- Not sure how to communicate with your partner?
- Watch this video for our easy-to-learn five-step plan
to communicate more effectively in your relationship.
- And for the best information and tools
around relationships, sex, and mental health,
be sure to subscribe and hit the bell
so that you're notified each and every time
we release a video.
- You ever wonder how it seems like
we're expected to know how to communicate effectively,
but no one ever teaches us how?
- You are so not alone, and by the end of this video,
you will have three scripts so that the next time
you have to have an important conversation,
your partner will definitely hear you.
- And we've seen these scripts work
with thousands of couples around the planet Earth,
and we're super excited to share them with you.
- Around the planet Earth?
That's a big place, Babe!
- Step one, identify how you're feeling and why.
We can't communicate what we don't know.
- I mean if you don't know how you're feeling,
how in the world is your partner supposed to know?
- There are more feelings than just happy, sad, and angry,
just like there are more colors
than red, yellow and blue.
- And the more self-aware that you are of you,
the easier it is for you
to tell your partner what you're feeling.
- Step number two, ask your partner
if this is a good time to talk,
and if it's not a good time to talk,
try to schedule one.
Have you ever been blindsided by something?
It sucks!
(crickets chirping) - Yeah, I've totally
never been the one to do that to you honey.
(Kyle laughing)
Oh, but seriously, it does suck, and setting a time
really sets the conversation up for success.
- Absolutely.
- And who doesn't want that?
- Step number three, use an I statement
to describe how you feel.
- And listen, an I statement is not
just a sentence that begins with the letter I.
Put very simply, an I statement goes like this.
I feel blank when you blank.
Or even I feel blank when blank.
- Now an I statement turns what could be an accusation
into an explanation.
A good example is, you don't call me
when you get home from work.
That's an accusation, see, she's leaving.
But I feel sad when you don't call me after work.
That's an explanation and a proper use of an I statement.
The idea here (laughs) is to open up a conversation,
not to blame your partner, see?
Now she's back.
- Because when you point the blame at someone,
especially your partner, they're gonna get defensive.
It is human nature to defend when we're feeling attacked.
So don't attack your partner, use those I statements.
- Comment below this video
and tell us how you feel
about using I statements to talk to your partner.
Are you scared?
Are you excited?
Are you a little nervous?
Drop the comments below and let us know.
Okay, only two more steps left.
- Oh my gosh, is that all?
- Step number four, and this one's important.
Let your partner know what you'd like them
to do differently next time.
- Because we don't just want to complain to our partners.
We want to give them some idea
of what solution we're looking for.
- Otherwise, I would try to fix
anything Rachel came to me with with the only things
I know to do, foot rubs and extra food.
- I mean, that doesn't sound too bad.
- It doesn't sound too bad but it won't solve the problems
she's actually coming to me with.
- Yeah, okay fine, I see your point.
Step five, ask them how that sounds.
This is the most important step.
- I totally agree, I think that so often
even when we come up with a solution,
we don't ask our partner, what do you think about this?
- It's true, and when you get into these conversations,
it's important to realize that you're on the same team,
and you don't want anyone to feel
like they won or lost the argument or conversation.
If you view your relationship in terms of wins and losses,
the only thing that's losing
is your chance at a happy future together.
- Ooh, pfoo.
- Peyuw.
- Mike drop! - Mike drop!
- Bomb! - Mike drop bomb?
- Mike drop bomb! - I don't know!
- Pft!
This question turns something that could be seen as a demand
into a conversation, because after all,
you're on a frickin' team!
- And that's it!
- Now you know exactly how
to communicate with your partner effectively.
But wait, what about when they click off this video?
- I've already forgotten.
- I mean, I still reference these tools
when I'm too emotionally overwhelmed,
and we've been teaching this for like years.
- Yeah, quite awhile, which is why
we've written out scripts for you.
We use these ourselves and they're super effective.
- We've been told it's like relationship Mad Libs,
and you can find them right below this video.
The link is right there!
Look, I can see it!
And if you liked this video,
make sure you give us a thumbs up,
leave a comment below,
and share it with your friends and family.
You guys, sharing is caring.
- If this video has been helpful for you,
drop the word helpful below in the comments.
- Thank you guys so much for watching!
- It's been helpful for me!
- (laughs) Thank you so much for watching,
and we'll see you in our next video!
(screen beeps)
- Pff. - Pff.
- Comment with the word
(Rachel and Kyle laughing)
- Okay (screen beeps)
- Are you starting?
I thought you, okay (laughs). - No, go (laughs)!
(person claps)
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