Salut YouTube we're back it's Kate and Rosie we are back to talk
to you guys about the things that we wish we'd known about Frenchmen before
we got into very committed relationships with them and as we mentioned in the
first video guys actually Kate she works full time just as I do but on the side
she's just launched her blog which I'm super excited about which is about her
expat life in France so do you want to remind people where they can find you
yes you guys can find me at UnintentionallyFrenchified.com and as
Rosie said it's a blog about my life in France being an expat all of the
different travel experiences that I'm having and also about my favourite
subject which is the top pizza restaurants in Paris I'm a big pizza fan
so don't hesitate to check it out to find out where to get your next slice
Yes it's down in the description box guys check it out coz she's awesome
We've already done a part one to this video so if you haven't seen that yet we'll leave
the link in the description box below but if you have you know what it's all
about so without further ado let's get cracking on some more things that we had
wished we'd known before dating these Frenchmen of ours
So the first one is about politics and history and general cultural knowledge of
what's going on in the world so I were coming from the US and I grew up in the
Midwest definitely grew up in a little bit of a bubble so geography was not my
biggest subject and what was going on outside of the US was not something that
I was totally in tune with so what I've noticed since I have been dating Robin
is that that is probably the topic of conversation or the highlight of
conversation not just with Robin but with Robin and his friends as well if I
don't read the news every day and if I don't know what's going on
not just in France but also in the u.s. because everybody asks your opinion
about what you think I mean right now obviously Donald Trump is like the
question of the day what you think about what's going on in
your own country plus your opinion about France plus your opinion about
everything going on in the global world if you don't actually have an opinion
then you're not part of the conversation and then you're just kind of
looked at as not curious enough or not interested enough and that's a
really big stereotype I don't know if it is for New Zealand but for Americans is
a huge stereotype in Europe that we don't care about anybody but ourselves
so that's just kind of like mmm pushes that stereotype when you don't have
anything I don't know what the stereotype is about New Zealanders but I
know that we live in an absolute bubble and we just care about New Zealand
all the time for example when David Bowie died the headline of the news
was literally like 'David Bowie found dead: the New Zealand connection' and it
turned out that he had filmed like part of a music video once in New Zealand
like everything's New Zealand New Zealand New Zealand and so yeah I didn't
grow up really learning about Europe about current events about geopolitics I
mean of course there are people that take a natural interest in it but the general
mainstream population it's not at all the case and you have to be prepared
with a Frenchman to be up to the play on that stuff and to talk about that stuff
for the rest of your life yeah forever like because yeah my boyfriend spends
probably at least an hour a day reading the news at least Robin he wakes up in
the morning the first thing he does is takes his iPad and he reads everything
that's going on the news for about 45 minutes then I receive updates from him
and he sends me articles during the day and then when I get home from work he
wants to know my opinion on the articles you have to keep keep on top of
things that's like doing homework again
So the second thing that we wish that we
knew about Frenchmen before we started dating them is how important and how
much of a priority the family unit is and this is something that's really
positive we're in Paris and Niels' family are in the South so unfortunately
we don't get to go and see them that often but I'm sure if they were close I
would see them every single weekend yeah so Robin as I said is from Paris and so
his family's actually does live here and we see his family once a week minimum I
think that's also kind of goes into the whole culture of Sunday's being like a
family day you know in the States like 24/7 everything's open like
shopping on Sundays whereas here everything's closed and it's really a
day to hang out with your family and so naturally because my family's not here
We will hang out with Robyn's family and we have lunch
with his family every Sunday and I agree with you it's really a
positive thing lots of family time and you definitely feel like you have a
community here especially since our families aren't close but I think
sometimes what I find so interesting is Robyn's mother you know will go and do
some things by ourselves and I'll think that I'm sharing something like maybe
more intimate or something she's not aware of, I don't know, a
disagreement Robyn and I had and sometimes the response I get is yeah
Robyn told me about it yeah like thinking and I mean it's not
really over sharing because I was willing to share it with her but I would
be like really surprised - oh yeah like I've had that before like like my boyfriend sat
down with me and he's been like you know I've I'm speaking to my parents about
the fight we had last week and they say and that's kind of normal and so that a
lot goes through to the parents you know so you better kind of be prepared that
everything that you tell them well it's on the table for the family as well
unless specified basically the one thing that makes it a little bit more complex
for people in situations like us is that it's also very hard to take a Frenchman
out of France yeah on the other side but there's definitely something more attached
They're more fusional and yeah again this is not getting into
society things but in the States at least when you're 18 the norm is to
leave for college and you never move back home because you leave for college
and you do maybe a master's and then you work but you find a job and you
are an adult at that point and in France it's absolutely not the case it is
completely normal to have a 26 year old living at home with their parents
looking for work or working I think that also creates these fusional
relationships so I agree with you Robin doesn't love his family any more than I
do but I just don't have maybe as much of a fusional relationship with my
parents because you know I haven't lived there for 12 years whereas Robin is much
more recent - we're much more independent in that way
So the third thing that we
really wish we have known before dating a French guy is that this
stereotype that French men way I love you after three weeks it's not
necessarily true for a majority of people so ladies don't get your hopes up
but don't be worried that you're gonna have a stalker in three weeks because
it's not necessarily the case I think this is obviously really personal to
Rosie and I and who we've been with but I still remember when
Robin and I first started dating and at one point I think I don't know it had
been like four months or five months and I'd moved back I said I love you and I
think I got back like oh thank you I remember thinking to myself like okay you're
not going to say anything, you're not gonna pressure him don't say anything and I was like
and it took Robin a couple of months or whatever you know what he finally said it
in his own time but I didn't have this guy who right after three weeks was
taking me to the top of the Eiffel Tower and expressing his love for me and
popping a bottle of champagne it was way more realistic and way more what I would
have been used to in the States
I think that stereotype adds a little bit of
pressure because you've got the stereotype that Frenchmen are super loving
and they're gonna say I love you I want to be with you forever I would die for
you after three weeks and to be honest it kind of in the back of my mind made
me expect it a little bit and so it would make me go into this turmoil of
like it's been four months he still doesn't love me like I'm obviously not
up to standard when he did say it I remember thinking OMG it's taken so long and you really shouldn't be
thinking that in that moment , it's kind of sad
The fourth thing that we want to talk to you guys about is the privacy
paranoia thing that we do see among a majority of Frenchmen my personal
experience with this is Robin's feelings about social media so Robin really uses
social media and he's present on Facebook and Instagram but he thinks
that what you show online is not necessarily your private life so for
example his facebook photo we've been together for five years and we are
and his facebook photo is a picture of himself and one of his best girlfriends
hugging and what could possibly be taken as this is my wife and it's not me it's
not me and so at the beginning when we were first dating I didn't want to be
crazy so I didn't say anything and after a couple of years that's kind of that
Facebook photo and at one point he goes you know Kate I'm friends with my
colleagues on Facebook I don't want them to you know know more about my intimate
life then you know that I decide to tell them and so no I wouldn't put a photo up
of you and I which in some ways I can understand I mean obviously I'm like
oh do you need a photo of you and another girl but it's definitely a spectrum here
but I do understand that for him things are very private whereas I'm like insta stories
here sure this is what my apartment looks like this is where I live here's my
code if you want to come visit me yeah so it's definitely different exactly the
same like as you guys know I mean I'm on YouTube I've given you guys a tour of my
apartment but Niels, he would never have a photo of the two of us as his facebook
profile picture he doesn't even show his own face on his picture he's
one of the rear French people actually that doesn't have a fake name on
Facebook because a lot of them do and the lesson here is really just don't
take it personally than others shamed of you they're not trying to hide you or
your relationship because for a long time when I first started dating Niels
and I really wish I had known this I thought that he was trying to keep our
relationship low-key he wasn't ready to talk about it to his family yet he
wasn't ready to show me to his friends because it was just early days and after
nine months that starts to hurt right?! so don't worry about it all it's really just a personal
preference when it comes to privacy
One of the last things that we wanted to
talk to you about is moving in together this is generally seen as a big step for
couples yeah and when I moved to France it was still I thought a big step to
move in with somebody so we're not sure if this is something that's really
specific to Paris or if it's something you can find in other areas in France
so if you have any comments about this don't hesitate to let us know below but
moving in together in Paris is something that can happen very quickly for couples
and a lot of the times it ends up being something really pragmatic
and if you're like me you come from a background where you know you dream
about getting married one day and moving in together and all of these things that
you kind of romanticize in your head and then your boyfriend of
seven months is like oh you know it's really expensive paying rent for both of
us and we're constantly at my place so maybe you should just move in like where
was the dinner and the key that was already made?
You were mean to present a little gift box with the key cut! Us as well we think that moving in
together such a big step and so you can falsely think that your relationship is
actually taking a really big step together actually it doesn't necessarily
signify that here in France Cool guys so I hope you enjoyed that
that was part two of the video series on the things that we wish we had known
about these Frenchmen of ours before we started dating or marrying the Frenchman
If you guys liked this series and you want to see more of us or you want to
see another video with Kate and I together please let us know in the
comments below let us know what you'd like us to do we could maybe do a New
Zealand accent versus American accent video but I hope that this was useful
for you guys and I hope you guys had fun I know that we did and until the next
video see you next time - à bientôt!
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