will take damage gotcha.
(tense music)
Cool, okay.
- I'm so nervous right now.
- And then DJ brains is gonna make one of those, 14,
and this his turntable, cool.
The turntable seems unaffected by the spell,
it seems to have some sort of magic involved with it.
- Okay.
- One of the zombies and DJ Brains both fail their savings.
- Phew, okay, seven, eight, they take 20 damage.
- [Adaine] Shit.
- [Kristen] Fuck.
- The ones that failed their save take 20 damage?
- Yeah anyone that failed takes 20 damage.
- Holy shit.
- Hell yeah.
- As you fucking raise your finger up, times slows,
and the one string, you can see the waves
of the string on Fig's bass,
the zombie here is fucking,
just torn apart by the power of rock
(Fig laughing)
- [Adaine] Sick.
- That's right, this is real music bitch.
- The turntable cracks in half, and DJ Brains is thrown up,
against the wall behind him,
- Yeah, and then I turn to Kristen Applebees
and I give her a wink, she's got bardic inspiration.
(laughing)
- Why is this happening to me tonight.
- DJ Brains is hurt but not down
and his turntable is cracked in half,
but he looks like he's still got
some fucking cards up his sleeve.
That is now going to be, DJ Brains.
You see that he reaches into his thing and takes out
like a tiny little Bluetooth speaker, kind of thing,
and a stinking cloud of vibrating musical energy is just,
I don't know how to put it other than, this music stinks.
It smells bad, you hear it like.
(electronic music)
And I'm gonna need you, my man to make
a constitution saving throw.
- Got it, gonna roll a 20 so watch out for that.
I actually rolled a 15, so that's 16.
- 16.
- [Riz] Yeah.
- You save my man, cool.
Cool, that is now going to be Fabian's turn.
- Fabian help.
- Is there music still playing?
- Yes, through the little Bluetooth speaker
that just dropped.
- Okay great.
- [Fig] Fabian's like, I don't want to get involved.
- [Fabian] No, no.
- He's making himself a drink,
like a Hennessy drink by the bar.
- What are you talking about, this is an opportunity
to be a hero, take it, I'm going to,
I don't like being trapped behind this bar.
Can I, I'll take an attack of opportunity from this guy
I guess, to vault the bar over here, or to exit
the bar here, let's see if that works out?
- [Game Master] Sure.
Misses you go ahead and give me that acrobatics.
- 24
- [Game Master] Hell yeah, vault the bar.
- I can see that everyone else is attacking this DJ Brains.
- Yes absolutely.
- I'll take a hand crossbow to DJ Brains.
- [Game Master] Go for it.
(inspirational music)
- That'll be 17.
- 17 is a hit.
- And that'll be six.
- Six damage, arrow straight to this guy's side,
he is looking sad, he's looking like a sad zombie DJ.
- Yeah.
- Vampires rush in.
(tense music)
These two vampires.
- [Gorgug] Were they feared or?
- [Game Master] Yes they are turned, so.
- Okay.
- Werewolves are going to take a swing at one of them,
miss,
interact with those werewolves in there.
Other vampires are going to move in, this guy is going to
take a swing at you, the rest of these guys are going to
start coming through here.
So, one, two--
- [Fig] Are those baddies?
- These are baddies and they are surrounding--
- [Fabian] Kristen
- [Game Master] Kristen.
Rushes over here.
- What's Track doing?
- Tracker's not doing great.
(laughing)
- She's going to actually go over here,
get some silver weapons.
- Maybe it's just a box of silver weapons or something?
- So the vampires surrounding Kristen are gonna go.
The guy in front of you, who has referred to himself as
the Lord of Whispers a couple of times,
is going to take a swing at you.
He's going to hit you first with a sword,
for four points of damage.
- Okay.
- And then he is going to reach out and hit you again
for another eight points of damage.
- [Kristen] Fuck I'm dead, shit.
- [Fig] Are you really?
- [Kristen] Yeah.
- [Gorgug] Anyone else have any heal wounds or anything?
- Yeah I heal her.
- You see that, the other vampires that guy drops Kristen,
these are vampires then are going to
continue their move towards Fig.
- [Fig] What me?
I'm just an innocent girl, playing her guitar,
why did you come after me.
- [Kristen] Shit I didn't get to bless anyone.
- That's now going to be Adaine.
- I mean guess I'll fucking witch bolt the guy
in front of me.
- Go for it.
- How fucked up is this guy looking?
- He's looking, not terribly fucked up.
- [Adaine] Great then I would like to cast it
as a second level spell.
- Okay, great, yeah go for it.
Are you going to take a move away from him, because
I know that it's bad to do it right next to somebody.
- Okay, if I withdraw will he--
- He'll get an attack of opportunity.
- Get an attack of opportunity on me.
Shit man.
- He'll probably just get a swipe though, not like a bite.
- Yeah, alright, well I'll move back ten feet
and do this spell.
- [Kristen] Should you, can you move forward ten feet?
- [Adaine] No I can't get past him.
- What's your AC?
- 12 - [Fabian] Punch him.
- [Game Master] He goes ahead and hits you for
seven points of damage.
- Fuck.
- [Game Master] With a claw.
- [Aadaine] Okay.
(tense music)
- So I'm going to do this witch bolt, second level, ah 14.
- 14 hits.
Great, so it's 2D12 damage.
- Hell yeah.
- Fuck, four.
- What, nat 1.
- Ah, this bolt leaps out from your hands,
hits him, damages him for sure, zombies are gonna go,
now these guys all move over here.
(tense music)
- [Riz] Jesus Adaine, how are we going to get you
out of this one?
- I don't know.
- Adaine how are you going to--
- I'm in such a different fight than anybody ese right now.
- [Riz] You need to just go home.
- [Fig] He needs to go home.
- He's a werewolf, I'm stuck between two werewolves.
- [Fig] 2D attack on you.
What are you at, health wise?
- Ten.
- I think you need to--
- He's a werewolf outside--
- Or maybe you need to, hide?
- I mean I think that they know where I am.
- Gorgug where are you at man?
Or what's your AC again, 13?
- 13
- Who's attacking me?
Oh, all those people?
- Oh that's great, thank you Gorgug.
- Fuck you.
- You got half damage dude.
- [Game Master] That's going to be six,
so three, and then three,
so then one.
So four damage altogether.
- Wow.
- You can take it.
- I'm still at 17 though.
- And then two are going to swing at--
- I haven't taken any damage yet.
- [Game Master] At Fabian. One of them hits Fabian
for seven points of damage.
- Oh--
- [Fig] Wow.
- Those are the zombies, I'm trying to think
of anything else, the zombies out here, oh yeah this guy,
he'll go take a swing at Gorgug as well.
- Oh no.
- And he misses.
- There you go.
- [Game Master] And then the zombies surrounding Riz
are going to take some swings, what's your AC my man?
- 15.
- 15.
- Have you also taken no damage?
- I've taken some damage.
- Okay.
- I've taken damage too, that's why--
- Oh wait, 15 you said?
- [Riz] Yeah.
- Okay, you take five points of damage.
And Riz it's your turn.
(inspirational music)
- Great, I'm going to stab this guy in his face.
- Come on.
18 to hit.
- 18 hits.
- And I still have my insight armor on,
at least for a minute.
- Oh awesome.
- So I get 2D6, and a 28.
- 19 damage.
- Tell me what happens here.
- Oh hell yeah, I say, I don't know what you had to do
with it, you just seem like some kind of fucked up zombie
guy but this is for those girls you son of a bitch.
And I stab him through the fucking brainstem.
(splattering)
- Th-th-that's all.
- Wow he prepared his own obituary.
- DJ Brains collapses to the stage,
turns into endless dust,
ages a thousand years in an instant, on the wind,
to let the beat drop.
(laughing)
And is gone baby, DJ--
- I'd like to yell to the room, sorry guys,
it's everyone's curfew, everyone go home.
Party's over!
- Oh my god.
- I'm dead but I'm still going, no.
- Sorry guys, it's 11 o'clock and we all should be home.
- Does this one really think he's cooler
than the hacker dude?
- I don't think so.
I hated that.
(laughing)
- You guys see all throughout the bar that there is
a momentary shockwave of energy, vampires, werewolves,
all reel momentarily as their rage and blood lust
is subsiding for a moment, you see all of the zombies drop,
all the zombies drop, all the zombies deaminate,
fall apart all at one.
- Bye!
- [Adaine] Oh my god, so many fucking zombies,
I had no idea there were that many.
- All the hot zombies are down now,
Fig goes just to see one of those butts up close.
- Adaine, the werewolf in front of you, sort of looks
woozy for a second, I'm going to need you to, you have
a moment of breathing in and realizing you're aren't dead,
and then you realize that you almost just died.
Could you please roll for a panic attack.
- Aha, nine.
- All together?
- What do I add to that?
- Wisdom.
- Oh, 11.
- Hey!
You breathe in, control your breathing, everything is good.
You see that the werewolf stumbles down to the ground.
Kristen is still dropped, does anyone take any action?
We're coming out of initiative now, as you see people
kind of reeling from the violence.
- Can I healing word her though, even though
it's not an initiative.
- Yeah as a regular action you can totally healing word.
- Okay, yeah I look over to her and I play--
- Figer Love?
- I play.
(guitar music)
- Learn a new song, oh my God.
(laughing)
- The video just has a--
- Go ahead and roll,
to see how much Kristen has just healed.
- Okay.
Girl that's gonna be, that's gonna be eight.
- Damn.
- [Fig] Hell yeah.
- You are healed eight hit points of damage, as you guys
are standing around there is a weird tension, you see
that looking around, one of the werewolves sort of walks in
from the other space, looks at the vampires holding
the silver weaponry and goes, are you holding silver?
And even through all the shattered bar stools, and all the
stench of blood, moaning, you see that the vampires
and werewolves start to regard each other
through the window.
You guys may not be out of harms way yet.
- Really quick question, am I wearing any silver jewelry?
(laughing)
- Yeah, you're wearing some silver jewelry.
- Some Stirling silver.
- Wait but I think I'm kind of on the side of the,
I think I'm on the side of the werewolves.
- Let's get out of here!
- I run up and grab Riz off the table.
- I happily go up into his arms.
- I help Kristen up.
- Thanks.
- You rush over, grab Kristen, you see that the vampires,
this guy over here, Sasha Lord of Whispers goes.
(inspirational music)
Long have the vampires and werewolves
fought each other, an ancient rivalry forged in
the midnight of dangerous mists long past--
- I'm bored.
- Wait can I--
- Such a creep.
- Werewolves look, their swords are silver!
- Okay.
- What's he doing with silver swords.
- I grab Riz and say, stop it, you stop doing that.
- I pull on Gorgug and just quietly to the side and say,
can we take the long way out I just wanna see
if Tracker's okay, my friend.
Run.
- You guys rush out through the shattered glass--
- Wait real quick, who is the Lord of Shadows
gonna be fighting, is he up against someone at all?
- The Lord of Whispers has come out to where Gorgug was,
as these werewolves had kind of muscled
in through these space.
- Okay, I'm going to wink and give one bardic inspiration
to whoever is fighting the Lord of Whispers.
- You see that there is very broad shouldered lupine woman,
with orange hair growing out of her fur.
- So beefy.
- So beefy, you wink at her and she goes,
hell yeah, see you on the other side sister.
- I hope so.
- She pulls her fist back and just cold cocks
the Lord of Whispers in the face.
- [Kristen] Sick.
- Arg, look at this mangy curse, striking me
before the rules of combat have been declared.
You guys dip out of here, you use the front, no sign of
Zayn Darkshadow anywhere, the bar clears out as you
can hear more rumbling and you hear
police sirens in the distance, you guys rush out to Adaine,
Adaine in the front the werewolf has kind of gotten up
off his legs, he's still in that werewolf form
but you see he goes,
hey, and he sees the claw mark on you, and he goes,
I'm so-arg.
- Yeah that really hurt, what are you doing man?
- It's not me, it's a sickness, I'm sick, I'm not well.
- Man, we're all sick.
- Okay, we're not all sick, alright, I have lycanthropy,
you can go to a healer about it, okay well maybe
you should go to a healer about it.
- I don't have healthcare.
(sad music)
- Oh that's so sad.
- [Adaine] Go to a clinic.
I don't know what to tell you.
- There's some guidance councilor positions opened up
at our school.
- Do they have good healthcare there?
- Yeah, I would imagine.
- Where do you guys go to school?
- I'm pretty sure they have benefits.
- Aguefort.
- Wow, we're telling him?
- Actually--
- Well, you teed it up.
- You teed this up.
- Cool, so that's great, my name is Jawbone if you want
to put in a reference.
- Mumple has better healthcare.
(laughing)
- I got an in with the VP, vice principal,
so I could probably make that work.
- Thanks Jawbone, sorry guys.
- You guys rush out.
(upbeat music)
Jawbone looks, you guys don't know this guy super well
but he looks kind of, hey this is the first lucky break
I've had in a while.
- Oh no.
- Alright, good job.
- You guys see, you guys dip out of there, you rush out
of the front door, you see that Rover has been like,
restraining the bouncer from fully wolfing out,
and has been remarkably successful in doing so,
almost as though, it were, inspired.
(Fig laughs)
- What?
- By her heroism?
- No by the magical ability of your bard.
- You guys get out, you hear sirens in the distance,
you're in seedy fucking downtown Elmville,
what are you guys gonna do?
(sirens wailing)
- Let's keep the party going.
- [Riz] My mom's gonna be pissed if she finds me here,
let's get out.
- Let's go to someone's house, we can't go to my house.
- I mean what, I do live right around the corner.
- Let's go to your house.
- Or we could weight the other option, alright fine.
- Friends.
- Friends!
- Joey, Chandler, Phoebe.
- [Fig] Now that you mention it, I don't usually like to,
I know that I'm pretty hard to read, you guys don't know
what I'm feeling bit we kind of--
- You have spilled your guts to us.
- You are like the most open person I've ever met.
- You were the one who of all of us most wants friends.
- No it's just like, yeah.
- Alright, we should go.
- Come on, we'll go to my house.
- You guys rush, go ahead and give me a stealth check,
if you guys wanna, it'll let, whoever wants to be
the stealth check can make it,
for the party with disadvantage.
- Well I have 15, personally.
- You've got a 15 personally, okay cool.
- I got an 18 with minus--
- Oh I got 20, to a disadvantage,
I rolled it a second time to do disadvantage.
And I got 20, oh so I still only get the 15.
- Ah!
- [Game Master] So you've got the 15 but that's great,
meaning you hide the group really well.
You guys Fig seems to know the back alleys
and divey parts of downtown.
- Can I also be smoking so many cloves that
the smoke is hiding us.
- So disgusting.
- You are fully sweating, powering through cloves
as fast as you can, constitution saving throw.
- [Kristen] Smells like potpourri.
- That's gonna be a four.
- You straight up barf.
You're just like--
- Riz also barfs, seeing you barf.
- [Fabian] Alright, everyone needs to stop barfing.
No one's coming in my house, there's no barf being
brought in my house.
- [Game Master] Yeah, go ahead.
- I rolled a one.
(laughing)
- 9.
- Gorgug barfs and passes out.
- You know what, everyone is going to get new clothes.
- Throwing up on Gorgug, I'm trying to push him back.
- I mean, everybody walked out of that fucking insane music
venue, and now you're fucking dropping like flies because of
the amount of clove cigarettes Fig is smoking.
- I just love the way they taste.
- You're still smoking?
- [Adaine] Just eat candy!
- I think you gotta kinda carry me.
- It just taste so good.
- By hook or by crook, amazingly you are not tracked
even though you are covered in your own bile,
you make it to Seacaster Manor.
You see the incredible red and gold man o' war,
built up in a topiary hedge maze, expanse,
with long white gavel driveways, and everything else
and you guys arrive up at the door of Seacaster Manor.
- Alright, welcome to my house, everyone please,
if there's any barf, don't track any barf into my house.
Please that's all I ask.
- You look over at the sofa
and you see, you see Fabian's mom.
- Oh hello mama.
- Fabian!
- Oh how are you?
Ah mother.
- Oh, you what, you've brought friends?
- Yes, mother, these are my friends,
this is the ball Kristen, Adaine, Gorgug, and Fig.
- Hi I'm Fig, I love your kimono.
- This thing?
It was knit for me by dwarves.
Skilled craftsmen.
- Dwarves knit you a kimono.
- What?
- Nevermind.
(laughing)
- I give her a very formal, Elven greeting.
- She looks up at you, as you speak in Elven to her
and speaks back to you in Elven and says
(mystical music)
Many long years has it been since I was spoken to in
the tongue of stars and moon, a beautiful elf maiden
you are, I married a human you see.
- Yes, I know.
- And he will die.
- Dude I think your mom is bi.
- No, nobody is hitting on my mother right now.
- I also speak Elvish.
- I speak Elvish too.
- I also speak Elvish alright so let's all just keep it PC.
- I, I look like a tiefling but I'm also part elf,
so I'm also an elf maiden, if that's what you're into.
- She looks, completely ignores you and looks right
at Adaine and goes,
you're, waiting a minute, you're Angwyn
and Arianwyn's daughter.
- Yes that's right.
- I've heard such wonderful things about you.
- I've, the acceptance, the scholarship to Hudole.
- No that's my sister.
- Hmm?
- That's my sister.
Elwin is the elder, you are--
- Yes I am, I'm friends with your son.
- Yes, we're friends.
- Ah Fabian lovely, I like to see you make friends,
my little baby.
- Mama please.
- What handsome.
- Stop mama.
- A heartbreaker through and through.
- No it's, it sounds like--
- Well, mommy's going to go get a chalice of night wine
and she's going to retire to the sensory deprivation egg
in the-- - Of course.
- We'll keep the noise down.
- Do you want me to have Cathilda put out some food.
- Oh there's no need.
- I'm hungry.
- My friends are--
- I'll go wake Cathilda up and make her make you some food.
- I eat cereal with water so--
- Ta ta.
- Your mom is so hot.
- Okay do not talk about my mother like that.
- You guys look around, Cathilda the halfling maid comes up.
- [Fabian] Hello Cathilda.
- Hello there, and how are you doing?
Are you doing alright?
- I'm doing alright, we had rather crazy night,
but really you don't have to do too much alright,
just, my friends are peckish.
- I'll put out some snacks right away then shall I?
- Alright thank you.
- Lovely, lovely.
You see that she runs off into the kitchen.
You guys hear a stomping of boots as
Bill Seacaster walks into the room.
Bill Seacaster walks in and goes,
well look at this then a bunch of fine friends
for me young lad.
- Yes papa these are my friends from
the Adventuring Academy, we've had a rather wild night.
- Well it looks like you've gotten yourself into
some kind of scrap then have you?
- Ah yes we did.
- I tried to do the same formal Elven greeting
to his father.
- What was that?
- What are you doing?
- I don't speak a word of Elvish lass, I'm not
a man of letters, I've come from nothing,
and made rather something of myself.
- Oh, I was just saying hello.
- Right well, hello to you as well,
in the common tongue then.
- I hand him a business card, greetings and salutations.
- Well, as I said, I'm not a man of letters,
so I can't read.
- Sorry papa this is the ball,
Kristen, Adaine, Gorgug, and Fig.
- Hey, if you're not a man of letters I got something
I think you might like.
And then I take out my bass and I play, I play a sea shanty.
- Go ahead and make a performance check for me.
- Oh!
- Oh, 25 baby!
(bass guitar music)
- The fuckest, sickest, shantiest bass line comes
running out of your guitar and you see that Bill Seacaster
looks at you and goes,
(thumping desk)
♪ Sally Bone is a nice young lady ♪
♪ Way, hay, roll and go ♪
(laughing)
Come on yeh dogs.
And a bunch of pirates just swing in on ropes,
fucking pop out of barrels.
- It happens a lot in this house.
- Hiding in barrels this whole time.
- I pay him to stay here, in case this happens,
and he'll stay in the barrel until it does.
You stay in the barrel until the music happens.
The pirate is just clapping his hands
and just silently weeping.
- I feel like I need to play for eternity so they don't
have to go back in the barrel.
- Keep playing lass, we'll sing til the sun rises.
Two, three, four.
♪ Sally Brown is a nice young lady ♪
♪ Way, hay, we roll and go ♪
That's all for this week on Fantasy High!
Tune in next week and thanks for watching.
If you'd like I'd be more than happy to run you through
some training.
There are two kinds of men in this world, a man who fights
for gold is a man who knows why he is fighting.
- Has anybody seen Zayn?
- Okay that's what I was going to--
- Cravencroft is a very spooky cemetery.
- Oh my god, what the fuck is that?
- What kind of hell is that?
- Master, I am ready to serve.
- Fabian this is--
- Blasts through the chain link fence.
- Good show motorcycle.
- Dwarfs start going crash, crash, crash.
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