Wins Tonight: 0
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - Electric Guitar, Drums or Electric Piano Pt. 2 - Duration: 2:33.ALL RIGHT.
EVERY EXPERIMENT NEEDS A CONTROL.
NOW, RIGHT NOW, ME AND JOHN
ARE IN A BARBER SHOP IN HARLEM.
EVERYONE HERE IS EITHER BLACK OR LATINO.
LET'S SEE HOW ELECTRIC GUITAR WORKS ON THEM.
READY, JOHN ? YEAH.
OKAY, OKAY, GO, GO.
♪♪
HEY, YO !
SHUT THE F**K UP !
OKAY, OKAY.
THAT WENT PRETTY MUCH HOW I EXPECTED.
NOW, LET'S SEE HOW THE BLACKS RESPOND TO DRUMS.
( drum roll )
QUESTLOVE, GO.
(playing drums)
AHH... YEAH !
YEAH !
YEAH !
UNH !
SPIT SOMETHIN', SPIT SOMETHIN', SPIT SOMETHIN'.
♪ YO, YO ♪
♪ I'M DOWN WITH ANY SEX OR ANY RACE ♪
♪ IF YOU WERE BEATIN' ME ♪
♪ IT'S LIKE BILLY CRYSTAL PLAYIN' SCARFACE ♪
♪ AND I CAN'T SEE IT, BLIND TO THE EYES ♪
♪ I CAME UP IN YOUR FACE, OOPS, POW, SURPRISE ♪
OH !
YEAH !
WHOO !
WHOO, THAT WORKED LIKE GANGBUSTERS !
BUT I STILL HAPPENED TO NOTICE,
SOME OF THE LATIN PEOPLE WERE NODDING THEIR HEADS,
BUT THEY WEREN'T REALLY FEELING IT
AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT THEY WOULD.
BUT I THINK I GOT THE REMEDY.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I INCORPORATED WITHIN THAT
AN ELECTRIC PIANO ?
SANCHEZ, GO !
(playing piano)
(drums playing Latin beat)
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS GOING GREAT.
NOW I'M GONNA KICK IT UP A NOTCH, WATCH THIS.
( shouting in Spanish gibbberish )
♪ YI, YI, YI, YI, YI, YI, YI ♪
♪ YI, YI, YI, YI, YI, YI, YI ♪
AY, CARAMBA !
OLE !
( music ends )
HEY, GUYS, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING.
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - If the Internet Were a Real Place - Duration: 2:07.WOAH SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU, BUT I LIKE THAT SONG.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME MUSIC AROUND HERE OR...
OH, YEAH, YOU CAN GET IT RIGHT THERE.
OH.
OR YOU CAN GET IT RIGHT THERE.
[chaotic beeping]
HEY, RON.
SO YOU WANT TO SEE ME HAVE SEX?
NO, I'M COOL.
WANT TO SEE PARIS HILTON HAVE SEX WITH HER BOYFRIEND?
YES, I WOULD.
COME ON. ALL RIGHT.
[snickers]
I WANT YOU TO GET ON TOP OF ME, FACE THAT WAY,
SO WE CAN SEE HOW PRETTY YOU ARE.
[laughs]
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS HER, MAN.
IT WAS A LITTLE GRAINY--
THAT NIGHT VISION-- YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL.
I GOT TO SEE THAT ONE MORE TIME, MAN.
LET ME JUST SEE ONE MORE TIME. LET'S GO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST HOLD THIS,
I'LL GO IN THERE AND CHECK IT OUT,
AND THEN I'LL BE RIGHT BACK OUT, ALL RIGHT?
THANKS, DUDE.
I WANT YOU TO GET ON TOP OF ME, FACE THAT WAY,
SO WE CAN SEE HOW PRETTY YOU ARE.
THAT WAS HER ALL RIGHT.
SHE PLAYED HERSELF.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME HAVE SEX?
YEAH, I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE, MAN.
I JUST WANT TO GET THE SCORE TO THE KNICKS GAME.
THANKS, ALL RIGHT?
I DO A GREAT DOGGIE-STYLE. I KNOW, RON, OKAY?
I GOT MY STROKE FROM YOU.
THANK YOU, OBI-WAN. I'M DONE WITH THE PORN.
WHAT?
YOU WANT TO SEE NAKED PICTURES?
HALLE BERRY FROM SWORDFISH?
OF COURSE I DO.
COME ON.
DAMN, DUDE, YOU AIN'T TELL ME THEY HAD THE GIRL
FROM PRICE IS RIGHT.
SHE GOT NAKED PICTURES.
DAMN!
THANKS, MAN.
DAVEY. YES, SIR?
UM, YOU INTO GOAT PLAY?
WHAT IS GOAT PLAY?
LIZZY.
[goats bleating]
OH. OH, MAN, THIS--
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LET'S HURRY UP.
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - "Roots" Outtakes - Duration: 1:46.( narrator ) 25 YEARS AGO,
AN EPIC MOTION PICTURE WAS UNLEASHED ON AMERICA,
CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT FILMS IN HISTORY.
WE ARE NOW PROUD TO RELEASE THIS MASTERPIECE ON D.V.D.
FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
THIS ONE-OF-A-KIND, 25th ANNIVERSARY
COMMEMORATIVE EDITION
FEATURES EXTRAS INCLUDING CAST INTERVIEWS,
DIRECTOR COMMENTARY, AND NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN OUTTAKES.
KIZZIE, BEHOLD, THE ONLY THING GREATER THAN YOURSELF.
OH, OH !
OH, I'M-- HEY, I'M SORRY.
I TOLD Y'ALL NOT TO GIVE ME A REAL BABY.
PISSIN' ALL OVER ME AND ( beep ).
CATCH ALL THE GAGS, SPILLS, AND HILARIOUS PRACTICAL JOKES.
♪ COMING FORTH TO CARRY ME HOME ♪
YOUR NAME IS TOBY !
KUNTA KINTE !
OH !
I SAID, YOUR NAME IS TOBY !
KUNTA KINTE !
DAMN !
STEVE, WHAT'D I SAY ABOUT HITTING SO HARD, MAN ?
I'M SORRY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YOU SORRY ?
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU SORRY, MAN !
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU SORRY !
( laughing )
I TOLD Y'ALL HE'S SCARED OF ME !
HOLD ON, LET ME GET UP THERE.
THE ROOTS 25th ANNIVERSARY COMMEMORATIVE EDITION ON D.V.D.
( man ) INCLUDING ALL WALDBAUM'S !
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - Wrap It Up! - Duration: 2:28.FOR YEARS WE'VE ALL WATCHED CELEBRITIES ACCEPTING AWARDS
GET PLAYED OFF BY THE HOUSE ORCHESTRA
WHEN THEIR SPEECH RUNS ON TOO LONG.
MY PARENTS WERE REALLY DISAPPOINTED
WHEN I DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL FOR THAT YEAR,
BUT I FELT LIKE I REALLY JUST NEEDED TO FIND MYSELF.
WORD ?
BUT THEN, YOU KNOW, I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT ?
LET ME JUST GO TO HOWARD LIKE MY FATHER, YOU KNOW ?
WELL, THEN, MY GIRLFRIEND GINA, SHE CALLED ME UP,
SHE SAID, "GIRL, YOU HAVE GOT TO GET DOWN TO EMORY,
DOWN TO HOTLANTA !
I WAS LIKE GINA, NUMBER ONE,
WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME UP, TRYING TO CONFUSE ME ?
YOU KNOW SPELMAN'S IN ATLANTA, TOO.
SECOND OF ALL, YOU KNOW I'M VACILLATING HERE, TRYING TO--
WITH "THE WRAP IT UP BOX,"
YOU'VE GOT THAT SAME POWER, RIGHT IN YOUR POCKET.
SO THEN I JUST WENT TO HOWARD, WHERE I MAJORED IN SOCIOLOGY,
AND MADE A LOT OF FRIENDS AND HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME !
SO THAT WAS COLLEGE, HOW ABOUT YOU ?
FROM THE MAKERS OF THE HOME STENOGRAPHER COMES
"THE WRAP IT UP BOX" !
IT'S LIKE BEING THE DIRECTOR OF AN AWARDS SHOW
EVERYWHERE YOU GO !
( pounding gavel )
YOUNG MAN, YOU'VE BEEN FOUND GUILTY BY A JURY OF YOUR PEERS.
THE CRIME YOU'VE COMMITTED WAS VERY SERIOUS,
AND BEFORE I SENTENCE YOU,
I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT YOUR ARREST RECORD--
WHAT THE HELL ?
YO, THE SIGN IS REAL SIMPLE, "B",
IT SAYS, "WRAP IT UP."
WRAP THAT SHIT UP, "B" !
I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
MAN, YOU WANT SOME TOO ?
YOU'D BETTER WRAP IT UP !
( pounding gavel )
YOU'D BETTER WRAP THAT GAVEL UP, "B" !
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS TELLING YOU.
WITH "THE WRAP IT UP BOX," THINGS WILL COME TO AN END
AT THE PERFECT TIME...
WHENEVER YOU WANT THEM TO.
I'M GONNA ROCK IT TONIGHT !
HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS IN YOUR LIFE ?
I'M TAKING YOU ON A JOURNEY, GIRL !
( moaning )
PSYCH !
PSYCH, YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE, DIDN'T YOU ?
IT AIN'T OVER.
( music playing )
FOR REAL ? NOT EVEN CLOSE ?
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
HOLD ON, NOW, HANG IN THERE WITH ME.
HOW ABOUT THAT ?
HEY, CAN YOU READ ?
WRAP IT UP.
YOU NEED TO WRAP IT UP !
WRAP IT UP !
( moaning )
THAT'S A WRAP !
WOO !
"THE WRAP IT UP BOX," IN STORES NOW !
AVAILABLE AT ALL WALDBAUM'S.
♪ STOP SKIPPING YOUR REMEDIAL CLASS ♪
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - "Frontline" - Clayton Bigsby Pt. 2 - Uncensored - Duration: 5:11.CLAYTON BRIGSBY, BLACK WHITE SUPREMACIST
VENTURED OUT INTO AN UNSUSPECTING WORLD.
SIR, YOU'RE A FRIEND.
WHY NOT TELL HIM HE'S AFRICAN-AMERICAN ?
LISTEN, MAN, HE'S TOO IMPORTANT TO THE MOVEMENT.
IF I TELL HIM HE'S BLACK, HE'D PROBABLY KILL HISSELF
JUST SO THERE'D BE ONE LESS NIGGER AROUND.
HIS COMMITMENT IS THAT DEEP.
I'M OVERWHELMED BY THE IRONY.
( banging )
UH-OH.
( man ) WHAT, YOU LOST, BOY ?
( man ) MOVE ON, MOVE ON.
WE DON'T LIKE YOUR KIND AROUND HERE !
YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE 'FORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT !
TELL THAT NIGGER !
BEAT IT, YOU SORRY NIGGER !
COME ON, CLAYTON, WE GOTTA GO.
OH, JASPER, THERE'S A NIGGER AROUND HERE.
THAT DAMN MONKEY WAS BEATIN' MY HOOD !
WHITE POWER !
NIGGER--
THE CONFUSION DID NOT END THERE.
( hip-hop music )
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUNGLE BUNNIES TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN ?!
NIGRAS MAKE ME SICK !
WOOGIE-BOOGIE, NIGGER !
WOOGIE-BOOGIE !
DID HE JUST CALL US "NIGGERS" ?
AWESOME !
THE ANTICIPATION WAS AT A FEVER PITCH
AS WE ARRIVED AT MR. BIGSBY'S BOOK SIGNING.
THIS IS THE MAN WHO SHOULD BE
THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES !
( cheering )
ALL RIGHT, JASPER, TIME TO SHOW THESE PEOPLE
WHAT WHITE POWER'S ALL ABOUT.
YOU BETTER PUT YOUR HOOD ON, CLAYTON,
MIGHT WANNA HIDE YOUR IDENTITY.
IT'D BE SAFER, IN CASE SOME RADICAL
AIN'T SYMPATHETIC TO THE CAUSE AND WANTS TO SHOOT YOU.
THAT'S GOOD THINKING, ALL RIGHT.
I'M GONNA PUT MY HOOD ON.
HERE, LET ME GET THAT.
( man ) WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE MAN
WHO MADE US PROUD TO BE WHITE,
NONE OTHER THAN, CLAYTON BIGSBY !
LET'S HEAR IT !
( cheers & applause )
WHITE POWER !
EVERYBODY, I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO DISCUSS,
MAINLY NIGRAS.
AMERICA'S AT WAR WITH AL QAEDA,
BUT WE'RE STILL LOSING THE WAR AGAINST AL SHARPTON !
( host ) THE ASIAN COMMUNITY WAS A TARGET AS WELL.
LET'S TALK ABOUT CHINESE PEOPLE,
WITH THEIR KUNG FU
AND ALL THAT SILLY "CHING CHANG CHONG" TALK.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU, GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY.
WHITE POWER.
MR. BIGSBY WAS ALSO CRITICAL OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY.
DON'T LET THE LIBERAL MEDIA TELL YOU HOW TO THINK AND FEEL.
IF YOU HAVE HATE IN YOUR HEART, LET IT OUT.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WILL & GRACE,
THAT DON'T MEAN THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
IT MEANS THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH WILL !
HE'S A HOMOSEXUAL.
POLITICIANS WEREN'T SPARED EITHER.
WHITE POWER !
COLIN POWELL...
"CUNNILINGUS" RICE.
"CUNNILINGUS" RICE SOUNDS LIKE A MEXICAN DISH,
MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT HER ON A PLATE AND SEND HER TO MEXICO
SO THE MEXICANS WILL EAT HER-- WHITE POWER.
WHITE POWER !
JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND LET THAT HATE OUT !
( cheers & applause )
SHOW US YOUR FACE, WE WANNA SEE YOUR FACE !
WHO SAID THAT, YOU WANNA SEE MY FACE ?
CLAYTON, GO ON, BROTHER.
DO YOU WANNA SEE MY FACE ?
DON'T BE AFRAID, JASPER.
( hollering )
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS--
DON'T BE AFRAID, SHINE YOUR LIGHT !
THERE IS COOKIE AND PUNCH FOR US TO ENJOY,
AND WE CAN MEET, TALK ABOUT WHITE BROTHERHOOD.
THANK Y'ALL FOR COMING, WHITE POWER !
MR. BIGSBY WAS NOT HARMED THAT NIGHT,
BUT IRREPARABLE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE TO HIS REPUTATION
AND, IN MANY WAYS, TO THE WHITE-POWER MOVEMENT.
WE'RE TOLD THAT IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS,
HE HAS ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT HE IS A BLACK MAN.
AND THREE DAYS AGO,
HE FILED FOR DIVORCE FROM HIS WIFE.
WHEN WE ASKED, "WHY, AFTER 19 YEARS OF MARRIAGE ?"
HE RESPONDED:
"BECAUSE SHE'S A NIGGER LOVER."
I'M KENT WALLACE, GOOD NIGHT.
( man ) FUNDING FOR "FRONTLINE" PROVIDED BY
THE "TRENT LOTT FOUNDATION" FOR PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING.
LOVING BLACK PEOPLE, ONE AT A TIME.
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - The Time Haters - Great Misses - Uncensored - Duration: 2:04.UH OH FELLAS, LOOKS AS THOUGH WE HAVE COMPANY.
- AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU NIGGRAS DOIN' OUT HERE?
- WE ARE THE TIME HATERS.
WE TRAVELED ALL THE WAY BACK THROUGH TIME...
TO CALL YOU A CRACKER.
- YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
- ACTUALLY, YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH, WHITE BOY,
BEFORE I PUT THESE GATORS UP YOUR ASS
AND SHOW YOUR INSIDES SOME STYLE.
- THAT'S ENOUGH!
- I CAN'T BE NO SLAVE, SILKY.
- OH, GOOD GOD.
- LOOK, SILKY, HE DONE PULLED OUT A WHIP.
- NICE WHIP.
THIS HERE IS A PISTOL.
REACH FOR THE SKY, HONKY.
- HONKY? HONKY?
- HONKY IS A RACIAL EPITHET USED FOR WHITE PEOPLE.
WAS MADE POPULAR BY A MAN NAMED GEORGE JEFFERSON
IN THE 1970s.
YOU SEE, HE AND HIS WIFE, WEEZY,
HAD A DRY CLEANING BUSINESS,
SO THEY MOVED ON UP TO THE EAST SIDE,
TO A DELUXE APARTMENT IN THE SKY.
THEY FINALLY GOT A PIECE OF THE PIE.
CONVOLUTED STORY, I'LL ADMIT,
BUT THE POINT IS THIS:
THAT IN THE FUTURE, ALL BLACK PEOPLE WILL BE FREE.
- IN A SECOND, ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS WHAT STOPPED THE WHOLE SHOW.
THIS STOPPED-- I MEAN, LITERALLY,
THE WHOLE EPISODE CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT RIGHT HERE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I CAN PREDICT THIS EPISODE
COMING TO A SCREECHING HALT RIGHT NOW.
BUT I'LL SHOW IT.
- WHEN'S WE GONNA BE FREE?
- THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION, MY MAN.
HOW ABOUT NOW-ISH?
[gunshot] - [grunts]
[gunshot] - [grunts]
[gunshot] - [grunts]
[gunshot] - [grunts]
- APPARENTLY, SHOOTING A SLAVE MASTER
ISN'T FUNNY TO ANYBODY BUT ME AND NEAL.
IF I COULD, I'D DO IT EVERY EPISODE.
SO THAT WAS THAT ONE.
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - Hip-Hop News - Wu-Tang Torture - Duration: 1:17.AND NOW A HIP-HOP NEWSBREAK
WITH CHUCK TAYLOR
GOOD EVENING, I'M CHUCK TAYLOR.
IT'S BEEN A VERY BUSY DAY IN THE NEWS.
A LOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.
A STATEN ISLAND MAN IS LISTED IN STABLE CONDITION TONIGHT
AFTER A BRUTAL ASSAULT BY RAPPER METHOD MAN
FOLLOWING AN ARGUMENT.
THE VICTIM ADDRESSED THE PRESS EARLIER TODAY.
IT WAS TORTURE. STRAIGHT TORTURE, SON.
FIRST HE PUT MY NUTS ON THE DRESSER.
IT WAS CRAZY--JUST MY NUTS.
AND THEN HE BANGED THEM (BLEEP) WITH A SPIKED BAT, LIKE "BOW!"
[audience groans]
AND THEN, HE SEWED MY ASSHOLE SHUT.
KEPT FEEDING ME AND FEEDING ME AND FEEDING ME!
THIS ALL TOOK PLACE IN THE SLUMS OF SHAOLIN.
THERE WAS THE RZA, THE GZA, OL' DIRTY BASTARD,
RAEKWON THE CHEF, U-GOD, INSPECTAH DECK,
AND OF COURSE, THE METHOD MAN.
THE VICTIM ALSO SAID THAT
AT ONE POINT DURING THE ALTERCATION,
METHOD MAN PUT A HANGER ON THE STOVE
AND LEFT IT FOR, LIKE, 40 MINUTES
AND THEN HE STUCK IT IN HIS ASS REAL SLOW.
LIKE, "SSS..."
AT THIS POINT, METHOD MAN IS STILL AT LARGE,
SO STAY TUNED TO NEWS CHANNEL 3 FOR THIS AND OTHER STORIES.
I'M CHUCK TAYLOR.
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - Stereotypes Pixies - White Pixie Pt. 2 - Duration: 1:16.[toilet flushing]
boing!
boing!
YOU LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD, SIR.
DON'T LET THAT SCARE YOU.
THAT IS THE BANE OF OUR EXISTENCE,
THE BLACK PENIS.
AND, REMEMBER, NO MATTER HOW BIG HIS (BLEEP) IS,
AT LEAST YOU RUN THE GOD DAMN WORLD.
[laughs]
YUCK. AH, IT STINKS.
IT STINKS.
DON'T YOU WORRY. MUST'VE DRANK A 40 OUNCE.
[laughs]
I'M A PIXIE.
[laughs]
OH. CAN YOU SEE ME?
YEAH, I CAN SEE YOU.
WELL, LISTEN, THIS IS AN "A" AND "B" CONVERSATION,
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST "C" YOUR WAY OUT OF IT.
SAW THAT ON ONE OF YOUR NEGRO SHOWS, MARTIN.
[laughs]
AND WHY DON'T YOU SEE THESE NUTS?
[yelling]
THEERE'S YOUR PISS.
[screams]
IT BURNS!
MY EYES! MY DICKIES!
[screaming]
YOU MIGHT HAVE WON THIS TIME, (BLEEP).
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU SAW ME.
I'M GONNA TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR TAX RETURN.
YOU MUST'VE MADE A LOT OF MONEY
IF YOU CAN SEE ME.
WOOGIE BOOGIE!
-------------------------------------------
Chappelle's Show - Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories - Rick James Pt. 1 - Uncensored - Duration: 4:42.WE GONNA HANG OUT WITH RICK JAMES TONIGHT
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
AND HERE HE COMES OUT THE ROOM, WHEN I LOOK AT HIM--
AND I'M NOT BULLSHITTING YOU, MAN,
I SEEN, LIKE,
LIKE AN ORANGE-- HIS AURA OR WHATEVER,
I SEEN IT.
IT WAS ORANGE.
♪ GIVE IT TO ME, BABY ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO ME, BABY ♪
HE STARTED KICKING IT.
AND HE WAS MAD NIGGERISH, MAN,
WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW, RIGHT UP MY ALLEY.
I'M ONE OF THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKERS OF ALL TIME.
I'M ONE OF THE BEST SINGERS
AND ONE OF THE BEST-LOOKIN' MOTHERFUCKERS YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
HOLD MY DRINK, BITCH.
HE'D WALK UP TO ANY CHICK
AND LICK THE WHOLE SIDE OF THEIR FACE, MAN.
I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
[chuckling]
WE GOT CLOSER, STARTED HANGING OUT.
MY BROTHER DIDN'T DO ANY OF THIS SHIT.
SO AT NIGHT, WHEN EDDIE WOULD BREAK OUT,
WE WOULD ALL BE GETTING CRAZY AND WILD.
AND IF I WAS HANGING WITH RICK,
HE HAD THIS THING WITH ME
WHERE HE USED TO ALWAYS, LIKE, FUCK WITH ME, MAN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT STARTED IT.
CHARLIE, HE WAS HANGING OUT WITH THE BIG DOGS, YOU KNOW?
CHARLIE, HE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS DOING CRAZY THINGS
AND I HAD TO STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
SOMETIMES I HAD TO GO UPSIDE HIS HEAD.
THINGS ESCALATED TO THE POINT WHERE, YOU KNOW,
MY MAN GOT TOO FAMILIAR
AND I ENDED UP HAVING TO WHIP HIS ASS, MAN,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, HE WOULD STEP ACROSS THE LINE.
HABITUALLY. HE'S A HABITUAL LINE-STEPPER.
THE FIRST TIME, YOU KNOW,
I HAD TO END UP WHIPPING HIS ASS, UH...
WE WENT TO STUDIO 54.
WE WALKIN' UP INTO THE VIP SECTION AND, UM,
I'M LOOKING AROUND TO SEE WHO'S THERE
AND LOOKIN' AT THE GIRLS AND EVERYTHING.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEARD SOMEONE GO...
CHARLIE MURPHY!
THAT WAS... ♪ COLD-BLOODED ♪
[laughs]
HE HAD THIS RING ON
TO COMMEMORATE THIS SONG HE HAD PUT OUT CALLED UNITY.
AND THIS WAS IMPRINTED IN THAT BLACK HEAD OF HIS
FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.
♪ UNITY ♪
EDDIE AND EVERYBODY ELSE
THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT.
AND SO THAT THREW ME IN A WEIRD SPACE,
'CAUSE I'M LIKE, YEAH, THIS IS RICK JAMES.
HE'S A STAR.
I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH. [laughs]
THIS IS A CELEBRATION, BITCH. [laughs]
MAYBE I'M OVERREACTING.
I ACTUALLY WENT THERE, LIKE,
"MAYBE I SHOULDN'T DO NOTHING,"
BUT MY GHETTO SIDE WAS GOIN',
"YO, STOMP THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT RIGHT HERE.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?"
I DRUNK SOME WINE
AND I'M JUST GETTING STARTED, BITCHES.
[laughing]
HE TOTALLY JUST WROTE ME OFF.
LIKE, I'M THAT NIGGA TO STEAL ON,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
WHAT, HE'S GONNA SLAP ME BACK?
I'M RICK JAMES. HE'S CHARLIE MURPHY.
I WAITED, 'CAUSE I KNEW WHAT HOTEL HE WAS STAYIN' IN.
EDDIE AND THEM WENT HOME
AND I SAID, "YO, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
I SHOT OVER TO THE HOTEL, WENT UP TO HIS ROOM,
KNOCKED ON THE DOOR.
SO THEN HE COMES IN THERE.
AND I SAID, "LOOK, BITCH, I'M RICK JAMES."
SMACKED HIM. [chuckling]
OH, CHARLIE MURPHY!
HE HAD HIS HEAD COCKED TO THROW ANOTHER RIGHT HAND.
WHEN HE WAS COMING FOR IT, I JUST CAME--BLAOW!
I CAUGHT HIM WITH THE FRONT.
HE'LL TELL IT LIKE HE GAVE ME
SOME KIND OF BRUCE LEE CROSSKICK OR SOMETHIN'.
I KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, MAN.
[screams]
[screams in slow motion]
THE WIND IS KNOCKED OUT OF HIM.
AND THEN HE SCREAMS OUT...
SECURITY!
THE ONE IN THE FRONT, HE HAD CROOKED EYES AND SHIT.
HIS ONE EYE WAS LOOKIN' AT ME.
THE OTHER ONE WAS LOOKING AT RICK.
RICK HAD EDGED OVER BY THE WINDOW.
NOW, DARKNESS, THE TABLES ARE TURNED.
DO WITH HIM WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TAKE ONE MORE STEP,
I'M KICKIN' THIS NIGGA OUT THE MOTHERFUCKIN' WINDOW.
BOBBY, FREEZE!
YOU KNOW YOU WAS WRONG FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME EARLIER.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FACE.
I'M SORRY, CHARLIE MURPHY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I WAS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.
I'LL OFFER YOU A TRUCE.
THE STICKIEST OF THE ICKY.
YOU WANT TO SMOKE WITH THE OLD BOY, RICK JAMES?
YO, MAN, MY FOREHEAD IS BUMPIN', MAN.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,
I THINK I'M BLEEDING INSIDE MY CHEST.
BUT I GOT THE MEDICINE.
BITCH, COME OVER HERE
AND HAVE SEX WITH CHARLIE MURPHY.
I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH.
THAT WAS HOW THAT PARTICULAR INCIDENT ENDED,
BUT IT WASN'T THE LAST TIME I HAD TO WHIP HIS ASS...
WHIP HIS ASS... WHIP HIS ASS.
DON'T YOU THINK CHARLIE'S A LITTLE OLD
TO BE TAKING KARATE?
HE PROBABLY TAKIN' IT WITH THE LITTLE KIDS.
YEAH, CHARLIE WHIPPED MY ASS IN HIS DREAMS.
I TOLD YOU, CHARLIE HAD
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR IN HIS HEAD.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
-------------------------------------------
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Chappelle's Show - If the Internet Were a Real Place - Duration: 2:07.WOAH SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU, BUT I LIKE THAT SONG.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME MUSIC AROUND HERE OR...
OH, YEAH, YOU CAN GET IT RIGHT THERE.
OH.
OR YOU CAN GET IT RIGHT THERE.
[chaotic beeping]
HEY, RON.
SO YOU WANT TO SEE ME HAVE SEX?
NO, I'M COOL.
WANT TO SEE PARIS HILTON HAVE SEX WITH HER BOYFRIEND?
YES, I WOULD.
COME ON. ALL RIGHT.
[snickers]
I WANT YOU TO GET ON TOP OF ME, FACE THAT WAY,
SO WE CAN SEE HOW PRETTY YOU ARE.
[laughs]
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS HER, MAN.
IT WAS A LITTLE GRAINY--
THAT NIGHT VISION-- YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL.
I GOT TO SEE THAT ONE MORE TIME, MAN.
LET ME JUST SEE ONE MORE TIME. LET'S GO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST HOLD THIS,
I'LL GO IN THERE AND CHECK IT OUT,
AND THEN I'LL BE RIGHT BACK OUT, ALL RIGHT?
THANKS, DUDE.
I WANT YOU TO GET ON TOP OF ME, FACE THAT WAY,
SO WE CAN SEE HOW PRETTY YOU ARE.
THAT WAS HER ALL RIGHT.
SHE PLAYED HERSELF.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME HAVE SEX?
YEAH, I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE, MAN.
I JUST WANT TO GET THE SCORE TO THE KNICKS GAME.
THANKS, ALL RIGHT?
I DO A GREAT DOGGIE-STYLE. I KNOW, RON, OKAY?
I GOT MY STROKE FROM YOU.
THANK YOU, OBI-WAN. I'M DONE WITH THE PORN.
WHAT?
YOU WANT TO SEE NAKED PICTURES?
HALLE BERRY FROM SWORDFISH?
OF COURSE I DO.
COME ON.
DAMN, DUDE, YOU AIN'T TELL ME THEY HAD THE GIRL
FROM PRICE IS RIGHT.
SHE GOT NAKED PICTURES.
DAMN!
THANKS, MAN.
DAVEY. YES, SIR?
UM, YOU INTO GOAT PLAY?
WHAT IS GOAT PLAY?
LIZZY.
[goats bleating]
OH. OH, MAN, THIS--
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LET'S HURRY UP.
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