Welcome to Mock the Week i'm darian merry Christmas to you all enjoy
You know l4v nokton and fellas navigate to all our friends in Europe. We've taken back control of Christmas
Spend 350 million pounds on the special episode featuring outtakes unseen material and favorites
Hope you enjoy it and Merry breakfast
Meanwhile what's going on here? You're not a king Charles neither. Are you?
What's that messy the Queen is stuck down a mine sure
The dog is going don't do their child haven't got any bags
In China
Chinglish Chinglish, it's called. Yes mistranslated signs are very commonly trying F. And the trans governor's clamping down
These are the kind of signs we're talking about and please don't be edible
We take photographs exterior girdle food
Of different races coming together kind of a nice
We looked up the translation this one and could not connect a translator service
Could not connect a translator service for all your needs in China this shows called mega bossman make har hard news
Okay your answer is 49 years. What is the question is it?
How long does it take to get home on the night bus now that ubers been suspended?
If you book a two-week holiday flying Ryanair
How long should you take off work just to make sure you know?
Is it at what age will I finally be Beachbody ready?
At what point in the Hundred Years War did the generals say come on lads nearly Harper
They know the actual correct yes, where exit happened
Is it what's the world record for staying under a desk? I'm gonna break now
I think he means it yes the Hughes face - just go
Chillin institutions
Then I won't get the record are you okay, you don't give it up, okay, I'll look ridiculous paper Milton you will struggle
For continuity we really need you to come back
All green we'd celebrate some patrick's day
Don't waste old shoes everyone does you know how long are we I?
Actually quite like I just like to stay away that the no nose penguin, just just if you don't go even for a second
Question yes are these your closest friends
Okay, so we do our annual Christmas quiz what were the first ever Christmas crackers called well
They called rolled up Christmas explosive paper thing yes
Not far off Christmas bangers very close. They were called bangs of expectation
By the cleanup of remorse
Bangs exhibitions they were launched or a long sweet maker called Tom Smith in
1860 Tom Smith died because two people pulled him in half you know that
Jingle bells was the first song to be played where it's my christening
Wasn't even the Christmas burrows it. No it wasn't the Christmas of what my dad's favorite song
Whitman 1965
No one said that no one said the world reticulan gigolos it was the first song to be played where in
1965 it happened to happen in 1965, but where is important case so jingle Belling written in 1965 played for the first time
At the common what it's not the first time jingle bells plays sure it was the first song of any kind to be paid
Radio wine not really allowed to cause his workshop
Do I do what they talk about things he talked about Robot Wars
First song episode we played on the mega bus No
To sing any songs
About things but never felt Prada change them
Something like it in orbit absolutely, right
My first Christmas tree I ever had to buy it was in budget
And they had them all out on the pavement so I picked the best when there's one good one
I Got that I took it into budgets and had to go through all the aisles and then I was nearly at the tail and someone
Came up to me and said you are not supposed to bring them in to budgets
You've got to leave them out there, and you take the barcode from the top of the tree
And then you take this is really wrong what you've done, so I took it all the way out again
What the barcode off went in paid for it came all the way out and the tree got?
Back in the budget and I could see the top of my tree
Like jaws yeah
Actually, and then I had to follow the pine needles
And I found the gut and it was a man with his two kids
I've saved out five and seven you know the age where Christmas is everything yeah, and I was like sir
That's my Christmas tree, and then he looked in his trolley, and he went it's not your Christmas tree
I suppose that sure there's an you is it as well
That's not Christmas tree I already paid for it, but yeah, I guess you paid for this and lasagna as well
There's a new is me I don't know why you're sidetrack in this everything
Thank you is neither here nor that you made to take the barcode off the tree
Then you take it to the till and then you pay for it there
And you pick the bits of the Sonia and it at the back of it when just checking in to steal the barcode off mother's
annulus and
Then the same member of staff came over and said to him
Well, you are supposed to actually take the barcode up, and he's right
He bought the tree in is not yours, so he handed me the tree pizza
Here's a tip for you all if someone is handing you a Christmas tree
Don't look their children in the eyes
She was saving the trees I saw that all sad and I was like
Newsreel replay in a recent piece of footage featuring people in the news and that's huge to suggest what might be being said this is
clip features the President of the United States oh
My god, who is this angler?
I know I said drop him whenever but I'm literally popping out to get a Christmas present for Kim jong-un
He's going on it goes bang, and it has his name on it, so we have to be super quick so smile for the camera
hashtag Statesman
Okay, this is the fastest press conference in history and my microphone doesn't seem to be working Donald, No, okay?
Why would you delivery a Mexican Hutt?
Make oh, I do not like chili, I do not like the little thing you do with the beef
Bloody me is that you listening in again
Nasty nasty nasty rain Millenia stop the rain
I have to get ready for my speech ethics or practice okay, now is the winter of my
discontent
So difficult to choose when you're so good at speechifying
I'm better than Roosevelt. I am better than Kennedy. I am better than Morgan Freeman
What we do to wine lover is this festive season it's available in three flavors red white and the lame one
Don't match the Rose a in the dentists
All homes should be having right now, which is
Why
It's one of the bleakest things I've ever seen in my life
You say kid kid kids to fix their words the first. Yeah kids happy Christmas what what Santa got you today?
Yes every day you get anyone Simona, I mean their colleagues all across this country going what it's a chocolate calendar
And then just hiding that in their lounge room. Yeah, for sorry mummys drunk three days ahead together
Nothing for refilling the tiny bottle instead way before to keep Christmas alive
There's a tiny sparkly one
Howdy yes, I'll do doing this some Sauvignon Blanc for yourself. Yeah, why not because that's
What the most Christmas one is where is the 24th done? Well it's really forth
Gum so you can get in the car without suspicion
Have a little breathalyzer on the side, it's that screw-top champagne. Yes it is
So anyway, yes, I imagined our is gonna be very trigger-happy on the butler come
Lighting balls over there's a scene
Next picture
What is having a square head signify, it's more sex life than people with round head
Yes, didn't they say that square hated people are more likely to be unfaithful to be more. Yeah - I feel sorry for
You must have been getting old
Weaker Perot beaker oh no chance mate
With some square headed man you just gotta roll the dice at you
Peg heads
Sexiness
To never appear I absolutely Bose
What Muniz gonna love it any he's gonna be like it's not Mike how it's made
This because he's got one of the rest
I've got a very angular head. I don't know whether it's square or not
It's my my nickname at school amongst many others one of them was snow plow
The rest of the peoples liked it
I've never taken cocaine and a friend of mine described me as wasting my nose
My chin and my cheekbones if you pushed me through along the playground on a snowy day
the chin would scoop up the snow, and it would all funnel just
Purely tear
Would go your nose
These programs about the news event
Right how our presents delivered children in the Catalonian region of Spain is it a sign to some sector?
Is it's a small Catalan man?
It's not this is coyote o e is a Christmas log literally a Christmas log
What he brings present what they do is they sit him down it can be difficult it and the Catalan children
Tapping with the stick they hit him with a little to take another sing the song
Pulag pou nuga hate sloths and cheese curd. If you don't poo. Well. I'll hit you at a stick who log that's what they think
Really gonna miss them
And there are presents
And toys like that you shat out
Slightly more likely
You didn't specify little show as if you've got enough to worry about your shit note. He's gonna build electronics in a sack
Idea for apples next product launch just Tim Cook
Because obviously for continuity in case we don't include the shitting
No idea why you never wanders
I think this should be on I don't know why this special is not on like the entire families
Don't gather around at ten past three after the Queen is perfect. We arrive out with a shit and trees
Received for Christmas and that is urgent need for a ragin piss
While has been developed by scientists possibly the same one to make people more confident at work. Yeah bombs yeah
This is a this is a coolness test. Yeah, isn't it, but the thing that really worries me about
This is it's been developed by scientists
Right for whom coolness is whether or not you can maybe talk to a girl
Uncool scientists are
Having a kid you got to choose headsets
Crashing space books me what scientists invented to carry-out do that again? I?
Love that Teresa maze doing so badly that this is a chance for like stars from the past to get back in the limelight again
I'm just waiting for what Samantha Brax
Brexit isn't that Boris Johnson's drag name
If please don't be funny about my mistake that means it'll be in this show
Okay the first subject is unlikely things to hear on a history documentary that was early
In
Other news according to scientists, what does having a square head signifying massive sex drive yes?
Of course I insist what does having a square head signifying? I think it's massive sex drive it is
a
Different answer to this one what initial plan for Corbin's arrival did organize a scrap
You're right a massive sex drive
News because I answered that question early on that lets me know my Joker's getting it edited out
We use it up as if you haven't just done the show and you're in
We won't kiss on the lips
Hi, and then so you go to kiss me on that side and I go to get B
We think we're gonna do a double kiss no hang on
I'm sure the original thing to
You know qubits brewing
History by the way has Britain made during this what a piece of history is Britain made not mumble when you're asking us questions, please
Answer questions if you go to mumble
What a piece of history did Britain make during this?
History yes, we do you mean in what way did Britain make history is that?
How how well have domestic players performed at this tournament oh my god, well they've made history they've made history
Now ladies you know what time it is time to pour yourself a glass of wine light some candles cuz next up
It's dare O'Brien's go 8-bit
That is unlikely ad correct
Remaining in Europe part of the french facing a shortage of questions indeed croissant
Why are they physically short of puzzles, but they have why they run out of butter because of Last Tango in Paris?
Okay
obvious question end, and how can a Scandinavian child win a marzipan Pig at Christmas by killing someone who's being turned into a
Scandi mwah detective drunk
You're in some pain and discomfort no this
They they they win the marzipan Pig in fact I would show you the marzipan Pig
This is the marzipan Pig in question although obviously, it's different for burgonia where it is there he is
Michael go
By finding a single almond the single
Rice pudding have you done this so he's this big sort of rice pudding a
Dessert that comes in and there's one Arlen did it and one of these contains an almond
Sugar since July so this commotion commotion around geez I'm not gonna put you into a shock
Just safe rather than
I
Kind of taught as well, but it's not being fully explained to me
These are a whole almond in one of these there was a bulletin -
That's actually happening so I think you tell them send a mop down I'll piss myself about two minutes
You have found the and and the stop feeling your food
You found the almond therefore by all the great Norwegian traditions. We present you with this marzipan pigs anymore. Thank you very much
Back topic is
things you never hear at Christmas
Yeah, I'll be chauffeuring a man all through December. That's right. I'm driving homes for Christmas
He's pumping and from my voice you can probably
Be Christmas you bunch of Muppets Danny Dyer stars in a Muppets Christmas Carol
Well you soaked in brandy let's get it lit and we can pretend she fell asleep watching telly
The wise men were actually late for the birth because wise man Dara saw the star and wouldn't stop banging on about space for three
hours I
Think it's best for everyone this Christmas if we take Chris Rios car keys away
No granddad, I'm actually fascinated to listen to you talking about the Islamic faith. You're so alive to its subtleties and nuances
My goodness, that's an enormous pile under the tree when did you have it removed granddad? Oh?
We're under the mistletoe, I think you know what that means I've locked us outside again heaven I
Know I love it when your parents come for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling I
Can't believe there's this many needles under the tree already we're really gonna have to talk to Grandma about her heroin habit
Wow Abbas greatest hits oh, no it's a video of assassinations by PLO leader, Mahmoud Abbas
Okay sure on scent right okay, two words okay? Yeah, you're gonna do the whole thing okay that basically Human Centipede grandma stop
You that boy tell me what day is it what sir it's the first day of the DFS sofa sale
Things you wouldn't read in a romantic novel he pressed his lips to hers and slit his tongue in
That's not how you're supposed to do it shouted the other paramedic
He kissed her breast tenderly she said get your own KFC bucket
Is the most eligible bachelor in the county said mrs., Bennet, and he's hung like a fucking car horn
Everything was in place the bubblebath had been poured
The chocolate was there the scented candles had been lit this was going to be the best wank
We put the chocolates down beside her silence and then at last she spoke
Unexpected item in the baggie
She had never had a menage tois before let alone with two famous brothers
They drove her wild all night with their cries of to me to you
Sophie looks absolutely beautiful in her flowing wedding dress admittedly. It was an odd choice to wear on a first date. Oh
Mr.. Darcy huh, so becoming really he replied because I think it's you that will be coming
I want to see you shit in this bin
Fulfill the criteria
That's one for the Christmas special it's a festival in their age. Happy Christmas at the end
When they left the bar she saw him in a new light daylight, and he was discussed
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